peppa Report post Posted May 22, 2007 I lost it tonight, putting dd to bed and she kicked off, didn't want her hair brushed and kept doing a runner, then she started hitting and headbutting me, i was so disappointed as we'd had a lovely day just got in from the special needs session at our local wacky, (first visit there and we had a really lovely time) we were all so hyped i guess that things just kicked off. I'm so ashamed of myself though because i lost it and really lost my temper with her, i know we were both tired and i should have given her a little more lee-way, but because i had a bit of a headache i just flipped, i threw the hairbrush and it snapped, and i swore like a sewer dweller! i know i was a little bit rough getting her dressed as she was fighting against me, but im just so ashamed at the way i behaved, i feel like i deserve a good slap!! I feel like i ruined a good day, she got upset and ended up been sick as she balks when in meltdown. She climbed into bed sobbing. We did both calm down and she asked for a story, which i read and managed to make her laugh by being a bit silly, we then hugged and both said love you before i left the room. As soon as i closed the door she began singing, so guess she's ok, but i worry that she's going to have nightmares about me being so cross. I've been in to check her twice and she's fast asleep looking all peaceful but i still can't help feeling bad. I'm feeling constantly tired at the moment as i have an underactive thyroid which is playing up bigtime, medication is being increased, and i guess that makes my patience a little thin, but thats no excuse i am so ashamed at myself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
forbsay Report post Posted May 22, 2007 Please don't be ashamed of yourself. I have been in your situation before and prob most others on this forum can relate to this thread. Take care Forbsay Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 22, 2007 (edited) Go easy on yourself, Peppa <'> We are all just human, and you put everything right so that your DD went to sleep happy (For years I felt really guilty that I shouted and I think even slapped my DS one Christmas when he broke a new Crash Dummies car (he was about 5). This was before any dx or anything, and I thought he had just been careless and silly. I really felt so bad, but when I talked to him about it (he's nearly 18 now) and apologised and said how bad I had always felt he couldn't remember anything about it at all!!) Bid Edited May 23, 2007 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted May 22, 2007 Awwwwwwwwww Peppa, sounds like you need a bit of "me time" try not to worry, you settled her well and it will soon be another new day. We loose it sometimes, after all we are only human. <'> <'> <'> Clare x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
David Matthew Baker Report post Posted May 22, 2007 Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. It is been able to admit them that is the hard thing. I also think when it is a situation like that we are all more likely to over react. I know the biggest arguements I've had have all been with family. Don't blame yourself too much. I'm sure it will be forgotten fairly quickly. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peppa Report post Posted May 22, 2007 Thanks guys you lot are great, don't know what i'd do without you all! Dp is giving me a hard time about writing on here about it! Wouldn't mind as much but he was nowhere in sight when it was all happening! Has hardly spent a minite with us all day, just lets me get on with it, theres no wonder i explode at times! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kazemporium Report post Posted May 22, 2007 I think we have all been in this situation, we can only hold back for so long before we have to Blow. She is happy now so don't be so hard on yourself. I think it is only natural we are all human after all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted May 22, 2007 Peppa, I've certainly had days when I have been too tired and too stressed to supply the perfect response to a child, NT or AS who was being difficult at bedtime. I have removed child's clothes with assertiveness, scrubbed them over-vigorously in the bath, shouted loudly and on one memorable occasion, cleared a crowded desk by sliding an arm over it and sending the entire contents smashing to the ground. Give yourself a break, parenting is the hardest job on the planet, and it comes with guilt, self-doubt and fear attached from the moment you know you're pregnant. You ended the day beautifully, story, hug, I love you. Your daughter is happy and knows how you feel about her. You have shown her how it is possible to lose your temper and do things you wish you hadn't, and that it is a small thing. It is easy to fix, say sorry and demonstrate that things are back to normal. She's happy, she's singing. She will need to know, when she is older, that it will be OK when she loses her temper and gets you upset that things will return to normal. She will know that you will always love her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peppa Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Bard, your reply brouight tears to my eyes, you really helped me put things in perspective, its hard not to beat myself up about it when i lose my temper, but like you said we are only human. She woke up happy and smiley, and has been saying im her best best friend all day so guess i'm forgiven! I'm going to try and take a bit more rest today cause i think its tiredness that makes me snappy, off to pick her up from school in a min, missed her this afternoon and its only been two hours!!! Thanks again everyone xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Lya of the Nox Report post Posted May 23, 2007 we have a hell of a life and are allowed to loose it every now and again <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caren Report post Posted May 23, 2007 <'> <'> <'> I'm sure we all have been in that sitation and i know with myself that your thyroid being under makes you more tired 10 fold It makes you feel so run down its unreal hope its sorted soon and don't beat yourself up everyone has bad days Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stephanie Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Ah we all do it! My son was outside messing about with the hose yesterday after I had told him not to on numerous occasions. Then there was this almighty jet blast of water on the kitchen window that about smashed the window through .. ... and that was it ... I stormed outside yelling and turned the hose on him and gave him a right showering. He was standing at the patio window all wet and pathetic looking and I wouldn't let him in to get dry until he had said sorry (which was a good 10 minutes). I then felt terrible ... soaking my own son ... on the plus side, he won't be messing with the hose again for a while. Neither will my 2 year old who was looking on in terror! Patience is usually a learned skill, not one that comes naturally! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted May 23, 2007 I slapped J across the shoulder on Sunday night - like you say I just flipped and lost all control. I was utterly exhausted and couldn't take any more of his whining and manic silliness, being rude to me etc etc etc. I felt like the evil b*tch mother from hell, and it's not the first time I've felt that way. And the worst thing about it was that it wasn't over anything remotely important - he just didn't fancy his bl**dy banana. How pathetic is that?! I'm human, I make mistakes. I really got it wrong that night but I turned into as much of a positive as possible by showing J that even mums make mistakes and I apologised for what I did, told him how much I loved him and promised I'd try my best never to let it happen again. Sometimes I think it's good for our kids to know that we're not perfect so that they don't have our standards to live up to. It helps his anger management work if he knows that sometimes I get to a Level 5 as well, but I'm trying my best to control it. Don't be too hard on yourself peppa, this job stinks but there's nobody better at it than you. Once more from the top. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
krystaltps Report post Posted May 23, 2007 I've flipped a few times too - it's only natural and we are only human - sometimes I think it helps C to see the effect his behaviour can have. My two worst "flips" have benn throwing the remote control across the room and breaking it (then blaming it on C when my hubby asked who broke it ); and when he was very little, he was having a full-scale meltdown about his jelly - so I threw it at him - he thought it was great fun tho . So please don't beat yourself up about this - we all have a breaking point. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Please don't be ashamed of yourself. I have been in your situation before and prob most others on this forum can relate to this thread. Take care Forbsay definately peppa,please dont be ashamed,its very hard sometimes,we love them loads but we are human and we have our breaking points <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Peppa, I've certainly had days when I have been too tired and too stressed to supply the perfect response to a child, NT or AS who was being difficult at bedtime. I have removed child's clothes with assertiveness, scrubbed them over-vigorously in the bath, shouted loudly and on one memorable occasion, cleared a crowded desk by sliding an arm over it and sending the entire contents smashing to the ground. Give yourself a break, parenting is the hardest job on the planet, and it comes with guilt, self-doubt and fear attached from the moment you know you're pregnant. You ended the day beautifully, story, hug, I love you. Your daughter is happy and knows how you feel about her. You have shown her how it is possible to lose your temper and do things you wish you hadn't, and that it is a small thing. It is easy to fix, say sorry and demonstrate that things are back to normal. She's happy, she's singing. She will need to know, when she is older, that it will be OK when she loses her temper and gets you upset that things will return to normal. She will know that you will always love her. bard that is a lovely post,makes me feel so much better about last night <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peppa Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Its so good to hear other perspectives from people who understand and are going through the same thing. I spent an hour going through photos of dd this aft, really made me soppy, looking back at all the baby pictures! Was nice to get an hours rest though, helped me re-charge and i know i'm much better for it, my patience is stronger, which is just as well as dd came out of school nursery quite hyped, dp was rushing her into the car so he could get back to work ( he nips out for 10 mins to pick up dd with me as i don't drive YET) this made her really anxious and she lost it getting in the car as she was confused. Trying to explain this to dp is a lost cause though! Then when we arrived home on forecourt ( we live above family business) 3 of the staff came to the car fussing dd which really freaked her out, when i'd just managed to calm her! she scrambled out of the car and sat on the floor about to head butt the side of the car, i grabbed her and went up the stairs struggling then put her down on the decking so i could unlock the door, she then began headbutting the decking, i sat and managed to calm her quite quickly, but her head is in a right state! she has egg bruises all around it, ( still waiting to see pead about this!) God knows what damage she'd have done if she had headbutted concrete! After that though she was really chilled for the rest of the day, really polite and compliant and went to bed like a dream, its so nice when we get a good few hours, helps balance things. I know i must have been really stressed lately as i've had another attack of shingles, which always comes back when i'm stressed! 28 years old and this must be about the 10th time i've had it! Of to the docs tomorrow sort myself out!! Feeling much more posotive today though after receiving all the lovely replies, you really are a great bunch of people, :wub: , thanks everyone xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BusyLizzie100 Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Oh Peppa, you poor thing! you sound a bit rundown and in need of some TLC. <'> <'> <'> Shingles AND an underactive thryoid - poor you. I've had an underactive thyroid for some years now and it always seems to be going up and down. I was convinced my dose must be too low recently because I've put on so much weight; I was gutted when I found out it was too high! Getting the balance is a delicate matter, so sit tight and know that your thyroid is having a big effect on you. Like everyone else, I've been there too with losing my temper. There were times when DS2 was little when I'd creep into his bed at night when he was asleep and weep into his pillow whispering how sorry I was... Bard's post is lovely, and so true. Take care, Lizzie x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
David Matthew Baker Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Could you get her a padded helmet? I know that is what they put on the students at the special school who headbutted when they got distressed. That way at least she couldn't hurt herself. The one they used at the special school was a bit like a kick boxing one. Don't know where you would find one though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peppa Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Hi David, I was wondering about getting her a helmet, i presume its something that the pead would arrange? Im trying to get hold of him at the moment but he's always on holiday!! I went to special needs night at our local wacky last night and a little boy there had one on, so maybe worth speaking to his parents, difficult subject to broach though without offending. I mentioned the possobility of this to dp a while back and he wasn't keen as he said it would single her out at school, but i think her safety is was matters. After seeing the state of her head tonight though he's changed opinion and thinks its a good option. Headbutting is something she does everytime she's stressed now, so is certainly becoming a big issue and cause for concern, so its something i need to push for help with. Portage worker is coming tomorrow so i'm hoping she can offer advice, she's also managed to chase up our elusive ed psych so that should also help. If not i'll try gp. Dd was talking about the boy at the wacky today ( they interacted rather well) and she refered to him as the boy with the hat, so it may not be seen as anything major by her peers. Hopefully someone here may know a bit more about them, and can suggest something? She's not good with hats, and has always stressed wearing them since being a baby, missed out on riding a pony as couldn't cope with the helmet, however did manage to get her to wear sun hat all last summer, so maybe just something i'd have to try. If i covered it in peppa pig stickers it might help persuade her!!! Hi buzylizzie100, My thyroid is up and down all over at the moment, i suppose i don't help myself though as i should be in bed now but i get on here and can't get off, its so addictive! I am feeling a bit rough at the mo though and keep nodding off all the time! The effect it has on my weight doesn't help cheer me up either! I too end up creeping in to dd when she's sleeping just to give her a kiss and kind of make a mends, quite often though she has turned and kissed me back, which is beautiful, but i then feel guilty for disturbing her! Think she's stressing at the moment as there is a few new starters in her nursery class, we had similar problems with her with this a while back, still waiting to get news of her moving to morning session with peers her age who she'll be in reception with, as all the kids she's with now won't be going till next september. Teacher did hint a while back that she would join morning session after the may holiday but weve only got tomorrow and nothing has been said so i guess nothing is happening. I'll ask tomorrow, 'eck they'll be sick of me! Anyway better stop waffling now (im quite good at it) and get to bed! thanks guys xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Hi None of us are perfect, so don't be too hard on yourself. It's absolutely knackering looking after a child with an ASD and it's no wonder that on occasions we're unable to keep the cool and calm approach, particularly when faced with frequent meltdowns, etc. Chin up. Tomorrow's another day. Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted May 23, 2007 Don't beat yourself up hun, it happens to us all <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
David Matthew Baker Report post Posted May 24, 2007 (edited) The lad at the special school didn't like wearing it much either. They always had a fight to get it on him. However if they somehow got it on when he was headbanging he didn't ever try and take it off. Sadly he always seemed to be too occupied with the headbanging to notice. I'm afraid I have no ideas where you get one from though. EDIT: I would just ask those parents. Say that you have problems with your child headbanging and ask if they can give you any advice. I can't see someone taking offense if you ask carefully. Edited May 24, 2007 by David Matthew Baker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suzie-girl Report post Posted May 24, 2007 Don't beat yourself up hun, it happens to us all <'> Dont it just!!!!!!was there myself only this morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted May 24, 2007 Dont it just!!!!!!was there myself only this morning and me tonight Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
