Physical contact

[Mumble]

This is probably a strange one and I'm not sure if it's understandable - I don't understand it myself.

 

I have a huge huge problem with touch - I jump if I'm touched (with an added scream if it's totally unexpected) and can't cope with the 'normal' aspects of touch associated with normal life - hand-shaking, people who touch you when they talk to you, huggy type people . . . To me, touch is painful - I realise that sounds strange.

 

I've never been a huggy person - I pulled away from my mum as a baby and have never let people hug me - I had a boyfriend once and I could cope with him hugging me but only on my terms and only when expected - not a surprise that didn't work out I suppose.

 

The problem is this -

 

Despite hating touch and hugs I actually want a hug - I want to be held and to feel secure - but I don't understand this - how can I want something I also hate? How can I desire the comfort of being held when I hate being held? I feel very, very confused.

[wishingwell]

Mumble sending you a great big <'>

 

I love hugs and I love giving them.

There is more than one person like you in our house I tell them they are going to get a hug which makes it slightly easier for them.

We all need a hug at times.

[llisa32]

Hmmmm, you've had me in a quandry with this one <'> <'>

 

On the one hand I wish there was some company that supplied 'Lee' lookalikys for 'hugs'...then I'd order one online and send him round - right now

 

On my other hand....I wish I could south west trains my way up right now...but thats not possible either

 

So I only can do virtual ones.... <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Lots of em though.. <'>

 

I think that although you normally dislike them at the moment you're feeling a bit vulnerable and uneasy...in your earlier post you mentioned wanting to go back in time 'before u sent 'that' email...that would make you feel secure again - you can't do that cos it's done so next best thing would be a huge hug - even though you're not really 'into' them <'>

 

You know I'm a bit 'touchy feely'...next time I see you I'm gonna remind ya that you wanted one ...I have the date and time datestamped for future ref ...Or...I'm easily bought and so will keep my distance for a mars bar!!

[Mumble]

*hands over a Mars Bar*

[llisa32]

Now I bet if I did manage to find a 'lee' lookalikey you'd have to think twice about that mars bar

 

Promise I'll keep my huggy hands to myself unless invited

 

Sorry you're feeling a bit low tonight...I think by Friday night most things seem to get us down, it's always the night I'm most tired and likely to worry bout things.

 

And heres a few more in exchange for my mars bar <'> <'> <'> <'>

[smiley]

Mumble <'>

 

Wish i had the answers to this - but i don't.

I'm fine with hugs/touch as long as i know it's coming - if i don't know - i tend to go through the roof too. I'm farrrrrrr to liberal with hugs - i'm quite a touchy-feely person. Gawd help anyone who has a nice fluffly, soft jacket! Is it ANY type of contact (taking the 'not knowing it's coming' out of the equation for a moment)? Is it just big hugs, or is taping your arm just as bad - i'm thinking you may be able, over time, increase your tolerance???? The most intolerable touch for me is very gentle, tickly touch on the top of my arms - you may as well scratch you fingers down a chalkboard, you'd get the same response.

 

M wraps himself up tight in his fleecy blanket / quilt to have a hug sometimes. He can't tolerate being directly touched - but still wants the security. Have you tried that?

 

Sending you a special *cyber mumble hug that wont touch - but will hopefully, feel good all the same* <'>

[TuX]

mumble,

it's tactile defensiveness,it's how the body is interpreting sensory [touch] input,sensory integration therapy [?] might help,was offered this once,but have such accute sensory problems that felt any level of it would be exposing self to torture.

 

think temple grandin might possibly have mentioned medication working for it also,haven't got the book at this house to check if it is,and what meds if any though.

[Mumble]

Thanks Smiley - it's any type of touch - both expected and unexpected - it must have been a nightmare for my ex

 

I've thought about the wrapping myself up thing - I do this anyway and always have done - which is why I then found it fascinating to read Temple Grandin and her 'squeeze machine' - I was in effect doing the same without understanding why.

 

The thing is I actually crave human touch and yet find it impossible - that's what I just don't get.

 

As to sensory intergration therapy - this has been mentioned to me (apparently my jumping at touch is a problem for NTs) but I don't think I could cope with it - NT professionals 'helpfully' telling me that I can 'get used' to it suggests a lack of understanding - touch is physically painful so why would I put myself through the tourture of it - see I'm totally confused.

 

I'm loath to try medication for anything though - it's been mentioned to help me with a particular aspect of my life that causes major anxiety but I'm just not sure - would I still be Mumble?

 

My mum's just been really unhelpful - I was telling her I'd been out conker collecting - her response - "well that's not much use - you don't have anyone to play conkers with" - thanks soooo much for rubbing that one in

[Cariad]

Hi mumble. My DS loves hugs, but only when he wants them or he pulls away and gets angry. So I do kind of know where you are coming from. Sending you a virtual <'> if thats ok!

[Stella63]

Hi Mumble

 

My OJ has been conker collecting for days now and has a huge collection ready and waiting - only problem - he has no one to play conkers with! Perhaps you could play virtual conkers!!!

 

Stella x

[Tally]

Yes, that's understandable. I hate a light touch. It tickles. But I actually like a great big hug (from the right person, and it has nothing to do with how much I like the person or what they look like, it's completely illogical as far as I can tell). The ex was really huggy. I didn't really even know how to hug someone before that, but I found it was actually quite easy. I can tolerate hugs from my mum now, I don't really like it, but I think she does.

[Kathryn]

Mumble, your first post could have been written by my daughter.

 

She also feels light touch as painful - which is why she used to find sharing a school with 1000+ bodies really difficult - people are always brushing aagainst you in the corridors. The sensation seems to be more acute if she is stressed. Feeling her jump away from me every time I touched her, I mistakenly thought for a long time she didn't want touch at all and was surprised to hear her say she likes hugs from people she is close to.

 

The "wrapping up" idea makes sense - I've noticed that she prefers to wear long rather than short sleeves, even in the heat, and often keeps her coat on indoors so maybe she feels more secure and comfortable with some kind of pressure against her skin.

 

One more thing I've remembered: she hates blood tests and injections but the needle itself isn't the problem, it hardly bothers her at all. It's the touch of the nurse's hand upon her arm she can't bear!

 

K x

[KateBall]

One more thing I've remembered: she hates blood tests and injections but the needle itself isn't the problem, it hardly bothers her at all. It's the touch of the nurse's hand upon her arm she can't bear!

 

K x

 

My ds too. He was in hosp last year for ingrowing toe nail op and the main bit he didn't like was when the nurse had to hold his hand and put cream on - and the plaster over it.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

<'> from afar

it is hard for both u and others, cos somewhere in u sees the need for a hug but the other part is saying no

see now meggzie is a funny little ( hah hah) thing she loves hugs but very much on her terms, but when she does boy does she!

wishi could help, but u know my immediate response is to woant to hug u to make it better, but i good i ask first

x

[jlp]

My ds too. He was in hosp last year for ingrowing toe nail op and the main bit he didn't like was when the nurse had to hold his hand and put cream on - and the plaster over it.

 

Ooh you've just reminded me of G - he's had a fair few injections etc needing cream on the back of the hand and the injection was never the problem, the cream was! I'd forgotten all about that.

[jb1964]

Despite hating touch and hugs I actually want a hug - I want to be held and to feel secure - but I don't understand this - how can I want something I also hate? How can I desire the comfort of being held when I hate being held? I feel very, very confused.

 

Hi Mumble,

 

My daughter really dislikes hugs or touches of any kind when someone approaches her - however she also craves a hug most days but cannot hug like most (if you know what i mean). Her idea of a hug is I sit on the comfy chair - she plops herself down on me and leans into me - which although isn't a proper hug is better than nothing at all. Thinking back to when she was a little she used to do this kind of thing - I'd have to lie on the settee and she's lie on her side on my chest to watch tv - she used to love putting her hands up my sleeves to find a cold part of my arm too.........

 

Take care,

Jb