bid

Sorry BD, I was thinking about and extrapolating Lynne's point, with which I agree...but you're right, you haven't actually used the term epidemic. And since you feel I'm I'm happy to bow out now. Bid

I didn't say 'styles' of parenting...if you look I put in parenthesis a qualification regarding generational and cultural differences. I specified positives and negatives within parenting...so there were feckless or over-indulgent parents in Plato's time or among the followers of Truby King/Spock/ Kitsinger, just as there are today...positives and negatives that transcend parenting styles. Hope that's clarified my opinion. Bid And as an after thought...the majority of ordinary, good-enough parents muddling through as they have always done wouldn't make good TV would it...so we could suppose that Super Nanny et al could well be the exception rather than the epidemic that concerns you

What I'm saying is that while I agree that there are, and always have been, feckless parents, over-indulgent parents, and any other kind of 'negative' parent you care to describe, personally I don't think it is the epidemic you believe it to be. Anthropologically I'm willing to bet that parenting (within its generational and cultural differences) has probably kept more or less the same negatives and positives since hunter-gatherers first started to hunt and gather! In my opinion, the vast majority of adults are, and always have been, perfectly adequate parents, who love their kids...and make some mistakes, do some things brilliantly, but mostly muddle-through and produce adults who are no more and no less messed up than every previous generation. Which is not to say that parenting books, courses and even She Who Must Not Be Named () aren't valuable and positive things Bid

Well, to be honest I think it was Plato that gives us the first recorded quote lamenting the state of 'yoof'!! And I think you will find each successive generation has very similar complaints One trend that I have noticed is that there appears to have developed an extended adolescence, with young adults still living at home into their 30's, and continuing with quite adolesecent lifestyles. However, I would also like to point out the really terrific young people who are out there, who we never hear about. I work with colleagues who are predominantly in their late teens to early 20s. They care for the most disabled and challenging of children, with complex medical needs in addition to their learning difficulties. They do this with great compassion, patience and fantastic humour. And they appear to come from a complete cross-section of backgrounds. I have had a lump in my throat before now when I have seen a great, hulking late-teenage lad tenderly stroking the face of a little boy recovering from a seizure. So I say HURRAH for our young people...in my opinion the vast majority are hard-working, caring and a credit to ...oooh, who would that be now??...oh that's right, their parents!! Bid

Hehe, it's more the article I read recently where she says she's too busy to have an adult relationship...so, bless 'er, she's never actually had to balance maintaining a marriage/partnership, with bringing up an assortment of kids Just more a of a wry chuckle As I say loads I agree with, and used to love watching her progs with my girlies when they were younger ('See, SEE how you will turn out if you don't behave??!!' ) Bid

Ahh, fair do's then if they did offer a balanced view I should also add that when he was older, it was the 'system' who wanted to put him on increasing doses and multiple meds for anxiety (which didn't make any difference anyway)...rather than sort out the root cause of the anxiety, which was his mainstream school. I did then say I would take full responsibility for reducing and then stopping his meds. And funnily enough, once he was in the right ASD placement, he didn't suffer from the same crippling anxiety anymore... Jo Frost...bless 'er! Lots of positives, but I do sometimes feel it's a wee bit like celibate Catholic priests giving marriage guidance Bid

Didn't see the programme, but just to put foreward some balancing views... I think living with severe ADHD has to be experienced to be understood...we did, and it was only when my son was started on Ritalin at 8 that he actually had the 'mental breathing space' to be able to take in behavioural therapy. Before that he simply couldn't focus long enough. And by severe ADHD, in case anyone is wondering, I mean actually bouncing off the walls (and I mean actually...). So I think that for certain children Ritalin can be a genuine life-transformer. Incidentally, at 14 he said he felt he didn't need it any more. The extreme physical hyperactivity had disappeared, although the impulsivity still remains even as an adult. Similarly, where I work some of the young people are on Ritalin, and more on Risperidone. As a specialist placement with well-trained staff who are passionate about enabling these young people to fulfill their potential and live as independently as possible you couldn't say that the medication was for 'our benefit'. They need this medication to enable them to have some quality of life. So, I think it's well worth remembering that there are many young people for whom these types of medication enable them to live a better, more fulfilling life. No doubt occasionally, especially in America, they are prescribed too readily...but it's a pity such programmes, and the various newspaper articles I've seen over the years, don't offer a more balanced view. Bid

Wonderful news! Bid <'>

Hi Number 8, Briefly, as I have too much going on at home at the mo... I have a son who has just turned 22. He moved out a year ago, and successfully lives independently, working full-time for a supermarket. My advice would be: 1. Whether he is on benefits or working, he must pay you housekeeping. 2. If he is having problems finding work, he still has to make some contribution to the household: doing own washing, making own lunch, maybe cooking the evening meal once a week, etc. These are all valuable life-skills. Obviously he may need help at first, but the expectation must be there that he will do it. 3. Job-hunting. Hard, but you need to keep the impetus going. Don't let him fall into the idea that some jobs are 'beneath him'. Have you looked at supermarkets? I know some of them do operate schemes for employing people with special needs. Have a look at starting off part-time, too. I know it's hard. We were lucky in that my son found work on his own. Everthing else I've suggested was expected of him though, and he did it all while working too, bar cooking for us all once a week! I guess my main piece of advice would be that you need to have the non-negotiable expectation that he can and will do things. Bid

As I say, the obsessive focus on oneself in my opinion is ultimately very unhealthy. Bid

Briefly, as I have a lot on my plate at the mo... I know it's 'old school' and probably considered old-fashioned these days, but from my experience actually doing something for other people is extremely beneficial and stops the obsessive focus on oneself which in my opinion is ultimately very unhealthy. I know no-one will want to hear this, but there are people out there who have far, far worse difficulties to contend with. There are plenty of voluntary things out there. Why not look at volunteering to help those who are severely affected by ASD?? Bid

I'm only popping in, and saw your post Lyndalou. You must speak to your Health Visitor honestly about this as soon as possible. I know it's very difficult, but you must tell her about these negative feelings; she won't be judgemental. From my own experience, you will find that she will be very, very supportive and that actual support will be put in place very quickly. You may or may not be suffering from PND, but your Health Visitor can also help with other post-birth difficulties. I had an anxiety disorder after my last baby due to a very difficult labour and delivery, and when I finally told my HV (having lied on the post-birth questionnaire they give new mums) she swung into action immediately and I was was given a very good support package. Please see your HV in this coming week. Bid

Having started this thread, I'm afraid I now have to say that I will be disappearing for the foreseeable future... My very elderly, disabled mum had a radical mastectomy yesterday, and unfortunately Meg has had a set-back with her hand post-surgery Hope the meet still goes ahead, and have a great time peeps!! Bid

I've voted!! Although I would like to add 'Active but Odd' to your list of options!! Mwahahahaha!!! Bid

Hi Sarni, I think the best thing to do is to make an appointment to see the teacher, and then just explain you're a bit confused over his reading books, rather than going in with all guns blazing accusing her of all sorts! HTH Bid

So pleased for you all Jeanne <'> Bid

Can I have it back again if I confess that I then panic about it and wish I hadn't, even though I then go on to enjoy them?? Bid

<'> Mel I always longed for that close 'best friend' thing too... I also panic about what I would do if anything happened to my DH. I wouldn't have a network of friends to support me, bring round casseroles, etc, like they always do in novels and films And Mel, I always think you come across as a lovely person online, very kind and thoughtful <'> Bid

I've budged up...plenty of room for a littlun'!!

I would be taking a picnic wherever we go anyway, as if D comes with me he is one of my severe food allergies ones... I'm happy with any park and a picnic. I guess one of the pro's of Kew is that there would be plenty of things for peeps to do, as in the past we have found that it's quite nice for there to be various options. Just to highlight again: at Kew, children and carers are free, and if there are 10 or more of us and we all go in together, we can get a group reduction on the door (see my link above). Rainbow and Matzo: sorry for the lack of notice for our more distant members. These meets have always tended to be a sudden thought on someone's part, with then a general consensus on the date. Bid

Hehe!! Sitting on naughty step as I type

Woah... Well, that's told me, Mumbley, Kathryn and all the other peeps on here who teach/have taught... And indeed...der-der-DER...SUPER NANNY!!! Bid

Bid +1 Mumble Kathryn Tally ScienceGeek Lynden Justine +1 What about a Friday, or is a Saturday better? Fridays: 5, 12, 19, 26. Saturdays: 6, 13, 20, 27. Bid

http://www.kew.org/visit-kew-gardens/index.htm Children are free! And if there were more than 10 of us, we could get a group booking discount! It does look really lovely...I last went with my school when I was about 11! But I don't want to put anyone off because of the cost, so do say anyone if you would prefer somewhere free. Bid PS Mumbley...you can borrow D!!

Shall we say August? Do we want a weekday or a weekend? If it's going to be a family meet, I might bring #4, as the other 3 are too elderly now really! Bid