pearl

I was quite surprised to see this post bumped up on one of my increasingly rare visits here, but thanks for the good wishes. A quick update before I disappear, quite possibly forever ... JP moved into his flat at the end of May, & is coping very well. Bit of a blip at work a few weeks after he moved in, but thankfully his line manager contacted us (I fully realise they don't have to now he is an adult) & we were able to go in & help them help him through a difficult transition. He's finding all the talk of public sector redundancies difficult to cope with, & coming on top of the move it was a stress too far for him. He is staying at his flat virtually all the time now - coping with shopping, washing, cooking & cleaning. He's saved up enough for a new bathroom (he's flushing his toilet with a bucket at the mo!) with hopefully a new kitchen to follow in a few months time. He loves his little home. We are immensely proud of him, that he's achieved all this at just 20 years old. I'd love to stay around & share the future ups & downs with you. I think too that it is good for parents of younger children to know that sometimes, things can work out well. But after many discussions with the mods, I've decided this is no longer the place for me. I could lie & say I've no problems with the forum, it's just time to move on. And if I post specifics of why I'm leaving, this will probably be deleted. So I'll confine myself to saying that I'm finding the atmosphere on here increasingly combative & intimidating. Just my opinion. I can't see that changing in the near future & find it too distressing to witness, when I remember what a friendly & supportive place this once was. So, it's time. It's been a privilege to be here & get to know some of you, & thanks for all the support over a rollercoaster few years.

Thankyou. It comes flooding back to me in all its horrible detail from my uni philosopy course ... *shudders*

Bd, I think it might be helpful when you are talking about Id, ego, superego etc. to explain what you mean, as not everyone understands these terms. Oh gawd, I've just realised I've asked you to go into more detail ....

Nah - just proof positive that astrology is a load of cack

Yup, he's a lot younger than me. Obama too.

I'm uncomfortable going into details as JP is an adult & there are privacy issues here - but way, way more than 'losing it' or a 'tantrum'. Sometimes in response to something 'understandable' to an NT, or anyone really - like the time he was robbed. Sometimes, seemingly, over something trivial - but it's been the last straw for him. Increasingly rare as he matures & develops coping strategies - he's avoided several over the last year by recognising the signs & doing something about it - us noticing he's getting stressed, him telling us he's upset, going to his room to calm down, punching his punchbag etc. I really hope, one day, they'll be history.

'right' has nothing to do with it. IMO it's perfectly reasonable for an autistic adult to ask other autistic adults how they cope with stuff - its similar to parents with young children asking other parents of young children stuff, as opposed to, say, childless adults. And there are certainly precedents of this happening on the forum. Oh & I came on the thread to suggest you but out, & you have done so thats ok

Hi Just done it & found it easier, if anything. You can download it as a PDF & keep going back to it, which really helped.

Everyone seems to be in agreement - *falls down in shock at this rare forum event* And so am I. I'm a firm believer in the NHS - but for one regular screening test I go private. Reason being, its something I find soooo painful and sooooo scary that the NHS simply can't give me the resources I need in this situation. I need someone who will take their time with me, & under the current system they just can't do that. I can afford to pay - I worked out it was the equivalent of 50p a week or something - but if I couldn't afford to then sadly I would be excluded, as in this particular situation a 'one size fits all' approach simply doesn't work for me. (And I'm not soft, either, I'm generally rather stoical.) Anyway - what everyone else said - go for it, especially as you aren't paying!

Glad you've reminded us of that bd, as I was puzzled to find you responding to the OP in the first place - Matzoball had specifically asked for advice from other autistic adults on how they cope. I think your remote 'diagnosis' hardly qualifies you to put your two pennyworth in.

She got a much bigger majority than he did, Kez, so I don't know if he'd get back in.

I'm really sad that our Labour MP lost his seat. A good hardworking man who was involved with autism & carer's issues. The woman who won didn't even turn up to any of the debates so its not like she even fought a good campaign. Back to the situation of 13 years ago here - we'll only see her at the annual gala. We lost a couple of wards in the reorganisation, which made a crucial difference.

Best bit of the 97 election Give him his due though, once he left politics he seemed to turn into a thoroughly nice bloke. I doubt that would have happened if he'd ended up as leader of the party, so all good.

I know what you mean K, but there's something about going to the local school or whatever - somehow I always find it very moving. Our MP has done v good work for carers & autism issues, & we are a key marginal, so my vote actually means something. I haven't been this interested in years as there's still no real indication of who will get in.

All this talk of laptops - but congrats about uni! Is she excited about it?

Brilliant news Paula. JP goes to the gym regularly

Keeping everything crossed, for him & you xx

thats something we are planning to do when life is a bit less hectic. And both JP & I adore houseboats - I'd love one as a floating holiday cottage when we retire - only at weekends though, not sure I could cope with the teenyness full time.

My daughter has a couple - I'd rather she didn't, but there you go. The one piece of advice I gave her was, don't have a dolphin on your tummy - when you are pregnant it will morph into a blue whale!

Aw bless, he's done his very best hasn't he - pity no one told him that cats don't develop male pattern baldness!

I've been thinking about this some more. Your lad said 'I don't have autism' & you mentioned later on he is in denial. That would indicate to me that he is indeed seeing some similarities in what he is seeing on TV & himself. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but to me that would have been the ideal time to say gently, 'well, actually ....' Good luck with it <'>

Sesley, my lad was 10 when we told him - and like yours, less mature than his chronological age. We regarded it as similar to sex education - best he should hear it from us than from someone else. Other parents knew about his dx & we found out the hard way that some had told their own children. He'd been off school poorly & was talking about his SA. I asked him if he knew why he had an SA, & the conversation grew from there. It wasn't really planned - I just seized the moment. As he'd been attending SPACE sessions with a group of children across the spectrum, we described it as like being on a beach - NT children were playing in the sand, autistic children were splashing in the water, some much deeper in than others. It doesn't bear much examination, but he 'got' the concept immediately - and to this day still uses it as a reference point.

I love dragonflies too Stella I thought long & hard about having one done recently to mark a real change in my circumstances - but decided against. Instead, mr p bought me a beautiful dragonfly necklace. And yes, I remember Yes - mr p still has all the albums!

well done Tally As for it being illegal - I'd regard it as a small victory over the system

Are we allowed to name names? The techie I keep in my cupboard under the stairs recommends the one that rhymes with Bell, Sell & Hell