Shy bladder?

[mummy]

My mainstream 14 year old son (AS) has what I call a shy bladder.

He has always had problems pooing anywhere other than home and has NEVER opened his bowels at school but I only found out recently that he also cannot wee in public toilets if there is anyone else in there.

In fact he has confided that he cannot wee ANYWHERE if there are other people around! It's not that he doesn't want to but that he physically CAN'T! Even if he is bursting.

He saw this covered on a tv series called embarrassing illnesses which is what prompted him to tell me.

 

He would NEVER mention it to a doctor.

I just wondered whether it was an ASD thing and whether anyone else had a similar problem

[darky]

Ive suffered this all my life. Only I didnt realise it was a life long problem until I read my doctors and hospital records. It causes and continues to cause huge problems for me, especially if I ever go on a course or are away from home traveling.

 

I can not describe how distressing and annoying this problem is. You want to go, you NEED to go, but you cant. Its as if something in my body shuts down and does not work. I have to concentrate really hard in order to pee anywhere, but in public, the slightest noise or the worry that someone might knock the door stops me being able to go. I was once hospitalised for a week because of being unable to use the toilet. I had cameras in my bladder, scans the lot. My mother failed to tell me this was a life long problem, had I known, I would not have needed to go through all that!!! every time I had a child I was catherterised, ive had a few operations, and had to be catherterised after, once I had a scan when I was pregnant, they asked that I emptied my bladder as it was too full, I sat there for ages drinking water, trying to go before they re-sceduled the scan. When I was admitted to hospital for this problem, they drained off over 3x what my bladder SHOULD hold.

 

Get your lad to the docs and get him help for this problem now. I learnt my father had issues with public urinals as well, and would only ever use public loos in cubicles, I strongly suspect he is un-dx Aspergers as am I. After watching embarrassing illnesses, CBT can be very effective. At 34yrs old, I imagine its harder to cure the problem than in a 14 yr old child. I do think that its likely to be ASD linked, as that is certainly the case in my family.

[KateBall]

My mainstream 14 year old son (AS) has what I call a shy bladder.

He has always had problems pooing anywhere other than home and has NEVER opened his bowels at school but I only found out recently that he also cannot wee in public toilets if there is anyone else in there.

In fact he has confided that he cannot wee ANYWHERE if there are other people around! It's not that he doesn't want to but that he physically CAN'T! Even if he is bursting.

He saw this covered on a tv series called embarrassing illnesses which is what prompted him to tell me.

 

He would NEVER mention it to a doctor.

I just wondered whether it was an ASD thing and whether anyone else had a similar problem

 

My ds was always reluctant but is not so bad now - apart from opening bowels - he won't do that at school at all.

[Clare63]

We have terrible problems with this, Connor will only use our loo or my Mum's. Even at home everyone must be down stairs if he uses the loo and God forbid if anyone uses the loo before him, he then just won't go for hours.

 

Clare x x x

[Stella63]

Hi

 

this is a really interesting one.

 

I have suffered with this for as long as I can remember and good job I have a strong bladder! It causes so much embarrassment for me if I am at work or out with friends. I have never been able to 'go to the loo ' with a girl friend 'cos I would just stay in there until they had gone and how they can chat to each other whilst weeing I don't know!!!

 

Both my boys are unable to poo at school or using public toilets but I don't think weeing affects them. But they both come home and go the loo at the end of the school day with a big sigh of relief!!!

 

I had no idea it was a common problem, thought it was just me as its not something you can really discuss with most people.

 

Stella

[summertime]

dd3 is 13 and NT but has anxiety issues, she has the same problem

 

when she went into secondary school the school were ringing me at least once a week as she was having really bad stomah pains. once home she would be fine. turns out she wouldnt go tot he loo at school (even for a wee) they now let her use the disabled toilets which are much more remote.

 

last year we went to the alton towers hotel, all was well till we were in the pool and she needed a wee and we had to get out dry and dressed and go back to the hotel room so she could go in private

[flipper]

Yup, like many I'm the same.

Public loos - cubicles only, and even then with sheer will-power.

About the only time I can use urinals is when I'm very drunk (not recommended as a treatment for your 14 year old!)

 

My friends are now used to it and no longer comment, but there have been awkward times - at the Comedy Store some years ago, at the end of the evening when *everyone* wanted the loo, I had to wait in a cubicle until everyone else had left - leaving my friends wondering what had happened to me.

 

I'm sure it can be treated - I don't consider it a major problem now (usually) so I won't bother, but it's certainly worth considering.

 

Phil

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'm not on the spectrum, but used to be exactly the same. In addition, I had problems eating in front of anyone else (used to be particularly nervous eating in restaurants). Can't pinpoint exactly why, but it was partially down to embarassment. This was something that I got through in my late teens. I guess once in full-time employment, I wasn't at home and simply had to do get my head around these things. Fraid I can't offer any advice, but perhaps this is something that can be overcome in time.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

[jb1964]

Yes my daughters the same. She's just finished year 9 and she's only actually be in the toilets once - to wash her hands only because she had paint all over them from art. It actually got mentioned because she'd gone in their to do this and told me how it made her feel sick just being in there - I couldn't believe that she's never ever been in them before - not even when she's had really bad crampy tummy or anything. She can't explain what it is other than they smell horrible and she can't go when there's strangers about......

 

Same thing with eating - she couldn't sit in the canteen in school and eat in front of anyone - that's apart from all the noise that she hates and the colour making her sick! (bright orange) - although she will eat out on holidays but is very reluctant - she does worry people are looking at her all the time - she doesn't have particularly brilliant knife & fork skills and also chews like a little mouse - tiny tiny little nibbles chewed for ages before she can swallow (this was something CAHMS picked up on that she couldn't just eat a good mouthful of food and swallow quickly).

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited August 2, 2007 by jb1964

[jlp]

I'm not ASD either but never went to the toilet from starting secondary school - I had it in my head that someone might look over the top as a joke. I took it to the extreme that I wouldn't drink all day till I got home at tea time. I will wee in other toilets now, it just stopped being such an issue as I got older but it was a big problem.

 

I also wouldn't eat in front of anyone for years to the extent that school contacted my parents and said they thought I had an eating disorder (by my mid to late teens I did but it didn't start off as one I just didn't like to eat in front of people) I'm fine now.

 

Strange to hear how many people have similar problems - it's one of those things you'd be mortified talking about as a teenager!

[badonkadonk]

I'm kind of the same with this situation.

 

The problem for me is people hearing me go to the toilet, I hate it!! Also the whole cleanliness thing. I hate thought of all those strangers' bums sitting on the loo seat, yuk!

 

So I usually have to wait until someone puts the hand-dryer on or flushes the toilet and even then I can sometimes just not be able to go.

 

It's also a another fear of the unknown thing in new places and I especially hate cramped toilets. One particular set of toilets in the Bull Ring in Birmingham are horrendous, if you are anything other than a size 6 there is barely room to get into the loo and you practically end up straddling the loo just to be able to shut the door!

 

I'm also unable to go in the middle cubicles, I'd rather wait until an end cubicle becomes free, or one around the corner if it's a big set of toilets....basically the one furthest from the door which would have the least amount of traffic outside it. I'm always frightened that a child will stick their head under the partition as well if I can hear them in the loo next to me even though I apparently used to do this myself when I was younger!!

 

I usually can't even entertain the idea of doing a number two anywhere other than in my own home. Really struggle at my brother's house if I go to stay and I've never been to my grandparents toilet even though they've lived in their new house for 5 or 6 years I can't go to the loo in family and friends houses either unless I know that it is upstairs or way away from where everyone else is in the house. The only time I will go to the loo properly out in public is when I'm absolutely desperate and even this is only something I've learned recently. The first two times we went to Florida and visited the theme parks my dad had to take me back to the house to use the toilet if I needed a number two....America and Canada are far worse than British toilets because the doors on the loos usually aren't very big i.e. you can see people's feet and their heads when they stand up and because a lot of the doors don't fit flush to the door frame as there always seems to be a half a centimetre gap inbetween where you can see out and others can see in!! AAARRRAAGGHHH!!! However when I last went to Florida with my ex we didn't have the luxury of being able to hop in the car and pop back to the hotel because we didn't rent a car (big mistake!) so I ended up in Tampa, two hours away from the hotel, in the middle of Busch Gardens faced with a very big dillema hehehehehe

 

Even now, at home, I have to put the tap on when I go to the toilet and I make Neil put the tv on or radio on or something so he can't hear me. When we first got together I made him go upstairs or for a walk to the shop I knew he must be telling the truth when he said he loved me because he never moaned just said 'whatever we need to do it's ok!' He's aces.

 

So I stick the tap on (or if I'm out and about and have someone with me get them to put the tap on/hand dryer) and, for the whole cleanliness thing, make sure I've always got tissues in my bag and if possible use the toilet seat sanitizer spray that some facilities provide

 

Emily

xxx

 

Who apparently can even ramble on about using the loo