Kathryn

So sorry to hear this. University is a challenging environment, especially in the first term . Is there a chance that, given time to rest and regroup, he might be ready to resume, or try another course? One of my daughter's friends has been allowed to defer until next year and start again as she wasn't happy with her chosen degree.I agree with both suggestions made above. Student welfare and disability support should be made aware of your son's predicament- there may be something they can do. Did the uni know in the beginning that he might need additional support? Hope you and he can find a solution to this worrying situation. K x

Schools can place a child in a different year group at their discretion, and the decision would normally be up to the head. Mostly they don't like doing it. However you might be in a stronger position as your daughter has a statement. There is recent case law which says that placement in a different year group can itself be Special Educational Provision and can therefore be written into part 3 of the statement. If you could get it written into part 3 there would be a legal duty on the school and LA to put her in that year group. K x

Agree completely with others and particularly Canopus's last sentence. My daughter has just started uni at 22, living away from home and loving it. At 18 she was still at home doing a very basic part time course at the local college, and not really showing any independence at all. Her peers have moved on, but she's catching up and I'll tell you something else, she's having a better life than many of them as they have now finished uni and are living back at home with their parents as they can't get jobs! Isn't life strange... Don't lose heart - anything can happen and often does. <'> K x

Oh dear, Kirky, this is a tough one. I know you've previouisly posted a bit about bullying and your son being stressed. You're obviously worried about him and frustrated with the school. Obviously the bullying has to be tackled, but I think in terms of dealing with it, it's important to separate the bullying issue from today's incident, even if you think there is some link. It's important to speak to the teacher but I don't think it's a good idea to go in all guns blazing tomorrow, assuming the teacher is at fault before, as others have said, you've had a chance to get the other side of the story and consider it calmly. You risk losing the school's goodwill and cooperation, which you need at the moment, and if you are seen as aggressive and threatening, you could even be banned from the premises - the last thing you need. I don't think it's a good idea to keep your son at home for the week. This is sending him the message that you have no regard for the school rules and that it's OK to blow his lid, be rude to a teacher and disrupt a lesson when something happens which he does not like. You are setting him up for a repeat performance. Also consider the possible consequence of missing the detention: the school may simply require him to do it on his return, and impose a fixed term exclusion if he doesn't, whih is more serious. Many schools take this line if a detention is deliberately missed so it only digs a bigger hole for the child and results in a stand off which benefits no one. Even if you're feeling really angry right now, the best way forward is the diplomatic route, as others have suggested. Follow the complaints procedure if you really feel the school are refusing to address the bullying, but first do what you can to discuss it with them. Even if you did this before, this latest incident will give you a chance to restate your concerns and say that whilst you don't condone your son's behaviour, it appears to be a response to ongoing provocation and you would appreciate it if the school could look into this and tell you what measures they are going to take to stop it happening. You will be on stronger ground to request this if you show that you are willing to cooperate with the school in reinforcing the school rules. Hope that helps a bit, K x

Sounds good. Let's hope they keep to their word. K x

Well said. K x

Hope you hear from your bestest friend soon. Facebook has its uses! It's good to get back in touch with old friends, although I'm sure you wish the circumstances bringing you back together had been different. K x

Baaaaaaaa! Just typing this because I'm bored and my fingers need exercise. K x

I forgot to say earlier- well done to him: it's hard for anybody to get a job these days, let alone such a good job. Hope he finds his feet soon. K x

Hi Casey, welcome to the forum. K x

It's good that you have an appointment, at least, and can get back into the system even if you have to go on ypur own. Maybe this time they might come to you? In our area there was an outreach team and I don't know what I would have done without them as my daughter would not have left the house to see anyone either. K x

Welcome back! Sounds as though you've had your ups and downs this year, hope things are a bit more stable. Good luck with the new band - lead guitarist eh! K x

Hi Chantilly Lace, welcome to the forum: glad you found us. I have a 22 year old who is at university so we aren't in the same situation regarding money - she has never earned a salary. We do clash when she's at home: I think it's normal between adult children and parents all living in the same house! Probably a healthy sign that the children are exercising their independence as well, but it's not easy. Obviously your son should be paying you. He is not a dependent child any more but an adult living under your roof. £200 is extremely reasonable and doesn't even cover food, utilities, internet and other household costs: and all the care and attention he wouldn't get elsewhere (cooked meals, washing etc!). If he was living alone he would have rent on top of all that. He has lived alone so he must be aware of what it costs? Would he be open to reason if you showed him the sums and gave him a breakdown of what things cost? Then he might be able to see what the extra money is needed for and that you're not just robbing him of his hard earned dough. Apart from that the only option I suppose is to get tough and say it's non negotiable and he's free to move out if he doesn't like it. Maybe others here have ideas which involve less confrontation! I think this issue has come up on the forum before so you're not alone. K x

Hi Elaine Sorry to hear things aren't going so well for your son. Regarding teaching styles, I think we had an interesting discussion on the forum a while back: whether current classroom practices disadvantage pupils with ASD. There were a variety of opinions! I think we all probably have a rosy view of our own experiences, (me included!) but maybe there was a tendency in the “old days”for lessons to be more fact based and teacher- led, which possibly favoured those who thrive on explicit instruction and structure. Whatever the case, if your son isn’t learning anything, there’s a problem. It sounds as though your son’s statement isn’t doing its job. This is either because it’s too vague: doesn’t describe your son’s difficulties or the support clearly, so staff aren’t sure what they are supposed to be doing. Or the statement has the necessary provision in it, but just being ignored: if this is the case you need to complain to the LA. It may be worth asking for the annual review to be brought forward so that a serious discussion can be had about the issues, between more than just you and the Senco – and incidentally it’s complete rubbish what you’ve been told: all schools have to follow the same procedure for Annual Reviews as detailed in the Code of Practice: inviting professionals, gathering reports and circulating them beforehand so the school should not be taking such a cavalier attitude as you’ve described. The staff may well get defensive if they think you’re just being negative about their educational approach, but it’s more difficult to deny hard evidence, so you may want to think what you can produce to demonstrate that your son isn’t keeping up or learning anything. Exam results? Test scores? Samples of work? If he has an IEP, are the targets being met? If you don’t have all this information, you can write and ask to see his school records. If your son is getting stressed about work, is there evidence of this at school and at home? What works well for him at school (if anything!)and how does he learn best? Sometimes just a couple of small practical adjustments in the classroom can make all the difference, and the school might be more responsive to positive practical suggestions from you. There is no shortage of information about classroom strategies for pupils with ASD. As others have said, getting other professionals on board is important, but the school can often be reluctant to call them in for a child who is not seen as high priority, and the services are overstretched anyway, so you may have to be persistent in asking for the Ed Psych and specialist ASD advisory service to visit the school and observe your son and advise the staff accordingly. Putting a request to the school in writing may be best. Copy it to your SEN case officer at the LA as well. It would really help to have professional backup so that you are not a lone voice against the school, especially when you are arguing for more help at the next annual review. I hope something can be done to improve the situation at school. Unfortunately it's likely to be you in the driving seat, moving things forward, as you've probably already been doing for some time! K x

She sure is, Tally, you must be proud of her. Is this the first time she's done anything like this? I think I would find it daunting, and I'm younger than her. I rode around Carsington Water in Derbyshire and that was about my limit! K x

Exactly what it says, a slice of toeast between two slices of bread. According to Mrs Beeton it's the cheapest most filling and nutritious lunch you can have. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15752918 Tempted? Can't say I am. I used to eat apple sandwiches as a child though, which some people might consider a bit weird! K x

Hi Jade, What Sally said, basiclly. Give yourself a bit of time to digest the news and remember your son is still the same boy that you love. Hopefully the formal diagnosis will mean more and better access to whatever he needs to help him. We're here if you want to talk about it K x

Welcome Tom! K x

Hope you can get this sorted out without too much acrimony and stress. It's much better for the boys if things can be resolved amicably. Good luck! <'> K x

It's 5 weeks to issue an amended statement but 2 weeks to change the name of the school. I think it would be a good idea to check with SEND which deadline applies in your situation. You've finally flipped. Must be the stress. Hopefully the obssessive behaviours will lessen over time when your son is getting the right kind of support. My daughter had a big issue with germs when she was out of school and very stressed but this completely stopped when she became less anxious about her educational future. Good luck with the meeting tomorrow K x

I'm posting this on behalf of Special_talent123 who has been involved in this film. The film aims to challenge stereotypes of disability and attitudes towards disabled young people. A powerful message: it's about 20 minutes long but well worth a look. http://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/getting-involved/young-disabled-and-in-control Well done, Special_talent 123. K x

Ah yes, preview post is very useful, especially for checking if the technical stuff like links are working properly. That's when I discover that what I think I've done is not always how it comes out on the page. K x

Thanks - yes she was insured, there were three cars involved and we were in the middle. We'll look into getting the excess back although we don't own the car, it's a lease car (my husband works for the NHS) so not an individual policy: I don't know if that makes a difference? K x

There she is - just hiding behind the bushes. Good to see you Loulou and hope things are going OK with you all. <'> K x

I hope you get a reasonable offer which enables you to get what you need. K k