cattubb Report post Posted September 29, 2007 Hi, I haven't been on here for a while but i really need some advice and thought this was the best place to seek it! My son Charlie (4 1/2) has high functioning autism and possibly ADHD. We struggle with dealing with bad behaviour on a daily basis as he simple won't acknowledge if hes done something wrong and doesn't even get upset if we tell him off, not that we TRY to upset him, its just that if he got upset when he is in trouble it would show that he has at least registered that hes done wrong. He is so single-minded that he won't admit hes done anything wrong and in his eyes his way is always right. Its literally like banging your head against a brick wall. Anyway, recently he has run off a few times: on the beach, escaped from a friends house crossed a busy road and gone to the shop and back, walking home from school. I'm not careless and don't let him out of my sight but i also have a 2 year old and i can't physically hold on to him all the time. Today his Dad took him to town to get trainers and he had to let go of Charlie's hand for a second to put his pin number in the machine and Charlie ran off in to the crowded high street. Luckily my husband found him within minutes, thank god. Once again Charlie doesn't even acknowledge that it was dangerous and naughty to run off. He just says, cool as a cucumber 'i was looking for you' (i was in another shop with my daughter). I've got to the stage when I think theres no point even saying anything as it doesn't seem to make any difference. Has anyone else experienced this and if so how on earth do you deal with it? Also Charlie was having several violent tantrums a day which have now eased off but instead he will sit and rant to him self saying really awful things like 'i'm going to kill you mummy, i hate you, i hate everyone, i'm going to break all your stuff, i'm going to stab you with a sword, i'm going to break your legs etc etc etc' (i won't go on!). Again, is this normal, do other people's children do this? Sorry to rant on but i really need advice on this one! Cattubb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
llisa32 Report post Posted September 29, 2007 (edited) Hi, J used to run away all the time and was particularly bad until around the age of 5.5yrs Once he was age 4 onwards he used to lose tv time - in the end I started threatening him with having to use 'baby' reins cos 'I just couldn't run the risk of him going missing and some bad person getting him' I had to get a bit descriptive about 'baddys', and in the end he was in no doubt that he would not be able to kick/punch his way away from one if they wanted him which was always his 'reasoning' My sons excuse was always 'I was just looking for you' also. It is a worry I know, you've only gotta let go for a second and they've legged it! It was the threat of baby reins that got J to settle a bit more whilst out - he couldn't bear the embaressment. Also now when we got out I never do 'browsing' shopping when he's with me, and always try and involve him by either looking for a shop sign, or particular item etc...just keep him busy I guess. J is much better now but he still would struggle with a sat morning shop round a shopping centre for example and thus i never take him - either i go on my own or with my mum. Just to add...J never ever was bothered at all by getting in trouble for running off and did not 'get' the danger bit of it at all...hence in the end got pretty descriptive about 'baddys' and threat with reins Edited September 29, 2007 by llisa32 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
brooke Report post Posted September 29, 2007 Hi I know exactly how you feel my son at that age was very similar. He would run out infront of cars and run away from me he used to think it was a game. In the end it got to the stage where i just couldnt take him and his brothers out together anymore i was too worried about him running away. He is now nearly 7 and has improved a huge amount. The only thing i did was ask for a befriender so that i could either take him out on his own or he could go out with her. Im sorry i dont have any better advice, other than what lisa has said and get him reins. I hope he improves soon <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted September 29, 2007 Hi my son is diagnosed as ODD which stands for Oppositional Difiant Disorder, it usually accompanies ADHD and HFA so it would be worth reading information on it, I have not wholey agreed with the reasons a child has ODD but I am beginning to understand it is connected to impulsive and hyperactivity issues and often try and get out of the responsibility because they dont learn by concequences so they tend to the ones who are always recieving the reprimands because they just dont learn, and a bit of it for J especially is reactive responces, to help self stimulate himself. The running away issue is that he has no concequence of his anctions, he can not see the dangers, that will be associated to all three if he had HFA, ADHD with ODD because basically ODD is the by product of untreated/undiagnosed ADHD. I will try and find you some of my other sites on ODD too but I dont know if it is a very positive disorder to get diagnosed and doesnt give the child a very good image so be careful to looking at a diagnosis but its still interesting to understand the actual behaviours in ODD. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted September 29, 2007 (edited) Here is my first place for reading on ODD. http://www.cafamily.org.uk/Direct/c52.html http://www.mentalneurologicalprimarycare.o...ct_disorder.pdf http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/delive...ry&id=22831 http://emotional.health.ivillage.com/atten...ntdisorder4.cfm JsMum Edited September 29, 2007 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cattubb Report post Posted September 29, 2007 Hi all, thanks ever so much for the advice. I will definately be putting the reins in the bag next time i go out...... Also Charlie is absoloutely obsessed with the t.v. so i thing losing t.v. time is also a good idea which i'll try out. jsmum, i've never even heard of ODD but i'll have a look at those links, sounds interesting. thanks again all of you! cattubb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Annea Report post Posted September 29, 2007 The morning after the first night in our new house we were awoken at 6am by a police woman calling us from our hallway.... after a near heart attack we founf out that our son age 5 had got himself up and got dressed and decided to go and explore his new neighbour hood. Luckily a neighbor had spotted him, decided he was too young to be out alone and called the police..... They were happy we were not drunken or drugged up and that he hadn't been home alone and they said it wasn't uncommon.... This was the second time he had 'left home' the first being before we moved when he had seen signs for the circus and had decided to go and find it.... we always kept our downstairs doors locked but he opened the big window and climbed out!!!! Luckily we caught him before he had gone far at all! We now have battery run windo alarms on our patio windows, our down stairs door AND on his bedroom door. We were so scared he might get out again and get hurt.... If he gets up for a wee in the night his alarm sounds so we know he is up, we then make sure he gets back in bed safely... it also stops him rummaging and getting upto mischief in the house when we are asleep.... The reins or a hand strap sound a good idea if he goes walk abouts whilst you're out and about.... Good luck! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlp Report post Posted September 29, 2007 Hi, Also Charlie was having several violent tantrums a day which have now eased off but instead he will sit and rant to him self saying really awful things like 'i'm going to kill you mummy, i hate you, i hate everyone, i'm going to break all your stuff, i'm going to stab you with a sword, i'm going to break your legs etc etc etc' (i won't go on!). Again, is this normal, do other people's children do this? Sorry to rant on but i really need advice on this one! My son used extremely violent language at 4 - along the lines of I'm going to stab you / cut off your fingers / chop you up and put you in the bin. A particularly mortifying one I read in a report was when a visiting senco asked if he was putting 'cakes' in the 'oven' and he replied no he was putting them all in a boiler to die. It was suspected - I felt - that he was repeating things he was hearing at home or on TV which he certainly was not. He simply was very bright and very good at thinking up threats to hurt people, it was almost an automatic response to any attention (good, bad or indifferent) from people. He also ran away frequently and I have so many memories of chasing him while having abandoned the buggy and ds#2. I did train him sort of to hold the buggy no matter what and that did help eventually unless there was a really big upset - problem was that then I couldn't get him to let go if I wanted to get in a doorway or around a shop (We didn't know he had AS until a month before his 5th birthday) I've no magic solutions but lots of sympathy! We did come through it and while G is still difficult to be out with, he doesn't run away anymore and I can trust him a lot more near roads (still not 100% but much improved!) He's 7, almost 8 now and not the same child he was at 4. Now it's my NT 4 year old who runs away and has no sense of danger! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LizC Report post Posted October 4, 2007 Hi you have my sympathy. my son is now 7 but was diagnosed at 5 with Aspergers and then at 7 with adhd. we have had to deal with exactly the same behaviour which has been a nightmare for us. he still will run off to get away from situations he doesn't like but isn't as bad as he used to be. when I was pg with my 3rd he would run off loads which was very hard work, it was awful really. looking back I don't know how we dealt with it really. we are still having the massive tantrums though eg throwing, screaming kicking hitting you name it. he couldn't cope in mainstream and has just started a special needs school which is for behaviour/emotions etc. he has been there a month now and doing really well although had a bad day last week, but that is to be expected lol. just wanted to say I know how you feel! <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sarah5 Report post Posted October 6, 2007 Well I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I don't really know why, I guess it's because it is SUCH an enormous relief to hear that my son is not the only one that will not walk with me anywhere. cattubb reading your post was like reading about us and our life. Daniel does not walk with me, it's like he is simply unable to stay with me. The shops are a complete nightmare, every single time we go to any shop, regardless of size or length of visit, he wanders off and gets lost. I can't tell you how many times I have had to leave my 2 year old to search for my wandering 5 year old Even when I pick him up from school, it is impossible to leave immediately as there is always someone to say hello to or I need to have a quick chat to the teacher, etc. I don't mean that I'm standing chitchatting in the playground for half an hour, I'm talking about 5 minutes! But Daniel NEVER EVER stands with me, he either wanders back into school or worse still - and the norm - is for him to just start walking home alone.. often getting halfway round the corner down the street (out of sight aaaargh) before I realise where he is. Luckily one of the other mums normally rounds him up before I come rushing panting and out of breath in a major stress. I guess you know exactly how I feel but I am just at the end of my tether, I just don't know what to do about it. He hasn't even been diagnosed yet, has only had one appt with the paed (got the ed phsychs coming to school next week) but I am convinced, I now have a huge long list of "symptoms" including this wandering around thing. Sorry I really have waffled on Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sarah5 Report post Posted October 6, 2007 (edited) Forgot to say that Daniel also can be quite graphic and aggressive both physically and verbally.. he often tells me that he is going to make the sharpest sword and kill me with it, then he'll never have to see me again Edited October 6, 2007 by sarah5 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
paulathomson Report post Posted October 6, 2007 my boy is 9 and he still runs off when we are out. have read the posts and he was exactly the same when he was younger..missing from garden.. found on road.. missing in town.. found in shop 5 mins away...it was a nitemare. and again i did do the baby reins.. once he got to school he did get better because he didnt want to go to school with baby reins on... he is better now but still runs off in places where there is alot of stimulus...supermarket.. seaside.. themepark oh that was nitemare too. i am lucky that he is very good at geographical locations and in the supermarket i use his need to run off to our advantage.. he has his own list to fetch for me and he knows where everything is and where to find me. i also do the aisle in a certain order so he knows if im not a one aisle he will find me at the next. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cattubb Report post Posted October 8, 2007 Hi all, it is such a relief to hear that other peoples children act in this way too. I haven't really had any contact with other families with children with ASD s (probably because we live in a relatively small community so theres less of us!), so although i don't actually post on here very often i do read this forum every day and am finding it a life saver, i think i'd be going mad if i didn't get to 'talk' to anyone else having the same experiences as me. Cattubb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted October 8, 2007 <'> <'> You're not the only one! Me too! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted October 8, 2007 i am lucky that he is very good at geographical locations and in the supermarket i use his need to run off to our advantage.. he has his own list to fetch for me and he knows where everything is and where to find me. i also do the aisle in a certain order so he knows if im not a one aisle he will find me at the next. This is exactly what B and I do. Others have watched and envied me my helpful and polite son! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elun1 Report post Posted October 8, 2007 <'> <'> to all other parents with 'runners'! O doesn't exactly run 'away' he just runs. It's like he has no inbuilt instinct to stay near to me. 'Getting lost' is not something he would understand so away he runs. Although he's 6 I do still use a major buggy in very busy places. I also LOVE the swimming pool as he can't move as fast! With arm bands on it's the one time he can be 'free' and we can relax. It was harder when they were younger though. W who is 8 now also used to love doing runners but he's OK now and that helps. xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
