llisa32

Haven't posted much for a while but have to just have a ickle rant J has a school 'production' that he has to take part in this week - they have been practising at school for weeks and last weeks rehersals impacted his school routine so much by Friday he was verging on a mega meltdown so I picked him up from school early to start relaxing sooner before going back today. I got the full run down on timings for this week re the 'production' and it is totally gonna disrupt the next 2 evenings - basically he'll get an hour and a bit at home before having to go back to school, then 'perform to an audience' and won't finish until already an hour after his bed time! - you can imagine how late he's gonna get to sleep after being so hyped and not having had much time beforehand to watch fav tv progs etc Then...he breaks up on thursday at 11.20am!! - in my mind I was thinking it's not worth going into skool after 2 late nights and then a mega early finish on thursday - he'll be worn out and grumpy as hell on thursday morning, but teacher says he has to be in, and now I've just had my mother saying 'he'll just have to get used to doing this sort of thing like all the other kids!! Trying to explain it's not so much the doing it, it's the disruption in routine thats gonna cause angst (plus a bit of the doing it cos he does not like taking part) and I can just see him building a mega tantrum . I know that doing stuff like this can build confidence in some kids, but I totally resent the disruption this week and feel really annoyed that he and I are gonna 'have to go thru it'. I'm probably over reacting, but I cannot stop feeling like this is not something he should be 'having to do' - if he'd wanted to be an actor i'd have sent him to performing arts skool!!

Hi David and welcome to the forum <'> I think you are in a tricky situation...yes...some of the behaviours you list can occur in an individual with Aspergers, but...what would you say is the 'problem'? Do you think your colleague is unhappy with his not seeming to fit in - or does he think he does? - does he think his self esteem/general confidence is low? - or is that just your general observation? Is it tiring for you because you are trying to make sure he doesn't mess the work up, or because he wants/needs your company/attention? I sense your concern, and you may well be correct in your assumptions, but if the guy involved has not raised any concerns to you then I think it would be very difficult and wrong for you to say to him 'I think you have AS'. He would not suddenly become a different person to work with if he got diagnosed, he would just be more aware of the small differences between him and those without AS. The behaviours you mention would not suddenly cease. If you think he is unhappy and searching for 'answers' then if you have a close enough relationship and he asks you I'd say 'Have you ever thought you might have AS', and if he's never heard of it help him find some relevant material. But...if it's a case of him happily being as he is, then I think you need to perhaps read some more material on how you can best help him in your role as a colleague - just having you accept him as he is would make a huge difference. I think he must feel comfortable in your company if the change in behaviour is as defined as you mention when 'the boss' is around. I think the best thing you can do to help is read more material yourself and accept him as he is - he may be all too well aware that sometimes his behaviour might come across as 'silly' or immature, and I think you need to be really careful in how you approach your concern - if you genuinely want to help then I think it's great you have come in search of more info, but if you want to help because you are finding it tiring to work with him, and believe a 'diagnosis' would suddenly change his behaviour then you will be disapointed. There is plenty of info to be found on this forum for your own insight, in particular you might want to read some more in the beyond adolescence section so you can find out more about the difficulties adults with AS sometimes have in the workplace.

Mumble <'> Hmmmm....cake....now lets fink....was there a bakers open at the time?? - nope was there any chance of you stopping there if you didn't have to until one opened...ermmm nope! I'll gladly post you one though if you feel like you've missed out on some food now you've got your appetite back Glad you dads doing okay now Bard <'> Pearl - well done! Oxgirl - well done you for the run - I couldn't even walk that far!!

Hiya - do you think she might drink from one of those 'sports top' bottles? Those are the ones where you sortof pull at the top with your teeth to allow drink to flow thru and push down again to seal. it took me absolutely ages to get my son off using a bottle, and he hated the beakers, so we moved on to the sports bottles. At least they look grown up but are secure and means they can drink at any angle usually so long as they remember to push the top down. I know the big supermarket beginning with A has some very reasonable priced ones plus they do make them in kiddy colours etc Good luck <'>

Hi - I think if something were to be put in place it would not automatically assume that everyone is the same - merely that 'everyone' could have access to support - if and when needed. Of course everyone has different needs, and perhaps the concept of whats being petitioned for here could be worded slightly differently so as not to offend anyone with the concept of being labelled as 'disabled' - but...I think the concept of having such a system in place - in the background - as a 'right' if you have this diagnosis would be great. I accept it's unlikely to manifest - but unless people campaign for change nothing is ever going to manifest for the better I currently would not consider my son disabled, but if the things that had been causing him him levels of axnxiety had not been adressed perhaps I would currently have a different opinion.

Hi - I think having the provision in place and the 'assumption' being made that you 'might' need the support is a fantastic one. I don't believe it impacts those who don't require the support - but it would make a world of difference to those who do I was speaking to a couple in another part of the country yesterday who are campaining actively for more young adult support - both in terms of supported housing and support networks etc. Some people are lucky to have supportive family around them to help them access and fight the various battles - those that do not will struggle. Least if the support is there - if you need it you take it - if you don't, then you don't. If I wasn't here to fight for the support J needs at school, and similarly when he becomes a young adult - who else is gonna help him? - if there is a 'backdrop' so to speak that would personally be a huge comfort to me.

Hi all..- I have another q to add to Mumble's original one...does anyone know/think that having a social worker is beneficial when trying to get various benefits/support. As a young adult with AS would it help to have one? - are they useful?? Thanks <'>

Wow!!! - thats fantastic news! You are probably in shock - have a dance round the house later when it sinks in <'>

I too had a difficult labour - J was in distress and the doctors were worried about both of us making it - luckily we did but it did put me right off making any more! He had jaundice straight after birth too

Luckily...(pending which way u look at it - I picked a school that goes up to 16...so he can stay at the same one if they can manage to support him - my fingers are currently permanently crossed at mo.....!

Thanks all...looks pretty much like a lose/lose situation at the moment J's ended up in private after a disasterous attempt at state (before diagnosis etc) and there was no other choice of state school left as the one that was a disaster was already the 3rd choice school - we would have had to take him out and wait for a place or struggle on where we were. Now in private and yes...the environment really suits him - it's a small school with small classes and overall and calm atmosphere...but the only sen they have much knowledge of is dyslexia. Pretty depressing situation when u start looking at all the 'options' really...

Thats fantastic news Gail - hope your daughter enjoys the course <'>

Thanks both - I think the best I'm expecting to battle for would be the LEA to fund additional and for us to continue with the fees - there aren't any other schools that would neatly fit the bill in out area - either state or otherwise, so I'm keen that we are just able to 'tweak' this one a little to help J. I'm due to meet with the school next week - if not before and one to one support is what I'll be asking them about amongst other things - I'm expecting they will say they don't have the funding - in which case they will hopefully help me in 'begging' the LEA! Onwards and upwards huh! <'>

Thanks Flora, the school does have an LSU and a Senco, and J has an IEP - he currently has 1/2 hour a week of 1 to 1 time with an LSU teacher which we pay extra for As we ended up by default in a private school (long story but involved J freaking out and legging it down the road at last choice state primary school ..I didn't really research what private schools can provide re SEN and what they may be obligated to - if anything. I'm totally confused re statements etc as these seem to involve the LEA's and I have no idea of an LEA's involvement in a private setting J is starting to voice worries about going to school again and this morning has asked if he can stay at home 'to talk about how I am going to help him '! Convinced him to go until after lunchtime, cos I wanted him to take some letters I'd done for the school in the morning requesting a change of maths set etc - plus giving them in some general info about HFA. He's starting to mention different lessons that he needs help with and I'm starting to worry now that he does/could do with some one to one during lessons and I have no clue how to go about doing that in this school .... Phew!! - thats my panic over .....I'll see how my letters go down this morning, but all advice welcome thanks <'>

Hi, I was wondering if anyone knows whether private schools are obligated to provide 1 to 1 support - or any set number of 1 to 1 support if it is deemed neccesary? I know the whole thing about support is pretty much hit and miss, and from what I've read it's usually a fair old battle What I'm not sure about is what the procedure for getting it would be in a private school?? Any useful info much appreciated <'>

Hiya - I don't think you need worry too much - You've explained to him why it's not a nice thing to say <'> My son who's 8 makes similar comments, he says them very flippently, and I think it's when he thinks he's being funny - but he doesn't realise that what he says isn't funny - I don't know bout yr son but mine never particularly changes his tone of voice or facial expression when he talks so it's always quite hard to tell when he thinks he is making a joke. I just remind him everytime he says something of that nature why it's not a nice thing to say etc <'>

Hi - My son's eye contact is very sporadic and I think all of the teachers have just gotten used to it! I've never had a conversation with him on why he doesn't particularly maintain eye contact - but he obs feels more comfy not doing so - particularly in a school or stranger situation.

Sounds great Jenrose - fantastic news! <'>

Hi - my son is 8 and has no interest what so ever in washing, or cleaning teeth etc We keep his hair fairly short, and it's a bit curly if it gets longer but it's never brushed If left to his own devices he'd ask for a bath only when some toys need a battle, and even now when we get him in the bath he has to be enticed to actually wash anything - or we do it for him. I've got no great ideas, but just thought I'd let you know you're not alone <'>

Thanks all...my point this morning was that I was more peeved because I was the one that instigated diagnosis etc, and it would have been really good for me to have known at any poiint in the last year that the head shared the same thoughts. As I'd already voiced my concerns I wasn't sure what would have been stopping him agreeing with me I completely agree that it's wrong for teachers etc to 'diagnose' I just was amazed that he'd said he 'wasn;t allowed to say anything' - which in my circumstance meant that for whatever reason he wasn;t allowed to say what he thought it was. - if that makes sense!

Deedee - You didn't cause any offense at all - don't worry <'> Mumble....you might see a diff country ref in the book half way thru a scan on google because he does give some refs/examples from all over the globe - both adult and parent . I've read it cover to cover today and I'm definately 'comfy' with this one for giving out to school/relatives etc I'll take a peek at all the other mentioned and take material from all of them probably! Mumble...do what I'm doing....but yr DW a copy!!

Hi All, I've just read a book I would cheerfully hand into school and other relatives - it's written by a dad whose son has aspergers and the dad is also a teacher. No long words, no sterotypical comments/beliefs, and I found it to be a 'positive' interpretation - it's called: Learning to live with High functioning Autism - a parents guide for professionals

Hiya - lovely idea and I'm sure it will be fine <'> Few suggestions from me based on my own son... Remind him and check that as other children will be coming to his house it will be natural for them to want to play with his toys and indeed 'it is nice to share', but...if there are any 'special' toys that he does not want other children to play with, or that he'd be upset about them playing with he should hide them away with you before the party. Have you thought about what you are going to entertain them with for the duration?? - maybe worth hiring a small ball pit if you have the space, or a mini bouncy castle if you have a garden. A puppet show with 'cheeky' puppets has always gone down well with my son Mine will never play 'pass the parcel' cos the chances of the pressie at someone elses house being something he actually wants is slim - therefore he see's no need to play the game cos he doesn't want the pressie! Any party games where you can gaurantee them all 'winning' in some 'creative' form or another are good - I got a bag of 'winners' gold medals from the supermarket (all the major ones have them in the party section) and they all loved wearing their medals. Don't forget party bags - they are always a nice treat for my son and he has on occasion asked me rather too loudly as we leave a party 'wot...no party bags!! Snacky fav food for the kids and some wine for the grownups !! You might enjoy it soo much you run into 2 hours! Good luck and hope they all have a great time <'>

Thanks all <'> Well I did 'Introducing J to Autism - part one' last night Firstly I asked him if he still felt different to his peers, he said he did, so I said 'well you are a weeny bit different - but in a good way' I started with the Dyslexia and mentioned his memory etc and how actually we now know that you don't have Dyslexia, you have something called 'Autism' He gasped when I said you don't have dyslexia! but in a dramatic kinda way that he does so cutely I mentioned then a few of the things hed been struggling with at school at explained why that was, and how we now have a better idea of how to help him at school, and he agreed that since a few changes have been made school is much better. Then I went on to list some of the things he finds really easy - like building power ranger megazords with only japenese instructions!! - buiding anything....video games, great memory for visual stuff etc etc. he said 'Okay - can I have my dinner now??! He seemed last night to be more shocked that he didn't have Dyslexia than the mention of anything new...but equally seemed fine with what I told him. I'm sure he'll mull it over and come back with questions when he's ready, and I'll bring in more info as and when 'moments' crop up but I'm happy now that if he hears the word 'autism' at school, he's heard it from me first and he knows it's not a bad thing nor something negative for him

I guess because I'd already voiced my concerns and started the ball rolling regarding diagnosis he felt he didn't 'need' to voice his concerns. I think it peeved me this morning cos just a 'I think you're doing the right thing seeking a diagnosis' would have made a lot of difference along the way. Difficult to know wether or not they would have 'suggested' something had I not already voiced my concerns...just wondered if there was a 'rule' as such. Completely understand where Baddad's coming from...tricky one really