elun1 Report post Posted March 9, 2007 Having a very very difficult time with ds2 at the moment. He is nearly 6 and diagnosed with severe Autism and Severe Learning Difficulties. He has become increasingly violent since his diagnosis 3 and a half years ago when things don't go his way - but now he is becoming aggressive across the day in all situations with very little provocation of any kind. He attacks his brother (aged 7) but I'm his main target. With ds it's far less - he does it in school too but not as much or as often. He punches kicks bites scratches and spits - I dread the future as he gets bigger and stronger, I don't know how much longer I can restrain him. Has anyone else's children behaved like this as 5 yr olds and stopped it? I would love to keep him at home with us til he's an adult but how long can you deal with this? my ds2 is afraid of him and doesn't like being in same room. dh is of the opinion that although it'd be hard residential is the right answer for us all in the long run, particularly our eldest child. He just seems so little though. ANY advice very very welcome Elun xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phoebe Report post Posted March 9, 2007 <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Sweetheart, just wish I had some words that would help. Often wish I knew more of the answers. I am so sorry, not to have any advice for you, but really wanted to give you my support and hugs Phoebe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
krystaltps Report post Posted March 10, 2007 (edited) <'> <'> I'm sorry. If it helps, C was like that (and still can be). He's 8 now, and when he's stressed, he can be excessively violent. From 8 months till 6years, he was awful!! I would be covered in bruises, but my twinkles (a year younger) were his main targets. I will never forget the day, when he was 2 1/2 and the twinkles were 1 1/2 - I went to the toilet, leaving them on the other side of the safety gate. C was engrossed in a video, but E followed me to the gate and started gabbling to me as I walked up the stairs. I had just sat down when I heard R screaming - I opened the door to see C holding E's head in his hands and smashing it repeatedly off the laminate floor. She wasn't crying - she was in shock. That's just one story of many. It's frightening and worrying. They are both still scared of him. He is much better now, but when he does go into meltdown mode (usually because of something that's happened at school), he still needs restrained. He also has round-the-clock supervision at school. I'm not sure if I can give much advice, because C doesn't have learning difficulties, so we have been able to try teaching him some anger-management techniques, and we can reason with him when he is calm. But what I would suggest is that you seek some advice regarding restraining techniques. Sometimes it is the only solution. And don't be fobbed off with "You should not need to restrain, just remove all the other people from the room" - it doesn't work when you're in the middle of a busy street or supermarket. I hope this is of some help... <'> <'> Edited March 10, 2007 by krystaltps Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi Report post Posted March 10, 2007 Aww hun sending u loads of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> i know only too well what ur going thru and i wish i had a magic wand to fix it but i am so sorry i dont I too would love to know if T will stop being this violent coz like u i worry when he is bigger and stronger, even tho he is very strong now at the young age of 6! Heres hoping the future is brighter with less violence, take care hun. Bambi x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted March 10, 2007 (edited) Hi I read your post last night and have really thought about your sons aggression, which sounds likely mostly down to frustration as he is unable to communicate effectivily and related to his understanding so he reacts and gets angry, I remember J was the worst aggressive stage around 4 upwards upto around 7 until we looked at a various ways to help J to deal with anger and I read the book out of syncs child, and began to withdraw the triggers as much as I could and then bring in the triggers at timed periods to help J reintergrate so he can learn to develop better ways to cope, so for instant supermarkets are a nightmare for J so we now have timed and planned trips that last say 15 mins at first until we could go for half an hour. J is 10 now and has began to manage his anxieties by using breathing exercises, and at home he has opportunity to release his frustration, I try and read his behaviours before hand, so a stressed J after school isnt a good time to go to the supermarket, so may let him settle down before we go. there is warnings, planned picture step by step programmes and frequent talks about the difficulties and positives J has found the challenge. J is in a better setting at school and that has increased a more positive mood from J so school is an important enviroment to get it to meet your sons needs as possible, or he will be wound up and frustrated and our children will take it out on those they will feel safe with, so has nothing to do with gosh they cant love me if there doing this to me, its there way of demonstrating something is very stressful and they are saying in there own words they are not coping, what ever that is, and for some we dont know for a while. Your son is still very young and with J I have to remember even though he is 10 he is acually developmentally around 6 or 7 years old and so I need to adapt to ensure I am not expecting too much from him. BILD do have some courses on helping parents cope with aggression, challenging behaviour, and they may know of any that you could attend in your area, so do look on their website. also Youngminds they have information on supporting you with children with special needs on handling aggressive children which is related to their disability. National Autistic Society also have further support and information on their courses that you could attend. Js aggression has improved as he got older and at times more able to communicate his frustration. JsMum Edited March 10, 2007 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathrynh Report post Posted March 10, 2007 I wish I had some answers cos I could do with them too! My 5yo is non verbal and has severe learning difficulties as well. He is violent as you describe when he is upset but is also quite painful to be with even when he is happy cos he likes to pinch scratch bite and pull hair even when having a nice cuddle. Think this is a sensory thing. I worry too about how I will cope when he is bigger. I dont have any other children to worry about which must make things so much more difficult. He pinches and pulls hair of other children at school though and sometimes has to be taken out of the classroom because of this. They dont seem to have any answers either. I just hope he will grow out of this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted March 10, 2007 Elun, the NAS Help2 seminar on Anger and Aggression is extremely good, I'd really recommend you get a place on one if they come your way. It's really aimed at adolescents but they don't turn anyone away - I did it last year when J was only 7 and there were parents of even younger children there. Learned loads of excellent strategies that have really made a difference to J, so much so that he's only had three major meltdowns since before Christmas, whereas before that he was having them all the time and really out of control. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phoebe Report post Posted March 10, 2007 dont know where you are, but there is one of these runnning in Oxford on March 28th I am going to. It was rescheduled after the snow. 10 - 2.30. I can give you more details if you pm me. Phoebe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NikkiSmith Report post Posted March 10, 2007 (edited) Hi Elun - firstly have some <'> I don't have any real answers or solutions (coz that would be far too easy wouldn't it!!) But I am having the exact same problem with ds2 (4yrs!) He is extremely violent and aggressive towards me, but especially his younger brother and even his older brother! School keep reassuring me that it's likely to be due to his frustration and once his speech improves his temper will calm............... but I can't see it happening! And even they seem to have their doubts on that theory. I dread him getting older and stronger - I am struggling now, what will happen in a few more years? I have all ready looked into residential schooling as I feel it's inevitable; both his brothers are suffering terribly with him here, but then again with ds3 going down the same route I'm not sure it would make much difference here really! KarenT - It didn't even occur to me that I might be able to get a place on the NAS Anger and Aggression course as the blurb said for adolescents!! Rats! There was one near me next Wednesday and I'm sure all places will have gone! Oh well next time I shall jump at the chance! ETA: I thought there was a course near me, but got that wrong too! Nikki. Edited March 11, 2007 by NikkiSmith Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted March 11, 2007 <'> Thankyou all so much for replies and support. Sorry havent replied before but it's been frantic here. He is very aggressive again today - in fact I was kicked in the mouth about an hour ago so am just taking some time out as very luckily have dh here today as he has a rare day off. I'll look into help2. At the moment we are in Wales but looking to relocate in an ideal world closer to a bit of family support. Thanks so much again Elun xxxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
