Are there any nans out there?

[steviegirl]

Just wondering about whether other nans get involved with their Aspiies? like I do. I get on my own nerves so it must get on their childrens nerves when Nans worry when the family are having a tough time. Hevs been told not to tell me things but I have a habit of finding out things anyway, anyway if you can't confide in your mum whats the point of being a mum. Unless a mum is ill I think a mum can be your friend in times of trouble and I tell my kids my troubles as well. So what do others think of this?

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

i think it is great how u care <'>

i am not in communication with my mum, and even if i was would not get the support hev gets from u

u are a star

[smiley]

Hev is very, very lucky to have you <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

She just doesn't want you to worry - and you don't want her to worry - and she doesn't want you to worry about not worrying - and - and - and - and -

 

<'> <'> <'>

[hev]

she is a lovely lovely mum,i hate her worrying about me and steven,shes got a sixth sense and knows when something is going on over here!!

 

i couldnt believe it today she phoned me and said hev someone is looking for you on the site,i thought she meant this site but it turns out shes on the epilepsy forum i joined the other day i didnt know she had joined it,shes everywhere

[pearl]

You are lucky to have each other. I only wish my mum or mum in law had been so supportive. You carry on just the way you are Hevs mum, you are great! <'>

[Bard]

My parents are fantastic, live in the same town, and look after B every night from 3.15 to 5.30 on schooldays. Both my children appreciate their grandma's ability to see things from a different perspective, and daughter will often tell her things that she doesn't share with me. Dad does all the macho stuff, chopping wood, mixing cement, building walls, burning stuff...and B loves it.

We have been told by Mum that when she is old and fragile, she will expect us to hook her up to a bottle of scrumpy, give her meals on wheels and read horror stories and detective novels to her.

Dad just does it for love. I couldn't begin to imagine life without either of them, although I know it's going to happen one decade or another. We have a special Grandparent Appreciation Day on the first Saturday after the Autumn term starts.

[steviegirl]

My parents are fantastic, live in the same town, and look after B every night from 3.15 to 5.30 on schooldays. Both my children appreciate their grandma's ability to see things from a different perspective, and daughter will often tell her things that she doesn't share with me. Dad does all the macho stuff, chopping wood, mixing cement, building walls, burning stuff...and B loves it.

We have been told by Mum that when she is old and fragile, she will expect us to hook her up to a bottle of scrumpy, give her meals on wheels and read horror stories and detective novels to her.

Dad just does it for love. I couldn't begin to imagine life without either of them, although I know it's going to happen one decade or another. We have a special Grandparent Appreciation Day on the first Saturday after the Autumn term starts.

Thank you Bard, just watched about "my generation" I felt like crying. It is nice when young people appreciate the elderly. I am 72 and I never want to be lonely like some of them old peoplexx

[Bard]

Thank you Bard, just watched about "my generation" I felt like crying. It is nice when young people appreciate the elderly. I am 72 and I never want to be lonely like some of them old peoplexx

 

Given Hev is your daughter, chance would be a fine thing!

Must be your generation, my mum's 71 and like a good wine, she's just improving all the time. No chance you're going to be lonely anyway, you've made far too many friends already on this site alone.

 

Small icon reaching out to give you a GREAT BIG HUG

( still don't know how to do pictures)

[summertime]

my mum only lives round the corner, 5 minutes walk away, but we rarely see her, I'm not saying I'm not holding it against her at all, she has her own life and is entitled to it but as a single mum of 3 it would be nice to have the support

 

sounds to me you are both lucky to have each other <'>

[suzie-girl]

summertime your situation is just like mine is with my mum.

and as for you MRS STEVIEGIRL your simply the best and our hole estate can vouch for that

[Bard]

my mum only lives round the corner, 5 minutes walk away, but we rarely see her, I'm not saying I'm not holding it against her at all, she has her own life and is entitled to it but as a single mum of 3 it would be nice to have the support

 

sounds to me you are both lucky to have each other <'>

 

 

She may have her own life, but without you and your brood in it, she's missing out on an enormous amount.

Even when things get tricky, my mum appreciates being involved and being a part of our family.

The only thing that makes my dad difficult is his pride in all of his grandchildren, and the fact that he likes to HELP if you know what I mean.

Summertime, I'm really sorry that your mum has made, in my eyes at least, a poor choice.

[Flora]

I like this thread. My mum is brilliant but a bit of a mixed blessing! She lives on the isle of wight so she can't just pop in so she tends to come and stay for a week or so at a time which can get rather tense It took her 2 or 3 years to grasp the whole spectrum concept and it's only really been the past two years when she's witnessed some harrowing scenes that she has really taken it on board. She couldn't understand how the boys were nothing alike but needed to go down similar diagnositc routes... she tends to block out Ben's difficulties because he makes it very easy for her to do so (he's as good as gold and very entertaining so you have to REALLY know him to be aware of any dx... although those of us with experience would pick up on it)... she used to think bill was just manipulative and spoiled and that caused some rather difficult situations betweens us. She's now one of my biggest supporters and tends to cheer me on from the side lines.

 

Steviegirl.. like you my mum has a 6th sense when it comes to picking up on trouble. She always knows if I'm not telling her something. I do as a habit keep things back from her but more because she still thinks I'm 15 and tries to tell me how I should run my life.... which can be irritating. But I do know she is only like that because she worries deeply about us all the time. She is very much a bury your head in the sand stiff upper lip type which is the total opposite of me.

 

Mum's a great really... when they are good that is.... I reckon without my bossy involved mum I'd have gone terribly wrong many years ago....

 

Hev, I reckon we are lucky to have mum's who are more than keen to be involved and supportive.

 

Flora

[bid]

My mum is lovely, too, and my parents were the only people who believed in my concerns about my son when he was little and helped as much as they could.

 

My dear dad died nearly a year ago, and he was very close to my son

 

Bid

[Kathryn]

I think you're great Steviegirl!

 

I don't know what it's like to have a supportive mum - mine died when I was 15. I think she would have been a great grandma, judging by how she always helped the rest of the family.

 

My mum in law isn't too bad - the children love her, but she hates conflict and any messy emotional stuff so when we were in crisis a couple of years ago she wouldn't come near. She helps out, but only when asked, and as she lives a couple of hours' drive away, she's not exactly on the doorstep so we don't see her that often. I don't think she worries about us much - she's too busy doing her own thing.

 

K x

[Bagpuss]

Your a lovely nana and mum <'> We are fortunate that my mum is very supportive too, really don't know what we'd do without her sometimes.

[pearl]

Ooh this thread has stirred up some emotions in me.

 

My mum has never wanted to do the grandma thing - she announced when S was 2 (before JP was even born so cant blame him!) that she wouldnt babysit any more (not that we ever asked a lot) as she didnt like leaving her home at night (we picked her up & dropped her back) neither would she have S to stay either.

 

She would never miss bingo to go to their nativity plays - said it bored her.

 

About the same time my inlaws moved 50 miles away, so we were stuck. Mother in law blamed us for JP's problems, said we'd babied him, she'd raised 6 kids & could soon sort him out. Couldnt see her for dust though when we called her bluff & asked her to take him for a few days.

 

My lovely dad was involved but not well, he died 13 years ago & I still miss him terribly. My mums lack of interest became hugely noticeable once he wasnt around to soften it.

 

I now feel pretty resentful that I am my mum's main carer now she is old & frail. I think I'd feel much more cheerful & positive about it if she'd helped me when I needed it so badly.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

ooh pearl <'> ><

[Bard]

I now feel pretty resentful that I am my mum's main carer now she is old & frail. I think I'd feel much more cheerful & positive about it if she'd helped me when I needed it so badly.

 

 

You are a better daughter than she deserves, but what a wonderful example of a caring human being you are giving to your children. It must be hard to have lost the better half of the pair, I know I would find that difficult to cope with.

Both my in-laws are dead, they were a generation older than my parents. All I can say is life is easier without my MIL. She was a narrow-minded bigoted racist who judged everyone, usually negatively.

Fortunately, I'm working with a lovely woman from East Ham, so the accent no longer makes me want to throw up.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

god what a mixed up bunch we are

suffice to say there is not enough time to relate why i have dont talk to my parents

to those grandpeeps who support

<'> for those struggling with more than our kids and life

[pearl]

Thanks lya & bard <'>

 

I care for her out of duty really & I dont want any regrets once she's no longer here.

 

My dad was adorable & such a laugh. He was the one that did the visiting & phoning. I sometimes wonder if mum is on the spectrum, it makes it easier to deal with to think that.

 

She was a v good mum when I was little though & raised me well. She didnt seem to know how to "be" when I grew up.

 

Sorry to hijack thread Hevs mum!

[smiley]

Ooh this thread has stirred up some emotions in me.

 

 

Me too Pearl <'>

 

I have no support with M. Dad and step-mum live close by, but step-mum is usually doing things for my step-sis' children. Brothers down the road - but works full-time and has no kiddies of his own. Mum lives close, but i'm her carer and wouldn't leave M with her...

 

Don't have friends to help out - all but a couple of my friends have SN kiddies themselves - so can't/don't have the time to help me. The ones without SN kiddies, don't 'get it'.

 

Wooooooooow - ain't i depressing

 

You do kind of get used to doing it all yourself - and it makes each and every little bit of help offered seem wonderful.

[pearl]

<'> smiley <'>

It gets easier as they get older - the kids that is not the parents!

 

Just wanted to say something positive. One thing I am determined to do is not repeat my mums mistakes (tho I'm sure I'll make my own) I want to be a good grandma when the time comes, I want to remember what it felt like to be desperate for a break, and offer it to my children.

 

Dont get me wrong, I want my own life & wouldnt be my grandchildrens childminder or anything - but regular babysitting, sleepovers etc - I'm looking forward to that & hope it happens.