Trying to hide it

[Rasta]

Hi I'm new to this

 

I'm 15 and i have been told i have ''asperger syndrome'' only a few weeks ago the start of my left was just your average, i had lots of freinds was out all the time and that was it the relationship with my mum was always a bit iffy but we worked through it.

 

It was when i moved from my hometown things started to go a bit wrong, i have never had problems making friends there has always been someone there but it's keeping them that was the problem, so i started high school and that was find year 1 and 2 were find them year 3 started and it went all wrong, the stress of new teachers new classes and new people was a bit much.

 

So i stopped going to school and was making so many excuses, so i was them referred to a psycoligist (sp?) who i worked with to get me back to school and it worked, i went back part time so anyway fastforward to now

 

I'm back to school full time and have made some new friends (my old ones left) but my problem is i am currently doing a few classes a week in the support department, and i just feel like i don't belong there i'm very good at hideing problems (too good) and i can hide when i'm stressed or worried very well so i blend in with everyone else.

 

So i am sneeking around the school trying to stop people seeing me leaving the support department.

 

I have AS but becasue i'm so good at hideing my problems, no one seem to be able to help me so i am always trying to do things on my own and end up so stressed out, and i always take my tress out on my mum and we fight all the time i also don't want any help from ''family support'' my mum has been offered to go to support groups and i have stopped her i also won't do any activities offered by anyone.

 

The way i see it is i did not get any of this help 2 years ago, so why so i get it now i have been givin a lable?

 

My question is am i doing this all wrong?

 

PS this is a short versrion of the story so sorry if it does not make much sense!

[bid]

Welcome to the forum, Rasta

 

We have some members who are around your age.

 

Bid

[elaine1]

hi there, im sorry to hear of your problems. Maybe if you tried not to hide it so much people would be able to offer help more readily. I understand your feelings at being given a label at this stage, but sometimes labels help. good luck x

[Karen A]

Hi Rasta.Welcome to the forum.Karen

[Kathryn]

Hi Rasta and welcome to the forum .

 

Although the label doesn't change anything about you, as Elaine said, labels help when it comes to getting support, it shouldn't be that way but that's just the way the system works, unfortunately.

 

Maybe being honest about the stress you're under and the way you feel about the support you're getting will help the school to understand how to help you more?

 

I can understand you not wanting to go to any support groups and activities yourself. My daughter (who was also diagnosed at 15) feels the same. She prefers to read all she can about AS and doesn't feel she needs to go to a group and talk about it. She prefers to mix with all kinds of people. Speaking as a mum myself though, can I just say that your mum may need support and access to information herself, even if you don't join in, the long run it may help her to understand your problems better and help her get the best for you at school.

 

Kathryn

[barefoot wend]

Rasta

 

First, you're not doing this all wrong. You're trying to work your way round a diagnosis you've been given. It's confusing, but you're exactly the same that person that you were before. People are trying to help but probably also trying to find a way to do this. It's a whole new experience for all of you.

 

I try to help my teenage son but sometimes I know in my efforts to help I'm sometimes wrong in how I go about it. It's really difficult. He then feels guilty because he sees it as his fault - it's a vicious circle. The important thing is we're all trying.

 

I don't quite understand what it is about the Support Department that you don't like. Is it because you feel that you can cope without their help or is it because you think it draws attention to you that you don't want?

 

It's good to have friends. Do you talk to them about it?

 

I think not wanting to see psychologists and the like is probably not unusual as my son, who's your age, won't see anyone, post on any AS forums, or read any books on the subject - and I'm not going to push it.

 

I hope you get some answers.

 

Take care

 

Barefoot

[Jericho]

Welcome to the forum, Rasta.

[madmooch]

<'> Welcome Rasta <'>

 

Clare

[Bagpuss]

Welcome to the forum Rasta <'>

[stressedmumto2]

Welcome to the forum <'>

[badonkadonk]

Hiya Rasta

 

This is a long, long post. Part of the reason is that I am a chatterbox when it comes to typing. The main reason is giving advice on someone's life usually takes more than a paragraph to address You don't have to read it all at once, you don't even have to read it at all. But I would urge you to give it a go and dip in and out see if you find anything useful.

 

The way i see it is i did not get any of this help 2 years ago, so why so i get it now i have been givin a label

 

You're not getting help because you've been given a label. You're getting help because you have Asperger Syndrome. Asperger Syndrome isn't a label, it's the name given to the explanation for the reasons why you sometimes act and think differently to other people. Thus you haven't been labelled, you've been diagnosed. There is a difference, trust me, at times it might not seem like it, especially when you are treated with ignorance because someone doesn't understand what the term Asperger Syndrome entails. But that is their problem, not yours.

 

By referring to yourself as having been given a label it seems to me perhaps you yourself don't yet have the full understanding of what Asperger Syndrome is and how it is present in yourself. In this case then I would say first and foremost that you should read everything you can get your hands on about AS. I'm not saying half of the information will even be correct and the right information you should be looking at, honestly, half the stuff on the internet can do more damage than good when it comes to understanding AS. But, the more you learn, good or bad, the more you expand your understanding and begin to form your own conclusion as to what AS is. I would check out links people suggest on here and generally read some of the posts, especially from those of us who have AS or an ASD. It can be helpful to know that there are lots of others out there who think and act exactly the same as you do. You are not alone by any means.

 

I understand your reluctance to go to the support centre. I'm going to be honest here and speak like a teenager. I'm only 23 now so I know what it's like, but I'm generalising the teenage point of view so don't think I actually use the words I'm gonna use now. This is how most teenagers think about the support centre:

 

"The support centre is where the 'tards go cos they can't add 2 and 2 together."

 

I understand how you don't want to go in there because people might think you are stupid or something similar. The thing is the support centre is not a place for stupid people. It is a place for people who need support, hence the name, it doesn't just mean academically either. Some kids go to the support centre to talk about things at home because they need support in that respect. They might have a really rough home life. Other kids might have dyslexia or something similar and so might go to the SC to get support for this. Dyslexia doesn't mean you are stupid, it just means that language and numbers and organisation can be a bit muddling. In the same way that making predictions in science classes used to be muddling for me because my imagination skills are not as strong as other skills I have. You need to go to the support centre so you can get support managing your stress levels, particularly when it comes to your work and your stress levels. You might need help with your planning to make sure that you get things completed on time. Basically all these things you keep hidden, if you actually tell the SC staff about them they might be able to help solve these problems and reduce the stress levels in your head. Would that not be a more positive solution than keeping things pent up?

 

But I can also see how you would be upset with people thinking that you are far less intelligent than you actually are just because you're going to the support department. By the way, these people, teenagers, the majority who I generalised before. These are the same kids who also think it's wrong to be smart and call other kids geeks and suck-ups or whatever it is called now. Are they really right in thinking that it's wrong to be stupid and wrong to be clever? They are wrong to be ignorant in thinking there are only 3 possible categories of intelligence. Stupid, Average and Clever? There are no such categories, it is more like a sliding scale based on a number of things, least of all your ability to add 2 and 2 together. Intelligence isn't really all that huge anyway, so what if you are not good at maths or you don't get all A*'s in your GCSE's? It only seems important now because you're at school and you're learning about things. Trust me, common sense and life experience become far more valuable once outside of school gates.

 

So what I'm trying to say is perhaps you need to change your perception of what the support department actually does. I mean, you don't want to think the same as the majority of people do you? I've just proved how unproductive and somewhat narrow minded it is to think like that. If you accept the fact that the support department isn't for stupid people and that it is merely there to offer support, in whatever way you might need it, then you might not feel so apprehensive about being seen entering/leaving. And if people do see you and do make comments, do you really care what they think? If it is making your life better going to the SD and reducing your stress levels who cares what anyone else thinks. If you are so bothered about people thinking you are stupid or something, prove them wrong in the classroom.

 

Basically the best advice I can give you is to focus on you for a bit and figure out how you can help yourself. Worry about other kids later. Perhaps you find it difficult to tell others what help you need or advice you need because you don't actually know what you need at the minute.

 

You've been given this diagnosis and it seems you don't really know what to do with it. You don't feel any different now you have AS, you're still you, you haven't changed have you so I can see why you are reluctant to make changes.

 

This is where finding out what AS is and how it affects you is essential. By reading you will see some of the aspects of AS in yourself. I never knew that there was a reason why I like lining things up! I didn't have a clue that there was an explanation as to why I hate supermarkets. Why does the sound of people eating wind me up so much?!? Why don't I get jokes? All of these questions have been answered since I looked into AS. I have learnt that this anxiety or stress that I feel in my head, this "thing" or sensation that I felt that before that I couldn't explain has slowly been broken down the more I learn about myself. I know now that I don't particularly like change and that I find it hard to manage daily tasks. I have learnt that to be productive in a day, to get all the things done that I need to do and still make time to enjoy myself by playing on the computer, I have to make myself a daily plan. I know what makes me tick and what causes me to get upset, what is good for me and what isn't.

 

To understand why people think you need support and to figure out what support you need, you've first got to look into yourself and learn a little bit about you. You might be sat there thinking, you know what lady, I know all about myself thanks very much. If this is the case then I can only stress that perhaps there is more to learn. I'm not just some know-it-all either. I have actually walked in your shoes and been through exactly what you're experiencing right now. It wasn't the same of course, but it was similar.

 

Right, I've finished telling you what you have to do, now for what you can't do. You can't do this alone. You are no doubt capable but it is unproductive in the long run. In order for your relationship with your mum to improve you have to involve her in learning about you. The more she understands you the more she will know what makes you tick, why you do things differently sometimes and basically why you are who you are. I'm not saying you've got to be best mates or nothing like that but it will make things easier at home and improve your relationship with your mum. If the only thing it achieves is that you don't shout at each other so much any more, this has to be a good thing right?

 

Please don't see this post as a negative, I'm not nor have I been at any point in the post, "havin a go". I think you are very brave posting on here and the fact that you're here is nothing but a positive. It shows that you are already wanting to learn more about yourself and get some answers. Keep going. My aim in this post is to give you a perspective from someone with experience. It is is advice only you don't have to follow it, I'm not dictating how you should live. Nor am I promising that everything will be alright now, I can't do that I can't predict your future. What I am saying though is what I always say, knowledge is power. The more you learn, the more you understand, the more you can make any changes necessary to ensue that the quality of your life and day to day existence is significantly improved upon.

 

Last thing, I promise. The biggest thing that you need to get into your head right now is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing. Having AS does not make you any less of a human being. All AS means is that you are a bit different to others and that things affect you in different ways. The same could be said for most people in fact. EVERYONE is different. So you have a name for your oddities, so what. You're still unique, you're still you. Yeah sometimes it's hard, sometimes it will get harder. Sometimes I think I would just love things to be easier, to make friends easier and be able to keep them. I wish sometimes that I could just go get a job and have an easy life. But you know what, I've accepted these negatives because I know the positives far outweigh anything arduous I have to endure or anything that I find more difficult than most because of my AS. I love being quirky, I love being different. I like the fact that I'm quite clever and that I have little obsessions. AS isn't necessarily the best thing in the world, but it's not the worst either.

 

I know I've gone on and on and on but thanks for staying with it because I promise you at some point this information will be useful, when you're ready to take it all in. I wish you all the luck in the future and hope that things might become a little more positive for you. Keep posting and updating us and I'm here if you have any more questions or need to vent. I'll try and be as helpful as I can be.

 

Keep thinking positive!

 

Badonkadonk

xxx

 

BTW it might be helpful for your mum to go to the support groups. If it aids her understanding of AS it can only be for the better. It might help makes things easier at home. I would suggest that you only go to the groups if you want to because I can understand how going to sit with strangers and talk about yourself is perhaps the worst thing you can possibly think of to do. I'm with you on that one, I couldn't do it and I don't. My therapy is posting on here!

[dooday24]

hi rasta