BuntyB

My kids also don't like me to use the word 'school'. However, the words which cause the worst reaction are 'Right then...' in the evening. Apparently the kids have picked up on that it's always followed by 'it's time to get your pyjamas on'. I didn't notice until they started flinching as I started my sentence, lol!

Just a thought, but have you had yourneeds as a carer assessed? if not, you have a right to some respite. I know some carers have threatened that they will put their child in care before they are listened to, and that's appalling! You might find this article interesting: http://www.communitycare.co.uk/Articles/20...inadequate.html Keep on at your MP, and anyone else who is reading this and finds themselves in a similar situation. Carers do get a raw deal and on a pittance, so I say ram it home about yours and your other children'sHuman Rights to a right to family life, which is more important than a policy of 'integration' (which is fast losing credence!)

It's interesting that I hear parents saying that their kids are panicking about SATS. Occassionally I speak to parents from other schools who roll their eyes and sayabout one of my children 'How are they coping with SATS?' Well, we must be really unusual in that despite having brought up 3 step-kids and five of my own, we've all been through them, but apart from the fact that other parents mention them, we are all completely oblivious! If I ask my kids, they do say 'Oh yes, we did some different worksheets today' but it's as laid back as that. Perhaps it's the school, I don't know but I really don't think the kids need that kind of pressure anyway. The SATS should be an indicator of the teacher's ability to teach and a record of learning. Kids shouldn't be cramming for them and I think I would have words with the school if they are putting pressure on kids to 'perform'. what's everyone else's experience?

Although you can automatically get a blue badge for High Rate mobility, you can get a blue badge without as it's discretionary. Do follow up with the OT, but speak to the council about the problems, because even if you reapply for DLA, it's going to take some time. The papers are a good idea too. Can you phone your local reporter to highlight the problems, not just for you, but for anyone who has these problems.

Hi, I have been on at school to complain about my daughter being bullied lots of times. I am sure they don't think it's a big deal and have just 'spoken to' the kids who are picking on her. Yesterday my daughter has told me there is a new word used to insult people they don't like- my daughter's name I have been on to school again today, and she told us at tea that these girls were removed from class for another 'word' whereupon they were sent back to class to have a go at her for telling. What do they have to do before she gets some help? I was equally annoyed that they asked her to go to a room which she didn't know in connection with a French trip that's coming up (little love, she is so excited) but nobody helped her get there, so she got lost and missed the meeting. She was left crying.

If I understand you right, she is getting Middle Rate care due to asthma and you want to know if you can get more due to a change in her diagnosis? Presumably, she gets middle rate as she needs frequent help during the day, therefore for her to get higher rate, she needs frequent help at night too. Does she? DLA rates cause some confusion, but a dx doesn't actually make a difference. The rate depends on how much help she needs from another person. If her condition is worse, you can simply phone DBU and tell them. It is possible to reassess over the phone. If they need more info, they will send you a form. Phone your CAB and ask for a home visit. While you're on, if you don't get DLA for yourself, perhaps you should check if you meet the criteria too? Shona x

Hi everyone, I am currently compiling the May newsletter for our local support group and wonder if anyone knows of events or ideas for May/June. Events around West Yorkshire/ lancashire are of more interest, but if you know of online conferences or campaigns etc, this would be helpful. I did also think we might do some stuff to plan for summer, so if you have any recommendations, perhaps I could do a feature on that. I know some places do concessions or have a good track record with autism. Any other topics which you think might be of interest.... I hope you can help- I'm a bit stalled this month!!

Hi everyone, I thought diagnosing my 13 year-old would be a doddle. His younger sister has a dx and through me helping to run an ASD support group, I could clearly see where my son's traits came from. We didn't bother with a dx at first since I didn't see the point in dragging him through it, nor did he want that kind of attention. However, he ran into difficulty at secondary school- teachers completely misunderstood him thinking that a. he was gifted, and b. he was lazy because he didn't 'try' with certain homework. They didn't realise he didn't understand the concepts they were using, but has a very good memory for facts. They did say he copes well at school (falls apart at home) so thought they could offer more help with a dx. We saw the psych who nodded and said 'I think we are working to 'the label', but we'd like to do some written tests'. We then saw someone else who did some tests, was completely patronising, and has now written to me to say that she doesn't think a diagnosis would be 'helpful at this time.' What does that mean? She also said that she heard from me that I didn't want a dx. Excuse me? What I did say is that we initially didn't seek a dx because I already parent him as if he has As, because that's what works. We don't have a problem with 'the label', IMO, it makes no difference. What we need a dx is for everyone else!! If she thinks he isn't AS, then I'd like to know, but I can't understand what 'not helpful' means- to whom?

Well, actually I have been laughing out loud today every time I think about it, but after they went to school

hi where did you download from? Looks good and I'd like to see it. Shona

Hi, Didn't dare laugh when my 6 yr old handed me her spellings for this week. It said: stick prick quick thick chick at least I hope it's spellings and not early controvercial sex education.....!!

<'> Hi, I suppose it depends on the child as this worked for one of mine but not another. What interests does your son have? Are there any clubs or groups with similar interests in school? It sounds more like a break/lunchtime problem- even being in a club or group doing a structured activity might be easier. I went to see the SENCO at my daughter's school and found out there was a drama club. Nobody had told me about this, nor any other clubs they do at lunchtimes, but if not can he start a club? The school had suggested 'Circle of Friends' to help my other daughter. I don't know much about it, but I suspect someone on here will! I do sympathise with you. My daughter has been crying all weekend about her own friendship problems and it is distressing, isn't it? <'> <'>

Thanks for the reply, but I have followed the link and have found everything except stats in SEN. I tried SEN as a search and only came up with stuff such as exclusions etc, nothing to do with results. Are you sure it's on there- and if so, can you give me any tips in finding the right place??

Hi- posted a while back about my assignment. A fellow student quoted some stats showing kids with SEN had better exam results in mainstream. I e-mailed him, but perhaps he's on holiday. Does anybody have access/ links to any evidence or stats about which is 'better

Thanks- I think praising the children is an excellent idea! I am not sure who knows about Lucy's AS (I'm Shona, lol), the children who sat with her last year all read a book I bought called 'Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome' I originally bought it for the teacher who I believed secretly thought I had made it up but it was aimed at children her age and she was happy to pass it round her table. Lucy has since changed classes. The new friend either didn't know or didn't tell her mother, as she was very surpried it was her first tea invitation. I did explain to her mother that she might be anxious and why, but needn't have worried. I asked Lucy last night if she'd like a friendship party and invite both girls over. She liked this idea but asked if they could go to the pictures cos our house is too messy hmm! I am seeing the new head today. Her son has AS, so hopefully she will be understanding of the situation. But I will suggest this as I think it's very positive. I too think it's something to celebrate. She also took two little pressies in to demonstrate that she wants to stay friendly with both girls.

Hi everyone, This area is a newbie for us. Because L had such a problem with frindships, two years ago she was deliberately put with a child who had shown some kindness towards her. It is on her IEP that this friendship was to be encouraged, that they should sit together, and when they changed classes, should go together. This worked very well, however, L decided recently of her own chooosing (without even mentioning it to me) to join a lunch-time drama group where she made a new friend. I only found out when another mother started to talk to me about some things we had in common. I was surprised since i didn't know this woman, but she told me her daughter had been chatting with L (pleasantly surprised- chatting???!!!) Anyway, L was invited for tea for the first time ever at 10. She was very anxious, but since they live only a couple of minutes away, she was reassured we could collect her if she wasn't happy. It went really well. Now the first 'friend' is extremely jealous that L is expanding her friendships. She and some other children in the class are making out she is disloyal and are putting her under pressure to break off the new friendship. This is causing a great deal of anxiety. L says she would like them all to be friends, but this child can't accept this. I have explained to L that she is probably frightened of losing her and to keep being friendly to both in the hope she'll come round, but L now says she is frightened of what she might do. I have spoken to the class teacher who said she was aware of it, nodded about 'three is a crowd' and girls are like that, and asked me what I expected her to do about it? Is it just me, or would you think there could be a bit more support for her? I know kids have their fall-outs etc as they learn about relationships but all this is a new experience for her. I don't think she can share my pride that L has made the step to find a friend of her own, and how much anxiety this pressure is causing for her. This problem dominated the whole weekend, but i think the school think I am making a fuss about kid's stuff.

You're doing that on purpose Anyway..off for parents evening, take my mind off food and SEN assignments... hang on though, we'll just be discussing....

Oh no, don't! I must have eaten a whole packet of biscuits...! Keep having a coffee break to try to get my thought in order.

Yes ma'am lol

Hi, I posted a while back for ideas of where to look for references for an academic assignment on Inclusive or Exclusive education for SEN. I have some books from the Uni library, all for inclusion. I have some NAS stuff about autism in mainstream and am so bogged down in books and printed sheets, I can't see the wood for the trees! I don't know whether to start on the history pre Warnock, debating pros and cons of each.... I am now skiving and sneaking on here. Somebody speak some sense to me before I go mad!

Hi everyone, I don't think I can bear another day of my daughter crying and begging me not to take her to school. Last night I was sobbing too, as she started Saturday in anticipation of Monday. It was absolutely heartbreaking hearing her. I have been to school so many times and they make all the right noises, but inside I feel they are fobbing me off because she is the 'perfect student' at school and they do not see what she's like at home. I don't know where to go from here. In some ways I wish I could just take her away from school and teach her at home, but it would mean giving up my place at Uni where I am training in Social work, hoping in less than two years I will have a decent income to give our children other things, like a holiday! I know there are no easy answers, but does anybody have any suggestions as i am totally drained. PS Does anybody know the link to the NAS acknowledgement that many children meltdown at home from the stress at school- I can't find it.

It doesn't get any easier! My eldest son split from his g/f and ended up back at our house- not that we have room...! I've been looking after their baby all day today and I feel exhausted with everyone's problems! L came home from school saying she has a lump on her head but can't remember how she got it. She went straight to bed which is not like her and is covered in a rash (allergy type) I don't know what she ate at school. Cati said she had been threatened with a beating not to tell about the bullying. I phoned the school and they said we can't do much on a friday, you'd better ring on Monday- feels like they couldn't care less!Nothing else had better go wrong...

Do bear in mind that 3 months, although it seems long to you if you are lonely, is a short period of time in terms of setting down roots and forming new relationships. You may well feel more 'at home' on the base becaue the families have something in common with you. Is there a local ASD support group to where your house is? If you don't know, the PARIS resource on the NAS website will tell you what's available locally. You may well find, as i have, that parents who meet at our support group are very welcoming. Also try your local church. Even if you don't usually go, you will find people happy to see you and give you all the support you need. It's a shame more people don't use this as a valuable, free, source of help. In the meantime, we are all here for you. I find this a great source of friendship and support. Wherever you decide to live, I am sure in time you will all form new relationships. <'> <'>

Hi, I usually post when I am having a pig of a time, so I thought i ought to redress the balance by saying that C is making great progress this week. Some of her major difficulties have been: Not getting up (because she's stressing about school) Being totally disorganised and messy Panicking when things aren't where they should be (because she's so messy!) Fretting about school (because she's disorganised and can't find her stuff) Homework, because she hasn't a clue what she's doing Being bullied, because her social skills are poor. etc etc You can imaging, getting her to school was a nightmare. Although CAMHS say she is not asd, her meltdowns and the reasons behind them make me believe she is. We started this system to help her sequencing where you use a piece of A4 in landscape and cut 4 or 5 slits in it from the bottom to the centre. You fold them upwards and secure with a blob of blu-tack. On the front of each section you write or draw what you want the child to do first. When they've done it, they fold it down to remind them this stage is completed and it's time to move on to the next one. We put faces behind each one getting more and more smiley! We got her to use this system to put her things into the right plastic tubs so she can find them. We also use one to remind her to get up, get washed, get dressed, and make her bed in the morning. I also went to see her SENCO and explained everything. She was really great! C is now going to be in an asd group despite the lack of dx. She is to take her dinner money to a member of staff to look after it until lunchtime, as other kids kept asking her to give it to them and she did. This gives two opportunities for staff to check if she's okay. All the staff have been informed that she really can't help the homework thing (they have a system of giving yellow and red cards if kids forget and this was really stressing her out) I can't believe the difference in her. She has been up on time and off to school without any problem. We have been really OTT showering her with praise for how well she is doing. She laps it up because she loves the attention. Long may it last!!

Nice to see that a lot of people would like to find others nearby. Although there is space to put in the profile where we live, I never did find out if it's possible to have a search facility to find the county you want.