Mihaela

True, we live in a bullies' world. To 'succeed' you need to be ruthless and tread on those who are weaker than you. This applies in as much to politics as it does to business. This is not my interpretation of success.

Thyme travail

That sounds fair enough Matzo on your 1111th post. (I have a thing about 'unusual' numbers, not to mention cute avatars!)

I don't trust the government or politicians, but anything that helps the cause can only be good.

I get that same safe feeling too, Unusual. I feel the same at the autism group and my cat rescue work, where I'm ether alone with the cats or hanging around with other likely aspies. I don't feel this in any other social situation - where I seem to be tense, out of place, wary and with stress gradually building up inside me.

Some good points raised. In principle I think it's a good idea, not necessarily 'dating', but just meeting or group meets. There's a real need for non-NT's to get together. Not only is it therapeutic, but we learn from each other, have a bigger voice when dealing with the NT world, and can make lasting friendships. Maybe making friends who share common or similar special interests would be a good start. I belong to a local autism group and at my very first meeting a young woman befriended me. We spent nearly every day together for four months, but quite early I began to realise that she had much more serious issues than AS - very strong narcissistic-sociopathic traits. I only continued seeing her in the hope that she'd agree to get help. I gave her many chances to change her ways, but it fell on deaf ears. I've been advised to steer clear of her for my own safety (and sanity!), and my conscience was telling me the same thing. However, I do genuinely feel sorry for her. Luckily, I'd experienced this kind of thing before and could cope with it, but many people wouldn't be able to and would suffer badly. Her mum had warned me in advance of this, so I was fully prepared. In no way would I ever blame the autism group, had anything untoward happened. They weren't to know. The same would have to apply in any forum. I've run and moderated forums in the past and I had no complaints of unfair treatment. These were NT forums and trolling and power struggles could be a big problem. I've no time for either and I don't see that happening here.

Thanks, Sally. I must remember to ask about this. I'll let you know what she says.

Welcome, Sam!

Sozzled

I've just got through to that CAB adviser. She definitely referred me, and she's as mystified as I am. She's chasing it up, so it's more waiting ahead. Not a good start

Yes, but my times of wandering are over - due to the stress of travelling, lack of money and my cats. They were good while they lasted and I learnt a lot.

People shouldn't make assumptions. We're all different, and differences transcend gender stereotypes. I read somewhere that falling in love easily is an Aspie thing. Can't remember where I read it, but if I find it I'll let you know. I think when I've fallen in love (many times since I was about five!) it's been more like a crush, and it's always felt the same... but then is there any difference? I don't know.

Agreed, to fight against wrongs is right, but to fight with arms is wrong, and always will be. It sets a bad example. I remember them too, but as naive and well-meaning cannon fodder who'd been wooed by the jingoism and propaganda. The conscripts suffered hell while their 'superiors' sat back in luxury drinking port in their commandeered mansions well behind the lines. Earl 'Butcher' Haig, who founded the British Legion responsible for poppy appeal (an idea of an American woman), was a psychopathic monster responsible for slaughter of up to 2 million men, and who callously had young officers shot at dawn to 'goad his troops'. http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2001/feb/11/jasonburke.theobserver His son recently objected to the pardoning of the 306 soldiers shot for 'cowardice' (now called PTSD - many would have been aspies). Some of the bravest people in those times were the conscientious objectors who were sent to hard labour camps. World War 1 was utterly pointless. It paved the way for Nazism to take hold, and its direct result was World War 2 and the holocaust. The conscripts suffered hell while their 'superiors' sat back in luxury drinking port in their commandeered mansions well behind the lines. Thankfully, we are more cynical today, when our 'leaders' wage war on the most dubious of grounds - such as non-existent weapons of mass destruction. Up to a million innocent civilians in Iraq experienced first-hand what is meant by that most grotesque of euphemisms 'collateral damage'. I'm sorry, but I can't have respect for a system that behaves with such hypocrisy and glorifies war and militarism. It's nothing about fighting for 'democracy' or 'freedom', but more about exploiting ordinary people to fight and die in protecting the interests of a wealthy elite. By the way, members of my family included both soldiers and CO's. My father was in the British navy on the Murmansk convoys working under the hardest of conditions. He survived, but it was Gorbachev who gave them all medals. The British government refused to recognise their contribution until lobbying eventually made them give in a couple of years ago.

It never does fit the whole picture. That's the very nature of a syndrome. If it fits most of the picture it's good enough for me - and a grounds for a diagnosis.

Armies are only needed to protect nation states and their wealthy elites against others who covet that wealth and power. In theory violence (war & killing) is only used when diplomacy fails. Too often, diplomacy is intentionally dishonest. Some national psyches are more belligerent than others. The Scandinavians or Costa Ricans are not noted for making war, for example. The more bellicose nations have invariably had a long history of colonialism, imperialism, religious fanaticism, oppression of weaker cultures, etc. and built up their power and wealth through mercilessly exploiting the weak (just look at slave trade and the mill children of England). I'd prefer to go the way of San Marino, the world's oldest surviving republic, with its 'toy' army. If the world was made up of thousands of microstates like San Marino, we wouldn't need wars or armies. Yes, I'm a dreamer, an idealist and I abhor all injustice.

Having read through all the latest posts, I'd tend to uneasily agree with Oxgirl, for I can't escape from the fact that your son is getting upset by these small incidents. You know better than the teachers. You see what he's like at home; they don't - and if his school life is unsettling him, then it's the teachers who need to better understand his needs. Does he have meltdowns? If so, what form do they take? Does he have them at school, at home or both? If he appears to cope with these incidents well at school, then the staff won't be taking much notice of him, and may start assuming you're being 'too protective' (a common accusation of school authorities, usually unfounded). If he was to have a noisy, disruptive meltdown at school, they'd take far more notice. All my own meltdowns took place at home, after a day of stress and bullying at school, but I was too ashamed (?confused) to tell my parents about what was going on. It was like a dark secret, and much to my regret I only told them long after I'd left school. At least your son tells you what is upsetting him, so you're in a far better position to understand him and take any necessary action. If it came to sending him to another school couldn't he still see his friend out of school?

Welcome, Verbeia! With all those classic traits it sounds very much as if you have Asperger's. Like you, I'm late discovering it in myself, and was doubtful at first, but the more I read and more people I got to know with AS, the more convinced I became. I'm now 100% sure and I'm due for a test very soon. My symptoms are very similar to yours, but I do have a fear of loud noises and I don't mind subtle touches, smells or sounds. By the way, seeing your name, I wondered if you lived near the River Wharfe? I do

I'm sorry to hear this, but it comes as no surprise. School is the main cause of unhappy children. I suffered all this in my schooldays, and it's just not right that it's still going on. Anti-bullying policies look wonderful on paper but they're routinely ignored only too often. This is what got me involved in the early home education movement long ago. There's just so much about schools that sensitive children simply can't cope with. Mainstream schools are no place for these children. It's a form of child abuse. I recently spoke to an Aspie who suffered mild sexual abuse at school, but she said it was nothing at all (no big fuss was made and she quickly got over it) compared with the hell of having to endure school, which caused the permanent damage. I too suffered the effects of school and it still haunts me. Do they provide a quiet room for him to use at break times? They should. You need to be very strong, and insist on the necessary support and appropriate response, and get them to reassure you in writing that it won't happen again. Remind them that bullying causes permanent damage. If it continues I'd remove him to a place of safety - your home, explaining why. Looking forward to hearing more from you here.

Mihaela, its a shame we have never met and most likely never will. Yes, we only really get to know one another that way. The time around dawn, anytime in the year is unmatched by anything else, dew on flower buds, mist just above water, the almost silence, frost in winter. My favourite time of day, when I feel at my best. Few people about, birds singing. I am a pessimist by nature, the 'if it can go wrong, it will go wrong' type, but often do not play safe. I try to be a realist. I try to avoid extremes in optimism and pessimism. They get us nowhere. But people do not elect technically able people, its plausible sales types that get elected! Very true, and this is the great flaw of the modern interpretation of democracy - which isn't democracy at all. The only people fit to run a country are philosophers without vested interests and with virtuous ethics, i.e. deep thinkers, rather than superficial quick-fix narcissists. But then I don't believe in very notion of nationhood - so outdated, but that's another story. It should be noted, that as far as I know being rude or being perceived as being rude goes with the territory? It does, but I think we should strive to say what we want to say without causing undue offence. Not always easy. There's no excuse for anyone to be rude for the sake of it though (like my 'friend' who feels that her diagnosis excuses her; it doesn't). As far as I know, you are more able than me, its just someone forgot to put a maths processor in your head, maybe a mistake on the production line, two language processors instead? Haha! Yes, but ironically I'm passionate about number theory, mathematical paradoxes, etc. Work that one out! If its doable I am game. I really hate giving up. Me too! The story of my life. ************************************************************************ It's a twisted view of 'realism'. Obviously things can and will change and to suggest that wanting change makes you a 'well-meaning dreamer' is just sad. I agree. A dreamer = a thinker. There's nothing wrong with being an idealist. The world needs them. The remark about 'living in the real world' is especially belittling. Those who think change will never come are the ones living in a dream world - their own personal nightmare. This way of thinking leads to a purposeless and wasted life. We only live once. Look for positives, not negatives. Yes! Anyone who feels they've been given a raw deal by having AS, should list all the good points. I honestly wouldn't want to be 'normal'. I'd hate it. So much of the NT world is irrational, hypocritical, paranoid, hysterical, impulsive, deluded, selfish, vain, pompous, willfully ignorant, addicted to money/celebrity/hedonism/sex/consumerism/status/power.... Need I go on? We need our heads testing if we yearn to be part of such chaotic mass insanity. Maybe people starving in Africa and people getting bombed in the middle east have the right to look for nothing but negatives but here in the UK where food is plentiful, heating is widely available and one can still get free health care etc. - no. It's just selfish to only focus on negatives. It does well to compare our own situations with those suffering in conditions of indescribable degredation and cruelty. I've done so ever since, at age 10, I witnessed the grotesque horrors of factory farming, and listened to stories of our friend's experiences at the hands of the Gestapo in Paris, and then at the hands of 'doctors' in a Nazi concentration camp (one of very few who escaped). Factory farming and concentration camps reflect identical human moral failings.

Since my mother died I've never watched a film, and before then I can't say that I'd seen any that portrayed autism in any way, so I can't give an opinion. There's one though, Lawn Dogs, in which I identified with Trent, the 'loner', living in the woods, who befriended a rather precocious but lonely little girl. I know it's only fiction, but looking back he could typically have been an Aspie, and the story could easily happen in real life. The hysterical NT community taunt him and play cruel tricks on him, then accuse him of molesting the girl, when in reality all she did was show him an operation scar. A very innocent friendship is ruined and two lives damaged by impulsive, wilfully ignorant NTs. NT people are only too ready to jump to the wrong conclusions when Aspies come into their lives. Too many don't understand us - and don't even want to. I also liked the way the folktale of Baba Yaga was woven into the plot. In Russian folklore, the witch lives alone in the forest, is neither good nor bad, but feared for her weirdness and powers - just like us. (I doubt that many viewers would have seen this connection). An excellent film. Some of us are glad that we have this 'dubious' tag. I agree, labels are misused too often, but all the same how else can we explain the way we are without using some kind of shorthand? Yes, it's a diagnosis, but it's a broad one for it has to be. Psychiatric diagnoses are less precise than those involving physical illnesses. The average NT may have a very narrow stereotypical view of what it means to be an Aspie, but that's due to ignorance and poor media presentations. The mass media have an awful lot to answer for in the many toxic ways they are influencing us.

Dotmars & Laddo. I couldn't agree more. Being in the army for me would be like hell on earth. I'm too logical and too intelligent I don't take to bullying, bravado, boozing or bawdiness I'm too outspoken Hierarchies aren't my thing I'm not into uniforms Parades, pretentiousness and pomp don't appeal I'm a pacifist and detest guns, violence and jingoism. I'm squeamish I like being my own boss My principles would conflict with my orders too often I'd be very likely court martialled for 'incitement to disaffection' within my first week! Having said all this, I'm all for protecting the people's freedoms (that's those few we now have) against tyranny and governments as opposed to the freedoms of big business and wealthy elites to exploit us and trample upon us- which unfortunately is what most armies are about. The British military ultimately serve the monarch, not the people. Facts are stubborn things.

Worked? If you mean for pay, no. If I had my time again I wouldn't be living in England though.

Very interesting, Dotmars. I can't imagine what it can be like to have a memory like that. My memory seems pretty boring by comparison! But I'm lucky in that my memory doesn't get in the way of my life, although short-term forgetfulness does. I remember all the intellectual stuff, and my childhood, but my mind's too busy to remember the practical day-to-day things. "Except my interests have yet to develop into employable talents". I know the feeling well, Aeolienne! I suppose I could have gone in that direction though, for I do have such talents. I tried it once, and failed. It's the social aspects of employability that I can't handle, and nor do I want to. Although intellectually inclined, the narrow confines of academia and its social whirl would suffocate me like a fish out of water. Also I've no interest in making money whatever. I've never even sold anything in my life. I probably score zero on the materialism scale - if there is such a thing! So lacking this incentive explains why I've never been in paid work since 1976 - but I've kept very busy and never been bored. Nor have I ever claimed benefits, for I lived of 'pocket money' given by my parents.

I like your positive approach, Kitty. I agree that meditation is a great help. Far from being a shock for me, it was a gradual suspicion that led to an enlightening (!) revelation that I'm an Aspie. It's helped me understand myself after all these years of suffering. I'd always been described as 'complex', an 'enigma', 'eccentric', a 'dreamer' or just plain weird. Now I know why, and I wouldn't want to change for the world! The NT world is not my world; I live in it, but I'm not of it - and I find that very comforting.