Stella63

Hi, AJ starts his job on Monday and he is so excited and impatient to get started - emotions and qualities we haven't seen before!! And he had even more good news last weekend. Another gardener we sent his cv to phoned up asking whether he would be interested in occasional gardening work (cash in hand) as she works in some really big gardens in Surrey and sometimes need some young muscle to do the heavy work!! Well, AJ said yes and spent most of Friday moving 100 bags of compost and spreading them on part of this huge garden - he loved it -I wasn't so keen on him stinking out my car when I picked him up!!! So, he now has his new job Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays and apparently loads of work with this other lady for the rest of the week!!! Result!!! Interestingly, a work colleague, last year, had mailshot 200 letters for her son ( car mechanics I think) and recieved 5 replies and one job offer. We sent 15 letters, received 4 replies and 2 jobs - in this current job market, for a young lad with virtually no qualifications and a criminal record, that's not bad!!! I just hope he now proves that he can do the job and sticks at it!! Stella xx

Hi Presumably she will be starting secondary school in september so you could add in new stationary such as colouring pencils, pencil case, that sort of thing. I remember buying both the boys a set from Smiths (not expensive but in a box) and they were used for homework and kept at home - both sets are still in great condition. Also does she have long hair? different hair tie things and bands (not sure what girls wear but just notice at school they all seem to have something in their hair!!) doesn't have to be particularly girly either. Hope that helps!! Stella xx

Hi Tally There was an article in the Telegraph today about a new rainforest at Kew called Whispering in the Leaves. There's a website: soundandmusic.org which probably gives more info but looks interesting. Also, if you did the shopping thing, a 10 year old would love Hamleys, they have lots of things going on like magic tricks - OJ still finds it exciting at 14!! All your ideas sound great and perfect for your cousin - Richmond park is amazing for kids if they see some deer!! Plus you could take a picnic and feed the ducks - I'm sure I can remember doing that there!! You'll have a great day!! Just remenber if she is going to be coming regularly, will she/you expect every time to be action packed? Stella xx

That's fantastic!!! What an achievement!!! Well done Josh!! Stella xx

What Mumble said!! (which means, that I like what Mumble just said and agree with it) Stella xx

Thanks everyone!! He got his official offer of employment in writing today and immediately phoned his dad, chuffed to bits Inspite of everything AJ has put us through in his 17 years I never quite gave up hope cos I knew there was a lovely AJ hidden deep inside him and it is finally showing itself - he starts on 7th June and can't wait!!! Onwards and upwards Stella xx

Hi We have the same problem with OJ and anything flying - he probably got the wasp thing from me cos I just freak when I hear or see one. One answer we found that works - buy one of those zapping tennis bats and put DS in charge of it. OJ now clears the rooms of any flies and takes great pleasure in it On the plus side its also improving his gross motor skills and maybe one day he'll take up tennis!!! Stella xx

Hi, Just had to share this with you all. For those who remember all the problems we have had with AJ over the last few years, he left school last summer with virtually no GCSE's and a couple of literacy and numeracy qualifications taken via the Youth Justice Service. Since leaving school he has refused to go to college - 'that's like school' - and has been dossing about doing nothing apart from gardening for us (for money, of course!!) Anyway, he has done a lot of maturing over the last year, got his first girlfriend a couple of months ago and has lost most of his anger and aggression, even with his brother!! He has been pursuing jobs through Connexions and showed real feelings of sadness when he was too late for a gardening job application. So, decided to mailshot his CV to some local gardeners and he received a letter at the weekend from a gardener just thinking about taking on a trainee. They chatted on the phone and met this evening and subject to references, he has got himself a part time job starting beginning of June!!! I am so thrilled for him!!! It is a horrible time for anyone to be looking for a job, but with his track record it needed someone who could see beyond the paper qualifications and see the positive qualities of a young man who has made some bad choices so far in life. Go AJ!!! Stella xx

Hi Got ours yesterday. And where as normally I leave it to the last minute to fill out, I actually had all the paperwork out on the table and opened the letter, filled it out and put it in the post yesterday - amazing!!!! <'> <'> Stella xx

Hi, I have been following this thread with interest because OJ was interviewed by the BBC production team for the programme. He is high functioning and extremely confident singing in front of large audiences and his reasons for wanting to do it were to prove that being AS and having Tourettes were not a barrier to achieving his dream. He wasn't selected because they felt that he already had opportunities and was 'too good' in terms of what they were looking to do with the programme. I was quite concerned after watching the channel 4 programme which I felt sensationalised the 'behaviour' of some of the AS children, but actually when I watched the BBC3 programme, I thought it was presented in a very positive and sensitive way, as Darky said. (trust the beeb to get it right!!!) It is very difficult getting it 'right' with children, AS or not and I know with OJ he needs his comfort zone to be gently pushed and expanded to get the best out of him and to allow him to progress, especially now as a teenager. His voice is now breaking and he is struggling with what he can and can't do (luckily he has a brilliant singing teacher to take him through the change) so he now wants to have dance lessons!! But initially it will have to be 1-1 as we know he wouldn't cope going into a group of experienced dancers. Small steps though and he will accomplish more skills!! Stella xx

Hi We are going through the exact same process with OJ. When we first saw the orthodontist we explained all the sensory issues around AS, like not being able to wear mouth guard for rugby and all the tics from his Tourettes. He advised us to try with the brace because the only alternative would be surgery at 16/17 which I researched and is not very pleasant at all! Initially OJ was told to wear them for 2 hours and increase an hour a day until it was 24 hours - he was wearing them all night but wouldn't wear them at school and when we went back after 2 months there had been no change and he told OJ that he had wasted those 2 months. He explained that the pain OJ was feeling was a good pain and meant that things were working (like muscle pain after exercise) and OJ understood this and has now been wearing them all the time apart from eating. His speech is severely affected and he has to wash them a lot BUT he is wearing them (helped I think because he has realised that loads of other kids have them!) and he knows he can take them out if he is singing or performing. I also sent a letter in to the SENCO to warn teachers about his speech and not to draw attention to him. I am amazed at how well he is dealing with them along with all the other issues with puberty like spots and voice breaking - changing times!!! Stella xx

Hi At the secondary school where I work (and where OJ is) the only place is our learning support room where there is always supervision, but quite often 1-1 lessons are going on and it gets quite crowded! OJ has always escaped to the library at break and lunchtime - thay have Houses to go to but are always full of loud boys playing playstation, tv, pool etc so OJ avoids it most of the time. If it is in your childs statement, and he is not comfortable in the matrons office, I would have thought that as part of the whole 'inclusion' thing the school should be responsible for finding a more appropriate place, in my humble opinion!! Stella xx

Hi Jeanne, It takes about 6 weeks to see the full effect of it, although you may notice small changes before then. OJ still has extreme mood swings - if something happens (normally with a friend) he will crash hard and start the suicidal thoughts and the unworthiness of his existence. I do feel that the Prozac makes it easier for me (or school) to get through to him and build him back up - he's more compliable if that makes sense!! Stella xx

Hi Well, I confess I had my first tattoo when I was 30 (and I hid it from my mum, convinced she would scold me like she did when I was a child!! - When she did eventually see it she was completely 'oh thats nice dear, what took you so long?!!!) I have since had several dragonflies applied to my body (I adore and collect dragonfly art) which I designed myself, including a gorgeous art nouveau one (like on the Tiffany lamps). My DH finally had his favourite Roger Dean image (for those of you old enough to remember the Yes album covers!!) on his shoulder when he was 50 - I was amazed he coped with the pain!! Stella xx

Hi OJ has been on Prozac for nearly 3 years now for anxiety and OCD. He has had no problems with it, it doesn't stop the problems and he does tend towards depression, or certainly depressive thoughts. We took him off it in the summer hols last year and he was fine until he went back to school - it was like regressing 4 years to when he was at primary school, running out of lessons and school, explosions of anger and just not coping. We put him back on it and he is back to 'just about' coping, which is enough to keep him in school and learning. I have no experience of respiridone so can't help with how the two go together. Hope this helps Stella xx

Hi Mumble Whereabouts are you able to get to? I am a qualified swimming teacher and life saver and have experience of living and working with AS and all sorts of medical issues. I am not currently teaching or swimming at the moment but could be tempted into a new adventure!!! I work part time in a school so am reasonably flexible. I live just outside Woking, good train service and roads heading towards London so could travel towards you. PM me if you think its a possibility. Stella xx

Hi My eldest wanted a moped when he was 16 and I was horrified - he is AS, very ADD, OD, a compulsive risk taker and at that time was experimenting with cannabis!! My DH over ruled me because he had bikes at that age and I have to say that he has not had any problems with it. I think he has been pulled over a couple of times for carrying passengers and he has fallen off but not seriously. When he turned 17 he asked for driving lessons so I gave him 'vouchers' for birthday and Xmas and he hasn't bothered as yet - quite happy zipping about on moped. I do think the CBT exam was great and I was pleased that on the day he took it, it was pouring with rain so he learned very quickly how to deal with bad weather conditions. And when he does decide to learn to drive he has already got so many road skills. Stella xx

Hi If you go around the side of the museum going towards the Science museum, there is another entrance, mainly for disabled as no steps but anyone can use it and never a queue. I have never been challenged but even if I was it wouldn't be a problem as AS considered disability. Stella x

Hi Having watched the clip and read other peoples thoughts, I would agree that it is a more ritualistic thing. Infact the whole meal eating is a ritual, the way he turns his head to the side before putting anything in his mouth. From my own experience OJ has Tourettes and OCD (closely interlinked). He has rituals for loads of things, but especially meals, going to bed, putting socks on and going to school in the car. They do change, increase or decrease but the same procedure has to happen. He is not upset or angry, he may be worried, particularly the school one and the ritual is his way of making order and taking some control. But the meal time ones are true ritual - at the moment he knocks however many times (and it is always a specific number) on the window, taps his tray however many times with his teeth and so on (I won't bore you with the whole thing!!!) If he has only been doing this for a few weeks it would be useful to see if it changes and how it changes. He may add new rituals on to the existing ones or he may stop one and replace it with another. I have got so used to OJ and although it does my head in when I have to respond 'yes' twenty times before I can start driving to school, that is him and I just wait for an annoying one to change for the better!! Eternal optimist me!!!! Stella xx

Hi From my recollection of going to court (several times!) with AJ you automatically qualify for legal aid if the child is a minor - it doesn't relate to income or house ownership. Stella x

Hi Latmaz, Your post brought back some really bad memories for me (theres some old posts on here when we were really going through it) and I felt I had to say something to you. My eldest had always had anger issues and was in trouble at school virtually from day one. He was labeled naughty and I was made very much to feel that it was down to bad parenting. Back then we had no idea about AS or ADHD and the school were unwilling to pursue any kind of dx. Things got worse at secondary school and he was excluded so many times. We finally got a dx of Aspergers only after my youngest was dx'ed and the doctor who remembered AJ from primary school asked if she could look at him as well. We had no help from CAHMS, they refused to see AJ on a 1-1 basis cos they felt that he didn't want to change his pattern of behaviour. In the end we went privately to a psychiatrist who then dx'ed ADHD and it was off the scale. Around the same time AJ started going out and getting into trouble with the police, drug taking, anti social behaviour etc and we had him arrested several times for threatening behaviour towards us and our house, finding drugs in his room - we showed no mercy by this time. The best help and support finally came from the Youth Justice who automatically get involved when youngsters are arrested. AJ had a counsellor and we had a parent support worker who was absolutely brilliant. Since AJ has left school life is a lot better (nowhere near perfect!). He has calmed down and very rarely loses his temper. He has stopped smashing holes in walls etc and not been in trouble with the police for quite some time (still don't trust him so not sure whether he has just got better at evading them!). Unfortunately he is now unemployed, messed up his education, got a criminal record and not much hope of getting a job in the current climate. But I think the point I wanted to get over is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how old your boy is but I would certainly try and find a private psychiatrist and pursue the ADHD /ADD route. Also check your NHS hospitals as they have recently had NICE guidelines about dxing and supporting youngsters with ADHD. I am on the commitee for our hospital as a parent and things are beginning to happen. Hope this helps in some small way. Stella x

Hi Grace, I said I would find out about OJ's notebook. It is a Samsung NC10 - don't know much about these notebooks but it is really light to carry around and he got used to it very quickly - hope that helps!! Stella xx

Hi OJ, nearly 14 now still takes two teddies to bed every night - his Merrythought teddy (given to him by my mum when he was born) and a large TY teddy. In the last year he has started to go to sleepovers, sometimes with 5 or 6 boys his age and he takes his teddies - he just brazens it out and actually they don't tease him cos I think deep down most of them still have one or wish they did!! The hundreds of other cuddly toys are in his wardrobe, in the spare room and in the loft - not to be parted with yet!!! Stella xx

Hi Grace, Not sure as I've only seen it once and it has to stay at school. I will be in school on wednesday so will write down all the details for you. First time he used it he said it felt weird because it was so small but apparently from then on in he has been tapping away at high speed!! Stella x

Hi Just thinking back to Primary - OJ had a reader for his year6 SATS and he had only been statemented midway through year5 so there was no 2 year rule. When he started secondary he had a county laptop (for the dyspraxia and tics) but he didn't use it for very long as it was so heavy to lug around! His handwriting has improved but if he is doing extended writing or timed conditions it is completely illegible. School have managed to find him a gorgeous little Notebook (don't know how and am not asking any questions!!!) for his year 9 exams and I think the SENCO has to request in year 10 scribe/reader concessions for GCSE. Hope that helps. Stella x