bid

I'd been thinking about another family type meet in a park too!! Kew Gardens sounds nice...we can easily check if it has wheelchair access. Oooh, just seen the entrance fee: is that OK for peeps, or would we prefer somewhere that is free? So: Bid Mumble Kathryn Tally ScienceGeek Lynden Starting to get excited now! Bid

Well, I still try very hard to be friendly, but I have given up trying to have close friends, if you see what I mean. For most of my life I so wanted to have a really close friend, but it always seemed to be me doing all the running. I used to go out a bit with the wife of my DH's best mate, always being the one to phone and arrange something. So I decided to stop to see what would happen...that was 6 years ago and I have never, ever heard from her again!! On the down side, I know I no longer have any confidence over friendships, and I don't initiate any social things with people I like as I would have done in the past. Also, being very honest with myself, I struggle anyway with the constancy of close friendships as I can feel emotionally overwhelmed. As I say, I have now given up but I am happy with my decision. I have my family with whom I am very close, and I have a couple of work colleagues who I know care about me. I go out maybe 4 odd times a year: Christmas and Summer work meals and maybe meeting a work colleague for lunch once or twice as well. But that feels OK to me. And I am really looking forward to a Summer London Meet too! Sorry, not much help really I know, because I've never been successful myself Bid ETA: I know it's not really what you are talking about, Mumbley, but I do also value my online forum friendships with people like yourself, who have shown me great kindness over the years <'>

I don't know what you mean... Bid

Which is why I qualified it with:

So that's: Bid Mumble Anymore for anymore? Bid

Yeah, 'regimented' isn't the best word, but the caffeine hadn't hit in properly And agree about the majority of the kids featured on Nanny MacPhee Jo...and sort of contradicting myself in a way, proof that a basic family routine does underpin everything else because she always goes back to the basics. But I do think I'm right about there being more wiggle room with parenting standard issue kids IYSWIM! Have to say that, aside from difficulties specifically linked to his special needs, I never had any teenage horrors with Big A at all! Far more teen angst with You-Know-Who!! Or maybe it's a question of interpretation? It never worried me that he has had (variously) long/mohawk/dyed/shaved hair, tattoo, 'interesting' clothes...because he has always worked and paid his way, cares for those more vulnerable (Gilbo!!), and has never messed around* with girlies or drugs/been in trouble with the police. Maybe his appearance would have worried some parents, or is this my 'laid-back' parenting coming out, I dunno?? Mind, I did have a giggle a few years back when she was doing something on healthy eating, because bless her, she's a big ole lass!! Bid * or possibly never got caught messing around...

I came back to say that I couldn't really remember why I wrote my last post, as it isn't particularly relevant to the thread I guess what I'm trying to say is that some maybe more laid-back parenting can work perfectly fine with NT kids, but if you are that sort of parent, you will probabaly have a much steeper learning curve if you take delivery of an ASD kid, than someone who is by nature more organised and perhaps regimented. I remember being told in the very early days that, lovely though it might be, I couldn't be the laid back parent I had imagined. Bid

Er-hem... ...and pulling the thread back to reality... Anyone interested? In a Summer hols meet, not whatever BD gets up to on/off Madam Whiplash's Super Nanny's naughty step?? Bid

Yet another thought... I have 2 other kids who are good ole fashioned NT, and a third who is pretty spectrumy but dx-free, and of course Big A with his triumvirate of AS, ADHD and Dyspraxia. Thinking about my two NTers, you can bring up perfectly nice kids within a much broader scheme of perfectly successful parenting, if that makes sense. By that I mean that I found that with my ASD one (the eldest) I needed to have a very firm family routine underpinning everything to start with (regular bedtimes, set mealtimes, etc, etc). And then once we had been shown how to tweak things to make them autism-specific (e.g. no point having a star chart for a week, we needed to start by breaking each day into three, using clear, simple language, etc) we had to realise that things were going to take much longer to sink in, much longer to be able to transfer skills, etc. But from my NTers, I've realised you have much more wiggle space with your parenting. I know parents who had a much more laid back approach to parenting, etc, and their kids have grown into perfectly nice adults. And it is perfectly OK for people to have different parenting styles, which usually reflect their own personalities...it's just that if you have a kid with ASD you may find you have to parent in a way that doesn't reflect your personality! Bid

Ahh, that makes more sense! Bid

If you're not careful, you'll get put on Nanny Jo's naughty step! And you know what that will mean... Jostling for space with BD!! Bid

Anyone fancy a summer hols meet in London? Suggestions please for date/venue, etc, etc, etc... Bid

Just to update... Meg is now 5 weeks post-surgery, and after a hand that without a splint just hung useless on the end of her arm, she is already using a knife and fork and doing fiddley craftwork!! In fact, they are so pleased with her progress, she doesn't have to go into hospital for rehab!! She still has OT every other week, plus intensive exercises to do every day mind... So, despite the wacking great scars, all the fear and worry has been really, really worth it. And I can't speak highly enough of the whole team at RNOH Bid

I haven't seen the programme, but just a thought... Rett's Syndrome is a degenerative disease with a progressive loss of functions. While I agree that there is still a definite need for clear routines and boundaries in such a situation, I think we need to cut the parents some slack over this one. I work with one student who has a very similar degenerative condition, and I think any parent facing these kinds of challenges and the on-going grieving process needs very real compassion and support (which I'm sure Oberscharfuhrer Frost Super Nanny Jo did show ). Not trying to start an argument as I do actually agree with Ole SN, just thought it was worth pointing out that in this particular case, Rett's is not the same as an out-of-control spoiled kiddiwink! Bid

I think you just liiike scary laydees with a sharp eye and their own naughty step!! Mwahahahaha!!! Bid

I do actually think the psychologist is correct...all of us tend to be more grouchy with our nearest and dearest than, for example, with work colleagues or our in-laws. However...I think that this perfectly recognisable psychological 'norm' has become mis-interpreted by some people: only the first half of this behavioural construct is acknowledged, without the second half being recognised. 1. Yes, I might possibly have been quite 'short' with my nearest and dearest when I have just done an 11 hour night shift (surely not?! ), but 2. I also know that if I screeched at them all, I would have the error of my ways graphically explained to me! But I think with a lot of children/teenagers in general (not just those with ASD) this vital step is either ignored or not applied consistently or in an autism-specific way (by this I mean using appropriate behavioural techniques, clear language, visual aids if applicable, etc). Bid

I think you will have to look in more than one paper. If I remember correctly, the Guardian has a different job section each day, relating to a different careers area. Also, the Times Ed. Supplement might have things if you are thinking about working with young people. My uni also produced it's own postgrad. job bulletin each week. Good luck! Bid

Another thought... I'm sure it's Baddad who has said a number of times that autism is the only disability in which the emphasis appears to be on what we can't do, rather than on what we can do...and by the latter I don't mean savantism/special skills phooey. I think this is absolutely true. One of the disabilities with which I have a great deal of professional experience is severe epilepsy in conjunction with other learning and physical disabilities (actually including autism too). The majority of young people with whom I work all experience life-threatening seizures, but the whole approach is to look at what they can do, e.g. sailing trip on a tall ship, scout camps, sports, etc, etc. This approach is also reflected in organisations like Epilepsy Action. But most importantly, it is reflected amongst the young people themselves. Bid

But I don't hink this is exclusive to AS...it's how life is for everyone, surely? Bid

Well, I would say taking responsibility for one's actions and choices. Bid

I think this is very true. I would say that for me, while the difficulties with social situations, etc, remain unchanged, my ability to cope with them has improved. I also think that having a formal dx was instrumental in enabling me to take a positive approach to my autism. Firstly, the dx was presented very positively to me in my assessment. And then although I certainly went through a profound head-f**k period afterwards as I tried to place the previous 41 years into persepctive within that dx when I didn't feel so positive, once I had worked through all that I have been able to reach a much more balanced place. One other thing I feel is very important: even before my dx, I have always pushed myself to do things out of my comfort zone. Sometimes this has worked, sometimes only partially, sometimes it's been disasterous. But, I think it's always worth trying things, because success or even partial success increases self-confidence, which in turn opens up your world. I was asked twice to go for middle-management promotion at work, and said no, but then changed my mind at the very last minute on the second occasion. I was successful, and although I have had some truly stressful times at work (like the last 6 months) when I have felt I just shouldn't be leading a team of other people, I have plodded on (being pretty bl00dy-minded ) and I am so glad I have done, because I have found that I do have the capability to work through difficult situations, and this has probably been the most defining thing in my life in terms of increasing my self-confidence. However, to be fair, I have to say that while I put all my efforts into my family and my job, I have basically given up on friends (which is not to say I'm not friendly, because I still try my best to be so). But after a life-time of feeling inadequate and dysfunctional with my lack of success, it has been such a relief to take a step back and admit it's not for me. Bid

Umm, well I think historically they have probably always been a significant group. I'm sure I've read that Silicon Valley has a higher than average percentage of people with AS or some-such. And my brother always said the back-room uber-techie research and development guys in the navy were definitely spectrumy... To be completely honest, the recent stories about hackers certainly raise various points about (retrospective) dx's of AS, just not this one IMO... Bid

Sorry, not trying to be pedantic, but it's AsPerger's, with a P rather than a B... Bid

So I think that makes you a kinaesthetic learner? Bid

I think I read that while most people are dominantly one particular type of learner, everyone has little bits of the major types (visual, kinaesthenic, auditory). I'm dominantly a visual learner. For example, the only way I can learn a languge is to see it written down, especially the grammar, declensions and conjugations. So despite being very good at languages (an element in my first degree), I simply cannot pick up a language aurally at all. And in my head I will see the printed word with the correct ending while I am speaking, scrolling down through the declension, etc, to find the one I need. Similarly, in exams I can see the page of revision notes in my head, with the highlighted sections, etc. I have often found in training at work that in the move to accomodate kinaesthetic and auditory learning, the more historical visual approach is sometimes forgotten. Just re-read the OP. My problem is that as well as being shown how to do something, I also need to have it written down too. I think what you describe is actually kinaesthetic learning, i.e. 'doing something' in order to learn it. Bid