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Yunno...those parenting moments when you simply don't agree but can't discuss it cos the child concerned is about (he's afraid to be on his own in another room - one of his huge fears).... I was thinking along those lines myself but dp thinks I'm way too soft (I only talked him back into allowing G to have the PS2 back early yesterday on the basis that it might calm him for going back to school today!). Of course G behaves angelically for dp most of the time (while running rampage for me school and Grandma) so this doesn't help the 'too soft' arguement. More sighs. On the plus side after something big like this we get a transformed polite and co-operative child for about 24 hrs. Edited to add he's getting 5 mornings support come September and has 2 afternoons atm which isn't proving to be enough.

G went back to school today after a week off and although I was expecting a huge fuss he went fine. It was open day so we called in mid morning and saw him working quietly and he was fine when we left. Go shopping and come in to a phonecall from school saying that he's strangled another child until the child couldn't breathe and left marks on his neck, then attacked the dinner lady who was trying to get him off the boy. Can we come and get him although they won't make it a formal exclusion this time (I did say they could if they wanted). Saw Deputy Head and his class teacher and they were very nice and said they're definately going to push for a statement (we got turned down in January as he'd just moved schools) which is what I was going to ask for at the review meeting on Thursday. I expect the other childs parents are furious - G is in Y1 so older than the boy who's in Reception. Apparently he'd smacked him on the bottom so G had lost it, other child says he didn't - I kind of believe G although school thought it was unlikely that he had hit him on the bottom as he was sitting on a wall but G says he got up, who knows what happened Not that we can let violence go anyway (he's currently practising his letters and no PS again, he's been banned from the PS2 more often than he's been allowed to play on it since we got it) Bit of a pointless ramble really

We got overcrowding points which aren't usually given for 2 boys in a 2 bedroom house but turned down for medical points as they said we wouldn't get as many medical points (manager was very sympathetic and got advice from the medical section) as overcrowding points if that makes sense and we can't have both sets of points. Thing is we're still well down the list for the estates I've put down. No doubt we could get somewhere bigger in a really dodgy area but we had a house in one of those before children, and when G was a baby, and it was blooming scary - windows put out, police helicopters flying about at night, scary neighbours - and where we live now is lovely, safe and my mum lives on the same estate. We haven't any involvement with social services - do you think it would be worth contacting them and if so which department? I might ask the GP and HV to write a supporting letter too. Thank you to all those who've replied. <'>

On another forum I go on someone mentioned by law an autistic child is entitled to their own bedroom? Now I don't think for one minute that we could be so lucky but on the off chance that there is some understanding law out there I thought I'd ask here (I did work in council housing for years before ds#1 and never heard of such a law so I won't get my hopes up) We have a tiny 2-bed and ds#1 really really needs some space of his own to chill out in. It wouldn't have to be a bedroom, even a dining room would do (probably be better as ds#1 is afraid to be alone) where we could make a corner for him. We have a front door, a 1m sq hall, into a small sitting room which leads into a small kitchen - there's simply no room. I'm getting worried for ds#2 because of the size and number of meltdowns we were having today. I ended up putting a playtent in the sitting room, putting cushions and some lights in and trying to get ds#1 to stay in there and calm down - ds#2 being 2 was desperate to be in too and things were being escalated. Anyway I'm waffling at a tangent - but basically does anyone know of any help available to families of those with autism to be rehoused (or they can come and build a nice extension ). The boys are 6 and 2 atm and I have a feeling things will get worse - even ds#2 is going to need his own space to get away from all the shouting. He's developed a new habit or asking 'are you happy Mammy?' and 'Is George happy?' Sorry for the sudden influx of posts after being mostly a lurker but we're not having a good spell atm!

Thank you

How accurately do these reflect a childs ability? And what happens if the child refuses to co-operate with the test? Not that I'm expecting ds to be assessed by an Ed Psych in the near future, but as I say I was just wondering. Is there usually a gap between these test results and other results from in school assessments, SATS etc? Thank you if anyone can satisfy my idle curiosity!

Hi We did have this with ds#1 (6 with AS) but it has mellowed, unfortunately to be replaced by other anxieties - G's current one is not to be alone anywhere for a single second, if he's engrosed in the TV and I nip to the loo I hear bang, thump and he stomps up the stairs to shout at me, same as if he wakes up alone in the morning, sigh. Ds#2 does this too and is nt (3 in September) - if ds#1 gets in the car first, or if he wants to go in the back door and I say the front or if daddy takes his coat off and he wanted mammy too, you get the picture (dp goes mad as I'll put his coat on and take it back off to save the 30 minute hysteria - great believer in picking my battles!) It's very hard to know if you should be dealing with things as you would an nt child who is pushing their boundaries (I'm having a similar wonder over eating issues) but I wanted to send empathy if not practical help cos I'm stuck myself!

Ah those blooming microchips at least they're on offer 2 boxes for ?2! They seem to be one of the few things ds will accept

Thanks for the replies! Lol - I've spent a day with him (didn't send him in after yesterday incase the headache came back! He was crying with it this morning but has been headacheless but still incredibly volitile since the calpol kicked in) and really don't think I could HE! I'm pretty sure I'll keep him off tomorrow too though but am inwardly groaning. He's not in a happy place at all atm and I've been screamed and shouted at all day as has his brother - and the next door neighbour who picked a really bad day to cut his hedge.

Hi I hope you got your pm, I'm quite new to pm-ing and not sure if I did it right. Thank you

I'll try and sum up briefly. Ds#1 is 6 and has AS. He's in Y1 of his 2nd primary school. He had huge difficulites in his 1st school which all came to a head when he was excluded for a day for kicking his teacher - not acceptable behaviour but they were rehearsing the Christmas Play in the hall and he didn't like the music (I'd already informed them). The autism liasion teacher recommended that we move him to another school as she felt that school #1 was unsympathetic, there was an atmosphere of 'blame' and that they weren't listening to her. So as of January he changed to school #2 (mainstream), great teacher (she also has a 6yr old who's being assessed) nice small class - 17 including ds, a few little niggles but mostly ok. He went kicking and screaming but initially settled well until Easter. Since Easter there's been incidents some large, some small every day - larger ones include running from school, lashing out, knocking all the books off shelves, hitting another child with a tray and probably more that I forget atm. He's very, very verbal and will scream and shout and threatens to blow the school up regularly. In September he will change to a larger class, not settled yet as there is a new head starting and she has said she wants to be involved with doing the lists. He'll be in Y2 where there will be even more pressure to do work and less 'play'. I'm pondering tonight as to how long is it going to be before this school can't cope with him, I've had to collect him today - I don't mind as he had a headache but even before the headache it had been a very difficult day. Apparently this week has been very volitile, I'm also collecting him on Tuesday as there's a Mass and apparently he ends up shouting in the isles Again I don't mind as I'd rather not have the upset. Sorry I'm rambling a bit but he wants to go back to his old school, he hated it there too though but it's heartbreaking him still asking. When we removed him we tried to do it nicely but the HT there took things very personally so he couldn't return there anyway. The way things are going I'm beginning to worry, he's only 6 and in his 2nd school, I suppose the next step would be a special school but the autism liasion teacher says he's too bright. There's nothing nearby with a unit and I don't think we'd get him in a taxi, there are nearer special schools which do take ASD pupils but they are for children with learning difficulties so possibly not really suitable. Dp's answer is to have words with ds and ban him from the pc/ps2 for a week saying he's going to have to learn to help control his behaviour We are disagreeing (not in front of ds) he thinks I'm too soft, I think he's too hard but ds behaves much better for dad. I don't really want to move him again, he's still reeling from this change of school. My worries are this behaviour at 6, huge fuss when I take him to school (but not for dad), where's it all going to end, I'm beginning to think he'd not be happy at any school special or otherwise. I know there's HE but I'm not sure I could cope and it's all a bit 'hippy' for dp to consider atm, he doesn't read forums etc and doesn't know anyone who's child doesn't go to school so it'll be a bigger mental jump for him than me. Sorry sorry sorry for this ramble but feeling a bit down tonight. It's not what you think of when they're little and you imagine them coming out of school all smiles and with pictures etc. Edited to say we have a review next week so hopefully will ask about a statement.

Ooh we've got one! I'm the only one who takes much interest in it unfortunately but it's a great idea and lovely and well made.

oops sorry - had read this but hadn't realised it was the same thing I was asking about when I posted my post today - I'd though PIVATS was a totally different scale that ran alongside sat scores. Sorted now though

That has made me laugh out loud - sums it up so well

Thank you! Col that's great I've been googling all morning to find something like that with no success! And Zemanski - thank you too, I can't find an lightbulb smilie but I'm having a lightbulb moment, it finally makes sense! Edited to add we have perfection issues too, if he doesn't think he can do it perfectly he won't try - I turn a blind eye these days to backward letters and numbers - having had many a pencil and rubber thrown at me when I gently suggest 'maybe...'!

Thank you that's really helpful - am I understanding you correctly in that the P scores actually indicate below the national curriculum level 1 - so when there's a '1' with no P in front thats actually a NC score? So in some aspects he is achieving fine? His ed psych report did have some lower areas but not drastically - one was on the 75th centile but off hand I can't recall which. I think the problem is actually getting him to do some work, esp independantly!

Thank you for replying - is the expected level 1 in Y1 SATs though not PIVATS or are they and PIVATs using the same scale? I can guess a P6 is not great given that he is not keen on writing at all and it's pretty much illegible? And 'PSD' for social and personal development? I'd guess that's somewhere way below where he should be? Sorry if I'm being thick but it's all really really confusing - I just about understand SATs levels, but not sure if PIVATs is the same! Edited for my own spelling!

I have a school review coming up and am really hoping that they will agree to apply for a statement. This is going to be difficult as the asd teacher who liases with school about G is adament he doesn't need one and any support he needs will be provided by the asd liasion team. He currently gets 2 afternoons a week but this will increase to hopefully 3 mornings in September (problems expected as he'll be moving into a larger class from 17 to 30 children (it will be mixed Y1 and Y2) G is 6 and has AS. I'm hoping someone can make some sense of his scores - I've googled PIVATs but can't see anything saying what the scores mean. Reception Baseline Assessment 11/04 Maths 60 Reading 57 Phonics 49 Total 57 Reception 7/05 PIPs Maths 50 Reading 51 Does this mean he actually went down ability wise in reception? Y1 11/05 PIVATS English: Speaking and listening Comprehension 1A Speaking and listening Expression 1C Reading 1A Writing P6 Maths: Using and applying maths 1 Number 1A Space, Shape and Measures 1C Personal and Social Development: Working with others: PSD4 Independent and Organisational Skills PSD4 Attention PSD4 If I knew how they were graded so to speak I'd have a better idea of where he is and if he's making any progess. He changed schools in January at the reccomendation of the ASD liasion teacher after being excluded (aged 5) for kicking his teacher. She felt they were viewing him in a negative way. I'd be really grateful if anyone can deciper the above scores! He had an assessment at 4 by the Ed Psych and had some really good scores (99th centile) so I know he is bright but am concerned he isn't making much progress.

Ds#1 (6 with AS) is driving me mad foodwise and I'm not sure how I should be dealing with it. In recent months he's dropped so much from what he would eat, I don't know what to feed him any more. It's really so limited. There also seems to be constant variation on what he will eat - he'll eat a ham sandwich (on the 'will eat' list) one day but not another. I tend to give him something that he would usually eat and try really really hard (!) to be indifferent to whether he eats it or not. Chances are he won't or will have 3 bites. This is all fine but then he's constantly saying he's hungry - that's fine too but (I've tried both offering him a choice of something or giving him something without asking what he wants)then I have a tantrum. Basically he wants cr*p and while I have no problem with him having some 'junk' food, I don't want him to have it all the time or junk will form the majority of his diet as he doesn't eat his meals. I try to offer basically healthy things as snacks when he says he's hungry - fruit, bread, breadsticks, cracker biscuits, raw carrots but he's going off all of those now and refusing them and he's having such a tantrum as he wants something 'nice' but doesn't know what. We've spoken to the C&F unit and they've said I will have to try and give him what he will eat and not get too hung up on healthy things - but while I'm not really, really healthy I don't want him to exist purely on crisps, sweets and the occasional sugary cereal which is what he'd eat if given free rein. Also worried about the effect on ds#2 who's 2 1/2 (nt) but so far a good little eater but he's going to notice that he gets proper food and big brother gets processed cr*p and crisps.

Take things one step at a time. Concentrate on the appointment first before you worry about what ifs - if the worst came to the worst you'd deal with it but at the minute save your energy for the appointment itself. <'> When is it?

hmm - Sports Day! Sports day in nursery involved ds having absolutely no clue what was going on and legging it frequently down the field. Thing was I was 8mths pregnant and had had a Bells Palsy attack so wanted to sit quietly at the back (being a bit sensitive about the fact that I had a new lop sided face and spoke like a drunk!) but ended up being the centre of attention lumbering after him. We went for half of the Sports Day in the 2nd yr of nursery and ds ended up getting upset so we took him home. Reception, his teacher looked at me as though I was mad when I suggested Sports Day was too much to cope with and it did go quite well (in a clueless sort of way) until the end when he had to go back into school and I had to go home which he didn't understand at all and went hysterical. This year it's a new school and I suppose I need to speak to his teacher - keeping him off is a possibility but not ideal as we have his review that day. Will ask what Sports Day here involves!

AD visited G's school herself and watched him. Apparently that was quite significant - watching him alone at playtime in his own world with a toy cone and growling if approached by another child (nowadays from what I've seen in the mornings he does join in and seeks out friends), and him being obsessive about having something just right on the table when the teacher was explaining something - no matter how many times he was told to leave it alone whenever the teacher wasn't looking he moved it back to the original position which AD thought was significant. I know she spoke to the teacher but I'm not aware if a questionnaire was used (at a guess I'd say no).

I take my ds#1 (aged 6) out for the full 10 days each year - 2 x 5 days usually. I don't feel remotely bad about this as my main concern when thinking holidays is to avoid busy times if at all possible - simply because a holiday is stressful enough (he does enjoy it though!) but if I book when everywhere is packed and hectic then ds simply can not cope. We tend to have odd weeks at Centre Parcs in months such as January and November although we've just been in June and it was really quiet too. I've always added this explaination to the form but no-one has ever queried it. I also believe that a family holiday can be very educational and valuable. In reception ds was being assessed by the child and family unit and had a particularly bad time with his eczema so for a time had regular hospital appointments (eczmea clinc and C&F unit)2 times a week, then with a speech therapy block it seemed like he was hardly there. I don't think his final attendance was that bad though - aren't they supposed to get marks for hospital appointments?

Hi another one here with non understanding relatives. In our case the ones who didn't want to know were the inlaws. They'd always been very critical of ds, thought he was spoilt etc so when he was diagnosed we told them, gave leaflets etc and expected that they'd now understand. They didn't and after so many comments about 'his supposed aspergers' and the killer comment when dp mentioned that we'd been awarded DLA was that it was disgraceful and that there were properly disabled children out there. So rather than beat our heads against a brick wall we stopped visiting and apart from one phone call to see why, we've never heard anything since. It's a relief in a way - some people don't want to know and never will no matter what books, leaflets or explainations we gave he'd aways be a spolit brat. My dad was funny in a different way, he'd always been particularly close to G. When G was a baby he'd spend ages carrying him around the house so G could see the light switches and fans (we weren't aware of Aspergers then so no alarm bells there!) and hours and hours in the garden so G could arrange the plastic windmills. When we first decided to voice concerns dad dismissed this 'so called experts' etc and has only recently started to take things in. I have drip fed him books and information and also showed him reports about G, several of which are quite negative. The difference is I think is that he didn't want to accept his grandson as being autistic and a bit of denial went on, rather than he just didn't want to know full stop. I think you maybe have to decide whether they are in denial or simply that they just don't want to know or help full stop. If the first I'd suggest drip feeding leaflets, books anything written about your dd such as hospital reports and maybe it will sink in and they will see what you are deaing with. If not maybe you will have to decide on whether to give up educating them, although I appreciate this isn't an easy decision. Good luck and welcome to the forum

Me again Karen! It reminds me a bit of G's new Starwars obsession - loves it, googles starwars images, talks about it constantly, plays the game on the playstation (far too much but it's now his reward for going into school without a fuss) so daddy borrowed the starwars film for them to watch. He liked the idea of watching it but could he actually sit down and watch it! He talked and wandered off, played etc and in the end C turned the film off. Dunno if it's relevant or not but the footie thing did remind me of it Sounds like he likes the idea more than the actual thing - could he be maybe trying to fit in at school. G has absolutely no interest in footie even though all the other boys are taking their balls to school atm. Off now to try and remove him from the PS!