krystaltps Report post Posted May 1, 2007 C has begun an uncharacteristic new "thing". About 20 times a day he asks me if I'm angry with him. I'm assuming that he's trying to read my expression and unless I am jumping up and down on the sofa with a grin like a Cheshire cat and whooping with joy , he assumes that I am upset, or angry. I have tried, repeatedly, to reassure him that I am not angry, I am very rarely angry and when I'm angry I will tell him. I've even tried showing him my "angry face" - but he still asks repeatedly and he seems so worried and anxious. He's going through a "good phase" (long may it last ) - so he is also super-keen to please, and receive praise. Has anyone else had this? I mean, I'm taking it as a good thing - he's making a real effort to overcome something here, but he just seems so anxious. Any suggestions or tips about how to reassure him? - bearing in mind that anything like face expressions cards will be discarded as babyish. Anyway, he can't seem to make the connection between pictures of emotions and the real thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 1, 2007 (edited) Mmmm...I know when my DH is annoyed or happy, but when he's sort of 'neutral' I also ask him if he is cross with me. I just can't tell how someone is feeling unless it is very obvious, almost like cartoon emotions, IYSWIM. I guess it must be lack of confidence that makes me worry that my DH must be cross with me, rather than assuming he must be happy with me... Don't know if this helps at all! Bid Edited May 2, 2007 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted May 2, 2007 I get this from Bill all the time. It's either 'are you angry'...or...'are you alright mum?'.... It's so regular it could almost be a tic! I just automatically answer him now... yes or no... to the point that I don't even register it a vast majority of the time. Bill has prosopagnosia... (facial mapping problems and recognition difficulities).... I only found this out a year ago.... I'm not saying this is the problem with your son but it may be worth looking into. I know that Bill can't see mouthes very well so often has no idea whether your smiling or grimacing. He also can't see eye brows so both indicators of facial expression... eye brows and mouth positions are missing.... hence why he has no idea, unless a person is hooting with laughter or bawling out loud, what your mood is. In some situations he can't see the face at all and there is just a blank head.... Like I said, this may not be the problem in your case, but Bill was 12 before I found out his difficulties with visual perception so it's certainly worth checking. Flora Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KateBall Report post Posted May 2, 2007 I get "are you angry with me" and also "do you still love me" - a lot of the time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted May 2, 2007 We've been through similar but not to an extent where it has drove me mad. I think it's because they like getting a response which is the same as it feels re-assusring to them and this is why the children with asd often question the same thing again and again, or maybe he could be worried that you are angry with him. You could try doing a smiley face chart with different types of faces drawn onto it and an arrow that moves and you can both have one he can then show you how he is feeling and you can show him how you are feeling, it mat take a bit of time to work and to help him understand what you are doing but it could also help enormously and open up topics to see what may have upset him etc. Another thing to do aswell if say he's showing an angry face is to then draw stick men pictures of the activities throughout the day i.e. getting dressed, picture of school, watching tv after school etc and then do no's 1-10 underneath 1 being sad up to 10 beiung happy and get him to line up how he felt doing each activity, again this will help you both undertand what may have triggered behaviours or upset him. These types fo charts can take a lil while to get used to but can be so good when you both understand how to use them. Good luck <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KateBall Report post Posted May 2, 2007 Just something similar too - my son asked me to show him that face I pull when I tell him off - that angry face. He said he wanted to see it because it made him laugh! So he has no understanding at all of emotions in the face. My son asks me pretty constantly whether we're angry or love him etc and we constantly reply - even a yes of course doesn't help - he still wants to ask over and over. Just lately he's added a new dimension and after you've answered him he says "promise?" and asks you to shake his hand as a deal. Its driving me nuts. Promise! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
venus Report post Posted May 2, 2007 hi, my son is also doing this but he just asks me 'are you happy or cross' and he is also going through a really lovely good phase at the moment. I hadn't really thought that he was trying to please me but to come to think of it I think that he is.He is putting himself to bed which is something he has never done before and says that he is a good boy now .When i do get cross he says 'you aren't cross with me mummy because I am a good boy' ' are you cross with Ryan ' and when I say 'yes' i am cross with Ryan he then says I am a good boy now and Ryan is naughty. This all started about two weeks ago and I know they do about emotions at school with him so maybe it how it started .I don't feel that he is anxious by keep asking me just that he is interested in how I am feeling Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted May 2, 2007 We too get this all the time - usually 'mum why are you mad with me' and 'your voice sounds mad with me' - also 'you don't love me' and 'I know you hate me' - all these are usually if I don't do something straight away or don't sound totally interested to the point of being excited about something that she's talking about. I've tried explaining to her that my voice or face is not mad and told her that when I'm mad I look like this or sound like this - and what I'm sounding like is just normal when someone is trying to concentrate on something else, or they have to answer someone else because they are leaving etc, she thinks that hate/anger/mad/love is all revolved around how quickly/interestingly and attentive you are in responding to her - she really struggles to get it right. Take care, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi Report post Posted May 2, 2007 My son does this too, along with asking 'do u like me' ALL the time and this is to me or anyone, he just cant read the signs. Bambi x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
krystaltps Report post Posted May 2, 2007 Thanks peoples - it's good to know I'm not alone on this one. I don't find it annoying (yet), I just worry when he seems so anxious. One of the teachers at the school I work at suggested I use the school badge making machine to make two badges: a yellow one and a red one, tell him the yellow one means I am happy and the red one means I am angry. Thought it was a really good idea, but not sure if it would work with C - he would need too many details - who am I angry with, why am I angry, etc. Think will just keep reassuring him for the meantime. It could also be the for reassurance as well (the repetitive nature of the question and the same answer each time), I hadn't considered that. I believe it's because it's his new specialist study topic. He does that - he seems to be highly tuned to things he feels he can't do as well as his peers and then practices it. He did this with figures of speech last year and built up a mental collection of them and their meanings in his head. I studied prosopagnosia while doing my first degree (psychology), Flora. It's interesting - it could be a possibility - but he does seem to recognise people fairly easily, I suppose that would mean if this was a problem it would be mild. Do you know how they test for it? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dolly Report post Posted May 2, 2007 If i tell kofi im cross he looks me in the eye and says no mommy happy face . Even at 4 in the morning i have to smile Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted May 3, 2007 That's what my wife asks all the time . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
allsetuk Report post Posted May 6, 2007 my 4 yr son does this constantly, mummy are u angry ...or just "Angry???" or how much do u love me.......usually while climbing on my chair, or saying huggle over and over and if i dont do it 300 million times a day he thinks im angry .....its also in this really annoying baby voice which is really hard and yet easy to get fed up of hearing , gosh just read that back it sounds awful and i dont mean it like that , he does it so much and has for about well over a year......today he is in BOUNCE mode, absolutle non stop hurling himself at the sofa , repeatedly or jumping or climbing, or throwing himself off it ...CONSTANTLY and i cant stop it ....aaaaaagh im going mental...lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
allsetuk Report post Posted May 6, 2007 just read that i meant to add if i dont smile constantly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ian Jordan Report post Posted May 6, 2007 please consider prosopagnosia if your child cannot read your expression - there is a lot about it on this site. It can be treated in most cases in seconds and it is of massive significance when present Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
