SON LIED AND TOLD HIS LA THAT I HIT HIM A LOT

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Could have throttled my son yesterday! ...

 

Morning are always difficult. I asked him to put his jacket on (seems to have a thing about not putting his jacket on!) and he went mad shouting, crying, throwing things, etc. Despite giving him 3 warnings about losing his beloved Inspector Gadget DVDs for the full day, he continued. Was crying that I was making him late for school. I explained that it was cold and as soon as he put his jacket on, we'd go. But no! He then said he was going to tell people that I hit him a lot - so not true/can't recall last time when I smacked him (realised that didn't work!). I explained the importance of not telling lies ie that I could go to prison and he'd have to go and live elsewhere that wasn't nice. Got to school when he defiantly tells learning assistant that I hit him a lot. I was fuming! Ended up having to speak to headteacher and social services. After all that, once I'd composed myself I went to work. When I got home, R was standing at the front door telling me how sorry he was and could he have his DVDs back. Amazing!

 

Caroline.

[Mumble]

Hi Caroline

 

I hope this doesn't come across wrong and apologies in advance if it does.

 

However horrible it must be to be falsely accused of child abuse, it has to be better this way round than potential cases not being followed up. Too much slips through as it is and children are facing horrendous situations on a daily basis as they don't have a voice or someone to speak up for them. Things should always be investigated - if your son had said that someone else was hitting him (say his LA) you would expect it to be followed through.

 

Secondly, with the coat - it was cold to you, but was it cold to your son? Temperature regulation differences/difficulties are common on the autistic spectrum as I'm sure others here will tell you. I currently have a thin T-shirt and I'm sitting near a wide-open window with no heating on because I feel temperatures the wrong way round. I'm going to have to wear a coat when I go out as it's raining lots, but I'd rather not. Perhaps ease off on the coat thing - he may well be perceiving the temperature very very differently. You can always take it in case he needs it.

 

Mumble (who hopes she hasn't caused offence )

[KateBall]

This sounds a bit like my son. When he swears at home I ask him where on earth did he learn that from. He tells me the teacher says it all the time. Now of course I don't believe that but I just wonder what he tells them at school about what I do or say.

 

I hope your school was understanding. And social services.

[cmuir]

Hi Mumble

 

No offence taken at all - I totally agree with you. As unpleasant as it was to be under scrutiny again, better for school/social services to ensure safety rather than being sorry! I was just stunned that my 5 year old son could be so calculating and deliberately want to get me into trouble (he really wanted to provoke a reaction, despite obviously not really knowing what the consequences could be). With maturity, I've noticed that he's much less physically violent towards me, but he's stepped up the mind games, etc! Despite being annoyed, I'm also amazed how clever he really is - just wish he'd channel his brain power into something constructive!!!

 

Coat thing is difficult because I know that R can and does put his hands and feet in a roasting hot bath (I've got to be extra vigilant/he's still only 5), problem is that his head maybe doesn't tell him he's cold, but his body does. He gets covered in goosebumps and then ends up miserable being chocked with the cold or the flu. It's less about that and more about the fact that sometimes he has no problem with putting his coat on and yet other times all hell breaks loose. That's what I don't get.

 

Thanks.

 

Caroline.

[llisa32]

Hi Caroline, on the coat issue I have exactly the same problem.

 

J absolutely hates wearing a coat - whatever the weather is doing. The only jacket type thing he will wear at the moment is a very very fleecy soft hooded jacket from one of the well known chains.

 

Hates his skool coats and we have arguments every mnorning the same - if it is pouring with rain he would rather share my brolly than put his coat on. From the state of his school jumpers at the moment it would seem he never wears a coat at school break either despite me leaving it there.

 

He's said he doesn't like the 'restriction' and the 'feel' is also very important to him

 

J also gets really hot really quickly and like Mumble will be sitting around with a t shirt on whilst I'm in 2 jumpers

[oxgirl]

That's really embarrassing, isn't it, being in a situation where they acuse you of something! Jay never used to write at school but I could always get him to do nice writing at home. One day his TA said to him, 'how does your mum get you to do such nice writing for her?' and he said, 'she shouts at me!!!' I could have died!! I'd raised my voice to him ONCE!! Made me sound like some sort of ogre!!

 

On the coat thing, it's a lot easier when they're older. Now my lad is 14 and I'll say, 'don't you think you'd be better wearing your other coat' and he'll say, 'nah, this one's fine'. I tell him, okay, it's your body, you wear what you want and I don't worry half so much now.

 

~ Mel ~

[Flora]

gosh, it's a bit OTT that you had to explain yourself to SS on the basis of one throw away comment from an angry boy!!!

 

They do embarrass you though don't they? Ben has made some extremely cringe worthy comments over the years... the one that tops the lot is the most recent one when he said to his teacher 'my mum likes the smell of my farts'. what I'd actually said to him was that he was a rancid little tike but it doesn't matter because I love him! Hardly the same thing. Thankfully his teacher thought it was funny and kindly told me about it, therefore providing me with the opportunity to vigorously deny his claim

 

I know you probably wanted the ground to open up and swallow you up cmuir, but don't worry about it too much.

 

On the point of coats and temperature control; bill spent all some sweltering in his room refusing to allow us to open the windows. Now winter is here he has the radiator switched off and all the windows wide open delivering icy blasts.

 

flora xx

[westie]

earlier this year we went on a school trip to a water centre (they generally ask if one of us will come to support J ) and whilst the man was explaining about the importance of drinking water I heard a little voice pipe up

 

"my dad likes drinking whisky, but only when he lights fires"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

and all the teachers/ other parents turned to look at me. I laughed my head off, but it makes me wonder what he says about me when I am not there!

 

Just to clarify my husband is not an alchoholic pyromaniac, honest

 

Also to say in response to your post Caroline, I imagine it was awful at time and glad you managed to sort things out with school/ SS.

Edited December 7, 2007 by westie

[TuX]

Coat thing is difficult because I know that R can and does put his hands and feet in a roasting hot bath (I've got to be extra vigilant/he's still only 5), problem is that his head maybe doesn't tell him he's cold, but his body does. He gets covered in goosebumps and then ends up miserable being chocked with the cold or the flu. It's less about that and more about the fact that sometimes he has no problem with putting his coat on and yet other times all hell breaks loose. That's what I don't get.

Am like that to-it takes am a long while,if at all to process whether something is too hot or not,but am feel fine when out in freezing temperatures in bare minimum of clothing.

Perhaps this is something that R could be like to?

 

With the coat problem,it is possible he can cope with it some days and not on others,there are various reasons that might be making him less/more tolerant,

such as tiredness,sensory overloading [not neccessarily on high level],feeling too hot...

 

 

And about the lying,although this is a bit different [as it wasn't intentional lying],am have a teenage cousin who is also autie,he had a problem knowing whats real and what isn't,the social worker had asked him if his parents hit him as he was covered in bruises [from falling off a wall],he said yes,they beat him.

Uncle and aunt had a lot of explaining to do over that one with the SS,it was real to him though.

Edited December 7, 2007 by TuX

[MichelleW]

It's something I worry about with J, and it's something I think is common with asd children. J has a very good memory of incidents ( though he can't remember where he put something or what he ate a few hours earlier!). But if someone accidentally bumps him, or if I catch him with a fingernail, he thinks it was deliberate. And he is always covered in bruises, and if asked if mummy hit him or shouted at him - I'm sure he would say yes, even if it was accidental!

 

I also thought he was being bullied, as he had it in his head that one particular child had called him names a lot (but there didn't seem to be any evidence) and it could have been a one-off comment made months before! I just think his perspective is a bit out!!

Edited December 7, 2007 by MichelleW

[kirstie]

Hi Caroline,

How are things? Have they settled down now??

It is enough to make you cringe with embarresment the things they say! Lewis is the same if you catch him by accident he thinks you meant it and gets really annoyed. I always remember i had a hold of him at the top of his arm (he was in meltdown at the time!) and he screamed at the top of his voice, "Get off me, you're breaking my arm!" in the street , oh it was mortifying. But to him it probably was sore- he can't stand light touch atall.

He is another one who would wear a t-shirt in the winter. He hates putting his jacket on and always comes home with his school jumper in his bag.

Lewis has settled down into quite a good morning routine now, up, get dressed, vitamins, breakfast, teeth, hair, coat. and he accepts it- thankfully. But as soon as he is through the door after school he is stripping off!! I just let him, but he is told pants ON!! lol.

I know you anyway and i know full well you would not be hitting R, so i wouldn't worry too much!

Take care,

Kirstie.

[Caroline-]

Hi Caroline, my son also doesn't want to go out wearing his coat when it's cold weather outside...i've given up trying to get him to wear it now. Another example is last night, was a chilly night & i was trying to get him into his PJ's, he would only wear the top half & pants, oh, whilst wearing one sock on one foot & the other foot bare...i give up

 

We had a visit from his social worker just before Christmas, & as usual he always plays up BIG time when she's here. I was trying my best to ignore his behaviour, & when it came for her time to leave he turned & said to her 'just you wait, when you're gone she'll really shout at me'....the horror!!

[darky]

If we believed everything my daughter says, myself, husband, my two boys, the TA, the teacher, the session worker would all be in jail. It scares me to death TBH, one day she is going to go too far and lord only knows what is going to happen. According to my daughter, shes broke her leg and needed an operation to fix it, her TA shouts down her ear, her dog got run over and killed, we let her watch horror films, her brothers beat her up, she has to bite daddy when he hurts mummy, her session worker yanks her arm and shouts at her, the list goes on and none of it is true. I know her perception is all wrong, but it scares the living daylights out of me that one day she is going to accuse someone of something really serious and there be a full investigation. I know they have to do their job social services and things, but it really is sooo scary not to know what, as a parent you are going to be accused of!

[kirstie]

Oh the shame, here's Lewis' latest.....

A few days before Christmas, Richard- my husband (Lews stepdad) had to go and get something near Toys'r'us (big mistake!) and when hubby wouldn't take him in to have alook at the toys he started shouting at top volume, "Help, Help, he's trying to take me away in his car. He's not my Dad. He's pretending to be my stepdad. HELP!!!" double cringe! Like you Caroline i am shocked at the level of manipulation. Little swine had an earful from me when he got home!!!

Kirstie!