Clare63

Oh thank you so much everyone, its all exactly as you have said. Yes Connor is 12 and is in year 7 of secondary mainstream, because the school is so small they have mixed year 7 & 8 together. He is not statemented, but has a lovely TA who meets him from the car (he says he does not like her, probably because she is firm and asks him questions) the school have been brilliant but it still does not seem to help, he seems overwhelmed by the noise, children and teachers and says that no one understands him andf that includes us his Mum & Dad. I say to him well they say you are OK at school when you have calmed down, and he says "yes that's on the outside inside I am still really scared and crying, I can't do that at school otherwise the other children will bully me" I would seriously consider home ed, but I know my DH would not even entertain the idea so dare not even approach the subject, I guess in my heart of hearts I am hoping the school or the medical pro's will suggest this, so that it does not have to come from me. I am that much of a chicken ! Well today, he woke up crying at 5.45am and was still crying as he was handed over to his TA, my DH took charge and shouted at him to get ready etc., he said he'd take him to school (I went too) it was awful.... my poor baby looked so pale, red eyed and dam right miserable, I feel I totally let him down, but I just can't cope with him anymore because I always end up giving in. Or maybe I am not giving in, maybe I am just being human and recognising his deep unhappiness. Well we drove back home with me now crying, guess I should be thankful my DH is there for us, what with having a son with AS that can't cope with the outside world, a wife who is depresed and stressed, living on the breadline (there's no way I could work at the moment) my husband's father in hospital after having a heart attack at the week end and now the dog is limping !!!!!!! sorry I am laughing now, writing this sounds all a bit unbelievable. Trouble is this is today and its going to be the same tomorrow, where is it all going to end. Sorry seem to have gone off on one here ! Thank you guys and thank you forum for being there for me, its so good to know I am not alone. Clare x x x

Thanks Pearl & JLP, afriad he's still awake and fretting and he's told me he can't and won't go to school tomorrow, so doubt I'll get much sleep either. Thankfully we have an appointment with CAMHS on Thursday and I am going to be insisting on some help with his anxiety and sleeplessness, sadly though DH say's he too busy at work to make the appointment yet again, so to me its no wonder he does not truly understand, I think and he agrees that he probably has mild aspergers too so perhpas this does not help either. JLP you cetainly hit the nail on the head with your post, its so good to know that others understand what its like to live this day to day. Guess I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself and scared too about coping in the morning. Thanks again Clare x x x

My DS is still sobbing and is terrified about returning to school tomorrow after the Easter break. Since Christmas he's been more out than in and its so hard for me, I know he has to go to school but I can not bear to see and hear him this way. He has spent the past two weeks like a hermit (his choice, though managed to get him out for a short period of time twice) each morning when he wakes he says he's scared about going to school, but can not explain what it is about school that he is so afraid of. I don't know what more I can do, I am there for him every step of the way, following his list of his morning routine, cuddling him for hours in bed trying to get him to sleep. (He calling and crying for me now, and I have asked his Dad to pop up and he said NO I show him no sympathy, he's gone now but know I'll have to go in a minutes to pick up the pieces). My heart is breaking, he's my baby yet his Dad keeps saying I must be firm with him, he's just playing me up, but the tears and the fear seem so real to me. As usual we have ended up agreeing to disagree, my DH does not seem to understand his son's AS, but then maybe he's right when he say's "well right yes he has aspergers, but life still goes on and he 's got to get on with it, I had to, lifes bad enough, so he better get used to it and get on with it" I just can't see an end to this, I know tonight he'll be awake fretting for hours and by the time he falls asleep I'll be waking him up and the tears will start over. Sorry just wanted to get this off my chest and was feeling a bit sorry for myself and alone with this one. Thanks for listening Clare x

Oh Hev, surely the pro's have got to help you this time. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Clare x

Rant away Anne, it all sounds such a mess and so tiring for you, afraid I don't have any advice on this but can offer my support and a bucket load of these ... <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Clare x this is a great place to let off steam, sorry to hear you are feeling so flat....

Awwwwwwwww Ultramum, so sorry to hear you have been down, by posting on here I trust you are feeling a little better, I too have wondered where you'd been and was hoping you were OK. Hope the AntiD' s help my GP doubled mine back in Feb but I have reduced them again as I found my mind was still working over time yet my body just gave up and I had lost my fight, did though get me through a very bad patch. Hope things improve for you soon and I am so glad you are back as I always find your posts to be most helpful. If there is anything I can do please feel free to pm me. Take lots of care, and look after yourself. Clare x <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Farm

Oh Pearl, I am so very very sorry, certainly their loss. I hope J has not taken it too badly. I imagine your are absolutely gutted. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Clare x x x

How exciting......Congratulations Clare x

Oh Pearl <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Sorry to hear you had a bad day today lets hope tomorrow is better.....then it's Monday !!!!!! Thinking of you and wishing I had something constructive to say Clare x x x

DOT ..................

Your Mum how awful, must be so painful. Wishing her well and a speedy recovery. <'> <'> <'> Clare x

Brilliant news....well done and congratulations Clare x

Centre

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU TWO, HAVE A LOVELY DAY Clare x x x

Sounds very promising, awww but a long wait for you guys until Monday. Looks like J did fantatsically you must be so proud. Try and chill this weekend and perhpas do something nice. Lots of love Clare x

Thin

Sending you and J bucket loads of positive vibes and good luck Clare x

<'> <'> <'> I am pleased to hear you have finally got a dx, I found this to be quite a strange time of all sorts of mixed emotions, it takes a while to sink in. My DS was dx in Jan and we were sent away with an information pack and that was it. 4 months in we are going back to CAMHS for some help and some answers, from what I can tell on here its a long and rocky road, but I have found this forum to have been the best source of help, support, advice and encouragement, no one judges you and they give you straight answers from the heart. Good luck I hope you find the area where you live to be most supportive. Clare x

Excellent....hope you have a lovely day tomorrow Clare x

Vile

Oh JR, you are not a failure you are only human, you got to the end of your tether and took yourself out of the situation. As you say the kids were OK they were with Dave. Please don't compare yourself yourself to others, you are you and your situation is unique to you and your family, I feel much the same and only have one child. You have so much to deal with right now, especially as your OH is suffering from depression you have ended up with carrying all the weight of the family and that dam hard. You need to take time for yourself, is there any chance of any respite from family or friends?. Is your husband getting the help he needs to get himself back on track ? Afraid I don't have any tips or advice, just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you. Stop beating yourself up you are a wonderful Mum. Clare x <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Just had a thought, if you need to get rid any any stuff quick try FREECYCLE www.freecycle.org Clare x

Monk