I'm very upset about the DS's school

[Cariad]

As you know we went through a tribunal and won but couldn't get him into the original school we wanted as there were no places. We got (what we thought) was an even better school, it was private and had alot of perks and looked very impressive. Well a friend has gone and into the school to help out on a temp basis, she has been a 1-1 etc etc.. Well I phoned her to ask about T and how he is doing, I felt very upset as she said he needs a 1-1, the other children are thundering ahead. The Learning assistant is always with the brighter kids, he is sometimes left to his own devices.

 

Also the other kids set him up and say "If you do this I'll be your friend" and get him into trouble, he is seeing violence and swearing on a daily basis, and now he has bruises all over his body and on his jaw.

 

A quick rundown he is "apparently" in an ASD unit and the other side of the school is behavioural. When I went to the meeting with the headmaster of the school I asked why they accepted him as they are all HFA and AS, he said for his behaviour! He hasn't had one outburst there.

 

So far has had a chair thrown at him by an older boy.

Pushed on the stairs and been spat on and in his mouth.

Punched in the face by this older boy for being on the PC in the jaw, then another older girl joined in beating him up.

 

and I know there are more incidents which I WILL find out. My son is very small and vunerable for his age and he is being used as a punchbag, his behaviour at school was shouting and ripping things up or pinching, FGS he is NO WAY on the same level as the stuff going on in this school.

 

I don't know what to do for the best , he has a meeting at the beginning of November with the school and ourselves to say how he is doing. I'm so churned up inside about what I've heard from my friend in the school and my son I feel like weeping.

 

Has anyone got any advice?

[llisa32]

Hi Cariad <'>

 

It sounds awful <'> If I were you I would ask for an immediate meeting and enquire what exactly they do to ensure your son has a peaceful existance whilst at school. Whatever the problems of the other children it is not acceptable for their behaviour to impact your son's life.

 

There should not be violence or bullying of this nature either happening or happening without consequence.

 

Ring them up and get an appointment asap

 

It may have 'seemed' like a great school...maybe it still is and these were isolated incidents...but...you can't worry yourself to death and not know for sure...particularly if it turns out it's not a 'great' school.

 

You're not worrying out of context - you need to investigate and pursue this <'>

[Cariad]

Edited to say my Social worker isn't in

Edited October 18, 2007 by Cariad

[pearl]

Oh Cariad what a worry for you. <'>

[stressedmumto2]

So sorry you are having these probs. We are pretty much in the same situation, my son is in ebd school although he has always been violent to me (as i'm the one telling him what to do) he's never really been violent to other children unless provoked. Was never violent to other children in mainstream until he become school refusal and then it was if another child got in the way as he was trying to escape etc.

 

He's being provoked daily and is lashing out, I feel awful as he is a child who has thrown chairs, I spoke with the teacher yesterday and told him to do something about what I call bullying from the other child which is why son is lashing out, they told me they have to deal with son as he's the one who then causes the disruption. I told them if they dealt with the other child as soon as it happens then son would see he's being punished and would not retaliate.

 

I think in your circumstances you need to get a meeting immediatly, take photographs of the bruising and keep very clear records, if you start to feel this placement isn't working then you will have records to show it isn't.

 

I hope the situation improves for you soon and your son, I know in my son's school the kids are running havoc in school including climbing on roofs, fighting and a lot of very very bad verbal language and it's causing us bigger problems at home. You need to build up your evidence if you think things are not going to work out there. You can requestthe school records and find out what has been going on and if an incident happens in which your child gets hurt really they should inform you.

 

Good luck and let us know you get on, take care <'>

[scrappyb]

sending ((hugs)) and hope you get sorted. Hopefully the school will help.

[Frangipani]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[Cariad]

In the end I phoned the school and they said his teacher would ring me back, that was at midday, still waiting and worrying!

[Canopus]

It sounds like my school. EBD schools generally aren't suitable for kids with AS.

[Kazzen161]

T's school had two "indpendent persons" who children or parents could talk to/phone if they had problems at/worries about school. Not sure if this is just for residential schools, or for all independent schools. These people could go into school at any time, unannounced.