hev Report post Posted March 23, 2007 respite been cancelled this sunday because when he went out with the worker bowling last night they went to the supermarket and he stole a lot of chocolate,he was very happy with himself,have got meeting next week with social services,he def wants to gt arrested,i could sob my heart out but no point,ive had it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rach04 Report post Posted March 23, 2007 <'> <'> hun omg dont know what else to say <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted March 23, 2007 Hev <'> <'> <'> <'> K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted March 23, 2007 hev <'> <'> What an absolutely rotten time you're having.... <'> Is it cancelled for ever or for a set period of time? Surely they have measures in place for when respite is cancelled in cases like this... The whole point of the respite is to help you and Steve... so surely if the respite has failed like in this instance then there is something else that kicks in? Something which reflects the additional needs he is demonstrating. It seems like common sense to me. Flora <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat Report post Posted March 23, 2007 So Steve does something wrong and you are punished after an already dreadful week It is quite obvious that Steve wants to get himself arrested in fact it's as plain as the nose on your face so what are they going to do about this? Behaviour like this is the reason that you need respite. I wish I knew what to suggest <'> <'> <'> Cat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted March 23, 2007 Hev <'> <'> <'> It looks like the system hasn't realised yet that Steve has Aspergers syndrome and they have been addressing his difficulties as if he was just being naughty. He is not being helped by cancelling respite, it's an inadequate reaction to his stealing. They MUST get to the bottom of his behaviour before they take any more measures with him. The GP and Cahms should get involved as a matter of urgency and contact SS to inform them of the medical point of view. I don't think that the people in SS know very much about ASD, I recently attended a seminar about ASD where there were lots of people from different agencies and by the questions asked I can tell that they had only read a brief leaflet about it. Hope it can be sorted out soon. <'> Curra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted March 23, 2007 Oh Hev, really sorry <'> Thinking of you x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted March 23, 2007 (edited) This is a long shot, but could you see if the police could have a word with him and show him that being arrested is not fun? Or are there any schemes were ex-offenders talk about prison? Very drastic I know but it sounds as though he's caught up in what he imagines being arrested is like. Edited March 23, 2007 by Bullet Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted March 23, 2007 Oh Hev <'> Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted March 23, 2007 hi hev, can,t believe what your having to cope with at the moment <'> , last week I attended a seminar run by CASPAR (in cheshire), it was about aspergers and the criminal justice systerm.I won,t waffle too much but autism west midlands have made an alert card recognised by the police that aspergers kids can carry...........have a look on www.autismwestmidlands.org.uk. Also have you thought of approaching your local police and explaining this situation with steve.Perhaps they could give him a tour of the station , show him the holding cells etc , it may curb his obsession about the police and take away some of the mystery about it.West midland police had a speaker at this seminar and they seemed very eager to address problems our kids have with the law.Maybe your local police could help you address steves current problems with wanting to be arrested.Take care hun and I,m really thinking of you.Suzex Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted March 23, 2007 Hev <'> What a week! Did SS give you/steve a reason for why they've cancelled respite (assuming it's just for this week....????)? Is it as a form of punishment?? What was SS response when he stole the choc - right then and there, what was said to him?? I realise they cannot physically stop him from doing it - but i would hope they would have spoken to him about it???? I am most certainly NOT putting any blame onto SS - but at the same time, they were responsible for S at that time.... I would have thought this would highlight further the need for help for S. <'> Keep plodding along hunni - some days you just have to keep your head down and get through it <'> I really don't know what to suggest to help S. He clearly needs some help both with his feelings towards the police and those rushing teenage hormones!! <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted March 23, 2007 they are coming out wed afternoon to talk to steve about boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour when hes on respite,they cancelled respite for this week because he needs to be spoken to first. im going to stop the respite anyway,obviously hes not enjoying it,im going to be well stressed when he goes so it wont be respite will it,apparently he was swearing non stop at his helper,he might as well be at home with me if hes shoplifting when hes not Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted March 24, 2007 I wouldn't stop the respite hun <'> You've had a shockingly horrible week and i can understand why you just want it to stop <'> But, SS may say that they offered respite - and that you declined - making further help difficult iyswim....... <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat Report post Posted March 24, 2007 Smilie is right they will say that you have refused the respite. Have a second think about this Hev <'> <'> <'> Cat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted March 24, 2007 oh no chic, he really is wanting to go down the police station again isnt he.... i also think you should persevere with the respite, i know it must feel more worrying wondering what he is getting up to when you arent with him, but they probably will use it against you if you tell them not to bother..... <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted March 24, 2007 smiley,cat and bfb ive been thinking about it and you are right,i was so peed off last night that i thought i cant handle any more stress but thinking it over today im going to keep the respite going does anyone know if ss can refuse to give steve respite any more if he carries on the way he is? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted March 25, 2007 sorry chic havent got a clue.....when paed made a referal to ss for us they told me that they couldnt do anything to help as autism / adhd not classed as a disability in our area......hopefully someone else will have some knowledge on this! <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
louxx Report post Posted March 25, 2007 <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> really feel for you hev and i hope everything works out for you <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted March 25, 2007 sorry chic havent got a clue.....when paed made a referal to ss for us they told me that they couldnt do anything to help as autism / adhd not classed as a disability in our area......hopefully someone else will have some knowledge on this! <'> There seems to be a postcode lottery with SS. They said the same to me in our area (SW) Hope everything goes better for you, Hev. ((hugs)) Curra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted March 25, 2007 sorry chic havent got a clue.....when paed made a referal to ss for us they told me that they couldnt do anything to help as autism / adhd not classed as a disability in our area......hopefully someone else will have some knowledge on this! <'> Hi Hev/all - Sorry, hev, nowt to add to the suggestions you've had except keep the respite up (he swears at his respite worker/he swears at you/he swears at nick... I think it's just a fact that Steve swears - doesn't necessarily mean the respite is not helpful to HIM, and even if it isn't it IS helpful to you - so s*d Steve for once and think about yourself!) and to send a few of these <'> <'> Butterfingers/curra - This 'not recognised as a disability' sounds a bit iffy to me - more probably that SS are making sweeping generalisations and passing the buck based on something else... maybe something like they only respond if the child has a statement or has been 'officially' referred -something like that(?) But they can't 'not recognise' it out of hand when there is a medical diagnostic criteria (DSM etc) that states it IS a disability... If you get DLA then by definition it MUST be a disability (unless the gov has started handing out awards as raffle prizes! :lol :lol)! Push them a bit harder (or take a leaf from Hev's book and get in touch with your local MP), and my guess is they will qualify that 'classification' in your favour... L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marshmallow Report post Posted March 25, 2007 Hev, <'> <'> <'> sorry nothing to add, I have been thinking of you, I'm glad you've decided to keep respite going. Take care M Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LittleRae Report post Posted March 26, 2007 Hi Hev I agree with Baddad. The respite isn't for Steve - It's for you. So what if he swears- if he was the perfect child you wouldn't need respite! Definitely don't cancel. Keep accepting any help until it's withdrawn Good luck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted March 26, 2007 (edited) Oh Hev, You certainly are having a rough time <'> <'> <'> glad you have thought again about the respite like BD says so what if he swears, the respite is for you and my God do you need it right now. Perhaps your local Bobby or Community Liasion Officer could get involved and perhaps channel Steve's interest to the right side of the law, you may find a bit of involvement would satisfy his obession with the Police, but then again I guess it could make it worse. Oh dear I wish I had more to offer you. Clare x <'> <'> <'> Edited March 26, 2007 by Clare63 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted March 26, 2007 Oh Hev, sorry you are having an awfull time but I do not think you should cancel the social services,how about asking for someone different. As for Steve swearing well i'm sorry but repite workers should know that they may have to deal with this kind of stuff after all the child must have some difficulties hence why you the parents need a break. I think I would be complaing to them aswell about Steve shop-lifting cos it seems to me that he hasn't been properly suprevised to be able to do this. Please do not let them turn this around on you and Steve, he hasdifficulties hence why you are having respite and the worker should know that. Have you explained to the worker his difficulties? Take care and I hope you getthings sorted soon <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
David Matthew Baker Report post Posted March 26, 2007 Really he shouldn't have been able to try and take anything. Or at least not in the sort of amounts I got the impression he did. Whilst at the special school I went into the local shop a few times with students who didn't understand they couldn't just take stuff. I always could remove or intecept them before they got any items. That includes the post 16 year olds who I went in with a couple of times. You just have to be alert and act as soon as you see them going for something. Really even one male adult should be able to control a 13 year old most of the time if he needs to. I managed to restrain a 14 year old on my own one day. It was hard work but it is possible. It does make me wonder if they weren't keeping a proper eye on him. Wish I was closer as I would offer you help. Once again hope things improve for you soon. All the best, David. <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
