CarolJ

Badonkadonk How right you are. Being a parent of any child is a very very difficult task. But parenting ASD kids is the of the greatest challenge I have ever had to face. I find it difficult as a NT parent to put myself in the mindset of my ASD children. However I must agree with you the need for stability, rules and boundaries are paramount. Without these my son is wild. He finds comfort in knowing what is coming next. To me it chokes me. I am impulsive by nature, so the rules boundaries mindset are totally alien to me. I used to allow my DS to do what he wanted because of his ASD and I felt guilty (as a parent) he dictacted to me and his sister and had such an influence on our lives that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Firmness and love is the key to parenting an ASD child. Setting boundaries and sticking to them no matter what it costs and how tired you are even though u want to commit child abuse! Both my children challenge me in different ways. I have requested some ASD specific parenting classes and am goign into my sons school to see how things are done in the school so that we are all going to do the same thingl. Because my son is non verbal its much more difficult to communicate. I need to be taught how to communicate with my own CHILD!!!!! Lifes tough but u just gotta get on and try havent you. BTW I didnt see this programme last night bit miffed hope it gets repeated.

ditto what lou lou said. It took me years to get dx for my daughter, being told, she is too sociable, she is just shy and awkward blah blah blah, its just a communication problem - but each child deserves the understanding, help and opportunities they can get and if that means having to be be labelled then so be it. Am sure they must think parents must love collecting labels But its very common for more than one sibling in a family to be dx'd ASD. Look at Luke Jacksons family! I have heard of parents with two dx'd kids having concerns about another child but not pushing for dx because they could be viewed as neurotic! Its your parental right to push for what help you feel your child needs. Good luck I have both mine dx'd it was a long fight but they do listen and you sound so much more organised than I was.

What about the guinea pigs - best start searching for someone who specailses in Guineapig counselling? Cos i think they will need some reassurance or perhaps some choice ###### bits of celery cabbage n carrot to make it up to em!

My son attends an ASD specific school and they often take the kids on shopping trips etc. to local supermarkets to try and teach them life skills. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Hope your visit to school goes well

sorry I didnt want to 2 upset people I know its hard trying to imagine what your childs future will be like. I dont know whether with advances in medical science etc. they may realise a way of making the kids like my son's life a lot better I (quality of life). I know my son will always be autistic but want i want most for him is the ability to communicate so he can have a say in his own life. Mind you I am a fatalist my friend is into astrology and stuff and she reckons that by 22nd of this month Iran will enter into the middle eastern war with US/Isreal and WWIII is gonna start. Damn these visions of the future!!!! Lottery nos PLEASE!!!!!!

Its very common to have one or more sibling with ASDs. It took me 8 years to get dx for my DD. Kept being told its learned behaviour from DS. But DD has issues that DS dont. Thats how i knew because she first showed signs long before DS did. You are his mum so u know best. Good luck

Wouldnt do me anygood even if I did see future lotto nos because I cant remember phone numbers or figures for toffee, have a real mental block when it comes to numbers Best polish me crystal ball just in case my vision n memory improve (winks)

Hi peeps had a bit of a sneak peak into future today. Was in ASDA and a young man in his teens came up and grabbed a chocolate bar. There was a young girl with him a carer/sister I dont know but she kept saying "no no no no, put it back Mark NOOO!" Mark had that look in his eyes so I knew without asking he was autistic and didnt speak that i heard (beautiful looking boy though). The girl behind counter starting saying he's opening it now - the poor young girl with mark said i will come back as mark had run out of the store. I said to the girl behind counter "look i will pay for it - he probaby has autism, it the sort of thing my son would do". It sort of bought home to me what my S will be like in a few years time. When i walked out the store i couldnt see thegirl to tell her that I had paid for Mark's choccie. I just hoped he enjoyed it!!! Why cant I see future lottery numbers

Neil give yourself a pat on back i think you coped really well considering how clearly stressed you were about the whole thing. Interviewee technique - I was told that when I was being interviewed to make lots of eye contact it shows that you are listening to the speaker!!! - or maybe she just fancied you

Unfortunately its just the way things are, my son was not invited. I dont think people realise how much it hurts . I lost contact with virtually all of my former friends. But you will find others along the way ones with whom you will have shared interests with. Try attending a parent support group for ASDs in local area thats a great way to start networking other mums. Good luck, chin up n hugs

Foster Parent told me she had read an article in a US womans magazine but couldnt remember which one (they just returned from florida) on Patches - I know something like this would be a godsend as its impossible to get anything down my son aside from chocolate n chips http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/10/25/...ain980224.shtml http://therapistunlimited.com/index/Articl...+on+the+Horizon Any thoughts? Apologies if this has been posted already!

Hi suze which town is that? Thought i would update you S has just left foster parents came to get him but we all stuck together and S was very calm and happy, didnt play up as I feared . He was an angel. Had a long discussion with the foster parents, about dietrary management and possibly increasing time S spends with me during the week when he attends school. Had a couple of shakey moments this week but that was because of me not because of S. I think now I have to focus on what plans for the future. I am currently in the process of writing an email to my social worker setting out some targets I hope to achieve. I have a meeting with her on Wednesday. There is a meeting on 18th to discuss scotties foster placement with a view to drawing up long term plans. I will also be contacting NAS tomorrow (thanks Nells) to get some advice re residential school long term. I am gradually getting my head together and i will take a while. I had fallen into a trap of taking painkillers for Migraine headaches which contained condine. I got to a point where i was taking more than was recommended - Codiene can be addictive - It was through talking to a girl from another site who highlighted me to the fact long term use of OTC painkillers which contain condine can cause problems with moods swings etc.!! Depression!!! (She is now a consellor and told me that her codine habit had been combined with Alchohol ) She had to go and dry out somewhere!!! I stopped cold turkey and I went through the most horrendous aches n pains ever like i had flu for about 2 weeks. Three weeks on I am feeling human again. I also started back on prozac that the doctor had given me ages ago. From looking on the net I have seen that this is a common problem these days, so i guess i am not alone. Codiene turns to opiate/morphine like substances in blood stream!!!! - just thought i share this as I know of other mums not necesarily mums of ASD kids who taken painkillers a lot (females are more likely to have a problem). Just a warning to people to be aware. I thought that just because I bought them OTC they were okay! - everything is moderation is fine! Well I thought i would be in bits after S left but I am feeling very positive for the first time in a long long time. Iam looking into gf/cf dietrary management too. I know I am in good hands on this site. Both my two's diet consist of these banned foods I spoke to the FP about it and said i would look into the tests from ARU Sunderland (which I never got round to doing). Up till now I have just drifted with no long term plans for the future. I now need to set out some long term goals in order to keep my son where he belongs at home! Thank you everyone for your kind words, I guess I did the right thing, I dread to think what would have happened had i not have done, and even though I knew I had done the right thing for all our sakes, it still tore me apart - that was the most destructive thing of all the self-flageration - we are our own worst enemies sometimes! Away Guilt get thee behind me!!! Cya peeps

Nells I have asked for this twice and the foster parent also agreed with me perhaps it would be better for scottie. Also at S's last review the Head mistress suggested Residential School as an option. Foster Care is pot luck - SS have said that they feel S is too young S is only 6 will be 7 in October. They feel that that he needs a primary female carer. The school he attends has opened up a residential part to the school but its based in Northampton. I would be willing to make the move to northampton so that i could work closely with the school and they do offer holiday schemes too. The one he attends at the moment is only during term time and no holiday schemes. They are very very helpful but alas i am not in the same area. I would be happy for him to attend a day-based school to, with me workign closely with school so that home transition is easier. I think eventually S will need residential placement unless he improves dramatically - I would rather start preparing for that day now. To make the transition for S a lot easier. Emma now she has ASD dx coudl also attend School, how wonderful would that be to have both kids attending same school Thanx Nells great Suggestion BD u r right, I know its going to be difficult (probably more so for me than S) but if I am seen to be acting on spur of emotion impulsive then that doesnt look good you know how these things r viewed. I have to be seen to be acting and actively planning. Up until now I didnt really have a clear agenda for the future. But I think Nells Brightspark idea of Residential may just be the key to this. Scotts Foster Placement is temporary. So eventually if he were to stay in care he would have to move to another family This is not good and i dont want that for S I am in temporary accommodation so evenutally i will have to move. I think the family situation of being in such a limbo has had a bad effect on all of us. no offence taken BD, You speak the truth Hey Female Inquisiter - bring on the spandex we r back in business !!!!!

Oh yes been there done that and ended up using the tshirt as a hanky! I get fed up with crying anger and frustration. Yes watching NT kids of same age breaks your heart, I find myself resenting others whos kids r fine - wanting them to feel how i feel (especially when they patronisingly express sympathy GRRRRRR!). These feelings are akin to constant grief and indeed it is a a sort of grieving process because you grieve for the chilld u think they should have been. My kids autism came about as part of routine vaccine policy. So on top of that I also blame myself for being ignorant. Hey its never ending. The problem with unrequited grief unless you come to terms with it it can turn inwards and drain you and lead to all sorts of problems like depression. Its highly destructive over time. As to worries about the future my son's long term current prognosis (as voiced at a recent meeting) is instutional care . Unless a miracle happens????? My D' i am not sure but she shows a lot of promise. This is all part of the goal posts changing. Being positive about small things rather than looking at how others are doing. ASD changes everything. I let others get along and do what they have to do whilst I just carry on and do what I can. A DX of autism doesnt necessarily mean giving up on dreams, the dreams and aspirations may just be a little different. Especially with HFA and AS - they usually have so much to give. Just look how clever they are!!!! Even kids like my son have a lot to give - the innocence and vulnerability is frightenng and you just want to protect them. Wipe your tears and try to enjoy the positive aspects of your child/children. Ignore everyones ideals and apsirations and expectations. You r all your kids have got.

Hi Kerry first of all a big hug for you, cant find it on the smiley code list thingy - but there r a lot of similarities between your ex and mine, some aspects but my ex isnt aspergers or AS, hes's just a selfish *****. Also I think a lot of men generally have aspie traits because of societies condiitoning. Men r not supposed to show their feelings n stuff and generally find it more difficult to face things. Mostly it sounds as if your OH is in Denial of both himself and your situation. His two faced actions of when u r alone and out if public suggest bi_polar personality traits. My ex was like this, every1s m8 people thought he was a great guy but in the home was nasty and controlling. This is typical behaviour of an abuser hun, sorry to say. I had to walk away from everything, house, possessions the life i once knew and started again from scratch. If I had stayed in that situation I would have ended up going mad and the effect it had on my kids was too high a price to pay. Your OH sounds as if he needs you more than you think you need him, since you say u have responsibility for all or most of the financial aspects of the household. My ex is helpless without me, he has drifted reached his own personal crisis and is now only coming back from it. And has learnt a valuable lesson. My ex would say things like "If you left me noone would want you with ****ed up kids like that - so u got no choice". This is part of the mental abuse. It doesnt always have to be physical. All I can say is rather than fighting your ex to face himself and life. You need to concentrate your energies on both you and your kids. The house is just a house, the things u have are just material things, if the home is filled with hatred and tension then its not really a home or a good environment to bring up any child. I would ask you to take a good objective look at your life, which it sounds as if you already have - Taking account of the past - try to envisage the future. Can you see things getting better can you really carry on like this indefinitely? Its hard very very hard but life is full of tough choices and sometimes things have to be sacrified for what we feel is right. It takes a lot of guts and a lot of courage to give up on what we are comfortable and familiar with. The thought of being you your own can be terrifying. From what you posted it seems you do most things anyway, what does your ex actually do for you apart from being a selfish pain in the bottom and upsetting the family? From your post u are virtually doing it all alone anyway. As for the recording of him swearing at the kids thats alarming hun thats mental cruelty and where will it escalate too? My ex blamed me n kids too, its called not taking responsibility - he doesnt sound as if he likes responsibility - my ex blames everyone and everything else - has an excuse for everything. Its never HIS FAULT! I will finish by saying you have to make a choice - for your sake and the sake of your kids you have to do something. Good luck and be strong - I have been there there is life after a split!

An update Well things r gone very well this week my son has been an absolute diamond, funnily enough I have been at a low ebb in myself I guess I was drained, felt physically weak and struggled to find the strength to manage. I think I was at a crisis point within myself. Not because of my son but because of how i felt about things in general. A couple of times this week my son has displayed some heartbreaking behaviour which really got to me. he has a social story a picture book of myself, my daughter and our house which he is given to help himunderstand where he is going. This book is so worn its fallen apart. The foster parent told me that she has problems gettign this off of him when he gets back there. I have been using pics of his school and (our house) to show him that he would come home here. At first he wasnt happy to go to school and played up maybe he thought he wouldnt come home. What he did was get he picture the "first and then" story board of school and (our house) and walked about and kept giving it to me. I then saw he had lined up all the pages of the picture book significantly the school was at the beginning. Whilst he was doing this he was sobbing. In fact i caught him a few times sobbing to himself so i really do worry about the emotioanl impact all this is having on him. It must be so confusing for him. The regular foster pareents went to florida and he spnt a week with another family which i dont think he was 100 per ent happy with as they had kids of their own and i worry bout S being taken advantage of cos he cant talk he cant defend himself and he normally hits out if somone annoys him. Of course he is the one who gets into trobule. The regular foster parent also has her grandson alot when her daughter goes to work, whos two around S a lot, she once said to me S doesnt like to share his toys does he? S has never had a problem with sharing his toys. I often wonder if my non-verbal son is being victimised, because lets face it i bet they dont watch him 24/7 and S is not able to tell me, but he has reurned with two of his fav toys missing from holiday respite carers and when i phoned the foster parent was quite defensive, insisting that HER boys dont like CARS! But it was two of the chief characters from the movie Mcdonalds ones. I had simply asked her did she know where they were? She insisted they ahd been packed but they hadnt. Report back from SS was everything was wonderful - yet when i showed S the pics of family and got him dresse dhe was soo upset. You know what the foster parent tells me and what SS hear are two different things!!! Also when S cries he says No No No No this is when he is sobbing. So whats really going on? I am goign to ask FP on sunday exactly how he gets along with grandson and i will know by her face whats going on. During the week when my son is at school things are great, we have routine and he is happy and easy to manage. The weekends and school holidays are the worst times for him. The break in routine and the boredom and keeping him entertained. I remember having a conversation with the head of my sons ASD school ages ago about how difficult school hols in particular were. She said that they had noticed a pattern in the HFA kids whose behaviour and anxiety levels would worsen coming up to school hols. She asked them why and they said they didnt like the school hols. I suppose its the break in routine I know the importance of this especially when dealing with kids like my son. So I guess whats needed is some sort of summer school. I dont know name of it but i remmeber when i was little in the school hols we were sent to a school to give my father a break (he was a lone parent). Nothing like this is offered? I wonder if anyone knows of them. I know they do have holiday playschemes but for ASD kids they are far and few between and usually booked up months in advance Maybe a bit of investment in schemes to keep a routine for kids would stop families reaching crisis levels. As for family holidays forget it. We once attempted Florida with my son what a complete nightmare he hated every second of it he was only happy by the pool in the hotel. It was a long way to go for a swim lol! Anyway am waiting for the foster parents to turn up on Sunday so see how S reacts. If he is too distressed I will keep him here. I have spoken to the social worker who said oh hes bound to be upset since he hasnt seen them for a while (like he is a retard or something my son has brilliant long term memory and he remembers people and how they treat him - although I appreciate her help I feel seems to think that I should be harder on my son. She keep banging on about routine routine. Its difficult with your own child to be strict. The Foster parents are strict with him and he responds but I feel that his personality and zest is not being allowed to be expressed to the full. FP also told me she was unwilling to have S long term because she wouldnt manage. When he comes to me he usually goes crackers for the first night and then calms down. Its almost like he holds it all in and lets off steam. Of course this made me feel as it is my parenting I seem to remember reading threads on kids havign meltdowns on returning from school - the fitting into school routine and activities causes almost a build up of emotions and feelings and they explode when they get home relaxed in their own environment allowed to vent. Mind you we all do this to a certain extent, its called unwinding. Both my ex and I are having a meeting on 14th of sept with social worker to agree to some concrete arragenements. I requested this because my ex has a habit of being unreliable and having someone else there might make him realise the way it has to be. Although this week he has been good, although he has driven me crackers cos he annoys me . I feel as if I want to move on (selfish???) but if I am not happy how can i make my kids happy? My son is lovely, and I have enjoyed him so much this week, even though I have not been in the best of health I managed so things r looking good I managed to download a copy of CARs for him and we have spent a whole week watching this movie he loves it, his fav things CARs trucks with faces too I even managed to buy him MACK truck off Ebay and he is absolutely made up with this. He came in from school today and i had it on the bottom of the stairs and his face was like - he hasnt let go of it since lol! He even took it to bed with him. The truck opens up like the micro city cars and he loves stuff like that :X Take care all xxx

Hiya Frag, I havent heard of the racing driver but everyone has heard of Steve Irwin, He was always a bit crazy and took a lot of risks i suppose law of averges and fate Have to say i liked him i found him funny and he was a great family guy. I feel for Steves family = he has young children Hey but u still have kylie

Hi folks yes its 03.56 and just watched a news report on a possible cure for allergy in three years time! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/arti...in_page_id=1774 Its a vaccine!! Since many autists seem to have problems with substances and reactions, more and more research is pointing to a skewed immune system could this offer a way of improving the lives of kids like my son? I wonder???? Any thoughts from any1 else?

Having had a quick skim read through this thread , i think there is quite a bit of pigeonholing going on? I dont blame parents or kids - i blame society, the "have gotta have NOW! credit consumerism, intensive targeting (brainwashing) by advertisers especially at younger audience, (ever sat an watched a kids TV channel?) the media, the greed driven by commercialism and capitalism, the selfish dont give a damn about anyone but myself. This current mindset came about in the 1980s (Thank you Maggie Thatcher!) ). I think the cost of living these days is why most parents both have to work. Hey folks guess what we are the lucky ones!!!! - with our kids we got a lot more important things to thing about. After all the majority of us are not in a position to keep up the the Joneses. I often get the piteous "awwwwww you got it sooo bad, I dont know what i would do ..... " approach (sigh). Basically its [expletive] patronising to say the least. I am laughing at them. They are the ones who are under presssure, not me lol. I just concentrate on surviving day to day - and keeping my sanity. One of the things that has struck me about my own kids is their total innocence. Mind you my daughter is very money orientated and always ask for yet another Bratz poney . Its watching channels like Nickledeon all the middle class american families who have credit cards, live in massive big houses, with everything a kid could possibly want but worry about being popular or having a zit on their nose It absolutely carbunkle rubbish tosh total unreal representation of life (even for america i should imagine). Where are the soaps set in the Trailer park, where mum is on her own and Dad has a drink problem. Get real!!!! In contrast look at CBBCs tracy beaker a kid in the "dumping ground" care home!. Its programes like this that take the edge of paying that extortionate licence fee!! Yes Mr Post Office Enquires man Sir my 50 inch plasma is a black and white TV (wakes up) Oh well will stop my rambling now. I dont judge anyone i am just glad that by virtue of my ASD kids I had no choice but to opt out of the Rat Race. Heres to social isolation and oblivion

Rach i worked up until scottie was 4.5 full time/commuting into London every day - the childminder could no logner cope with him - talk about burn yourself out - its no better being stuck at home on benefits as my mind is turning to complete mush - In order for me to return to work my sons needs are so severe he would need a special needs minder and they dont come cheap, I did at one stage look at special needs minders by the nearest one was miles away and she could only take my son but not my daughter so it meant splitting my two up. One option that was once suggested to me by my then social worker was to become a special needs childminder myself. Mind you the idea didnt appeal to me as i have enough to deal with with my own two LOL! But its worth a thought for those who think they could manage an extra child as the financial rewards are very good. I am going to go along for the hell of it and just enjoy winding someone up because there is no way on the face of this earth I am in a fit state to return to work at the moment and them coming up with a special needs minder on my doorstep who can take both kids lmaof!

Hi everyone thought I would just say thank you all for your kind words and understanding. This is not something i am proud of. My son has been home for 2 days and so far everything is fine. His dad is coming over each evening and I can say he is very happy. I voiced my concerns over the impact this may have on my son my social worker seemed to have the impression that he "is fine" - i was very angry because its almost as if she doesnt seem to think he has any feelings or thoughts of his own and I know for a fact that he sometimes gets very sad when he is thinkign of things - I said just because he cant talk doesnt mean to say he doesnt have feelings in fact how much more confusing must his emotions be (major guilt trip here) Am going to see how he is on Sunday when the Foster Parents get back from Florida. If he is upset and doesnt want to go then I am going to keep him with me. Whilst he is at school and we have a daily routine and he has something to do he is fine. Its just when he gets bored he gets into mischief! Thanks again folks

Hi folks I just received a letter today telling me that I "have" to attend a Back to Work interview at my local Job centre. I phoned and queried whether or not I need to attend being i have two autisitic kids one of whom is low functioning. I was told that anyone who receives a penny of income support irrespective of their circumstances has to attend or risk having benefits cut Ironically I could walk into a job tomorrow but what do i do with the kids? I may just attend to see what suggestions this "Lone Parent Adviser" can suggest as regards childcare. LOL! Has anyone else had this through?

Well i have to say i have faced this situation - I moved from family home to escape domestic violence, into refuge and am now in temporary accommodation which is unsuitable for my son. As a result of all this my ASD son went completely ballistic, at one stage almost fell through conservatory roof because my daughter had opened the window because it was so hot. My son has to be watched constantly and he takes all my time and attention as i am on my own with no network of support (friends/family). Unfortuantely respite was woefully inadequate and patchy, after makign numerous late night phone calls to social services begging for help, my sons sleep patterns were haywire. The house needs adapting and social services suggestions were not followed up by practical assistance. They seemed to disbelieve that i had literally NOONE to ask to for help. Social Services made me feel as if I was a terrible parent and in a way i believed them because i felt as if I was failing both my children. Due to the need of caring for my son my house deteriorated. SS would come round and say how about a clean up too much clutter etc. etc. I felt as if I was expected to be this robotic carer, chief cook n bottle washer. Meals are difficult to prepare as my son needs to be watched at all times. He has flooded the house numerous times. smashed windows and broken tvs, dvds etc. etc. Refusal to bath i had to drag him bodily upstairs whilst he punched n kicked (he is not a small boy and is very strong) I am not very large myself having lost alot of weight in the past couple of years, violent outbursts, bruises, black eyes from him. My son is a screamer and my daughter has sensory problems, if he screams so does she covering her ears telling me to get her brother to shut up. I felt as if i was playing a delicate balance with my sons life, it would take one lapse and he would have a serious accident. Indeed it almost happened with conservatory roof incident and kicking the glass through in his bedroom because i was busy on the loo or taking the washing out the washing machine and of course that was my fault too! I had to climb out on the corrugated plastic roof and inch myself over to my son who had instinctivly froze. The final crux came when my son repeatedly kicked a mirrored wardrobe door in my bedroom at 3.00am in morning, which such force it started to come off its fixings (it is a floor to ceiling thick heavy door it would have killed him if it had fallen on him). After what felt like a 1000 times telling him to stop (he is completely non verbal) i just lost it and flew for him and yes i am ashamed to admit I started to hit him, i lost control but somewhere at the back of my mind I realised that unless I did something something was doen to stop this situation something truley awful would happen. The look on his face broke my heart and I started to cry, it was an awful awful feeling that for a split second that I flew for him, I felt as if hated my own child. In sheer desparation I phoned Childline and told them what i had done, and that i was scared because i felt as if i would hurt my son if something wasnt done soon. He is always worse at weekends and around school holidays the thought of the six weeks hols was dreadful. I felt as if my son, myself and my daughter were trapped in a prison, all windows secured, doors secured - i felt as if i was fighting a losing battle to contain my son. I didnt enjoy him at all, at every opportunity i was closing off from him, resenting his autism resenting him, hating myself for feeling like this. On the monday I had a phone call from Children with Disability Team and my social worker came round and questions were asked about the "incident" - I asked them to put my son into care to protect him - it was the hardest thing i have ever done - but i did it out of love for him to keep him safe because I felt as if I was no longer capable. The foster place was scaled so it wasnt sudden, knowing that eventually things would improve kept me going for the few more weeks that I had him in my care. Extra respite was offered but this consisted of agency workers who would just come round, and look belwildered when faced with this "Wild Child". One who was a trained nurse working with adults with mental health problems said this is impossible for you to cope with, he struggled to hold my son when i tried to cut his hair and finger and toenails. Some of the agency workers couldnt even speak english let alone had any training in autism. Life is full of tough choices and this choice was one of the hardest things I ever had to do - I did it for the right reasons, I was heading for a mental breakdown. I thought i woudl try and use the time with my daughter to help her, she had been totally neglected with the needs of caring for my son. Iniitally the relief of suddenly no longer having to care for for my son was wonderful, i tried not to think of him and tried to concentrate on my daughter. I have regular contact with my son, which has been increased to overnight. This week I will have him from tomorrow thorough to sunday and this is going to be a big test for me. Nothing has changed much except that I am feeling more positive and able to cope and i desparately miss my son. I am sick of living with guilt!. I want this week to go well. My son is always happy to see me and it hurts me so much to say goodbye everytime he goes off to foster placement. Luckily my daughter is at school tomorrow so i will get a whole day with just me and him. His father is comign over too (as we are on speaking terms) and he now recognises the need for support and continuity. I have tried to put in place routine which i know will make my son more secure, of course i am not following the routien that foster parents have to a tee because i dont want to spend the time I have with him, forcing him inot a pattern that he doesnt associate with me. If this week goes well then I am going to have him back but I am gonna fight tooth and nail for proper support to keep him home where he belongs. Not a mishmash of agency workers who dont have a clue. I want time to myself away from both chldren. Without this I will fail. Everyone needs a balance and i feel when i read the posts by the parents on this site that the overwhelming self scarifice is amazing, and i almost feel ashamed. But you still have to take time out. Not everyone has the luxury of a network of support extended family responsible partners. Some ASD kids r more difficult to manage than others. Indeed my daughter is a stroll in the park compared to my son. It seems to get more difficult as they get older. The approach that the foster parents and social services have taken are one of strict routine, and my son has responded well but i know he is not happy. Social services keep stressing to me the importance of keeping his routine in order not to confuse him. My son is adaptable to a certain extent and not as rigid as they seem to think. The fact that he recognises he can behave differently in different situations means he is aware and that gives me lots of hope. He may be autistic but he is still a child. The key to parenting any child let alone an autistic one is try to remain positive. I lost that somewhere along the way and felt as if I had failed as a parent. Giving up your child to foster placement is sometimes not because you dont love them but because you do love them. My son is 7 in october and a big strong lad to boot, my daughter is 10 recently diagnosed ASD. The explosion in the numbers of those diagnosed autistic has come at a bad time in our history. Socially we are isolated. Society is Selfish and uncaring on the whole. The extended family, community just doesnt exist any more. Autism usually spells isolation for families. As for any opnions or judgement noone can judge me as harshly as i have judged myself.I did what i had to do. If i hadnt i may not be sitting here now - and what I did took a lot of guts. The press report on Alison Davies and her 12-year-old son, Ryan touched me. She it seems had some family (mother and sister) to support her but was that desparate that she felt that her only option was to end it all. I wonder how many of you who post to this site have had these thoughts too, I know parents of other autistic kids that i know personally certainly have. I suppose I cant start to change the world, i dont have the time or the inclincation. All i can do is to fight to make things as easy as possible for my little family, as odd as we are lol! Well i have rambled enough. This is giving me another one of my heads! Take care all. CarolJ

Hiya My son is non verbal will be 7 in October. He uses the handpulling to indicate whathe wants and is quite forceful with it lol! almost pulling me off my feet as he is a strong little boy! We are currently using PECs but he doesnt seem to accept these from me and by passes them in favour of hand pulling. He uses the odd word now n then but i have every hope that one day he will start to speak. His sister was once non verbal and made good progress now cant shut her up as she talks incessantly about one subject Groan! All we have sometimes is hope, sometimes words cannot express all that we want to say. My son says more than enough in a facial expression and a hug. Good luck!

Hi purple, unfortunately statistics (in America) show that 80 percent of parents of autistic kids split. He sounds so much like my ex, it seems he is struggling to come to terms with the way things are. Which we all have to do - i still struggle with the reality of having autistic children. Alot of the time the anger and bitterness and not having time for each spell disaster for relationships. Its definitely mental crueltly to sound off at the children it confuses them. My ex was the same but i know that nastiness displayed towards me in front of the children was more because i think he was angry at himself and he was trying to find someone else to blame - ie me. My ex had an affair, and basically told me he wanted a "normal life" with "normal kids", yet i know he loves both his kids to bits, he just wasnt or isnt in a position to do much about it. He cant cope. Everyone of us has this struggle, things change for us and our kids. Its hard to let go of the "dreams and aspirations" that most parents take for granted. We take things bit by bit day by day. I myself have found myself venting at my daughter especially when she repeats something my ex said and because she understands more and i hate myself for doing it. But all i can say is that we are human we have emotions I sometimes have a meltdown of my own because it all gets too much. Being a single parent is hard enough but having children with challenging behaviours is nigh on impossible. All i can say is i wish you all the best and hope that your ex partner will eventually realise the error of his ways, my ex is much calmer now but has relapses every so often - give him time he will grow up! You ex has got to realise that your kids need you both either together or apart but u both have to work in their best interests. I am often amazed at the childish, selfish and petty behaviours many adults indulge in when dealing with relationship splits - its is disgraceful. I am not a matyr so have come to realise that in order for me to keep my sanity I have to sometimes put myself first. Perhaps some sort of family counselling might be in order sometimes having a third party to mediate can help bring issues to the surface and enable you both to talk. Good luck