'Standard' Behaviour?

[TheNeil]

I've just gotten off the phone to my sister-in-law (SIL) and I'm somewhat baffled and amazed at what she had to say. I don't normally talk to her (I think I freak her out)(can't imagaine why ) but she'd been talking at her work today and someone she works with knows someone who knows someone else who's dog was god-father to someone who once went out with... One of those long-winded circuitous relationships but it came up that there was an AS connection. My SIL mentioned that I had AS and they apparently had a nice chat about what it was like to live with, how it came across etc.

 

Now my SIL doesn't know me that well but we have spent time together (not like that) and she did confess after I was dx'd that some things I did suddenly 'made sense' (i.e. she'd noticed some bits and pieces). She'd mentioned this to the woman she was talking to and the response was that it 'didn't seem like standard AS behaviour'.

 

Just one question: What's 'standard AS behaviour'? Where are the list of 'rules' that define what Aspies should and shouldn't do? Are people so utterly ignorant of the subject that they think we all follow a preset list of behaviour patterns?

 

Luckily my SIL was concerned enough to actually ask me and I put her mind at rest that there isn't a fixed set of 'rules' or 'symptoms', and each case is different. I think she worries in case her little lad (5)(strange name but what can you do)(that joke supplied by Mr J Tarbuck, Liverpool) starts displaying signs of an ASD.

 

I know that most of you lot will have come up against ignorance in one form or anothyer but has anyone else come up against 'standard AS behaviour' before?

[Tally]

Hmmm . . . I'm a strange aspie because I'm extremely quiet. From what I've seen, most aspies seem to actually talk quite a lot (albeit about stuff that other people may not actually be interested in). I used to work with a man who had a son with Asperger's. When I told him I also have AS, he was surprised. I imagine his son fell into the more common "active but odd" subtype, whereas I am more mute than standard.

 

There is no such thing as standard AS behaviour. Common AS behaviour, yes . . . but standard, that's the wrong word.

Edited March 11, 2007 by Tally

[Mumble]

Well, you've set this one up good and proper . . .

 

What's 'standard AS behaviour'? Where are the list of 'rules' that define what Aspies should and shouldn't do?

 

1. Thou shalt never wait for a turn to speak but should interjet with irrelevant but nontheless fascinating facts related to the finer points of <insert something obscure here>.

 

2. Thou shalt know exactly what day any particular date in history was and be able to relate fascinating information from rule 1 to this day.

 

3. Thou must look different in some way <please add your own way here - I'm totally stumped on this one>.

 

4. Thou must be able to perform mental calculations instantly, such as 4892 x 6712.*

 

5. Thou must have poor personal hygiene - little green wafty bits emanating from the body are not uncommon.

 

6. Thou must be totally ignorant to thou's own social difficulties and obviously (because it appears that no attempt is made) not want social contact

 

7. Thou must come equipped with an invisible force-field to protect NTs from your obserdities - if they attempt to come within social doing distance they must be given an excuse not to persist.

 

8. Thou must wear cords and a tanktop (which in turn assumes that you must be male).

 

9. Thou must only work in computer programming and should in fact not spend less than 22 hours a day in front of the screen.

 

10. Thou shall not have a sense of humour or find a reply such as this in the least bit amusing.

 

 

 

Please note, this reply is meant to be scarcastic, but I'm tired and I don't always get it right. I haven't meant to offend anyone, and if I have I apologise, I just get incredibly fed up with the 'You can't be AS, because . . .' line.

 

*32835104 if you're interested.

Edited March 11, 2007 by Mumble

[TheNeil]

Well, you've set this one up good and proper . . .

1. But I always wait my turn to speak...too much usually as I never get a chance to say anything (although it is irrelevant but 'fascinating facts').

2. Dates? What be these things? What be this concept of 'last week'?

3. Hmm and there was me looking 'normal'.

4. Huh? Is the answer 11?

5. So does showering daily and using deodorant count against you on that?

6. Well...ish.

7. Ah, that'd be the brick.

8. Tank top? Are you mad? (Ditto 'cords')

9. Yeah...well..you know...maybe.

10. Ah humour - one of your Earth emotions.

 

(Don't worry Mumble, I get the sarcasm...I just hope you do too )

 

I suppose if someone isn't exactly like Rain Man then there can't be anything 'wrong'

[something vague]

I wear tank top and cords........does that make me an honorary aspie?

 

SV

[Mumble]

I'd be hot-footing it back to whichever expert you saw and asking for a refund . . . If you can't fulfill the list and don't look like Rain Man then you simply can't have AS

 

I'm off to set up my diagnostic clinic now . . .

 

Oh, and on your list - dates are like prunes only different, 'normal' is definitely an over-rated concept, the answer can be 11 if you transform the numbers first and use a different base (so congratulations and celebrations you fulfill that criteria), I'm resisting comment on item 5, 'Brick'? - did you miss the word invisible? , well if you don't put the top on the tank the fish jump out, am I mad - yes - just ask anyone who has even had the misfortune to meet me!

[Bullet]

I am very quiet as well, unless talking about something I know a fair bit about in which case I can be very articulate. I have several difficulties with speech (initiating, talking through other people, voicing thoughts mid topic, still talk a bit too fast sometimes, finding the words, pausing in the wrong places, small degree of selective mutism, difficulty sometimes understanding what is said to me) which means that I am more introverted than extroverted. The strange thing is, I've had people who've met me once saying they could see in retrospect why I was on the spectrum and others who have stood there as I've been unable to make eye contact, struggled to get through a sentence, perseverated on a topic, handflapped and bit my fingers and still said they wouldn't notice anything different about me.

My reaction to things upsetting me is to clam up and go very withdrawn, I find it impossible at times like that to speak, which makes people presume I'm ok because I'm not screaming the place down. The fact I'm screaming inside isn't relevant

[Bullet]

1. Thou shalt never wait for a turn to speak but should interjet with irrelevant but nontheless fascinating facts related to the finer points of <insert something obscure here>.

 

I try and wait my turn to speak but I'm not very good at knowing when to enter a conversation so do interrupt unfortunately. But then I pause in odd places so people interrupt me. I will do the "fascinating fact" thing as well, but try to keep it relevant to the conversation. I just like bits of historical trivia.

 

2. Thou shalt know exactly what day any particular date in history was and be able to relate fascinating information from rule 1 to this day.

 

Not every date but I love knowing when a historiCal date happened and I do link things up. I linked up Bismarck with highrise flats once

 

3. Thou must look different in some way <please add your own way here - I'm totally stumped on this one>.

Nope, I look completely ordinary, except I don't follow fashions.

 

4. Thou must be able to perform mental calculations instantly, such as 4892 x 6712.*

No chance A possibility of working it out slowly by breaking it down and adding up the various multiples together.

 

5. Thou must have poor personal hygiene - little green wafty bits emanating from the body are not uncommon.

 

Erm, I do have very poor selfhelp skills in that respect

 

6. Thou must be totally ignorant to thou's own social difficulties and obviously (because it appears that no attempt is made) not want social contact

 

This is partly true of me. I didn't realise just how different I was for ages. I had no concept that peer pressure was important until my late twenties, for example. I do like social contact in small doses but need time to "rest" after meeting people. I'd talk happily to work colleagues and then spend the lunchtime in silence playing solitaire.

 

7. Thou must come equipped with an invisible force-field to protect NTs from your obserdities - if they attempt to come within social doing distance they must be given an excuse not to persist.

 

Depends how I'm feeling.

 

8. Thou must wear cords and a tanktop (which in turn assumes that you must be male).

 

Nope.

 

9. Thou must only work in computer programming and should in fact not spend less than 22 hours a day in front of the screen.

 

I would be pathetically bad at computer programming.

 

10. Thou shall not have a sense of humour or find a reply such as this in the least bit amusing.

 

Off to sulk and talk about matchsticks now

Edited March 12, 2007 by Bullet

[badonkadonk]

You'll have to excuse me in case I deviate away from my 'standard' AS behaviour in this post, just in case I I fall foul of the guidelines by mistake (I'm not on about Mumble's joke guidelines here, in case there is confusion, I'm on about the guidelines that would probably be defined by Neil's SIL's friend.)

 

But wait, I used sarcasm, is that deviating? Oh b*gger it, just brick me to death now or lock me up and make me watch Eastenders repeatedly. It seems I'm a fraud.

 

The fact that I can't tick most of the boxes (I'm useless at Math and can't even remember my own phone number let alone historical dates) proves just how misguided Neil's SIL's friend of a friend of a...wait, I'm confused....friend is when they refer to 'standard' AS behaviour.

 

I don't even fit the standard AS type (male, math whizz, male, no eye contact, male) let alone adhere to any kind of 'standard' Aspieisms.

 

I should be angered by this sort of thing and trust me I was to begin with but I've been pondering before I responded (yeah, I managed to bite my tongue for once and not just type a string of expletives) but now I just feel more sad for the person who said it. To think that they know something about AS and yet be so misguided as to think there is 'standard' behaviour. Now, I might never set the world alight, make 100 friends or successfully be able to tell a knock knock joke, but at least I'm not this person and I'd take any of my 'non-standard' AS behaviour anyday over being an ignorant individual.

 

Emily

xxx

Edited March 12, 2007 by badonkadonk

[David Matthew Baker]

I'm not even AS (as far as I know) and can meet some of these points:

 

1. Thou shalt never wait for a turn to speak but should interjet with irrelevant but nontheless fascinating facts related to the finer points of <insert something obscure here>.

 

Have a habit of doing this with information about trains, aquatics and at the moment also autism. If you want really useless info. about types of trains, how they brake, etc... I can tell you. Well my grandad was a head draughtsman at one of the Southerns Works (and later BR).

 

2. Thou shalt know exactly what day any particular date in history was and be able to relate fascinating information from rule 1 to this day.

 

Time has no relevence. It is all a state of the imagination. Or the bending of space. That said I like to be on time. And rather would be early than late. Once there though will just go by everyone else. Can't stand to wear a watch. But I think that is just me and wearing stuff again.

 

3. Thou must look different in some way <please add your own way here - I'm totally stumped on this one>.

 

Wear (when appropriate) Adidas tracksuit bottoms (as long as they're cotton and ideally have a cotton lining) with t-shirts that cost a �1. Used to take all labels out but can live with them nowdays. School I wear a short sleeved shirt (if I can help it I like my arms uncovered) and trousers. Never been one for wearing jumpers. Will put a coat on but more to protect me from rain than anything else. And as an extra source of pockets to loose stuff in!

 

4. Thou must be able to perform mental calculations instantly, such as 4892 x 6712.*

 

I could work it out if I needed to but too tired to worry about it at the moment. Was interested to read the answer though.

 

5. Thou must have poor personal hygiene - little green wafty bits emanating from the body are not uncommon.

 

Some of my mates used to complain at me whilst I was at school. Think I'm better now days. Still use a razor different to everyone else I believe though. No one showed me how so always used it the wrong way. Find it doesn't cut if I try to do it the standard way now days.

 

6. Thou must be totally ignorant to thou's own social difficulties and obviously (because it appears that no attempt is made) not want social contact

 

Here is where I fall down. I like social contact infact I find it harder when I'm on my own. If I'm on my own I get bored very quickly and struggle to find things to do. Also fidgit even more than normal. Will often end up talking to strangers on trains. That said if I'm around a large group of new people can go rather quiet and withdraw into myself a bit.

 

7. Thou must come equipped with an invisible force-field to protect NTs from your obserdities - if they attempt to come within social doing distance they must be given an excuse not to persist.

 

As I said like socialising. In fact I have no real worry about even personal distance when it is others near me. I'll give them room but don't care if they give me it or not. Don't like people walking into me though. Will happily let people be a few cm away from my face especially children. Allowed this a few times at the special school. I'd just gaze quietly into their eyes as they did the same.

 

8. Thou must wear cords and a tanktop (which in turn assumes that you must be male).

 

Manage the male part. Rather fussy when it comes to clothing. Mainly wear very soft cotton stuff. Been buying second hand shirts of late. That way their nicer as they're already nice and soft.

 

9. Thou must only work in computer programming and should in fact not spend less than 22 hours a day in front of the screen.

 

My area of expertise is Physics with some geology thrown in. Work in schools at the moment. Training to be a teacher after the summer. Well this proves I'm mad if nothing else.

 

10. Thou shall not have a sense of humour or find a reply such as this in the least bit amusing.

 

Found the reply amusing but only because it was plays on word and a thinkers humour. If it had been toilet stuff it would be another matter. Things like Jackass are stupid and really really rubbish. Like intelligent humour basically. Can be picky about meanings and use of words at times too. Especially in certain areas. My friend who is a physics teacher complained about this on friday. I picked fault as she suggest friction makes heat. Where it obviously causes heating.

 

 

Well that is my answers from someone who believes he has a NT mind. That said I don't believe in any way that I'm normal or a standard by which others can be judged. I know I'm weird in many ways and am proud of it. Who wants to be the same as everyone else.

 

Now I really must get to bed. I do spend way too much time on here at times. Got to be up early in the morning for school.

Edited March 11, 2007 by David Matthew Baker

[pearl]

Dont all you aspies know you're not supposed to have a sense of humour?

I have SO enjoyed reading these replies, best laugh all evening! (with, not at, adds hastily)

[Lucas]

One thing that in my experience has been extraordinarily common: if you tell an Aspie they can't do a certain thing, they will then do it, if you tell them <insert trait> is a feature of AS, they may well never actually do it purely because of the instinct to be 'free'.

 

I think a lot of diagnoses of Oppositional Defiant Disorder are actually because of this, in which case telling the person to do/not do something robs them of their means to be independant. I certainly find it difficult when I plan on doing something, like moving boxes for example, when I'm then told/asked by someone else to do what I was just about to. I'm suddenly unable to do it because I can't work out how to do it under my *own* intention and not theirs.

 

I often don't like people asking me to do anything because of this, it's like I'm being robbed of free-will unless I outright refuse, even if I was going to do it before anyway.

[bid]

Well, accoprding to my local mental health team...

 

Thou shalt not care what others think of thou

 

Thou shalt live an isolated life

 

Thou shalt have no sucessful relationships

 

So there!!!

 

Bid

 

Oooh...(possibly)

 

Thou shalt NOT be clinically well-dressed

[KarenT]

I've noticed recently that just about everyone who thinks they know about AS will usually refer to the (often inaccurate) stereotypes that are 'optional extras' to AS but not guaranteed. But interestingly they rarely understand the traid of impairment, which is what diagnoses the thing in the first place.

 

The triad can be pretty vague and leave room for all sorts of other characteristics, so it would seem that an individual could have all sorts of wide and varied personality traits but still be essentially AS. So no, there's no standard list IMO, just countless other possibilities that some people with AS might have but others won't.

 

Incidentally, a woman at my AS support group once asked if it would be possible to be introduced to an AS adult - a few of us suggested that she could just as well ask to be introduced to 'an adult' for all the difference it would make.

 

Karen

x

[marshmallow]

Well, accoprding to my local mental health team...

 

Thou shalt not care what others think of thou

 

Thou shalt live an isolated life

 

Thou shalt have no sucessful relationships

 

So there!!!

 

Bid

 

Oooh...(possibly)

 

Thou shalt NOT be clinically well-dressed

 

Just out of interest, what diagnostic criteria did they use to diagnose being "clinically well-dressed"

 

Thou shalt NEVER look at someone else in the eye.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

It seems like it's back to that old thing about when you get or are in the process of getting a diagnosis that you're expected to tick most boxes. We (on this forum) know that that's not reality.

 

That's good that your SIL bothered speaking to you about it and seems interested. There are those that care and want to know a bit more and those that couldn't care less, so it's a refreshing change!

 

Caroline.

[bid]

Just out of interest, what diagnostic criteria did they use to diagnose being "clinically well-dressed"

 

I would love to know, MM ...it's a comment from my report from my local mental health team, who also said I was 'clinically well-kempt'!!

 

Bid

[Clareo2003]

This has made me laugh

[TheNeil]

Just out of interest, what diagnostic criteria did they use to diagnose being "clinically well-dressed"

 

That would be using the tests developed by Dr Dolce and Dr Gabana

[Mumble]

That would be using the tests developed by Dr Dolce and Dr Gabana

 

Ah, the famous Dr Trinny Dolce and Dr Suzanna Gabana tests - yes, they tried to administer these to me, but failed miserably - nothing seemed to match my lovely thick white jumper with the extra long arms and the convienient buckles to attach my key-chain to . . .

[TheNeil]

Ah, the famous Dr Trinny Dolce and Dr Suzanna Gabana tests - yes, they tried to administer these to me, but failed miserably - nothing seemed to match my lovely thick white jumper with the extra long arms and the convienient buckles to attach my key-chain to . . .

I failed on the 'match the top with the trousers' test (fool that I am, I tried to match an orange striped shirt with a pair of brown cords - what kind of idiot makes that sort of mistake? )

[Mumble]

a pair of brown cords

Congratulations, you are at least 1/10 of a standard, textbook AS person - see rule number 8 (I've read the books you see - so I know exactly what makes someone AS and what AS people 'do')

[TheNeil]

Congratulations, you are at least 1/10 of a standard, textbook AS person - see rule number 8 (I've read the books you see - so I know exactly what makes someone AS and what AS people 'do')

Oh you misunderstand - I picked the brown cords but I wouldn't wear the brown cords. Cords? Oh no (how 70's). Brown? <Runs for the hills>

 

Tsk, tsk, tsk ()

[Mumble]

Oh you misunderstand - I picked the brown cords but I wouldn't wear the brown cords. Cords? Oh no (how 70's). Brown? <Runs for the hills>

 

Please accept my most humble apologies . You see, I have AS, and it says in the textbook that everyone with AS misunderstands. I'm just living up to my label. Make it rule 11. Ooh, and following the rules - make that one rule 12.

 

As for your not wearing cords - well, back to getting that refund off your expert I say. You are definitely not AS, you don't 'do' what the books say you should do.

 

<runs for the hills> - keep running - you might meet someone interesting to share your insanity with

[TheNeil]

<runs for the hills> - keep running - you might meet someone interesting to share your insanity with

Run woman, run. First you imply that I'd wear brown cords, and I have it on good authority that you raised the 'Cliff' issue again. Prepare to die

[Mumble]

Run woman, run. First you imply that I'd wear brown cords, and I have it on good authority that you raised the 'Cliff' issue again. Prepare to die

 

Threatening behaviour now?

 

I seem to remember something from crimewatch linking threatening behaviour with AS (and I bet they got that out of a textbook too). Lost count of the rules (I don't do small numbers), but welcome back to the AS world - you have now truly earned your place.

[TheNeil]

Threatening behaviour now?

 

I seem to remember something from crimewatch linking threatening behaviour with AS (and I bet they got that out of a textbook too). Lost count of the rules (I don't do small numbers), but welcome back to the AS world - you have now truly earned your place.

Just be grateful that there isn't a 'brick to death' smiley

 

It feels good to be 'accepted' by the AS world again ...even if I don't display 'standard AS behavour'

[oxgirl]

Brown? <Runs for the hills>

Tsk, tsk, tsk ()

 

Brown is the new black, didn't you know? Or at least it was last year anyways.

 

~ Mel ~

[Flora]

What a fantastic thread

 

Nearly everyone I have met since I moved to this village assume that Bill will be extremely tidy....

 

'Oh, then he probably loveshis room to be tidy' Not so you'd notice

 

'Oh, does he love rules and routines?'... ONLY his own

 

'Well... he'll not care what other people think of him'.... Actually, he's PARANOID about what other people think of him but not in a way that will make him be any different to how he is...

 

DITTO for me to the all of the above!!! And I obsessionally follow fashion (well my own perception of it)...

 

Oh I could go on and join this thread with gusto... but I don't have time. I've spent all afternoon OBSESSIONALLY trying to find a kitten to buy....

 

Do you know you can't get a kitten in Oxfordshire for love nor money? I reckon the cats in this part of the world need a doze of that drug that causes them to want to 'do it' (can't type it here but it begins with a V... I was under the impression there were kittens galore and that people would be giving them away.... But no... apparently they are very rare and cost at least �100 when you can get them

 

Flozza

[baddad]

Just out of interest, what diagnostic criteria did they use to diagnose being "clinically well-dressed"

 

 

 

They meant she hadn't tucked her skirt in the back of her knickers....

 

If they'd seen her AFTER a trip to the loo!

[bid]

 

You're all just jealous 'cos you're not clinically well-dressed and well-kempt!

 

La Fashionista

[Flora]

 

You're all just jealous 'cos you're not clinically well-dressed and well-kempt!

 

La Fashionista

 

 

You know there's another name for clinically well dressed..... VANITY

 

Just kiddin' bid.... honest.... <'>

 

Flozza

[Corcaigh]

Guys, this thread is exhilarating!

[Kathryn]

 

You're all just jealous 'cos you're not clinically well-dressed and well-kempt!

 

La Fashionista

 

Well I'm not a member of the mental health profession, so naturally I can only give my unqualified opinion, but Bid has great taste in clothes.

 

K x

[bid]

Ah, but could this be because we invariabley seem to be wearing quite similar outfits when we meet up!?

 

Which just goes to show that Kathryn is clinically well-dressed, too, and has clinically good taste in ear-rings and necklaces!

 

Bid

[Kathryn]

Ah, but could this be because we invariabley seem to be wearing quite similar outfits when we meet up!?

 

Which just goes to show that Kathryn is clinically well-dressed, too, and has clinically good taste in ear-rings and necklaces!

 

Bid

 

Well I have traits of well kemptness perhaps, but do I tick enough boxes for the full dx?? After all, I've been known to rush out the door wearing black boots but clutching a brown handbag.

 

K x

[bid]

Ah, that probably means you're Well-Dressed NOS!!

 

Bid

Edited March 13, 2007 by bid

[dolly]

After all, I've been known to rush out the door wearing black boots but clutching a brown handbag.

 

K x

Call the fashion police!