oxgirl Report post Posted September 12, 2006 The TA working with my son is so lacking in insight, it's driving me crazy. She said to me today how J was quite good at going out into the canteen and making friends and how he "chats away to them"!! In reality, what happens is this: J goes out and sits on his own - sometimes someone might come and sit at the same table - sometimes they might say, 'what's your name?' - J will answer 'J'. They might then say, 'what form are you in?' - J will say '8d' - they might ask, 'how old are you?' - J will reply '12' - Then said kid will get up and go away and leave him alone again. IN WHAT WAY IS THIS MAKING FRIENDS AND CHATTING!! I just wish they wouldn't try and dress it up into something it is not. He hasn't a single friend and he doesn't chat, it drives me mad when people say things which I know not to be accurate, especially when it's about my son! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .................... or am I being totally unreasonable??!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSapphireAngel Report post Posted September 12, 2006 I get sick of them trying to put a positive spin on everything and making out we see something thats not there, when that is what THEY are doing. Have had that from teachers and TAs and they usually end up being proved wrong in the end. Take care hun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted September 12, 2006 i had this with a parent once. for 1 week i took my daughter to our own parent run holiday club unmedicated, just to see how she would get on with no limitations or judgements. she was hard work. i was chasing round after her all day, she just wouldnt do as she was told, wouldnt settle to any activity and then took to walking up to tables, picking stuff up and just throwing it. the amount of times i had to remove her for a short time out to distract her was unreal. this parent came up and said "isnt rhi doing well unmedicated" i said are are you MAD shes been terrible! at that point i could have strangled the woman. this was a parent whos got a daughter with obvious difficulties, but thinks she will grow out of them. then at her old school, the amount of times i was told how well she was coming along, and the patronising senco who would just say "well shes lovely, shes so beautiful" YES I FLIPPIN WELL KNOW THAT SHES MY DAUGHTER, but actually the flattery wasnt helping her was it? and the worst of all comment was "just let her be herself" grrrrrr its not that we DONT want them to progress, hell we would move heaven and earth to get them progressing well. its does not give us any reassurance that these people are atually looking after their best interests! the school she is at now are great, i get the good and the bad, but at least i feel safe in the knowledge she is being understood and looked after. most of all the school are realistic and on my level! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lorryw Report post Posted September 12, 2006 I dont know why schools do this. My son would arrive home with beautifully painted Christmas/Birthday Fathers Day cards and art work. I knew he had absolutely nothing to do with them. He hated holding pens, pencils and paint brushes and I found it upsetting that they passed things off as his work. If I had been a little greener I may actually have believed he had produced them and I would have been so disappointed. Lorainex Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted September 12, 2006 I'd just like them to be honest, that's all. When they're not totally honest with me I feel I can't trust them. The thing is, when they drone on and on about how well he's doing with this and that, it makes me feel like they think I'm not being encouraging of him or just looking at the negative. I'm not, I'm just being realistic and honest and I wish they would do the same, I'd respect them much more and have more confidence in them if I felt they weren't always trying to fob me off with mindless obtimisms. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted September 12, 2006 YEP KNOW THAT FEELING WELL THE SCHOOL R ALWAYS SAYING REECE CAN DO THIS AND THAT BUT THEY ONLY SEE WAT THEY WANT MAKES U MAD UNTIL TODAY THEY THOUGHT REECE WOULD BE FIN UNTIL REECE ATACKED HIS TEACHER AND IM GLAD U PUT ABOUT THE THE TA BECAUSE REECE IS GOING TO HAVE A TA WITH HIM FIRST THING WEN HE GOES INTO SCHOOL I WILL MONITER IT CLOSELY THANKS HOPE U GET THINGS SORTED OUT FOR HIM <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted September 12, 2006 I'd just like them to be honest, that's all. When they're not totally honest with me I feel I can't trust them. The thing is, when they drone on and on about how well he's doing with this and that, it makes me feel like they think I'm not being encouraging of him or just looking at the negative. I'm not, I'm just being realistic and honest and I wish they would do the same, I'd respect them much more and have more confidence in them if I felt they weren't always trying to fob me off with mindless obtimisms. ~ Mel ~ you said what i was trying to say in my post there, but you explained it better than me. you hit the nail on the head about them being honest. when you KNOW they are lying or stretching the truth, the trust goes doesnt it. honest open communication, its not too much to ask is it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aro Report post Posted September 12, 2006 then at her old school, the amount of times i was told how well she was coming along, and the patronising senco who would just say "well shes lovely, shes so beautiful" YES I FLIPPIN WELL KNOW THAT SHES MY DAUGHTER, but actually the flattery wasnt helping her was it? and the worst of all comment was "just let her be herself" grrrrrr its not that we DONT want them to progress, hell we would move heaven and earth to get them progressing well. its does not give us any reassurance that these people are atually looking after their best interests! I get "she's very happy" and "all the children like her" but if you say, did she talk to any child at all, they answer "well, no" It's all very well being happy in her own little world, but she's a bright girl who needs challenging too! A x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bramblebrae Report post Posted September 13, 2006 (edited) ditto ditto ditto and you all explained it far better than I ever could! Sometimes people say stuff who just don't realise why things are happeneing they just don't look like the coach at the summer week football thingie S went to S got upset and came off crying and raging shaking his fists the coach asked where he was going he said to sit with the parents cause I'm getting angry-reason for being angry no one would pass him the ball cause he;d not been getting along with any of the others at all he just yapped straight at them and told them what to do although he isn't very good at football at all he did calm down and go back and one nice girl he teamed up with a few times tried to give him a chance but he'd be so amazed she'd passed it the other team always got the ball first..anyway this coach comes over at the end and says we've got S down as being on the autistic spectrum mmh he says he must just be on it....grrrrh and he had actually witnessed a total meltdown on the first day there and he had a helper with him (who did nothing really!) and myself most of the time whilst all the other parents just left their boys n girls to it....drives me totally insane ...and I know it could be worse as pointed out by my own mother but I have to look at reality and the future for him he's so close to 'normal' as viewed by ignorant NT's I'm really scared how people will react to his 'differences' when he's older. One woman in a shoe shop who he announced to her himself that he had ASD her reply oh wow I'd have never have thought that your such a good well behaved boy - I was too stunned to utter a word and feel so bad to this day how dare she presume ASD means 'bad' behaviour it's just so not the case even if at times that is what the end result looks like!!! School are identical in P1 they said he got on with his classmates even though he'd hurt a few by hugging their necks too tight -total of 6 birthday parties not one invite and some of these including kids I even thoguht he was getting along with a bit-and they are yet to apologise or even admit for getting it so wrong with him in P1, now there just like isn't he doing so well now he's maturing so well yada yada yeah only because I called in the outreach teacher and got 121 support for him. Even his 121 has made the statement of how he's no problem at lunchtime really - I swear one day I'll send him in with what would be considered a 'normal lunch' and see what happens but then she knows if he goes for school dinner all he ends up with is 2 crackers milk oj and raisins IF they have any. They are still convinced he'll just eat like the other kids if he goes long enough yet they are not trying to encourage any new foods and if he get a bit upset they let him go out to the corridor...but it's fine really not a problem grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I've gone off on one again srry Lorraine Edited September 13, 2006 by bramblebrae Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LKS Report post Posted September 13, 2006 I think that they must think we are so desparate for 'good' news that we will stand there and take it all in. I must admit this used to work with me regarding my ds. That is until we got to the first annual review and they let rip and I'm sitting there with tears in my eyes as they they finally tell the truth about his behaviour. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted September 13, 2006 I think it's a case of the teachers and TAs trying to be positive, but it's honesty that's needed. I went to collect Ds1 from nursery yesterday and I could hear him wailing from the road outside. He came out a few minutes later with the nursery nurse who said "he's been a little bit upset" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lollypocket Report post Posted September 13, 2006 Bullet that sounds like my school pickup yesterday. Heard my Son shouting and screaming when I got there. When he came out I was asked to have a chat with the teacher cos he had had a 'bad day'. I was blissfully unaware of how bad my Son was at nursery for the longest time, because they would never mention most of the bad stuff. I agree that I would prefer honesty. KW Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LKS Report post Posted September 13, 2006 Reminds me of the HT who refused to provide ds with a home/school link book because "there would never be anything positive to put in there" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
