behaviour

[brooke]

Hi Everyone

Ive not posted for a while just been trying to get by y'know! Unfortunatly my son (6asd) has been struggling since about sept.

I think it is the move from recption to yr 1 he is not coping well at all. His temper has been getting worse and worse. He has always hit etc but now he is kicking and punching not only me and family but his support worker too I really dont know what to do, but its got to the point where i need help.

Nothing in particular sets him off. We have tried taking away privaliges, sitting him down to explain why his behaviour is unacceptable, sending him to his room everything and although he knows it is wrong and does say hes sorry he just cant stop doing it.

I know it can be common behaviour but i just dont know what to do or who to speak to. The school is very good but i dont think they know either. He is waiting for a placement at an ARC but until then he is stuck where he is. We have a meeting next week to discuss him and i just want to know what to ask for help wise. Can anybody help? Thanks. This site has been a huge help to me just knowing we are not alone

Brooke

 

ps I have asked his ed phych but although she is good she didnt really give me any advice on what to do with his violence as we also struggle to go out (he runs away) so she suggested social storeys

[chriss]

Hi Brooke,

 

I had very similar problems 2 years ago, at just this time of year, when my son moved into year 1. He was incredibly violent and his behaviour was erratic, especially after school. I really do feel for you, as at times it seemed he had gone completely mad.

 

Things that helped were;

 

A reward chart. Though at first it wound him up even more and he ripped it off the wall a couple of times it did motivate him and encouraged his good behaviour.

 

Exercise and more exercise. Part of the problem with this time of year is they have wet play and don't get the chance to work off their frustrations with fresh air and a run around the school yard. Could you get him to exercise more before school? A punch bag will help too (you might want to use it yourself!)

 

I found the cf/gf diet too hard too implement with my son but he is far calmer on just a dairy free diet. If you try this at all and it helps you should see results within a week.

 

Social stories are useful but I found telling my son about his diagnosis (in a positive way as I could) really helped. Like your son he couldn't control his behaviour or temper very well and was upset with himself for acting as he did. It really helped him to be told that it wasn't his fault. Also he felt very lonely as everywhere he went he was getting told off and it helped that he knew I was always on his side. I remember a complete stranger told him that Father Christmas wouldn't come if he didn't behave. He believed her completely and was absolutely devastated as he couldn't behave. I had to pretend to ring Santa and put him straight!

 

If my son is really stressed I keep him off for a day and just have a really relaxing day at home with him. Tony Attwood himself suggests this as therapeutic and it does help.

 

Now that my son is 2 years older it is becoming more apparent what upsets him and he is better at verbalising his problems. Looking back some of the difficulties he had in year 1 were adjusting to having less time to play and having to sit still longer, more children in class, a teacher who had a very loud voice,

frustration that no-one could read his work when he was trying his best, being scared of the hand dryer in the toilets, not always understanding when the teacher was talking to him so he often did the wrong thing despite desperately trying to do well and taking things literally so that when he was told " run along now " he would then get told off for running. And lots of other little things besides which all added up to make his days very stressful.

 

The GOOD NEWS is that while all this was going on he came on leaps and bounds academically - much to my surprise. He went from being able to barely read at all to becoming one of the best readers in his class and he has kept it up ever since. I have since read that it is common for asd children to regress in one area, such as behaviour, whilst progressing in another. I really hope this is true of your child

 

Also my son's bad behaviour peaked in November/December and improved slowly but steadily over the school year.

 

He is much calmer now and is never violent to me at all now though he will throw things and take it out on the furniture!

 

I hope this helps. Things will get better.

 

Anna x

[brooke]

Thanks for your reply anna i will have to try a reward chart did you draw one up yourself? I dont think i could get him on a non dairy diet though as food is a big issue and im just happy if he eats something!! I really do hope he gets better as he gets older too because he is very tall in size 9 clothes and very strong so it wouldnt be good if it carries on. It gives me hope though

[phoebe]

<'> mmmmmmmm been there too.

My son is 8 now and in yr4.

 

Basically for us everything is about trying to prevent him going over the edge in the first place because it doesn't matter how many things we have tried to make him understand, at the end of the day if he loses it, he cannot control himself. He does not differentiate between himself and adults and thinks he is invincible. If you get in his way when he is like that you are likely to get hurt.

 

The main trigger for him is when he thinks he is being unfairly treated. Of course he may not actually be being unfairly treated as sometimees his sense of proportion is rather different to anyone elses. ( makes perfect sense to him of course)!

 

I agree with Chriss about trying not to blame him and about being there to love him, not treating him as naughty etc - often punishments dont seem to have any effect.

 

Things that have helped:

 

He is majorly into "screen time" be it gameboy, pc, playstation,whatever. we have always limited the time he is allowed to play "screen time" and have linked this time to a reward chart.

 

Dont know how high functioning your child is, but given their perspective on rules of play, we have been able to explain to our son the rules regarding screen time and he accepts it. He is allowed an hour a day and has a digital timer which beeps at 10 mins left and 5 mins left to prepare him for the time to stop. It is the only thing that affects him. I was amazed when I first introduced it how positively he rsponded. The trick is to think about what makes your child tick, and to encourage him to control his behaviour or else the consequences will apply.

 

We run a reward chart those goes backwards and forwards to school and it has evolved over the years. We link it to his screen time, but on a more positive note we link it to daily/ weekly and monthly rewards. For example if he gets a full house at school, he gets an extra 20 mins screen time. Normally his limit is an hour and time may be taken away if he has not done the right thing.

 

I read a book called 1,2,3 magic which is parenting advice which has been shown to be successful for children on the spectrum and those with ADHD and wouldn't go back.

 

I did a visual timetable for the morning and evening routine , so that instead of constantly nagging and getting stressed, I ask him to check his list to see if he has completed everything. Amazed again at what a difference it made!

 

Another thing I have found recently which is working at the moment is a magnetic toy. It is a magnetic stand which is available with a variety of different magnets (either dinosaurs, sea creatures, dogs, butterflies....etc) He chose the design he wanted (which in his case was dogs) and there are 15. When he does something good I give him a dog from my pot and when he hs filled up the magnetic sculpture, he gets a reward (cinema trip/ swim/ bowling)

 

All is written down for him and his life has been a constant stream of rules, rewards and consequences and I sometimes feel it is too regimented, but it has worked for us.

 

Somewhere I read, they will never be cured, if they are coping well it is because you are managing them in the right way or something like that.

 

Of course, we have many ups and downs and we are in a good period at the moment, so I am able to sound on top of things!!!!!

 

WOAH - sorry if I have gone overboard, once I start, I dont know when to stop.

 

Finally, I think, the period between Sept and Dec is always the most difficult school wise. He is getting used to a new teacher , a new peer group and a change in routines, whilst they are all getting used to him. There are always fireworks (for which he is excluded), but somehow over time it gets better.

 

Also, he has found it easier since being able to tell the time. It helps him to know when things are coming I guess.

 

I am sure I have now said too much. I mean well

 

Take care of you

Phoebe

[butterfingersbimbo]

when el was very violent in school they got the "behaviour team" in.....sounds ominous doesnt it! they helped to put strategies in place and also a lovely woman came to my house each week and told me what a great job i was doing, lol! and one of the things we agreed on was that i am not punishing el for things that happen at school when she comes home. this is because el has always seen school and home life as two very seperate things, and also i was grounding her etc for stuff and basically she never got away from the stress of it all. does that make sense?

 

we tried to do anger management but it didnt go very well at all because el cant deal with the fact that she gets extremely angry and violent, and like someone else has said she really hates herself afterwards....so we focus on the positives now. and have so many fresh starts you wouldnt believe it!

 

there must be reasons why your poor lad is getting so stressed at school, quite often el would have a delayed reaction to stuff that has really upset her, its like she pretends that she is hunky dory and then a bit later, bam! she is off on one, and you cant even see what the problem was cos it happened ages ago......hope they get to the bottom of this as its awful for you isnt it.

[jlp]

We had similar when G started year 1 (and unfortunately his is escalating but there's been other factors) - it is such a big jump from reception which is really not that different from nursery and lots of play.

 

Now he's just started Year 2 and like the above poster we have recently come to the decision not to be punishing at home for school things. He was in trouble everywhere - home and school and that must make a sad little life. Also G is usually worse in the mornings so by the time he'd settle down and think everything was ok again- it would be hometime and 2 cross parents and start up again. I also wasn't convinced he'd make the connection with there being a long time between the incident and us taking a toy away ot home. Anyway, it wasn't even working!

 

How do you find this years teacher? Is she knowledgeable about ASD? Does she listen to your suggestions? Is there an autism teacher going in to give them suggestions? I've found a Home-School Diary great for communication.

 

You're not alone - even though it feels like it often in real life! My son kicks and hits everyone including family and school staff and we've tried everything. I think everyone concerned has realised that he really can't control himself when he gets so upset and we're working on positive things now. G's special thing is Star Wars and he gets a 'lightsabre' for not shouting and hitting for a specified period (eg. from first thing to first playtime). When he has 10 he moves up a 'Jedi Training' level and this goes from Padawan to Jedi! School have also made a quiet corner / workstation for G with StarWars pictures, he has his visual timetable, the teacher uses visual prompts in whole class activities etc - it's too early to see if all of this will work (this has all really just come together after an explosive week at school before half term) or if he just won't be able to handle the many little incidents and the noise of mainstream school but it certainly feels better than everyone punishing him!

 

Like others I find the Autumn term is difficult, settling in, new teacher (who usually needs a crash course in ASD) then run up to Christmas (and also his birthday is in December) - school plays, parties, Masses and changed routine.

 

PS - I've just realised you live in Newcastle, we're in Gateshead

Edited November 1, 2006 by jlp

[chriss]

Hi again Brooke,

 

You can just make your own reward charts or you can buy some on Ebay. Supernanny makes fabulous charts so if you ever watch her you might get some ideas. But beware that you might put a lot of effort into a chart only to see it destroyed!

 

You could also try a reward pie chart - draw a circle and split it up into 6 or 7 sections, then whenever he goes a whole day without hurting anyone (or morning or afternoon if that is more achievable) he can colour in a section and when it is all filled in he can have a reward.

 

I know in a way it is bribing him to be good but it gets him into the habit of good behaviour and as he gets a positive reaction from people he will get even better. You won't have to use these charts forever.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son started school in the summer. Whilst he's doing very well there, outwith life is very difficult indeed. I completely sympathise with what you're going through just now.

 

On suggestion that I was given about charts was never to take anything away from it ie don't stick a star on the chart then take it away for bad behaviour. I'm trying to use a chart whereby if Robert is good he gets points. These points add up to 10 at the end of the week then we got to Big W or ToysRUs and he gets to choose a toy. If he behaves badly, then it simply takes him longer to earn tokens. That way, he's not actually losing out. He will get his toy - it just may take him a little longer.

 

Caroline.

[snowman]

Hi Brooke, I have a 6 yo asd son who used to be aggressive and controlling. Things have improved a lot over the last 8 months. We do a part time Sonrise program (and don't lock the playroom door). I'm not trying to suggest its the answer to everything but if you could be with your son regularly for 1 hour each day on a 1 to 1 "joining" (following his lead) in play / whatever he wants to do basis, you might find things calm down. The idea is to give him some control in his life. He may then be more open to discussion of his behaviour at other times. You don't need a special playroom but somewhere quiet where he can't be interrupted. Please don't anyone be offended - I'm not being patronising (and I'm not a Sonrise evangelist). All the other points about reward charts and consequences are very valid.

Tessa.

[brooke]

thanks for all of your replys. I think he is just upset with the big change from reception to yr 1. I do try to spend time with him but i have two other younger children who also need my time. We try and make an effort to take him out on his own though doing something he likes. So thanks for your suggestions gonna have to start my reward chart now

[Bagpuss]

Brooke <'> <'> <'> Hope the reward chart helps. Take care

[Scout]

Hi

 

This is exactly how we have treated our son and, yes, it is regimented and, certainly, over the years friends have thought us party poopers when we leave everywhere in time to keep our evening routine as it always is and keep normal bedtimes both term time and hols BUT it works for us too. Our sons are 4, 5 and 6 (the eldester Asperger's) and initially we did it because we have 3 babies so close together that we felt we needed the household under control for us to manage!

 

But although it is sometimes tiring being strict and there are times when you feel like you shoulnd't be having to explian to a boy almost 7 yet again why he doesn't get a party bag (ie becuase he didn't actually go to the party, his brother did) but there are other times when your child seems so manageable and you are so proud. I end up shouting sometimes (as we all do probably) and alwasy feel after that that was not the way to handle things.

 

As for charts and stuff, I feel too bus most of the time to organise, I know they work brilliantly. I tend to have rewards and consequences but defined verybally to save time. My son also loves computer/Nintendo and I take the handheld thing if we have to do shoes for all 3 or if we go to a restaurant and I know he will finish his meal in 2 minutes and then get jumpy!!!

 

S