Anyone else feel like this?

[LizK]

We had a family day out this week at Drayton Manor Theme Park with the kids. Was a good day made easier by having use of the wristbands allowing us to use the exits of the rides. We got DS and myself in cheaper as a disabled person and carer but felt guilty as I don't see him as disabled, he's just Adam and didn't feel we really qualified for cheaper entry. The wristbands were very useful but again I felt awkward using them at times like we were queue jumping. We only ended up using them a couple of times when the queues were long and he was jumpy but knowing we had them made a difference. Most of the time the queues for the rides were short or the time queuing gave DS some valuable chill-out time. I also didn't want him thinking he could queue jump simply because he had the wristband and want him to learn he has to wait sometimes as long as this fell within what I felt he could cope with. He was queuing with H at one ride, not a long wait when a boy came up and demanded he be let on straight away as he was autistic and had a wristband. The operator actually let my son on first as he'd been waiting a bit longer.

 

Dunno, really glad we had the bands, having the option to use the exits was a big help and dislike the theme parks where they make you wait just as long just in a different queue! Just felt awkward about the whole 'disability' tag really and didn't want to abuse the system

 

Lx

[lynyona]

How uncanny me and my mum sister and dh were just talking about this.dh went to Alton towers and took a group of disabled children and of course they had this express treatment thing and they dragged dh on everything with them and he said he felt a bit mean as all the other people were still waiting in the line but he was down as in the group.I know personally kieran wouldnt take kindly to standing in a line for an hour or however long it takes but i would still feel the same like i was pushing in but if the facilitys there and you are entitled why not.

 

 

 

lynn

[phoenix]

after reading a thread yesterday about exit passes, i looked into them as i've not heard of them before, and i also feel the same, because i dont actualy see my son as disabled, because he looks and sounds normal, i would also feel guilty like i was abusing the system somehow. (i know this could turn into a debate but) whats everyone elses definition of disabled? there appears to be a sliding scale on how would you define 'disabled' ? a wheelchair user, who has mobility problems, to like my son who has AS who dosnt look disabled at all, but is

[Kazzen161]

It did make me feel a bit strange when we used them at Legoland. I wondered what people thought about us getting on first - they probably thought we were VIPs! There was also someone in a wheelchair getting on first - and I would imagine that people could understand that better - even though there is often no reason why a person in a wheelchair couldn't wait for an hour (though obviously getting round the barriers may be difficult), whereas no-way would my son queue for an hour.

 

We had been to Legoland before we knew about the exit passes and we only went on the little cars, as the queues were too long for everything else. Next time we went on about 4 rides.

 

I don't feel bad about using the exit pass, as it meant we could access all the park, which we couldn't do without it.

 

Karen

[LizK]

after reading a thread yesterday about exit passes, i looked into them as i've not heard of them before, and i also feel the same, because i dont actualy see my son as disabled, because he looks and sounds normal, i would also feel guilty like i was abusing the system somehow. (i know this could turn into a debate but) whats everyone elses definition of disabled? there appears to be a sliding scale on how would you define 'disabled' ? a wheelchair user, who has mobility problems, to like my son who has AS who dosnt look disabled at all, but is

 

True. Exit passes have certainly made our life easier and allowed DS to enjoy theme parks when he wouldn't otherwise. Queuing for an hour would be impossible for him but I think queuing 10 minutes is a reasonable length of time for him. It's interesting reading the various theme park disability guides as they seem to talk about wheelchair users being analogous to disabled when in fact disability must encompass a wider range of difficulties. There's no way someone in a wheelchair could practically queue for the rides as it wouldn't fit and they'd need assistance getting on and off but some wheelchair users may I expect be able to queue for the same length of time as an abled bodied person. I imagine for many autistic children or children with learning difficulties long queues would be impossible even though they are able bodied and may look 'normal'. Though the brightly coloured ear defenders that he had clamped to his head the whole time we were there meant he did stand out LOL! It was tempting to use the passes for everything but I would have felt like we were abusing the system as my son is perfectly capable of waiting shorter periods of times

 

Technically I know as an autistic child he does have a disability but I have really can't get my head around that concept. To me he's different and as a result needs more help and understanding rather than disabled if that makes any sense!

 

Lx

[carrieq]

I have used the passes at Disney and yes I did feel guilty but when we stood in the queues I could see the difference between ds and other kids. He was getting uptight and stressed he made us all stand a certain distance from him and became quite obsessive about lines being straight, distance etc.

 

I don't see him as "disabled" and think the term is possibly not quite right but on a number of occasions we have taken him out and he just hasn't got out of things that others get eg zoo refused to look at the animals.

 

He has the same rights as everyone else to enjoy an experience and come away with a positive feeling and if this means he needs to use a different method of access then for his benefit we will do it. Other children can accept the need to queue and won't enjoy it but will do it, ds can't and doesn't understand why.

 

I think there is so little open to our kids that when they enjoy something it is such a shame to put them through a stressful situation and maybe take away the fun element for them and the family as a whole.

 

Carrie

[pearl]

Oi! Stop feeling guilty everyone!

It doesnt matter what everyone else thinks, we know that one of the defining characteristics of our child's disability is the inability to queue for long periods. Life is hard enough, so lets make the most of the concessions we do get.

 

mr pearl took J to London a few years ago & queue jumped the whole time, plus he got in most places free or reduced as his carer. Not once was he challenged, they saved ����s & the whole thing was so much less stressful.

[Lindyloo]

We have used the exit passes a few times now in Disneyland Paris and also in Florida. I used to feel guilty about using them, but I have got used to it. And like everyone says, it allows Luke to enjoy an experience. He loves rides, but if he had to queue for an hour at a time to get on them, he would be so stressed that it would take away that enjoyment. And if it means we get to cover more of the places we are visiting that is just an added bonus

[mrs phasmid]

if you feel uneasy with the 'disability' tag then fine dont use the exit passes its your choice. but then if your getting DLA surely you should give that up too? you cant quantify picking and choosing when your child is seen as disabled and when not.

something to ponder maybe when your next feeling guilty over the term disability?

 

phas jr obviously dosnt feel guilty in using the term, as a person with an asd. he takes a copy of his dla letter with him at all times, as he has recently cottoned on to how much 'free' stuff either he or his friend[carer ] can get when showing it.

he reckons its the flip side of being on the spectrum

[JsMum]

When you got the wrist bands did you not have to show them any proof that your son had a disability and if you where define Autism and ASD it is a disability in the Mental Impairments section of the DDA discription of a disability so it is actually a disability, its a hidden disability.

 

I have only ever used it in LEGOLAND and it was a god send, queing is a nightmare with J, its one opportunity to get into major michiefe, he pushes, stamps on peoples feet, pulls faces and makes a run for it when he has his eye on something that Interests HIM.

 

Js behaviour is unprodictable and so its hard to gage when he will react to certain situations, I know in ques he hates the crowds, the enclosure and the feeling that people are way to close to him even though he might of taken their personal space.

 

things can get out of hand in an instant and so its reducing the likely confrontations when your given a choice to go to the front or to wait in the que, its your choice.

 

I think the fact its cheaper for the disabled person and carer is that carer is still looking after the disabled child, the responsibilties dont vanish because your in a theame part, you still have all the same things to do, and the child may have a disadvantage because of their impairments they may not take in the same things and have difficuties with the change and rules that a park has.

 

A day out has its challenges, it sure is exhausting at the end of the day if it were not made that bit easier then there is the chance that some children may not be able to access it because of their disability what ever description that may be

 

JsMum

[baddad]

Hi all -

I think that exit passes/concessions are a great idea, as are parking badges etc. The thing is, though, how they get used is often more down to the carer than the person the concession is generated for... If the pass is used to alleviate stress build up, create accessabilty where it might not otherwise be possible then you are teaching the child a valuable and valid lifeskill. If you are teaching your child how to use it to queue jump or 'c0ck-a-snook' it really is quite unpleasant...

I personally hate it if I see someone using a family member's disabled badge to legitimise thoughless/lazy/irresponsible and ignorant parking for their own benefit when it is perfectly obvious that the person the concession is actually FOR isn't even present - and have you ever seen how self-righteous they get when they are challenged (and isn't it funny how they are always 'in a rush to pick (the disabled person) up'?? I can understand why other parents would balk at seeing a disabled 'concession' used in the same way.

On the question of financial concessions, though, it's a little bit easier - For my son, stuff he can 'do' is undoubtedly more expensive than for many kids... He can't go out on the little bit of grass outside of the house, or the park on a busy day or stuff like that, 'cos unpleasant people DO make it unpleasant for him - either directly or indirectly. Most of his socialisation is less fraught if undertaken in organised 'family' outings with specific interests catered for - and those kind of events DO cost money... I know Legoland with dad will never EVER replace a day in the park with real friends - but he hasn't got many of the latter and with the greastest will in the world 'Dad' doesn't want to spend his days trying to squeeze his fat ar*e onto the slide or into a swing (I do like it sometimes though!!)...

One other thing - I'm never worried about using the term 'disabled' about my son, because to me the term means something society does TO him... enable his difference, and you negate the disability... any shame attached to the term should be a societal/generalised one - not an individual judgement.

L&P

BD Hi all

[zaman]

Hi LizK

 

I know exactly what you mean. We went to Legoland this week and got the exit passes, but what I try to do is limit how and when we use them to the times when it makes most sense - huge queues, etc. Otherwise the kids would go whizzing from one ride to another, and just get manic, and it really doesn't hurt them to stand and wait for a little time. Most of the time we only had to wait 10mins, which for us is an acceptable wait.

[LizK]

Thanks all. Interesting povs!

 

I think that exit passes/concessions are a great idea, as are parking badges etc. The thing is, though, how they get used is often more down to the carer than the person the concession is generated for... If the pass is used to alleviate stress build up, create accessabilty where it might not otherwise be possible then you are teaching the child a valuable and valid lifeskill. If you are teaching your child how to use it to queue jump or 'c0ck-a-snook' it really is quite unpleasant...

 

You've as ever summed up more eloquently what I was thinking! I think the passes are great too. We are only considering doing to Eurodisney because they exist and along with DS ear defenders they have enabled DS to enjoy something that would otherwise be deprived to him. I think queueing is an inherently British thing we've only used them a couple of occasions so maybe that feeling will wear off! I did feel very uncomfortable at the child (well the carer really) demanding his 'right' to be let on first for a ride that had a less than 2 minute wait. To me they are not 'perks' for having a disability but something that is useful for situations when waiting or accessibility is a genuine problem.

 

Lx

[LizK]

if you feel uneasy with the 'disability' tag then fine dont use the exit passes its your choice. but then if your getting DLA surely you should give that up too? you cant quantify picking and choosing when your child is seen as disabled and when not.

something to ponder maybe when your next feeling guilty over the term disability?

 

I have a friend who refuses to apply for DLA at all on those grounds. I didn't apply for DLA for a while for that reason and actually for a long time didn't realise we were eligible for DLA because my son wasn't 'disabled'! I wasn't feeling guilty over the term disability as such, after all it's just semantics and no doubt in 20 years time will be replaced by something more politically correct . Just felt strange and felt I had to have a good reason (in my head LOL!) for skipping the queues (which we did) rather than using the wristbands as a perk. DLA is a completley different matter, that pays for things like SALT that the State ought to be providing

 

Lx

[LizK]

Otherwise the kids would go whizzing from one ride to another, and just get manic, and it really doesn't hurt them to stand and wait for a little time. Most of the time we only had to wait 10mins, which for us is an acceptable wait.

 

We chose to wait for 15 mins one time for that reason that DS was getting too overloaded and hyper and it was a good chill out time for us all

 

Lx

[KateBall]

Oi! Stop feeling guilty everyone!

It doesnt matter what everyone else thinks, we know that one of the defining characteristics of our child's disability is the inability to queue for long periods. Life is hard enough, so lets make the most of the concessions we do get.

 

mr pearl took J to London a few years ago & queue jumped the whole time, plus he got in most places free or reduced as his carer. Not once was he challenged, they saved ����s & the whole thing was so much less stressful.

 

 

TOTALLY agree with you Pearl. My DS wouldn't get to go if it weren't for the exit pass. Its no big deal to anyone else that we have them - didn't hold anyone up unduly and meant they didn't have some irate abusive and violent child behind them in the queue. Why be a martyr for the sake of it. We owe it to our children to get them all the benefits we possibly can. There is no way I could teach my ds to learn the meaning of queueing in a hyperactive and over sensitive environment - is it fair to do that? - I know it wouldn't be fair to my ds - it would be setting him up to fail.

[Bagpuss]

I've lost count of the amount of days out we've had to leave early due to youngest dd being too stressed to queue. We spent half an hour at Flamingo Land once, for her birthday, and left with all 3 kiddies in tears. We didn't know about the wristbands etc then. Our youngest dd also uses a wheelchair for days out etc, yet the ASD causes us far more difficulty than her wheelchair. Since we learnt about the wristbands we've had some smashing days out. I don't feel guilty. I certainly would never question why someone who was not in a wheelchair was somehow jumping the queue. I too took a long while to apply for DLA....but was so glad when I did. But......took me a fair while to then apply for Carers Allowance.....refused to see myself as a carer I think youngest dd was getting DLA for over 2 years before I applied. I accept youngest dd and eldest dd have disabilities. Our eldest dd has no difficulty with queuing, therefore I would never request a wristband for her, but it had made a huge difference in terms of our youngest dd. We've learnt other things help too...going when it's quieter, splitting up, etc. It's such a huge learning curve. Don't feel guilty Liz, as a mum your best placed to decide when you feel the wristbands would be helpful. Our youngest dd also had a blue badge for parking, but I'd never abuse that either, and only use it when youngest dd is with us.....as for the confrontations we've had.....oh heck, whole other thread You will always get people who make judgements, some who will mutter, or even say things out loud, but I always feel that they are the ones with the issues, and try not to let it affect me now.

[mrs phasmid]

BLUE BADGES ANOTHER ISSUE

 

I have one for me, yet im not in a wheelchair i have an additional need that no-one can see or half the time imagine how dibilitating it is, unless they actually know someone with it

 

I personally hate it if I see someone using a family member's disabled badge to legitimise thoughless/lazy/irresponsible and ignorant parking for their own benefit when it is perfectly obvious that the person the concession is actually FOR isn't even present

 

and this is what i have to put up with on an almost daily basis. how does ANYONE know who that badge is for? not everyone who has one is in a wheelchair. how can it be "perfectly obvious the person the concession is for is not even present?" we dont like others judging our children as naughty, ill disciplined brats because they have a hidden disabilty, or want to be forever explaining to others who, quite frankly have no right to know our business, yet feel ok to judge others over a piece of blue paper.

 

i also have a friend who has one, due to the fact that they proved that, due to her asd, she is a danger to herself and others and needs a close bolthole when stressed and that although able to walk miles, will sit down immediately she feels tired and then cannot be moved except via wheelchair or being carried[ and at 30 yrs old how dignified or easy is that to do]

 

she and her carer had to go to tribunal for hers, i did not. do i feel guilty for using mine even though i can walk? absolutely not one bit. BUT why should i have to justify to ANYONE why i have one. we all know, from first hand experience, how wrong the phrase 'well they look alright' actually is and how totally offensive it is also

 

sorry baddad you made a huge judgemental and sweeping statement there, which is not only wrong but actually quite frankly offensive to people in my position. the DDA says im disabled, the blue badge scheme says im disabled and the dla say i am, Incap says i am, my specialist says i am. who are you to judge that people in my position are abusing the system, just because you see them getting out of a car, using a blue badge and then walking away?

[Kathryn]

Mrs P I don't blame you for being offended at casual observers who presume to judge whether the holder of a blue badge (or other pass) is disabled or not. It's up to the issuers to decide who is eligible and who is not. L has a blue badge and I must say I'm (slightly) grateful that she usually takes her crutch with her when we go out - people can see this very obvious outward sign of the physical part of her disability and won't stare too much when we take the best (and sometimes the only!) parking spots.

 

I don't think that Baddad was talking about disabled badge holders themselves, but about family members/helpers who abuse the system. It does happen, and the (hopefully) few who do, probably make it more difficult for the rest. I know someone who does exactly what Baddad is talking about: she uses her child's blue badge to park her car quickly and easily even when the child is not around; and if challenged she will say that she is dropping off or picking up, when she isn't. She admits she does it and I've witnessed her doing it. Although the identity of a disabled badge holder is obvious from the photo, it's still difficult to prove that someone else is using a badge fraudulently in a situation like this, as the rules do allow for a "non disabled" driver to set down and pick up the badge holder.

 

I have to say, it's tempting to take advantage. When parking is tricky, we sometimes joke that we should have brought L and her Blue Badge along just to make life easier, but we would never dream of using the latter on its own!

 

K x

[mrs phasmid]

I don't think that Baddad was talking about disabled badge holders themselves, but about family members/helpers who abuse the system. It does happen, and the (hopefully) few who do, probably make it more difficult for the rest. I know someone who does exactly what Baddad is talking about: she uses her child's blue badge to park her car quickly and easily even when the child is not around; and if challenged she will say that she is dropping off or picking up, when she isn't. She admits she does it and I've witnessed her doing it. Although the identity of a disabled badge holder is obvious from the photo, it's still difficult to prove that someone else is using a badge fraudulently in a situation like this, as the rules do allow for a "non disabled" driver to set down and pick up the badge holder.

 

yes i quite agree there will always be some that break the rules. unfortuantely that is human nature[in some people] the reason i spoke about not being able to see who the badge is for is that the badge should be dislayed photo side down[believe me an, almost, expensive lesson to learn] so the issue number and expiry date can be clearly seen by all. hence then you would actually have to ask someone to see it, and yes i have had that too. what i was getting at is the pervasive stereo typical view, that only wheechair users are issued with a blue badge

 

I have to say, it's tempting to take advantage. When parking is tricky, we sometimes joke that we should have brought L and her Blue Badge along just to make life easier, but we would never dream of using the latter on its own!

K x

as does phas but agian he would never use it unless i was there, it is just not right, as well as being unlawful and maybe costing the badge holder their much needed badge. the only thing i would wish is that they would issue more than one, the amount of times we've nipped out in phas car[being smaller and nipper] and then found we left the badge in mine, a great lunking disabilty minibus with a ramp and a *burger* to park or 'nip' anywhere in

[dolly]

Just come back from orlando , its the 3rd time we have been and wonld'nt cope without using the passes i also get one which classes kofi's buggy as a wheel chair . I dont feel guilty at all . Kofi enjoys the rides but wouldnt stand in a queue