6 yr old talks about killing himself

[car2]

Hi all, over the last 3 weeks when things get too much for Dan e.g change, frustration, meltdowns he has said several times that he wants to kill himself.

 

This is obviously heartbreaking for me as I fear that at times he may try to hurt himself.

 

I don't know who to turn to or who i should contact for help with this issue.

 

Dan is capable of anything during meltdowns and he has been known to try and stab us and throw sharp andf heavy objects etc. He also hits/punches himself.

I just don't know what to do or what the paed can do about this situation

 

I'd be very grateful for any advice.

love

caroline

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son is 5 and self-harms (hits/punches himself in the face/head, bangs his head off solid plaster walls, has wrapped shoelaces around his neck, has tried on more than one occasion to run onto road in front of oncoming vehicle, says he wants to die because he hates living, etc). This behaviour started when he was 15 months old and has obviously escalated since then. This isn't going to sound positive, but so far we've had no help in terms of trying to work out why. I've been jumping up and down for a long time insisting that someone take this seriously - we're talking about potentially life-threatening situations. It's so heartbreaking seeing this behaviour, particularly in a child so young. To be frank, I've very little faith in CAMHS. Our consultant (whose fantastic!) made the referral stating that she feels it's possible that my son has a mood disorder in addition to AS. CAMHS refused to see my son on two occasions. It took over 2 years for him to be seen by someone at CAMHS and when he was couldn't believe what I heard from the clinical psychologist. Despite her witnessing my son attempting to run onto the road, she said that my anxiety caused that situation. My son held a knife to his neck whilst I was on the phone to a friend. Without panicking, I cut the conversation short and made no mention of the knife (ordinary blunt cutlery knife) - instead I distrated him by suggesting we baked some cakes. C/Psych told me that I still gave him attention. Felt I couldn't win!!! I asked her what she suggests I should have done and didn't get an answer - that's when I asked her to leave my house. I was livid! Things worsened and I became more worried about my son's behaviour. I went back to his consultant who referred us to a specialist unit. Apparently only 18 kids per year attend (3 groups of 6 over 3 months). We've had two visits and I feel much more hopeful. At least I know that he'll be given a thorough assessment over 3 months by more than one person. They're apparently used to dealing with children with serious difficulties relating to mental conditions.

 

I bought a book called 'Volcano in my tummy'. It's a teaching/workbook type of book which covers anger. It illustrates a boy who feels anger a lot and tries to explain how it feels and why. It also covers suggestions how to deal with it. I thought it was a good way to illustrate anger and it helps a little. We try to ensure nothing which could obvious harm is left lying around eg scissors. What has been noted about my son is his inability to cope with different emotions eg sadness, excitement, etc. He automatically feels anger perhaps because he can't seem to cope with other feelings. That's something that he'll be helped with when he attends the unit. He also gets extremely anxious. Whenever we go out, even to school, he takes 'comfort' toys with him (can include tape measures, attic hatch pole, etc). So difficult given age, but we've been trying to find ways of releasing his anger/feelings eg investing in a trampoline and punchbag. We've also purchased a playhouse where he can go when he wants to be alone.

 

Guess my advice is to ensure that you be persistent in terms of seeking help. Your son could potentially seriously hurt himself. Insist on a referral. Try and find out if there's a specialist day unit run by CAMHS. The only thing you can do is to keep doing what you're doing - try and love and support your child as best you can. I ensure that I don't give Robert direct attention eg if I see him with a knife in his hand (goes without saying, I try and keep scissors, knives, etc out of reach) then I say nothing about it. I find it's much better to distract. Sounds easy - that it isn't!!!

 

Best wishes. Be persistent and don't take no for an answer when seeking help with this. It's something which won't go away.

 

Caroline

Edited August 28, 2007 by cmuir

[LittleRae]

Hi Caroline - not much more advice to add, I'm afraid - have you phoned CAMHS? My DS did this frequently from ages 6-8. He would bang his head, punch himself, he even took a sharp knife and threaten to kill himself. He often said he was stupid and wished he was dead, the world would be a better place without him. To be honest, that's how we got attention from CAMHS (not in UK). They spoke to him, and set him up on social skills and anger management classes.

 

We used to just talk him through it, trying to find out the reason - very difficult - his Psych thought he wouldn't actually do anything, it was just a knee-jerk reaction to whatever was bothering him. Eventually, when he was 9 it seemed to stop except from occasionally. I think it coincided with telling him his diagnosis - it's never been as bad since.

 

 

Sorry I can't be of more help.

[JsMum]

I have experienced the similair behaviour with J too, its very destressing and it has to be dealt with and not ignored, destraction stratagies are very good but lately I am learning that when J describes words like this its more an imence feeling of fear, and where they loose control of a situation so its about giving as much as a choice open to your child, and giving them some feeling of control in there lives.

 

J has a lot of activities to help him express and to help him be interested in other tasks, so things like art and crafts, sand play, water play.

 

Having items in the home to help cope with Anger will help giving them a place for themselves to tune out of safely will help, J has a summerhouse where its kitted for him, we too have a punchbag and pads, books on Anger management is essential and CD Roms that work with the child are great to give the child a more understanding what Anger is and what we should do when we are angry.

 

Js recently seen a child psychologist and this has really helped us identify why J gets aggressive and we have since helped J to express more in activities.

Some of Js Anxieties where other peoples high expectations of him, especially in school, so it could be school related.

 

The Psychologist was private but it helped us, he will need further councilling and working at obtaining this, J is very sensitive to sensory issues but we have started to work with music instruments and that has been successful also.

 

Js moods are contributed by the fact he has dietry and sleeping difficulties so these all add onto Js inability to cope with anger and emotions so we are also addressing these too.

 

Keep a detailed diary, noting behaviour before, during and after, and arrange a GP appointment, I tend to do this to keep it documented in his files so there is a history if other professionals do become interested in supporting your child.

 

One thing you should never do it ignore a threat that a person wants to kill themselves, especially a young child.

 

JsMum

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Having re-read this thread, I fear my last post was more of a rant about me getting professional advice and support for my son. Wanted to add the following in the hope that it will be a little more constructive ...

 

Whilst I'm of the belief that a 5 year old child (certainly in my son's case) cannot possibly comprehend the reality, enormity or consequences of wanting to kill themselves, however, I do think that a child of that age can become depressed and have difficulty coping with feelings and emotions, feel overwhelmed and lost (again, as is the case with my son). Those feelings shouldn't be ignored. In my last post I made reference to a situation ... when my son has held a knife to his neck - goes without saying that whilst I'm screaming inside, I daren't show him how I really feel - if I did, the direct attention and emphasis on the situation is likely to make things worse - if he sees me panicking or becoming alarmed as a result of his actions, that definitely adds fuel to the fire. On those occasions, he's generally been in no mood for a discussion, hence the reason why I've found it much better for me to appear to be calm and to use diversion/distraction tactics and say nothing about his actions at that moment in time. Later, once he's feeling calmer and less depressed and upset, I do try and ascertain why he's felt like that and explain that hurting himself won't make those feelings go away. It's a case of comforting him and trying to ascertain why he's feeling the way he does. It's also important to make him feel safe and ensure he knows there's someone in control of the situation (or appear to be in control!) I think at that age, control, freedom and choice can be scary for a child, hence the reason they need to know that the adult is the one in control. When he's aggressive, I've found encouraging him to channel that anger on his trampoline or punchbag helps. There are occasions when he says he wants to be alone and has been sobbing - that's really upsetting. Sometimes he'll tell me he doesn't want me around which is hard and because I know that has is capable of hurting himself, I make sure I'm nearby (and ensure that he knows that, if he wants me). Strange thing is that my son can be almost like a Jekyll and Hyde - snapping out of situations like nothing has happened (he's been observed and a report has documented that 'R can go from being calm to furious within seconds'. Seeking professional help is important because it's not unheard of for a child (even one so young) to have a mood disorder. Although it took a long while to get professional help, I'm thankful that being persistent looks to be paying off.

 

Fantastic books for a young child (around 5-8) on the subject of emotions and feelings are:

 

- How do you feel Thomas? Published by Egmont

- A Volcano in my Tummy (Helping Children to Handle Anger) by Eliane Whitehouse and Warwick Pudney

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline.

[becci]

hi,my son did this for about 3 years,then one day he picked up a knife and was bringing it towards himself quickly,it was only my panic that stopped him making contact,as i literally punched it out of his hand.the next morning i went to the school and the head teacher sorted it immediatly.i had a camhs appointment for a couple of days later,the e.w.o came instantly and i finally got the help i had been asking for for 6 years.

the thing is you dont want it to get to that stage and i know how terrifying it is.but when asked if he really wanted to die he said no.he was just frustrated.

sometimes it really is just a cry for help.and because they know full well that if they say that they get extra attention.

i would phone the school and camhs.threatened suicide from a 6 year old needs to be dealt with urgently.

your in my thoughts,i have been there and can sympathise.

[mrs fussy]

Sorry no advice as fortunately have not had to deal with anything like this just wanted to say <'> >< <'>

[Eva]

Hi car2,

 

no advice either but I wanted to give you some <'> <'> <'> . It's so hard to deal with isn't it .

 

Eva

[loulou]

Hi,

 

I'm sorry i don't have any advice to offer, as i'm in a similar situation and have so far recieved no help from CAMHS or SS. My son has just turned 9 and he has been talking about killing himself since he was 5. It usually happens during or after a meltdown, or when something goes wrong. He has tried to run infront of a car on several occasions and also begs me to kill him.

 

Now he's older he can express a bit more WHY he feels like this. Last week he actually bit through a live electical cable as he wanted to die (after a meltdown). He said to me that he doesn't want to live because "Life is too stressful for me".

 

It's really heartbreaking and also very frightening when our children say these things and harm themselves .

 

All i can suggest is that you speak to CAMHS about this, maybe via your GP (if you have a good one). I intend to call CAMHS tomorrow, and this time i will KEEP on calling them until they do something. I think you have to shout very loudly in order to be heard when it comes to CAMHS.

 

You also need to check that you have made your house as safe as possible from things like knives/medication etc. I had to get the council to put locks on my windows after my son tried to jump out one day.

 

I think Littlerae's point about being told about your diagnosis is also very valid. I know when my son was 5/6 he didn't know that he had AS/ADHD, but he kept telling me his brain was broken. I'm sure life must be very confusing and frustrating for them. Now he's older he knows that he has a "special brain" and he can sometimes attribute his feeling/actions to this.

 

All the best,

 

Loulou xx

Edited September 9, 2007 by loulou