Who do you buy for at Christmas?

[Bagpuss]

Such a dilemma this year for us It can be so hit and miss with regard's DH's family, who live in differents parts of the country, and I'm unsure what to do. DH and I have always bought for all neices and nephews up to they were 18, for Xmas and birthdays, after they are 18, we just send cards, but now I'm beginning to wonder if we should just buy for those who buy for our kiddies, and ditto cards. My SIL, who lives in another part of the country, always sends Xmas pressies, but this year, first time in 17 years, we just got a card Now...do I still buy for her kiddies, or just return a card, and assume she doesn't want to buy pressies anymore, for whatever reason?......blimey, it's so tricky. My BIL is so up and down re cards and pressies, that you never know what you will get, if anything, and again, I'm unsure if I just return what is sent to us, like for like, or send cards and pressies regardless.

 

Does anyone else have this carry on?

[Karen A]

Hi.We have had similar issues with our family as on both sides of the family brothers and sisters live all over Britain.We only ever see each other at funerals...and the occasional wedding. We just had a chat and came to mutual agreement .Karen.

Edited December 14, 2007 by Karen A

[brooke]

Hi Bagpuss

We have to buy for so many as our family is big, we go on who buys for the boys. i tend to spend a bit more on the presents as i realise they are buying 3 to our one!!!! I think its acceptable to just send your relatives a card if thats what they do too <'> <'>

[Mumble]

Does anyone else have this carry on?

I think it must be an NT thing . . . Sorry, I did have to laugh at the pullarver palerver pullover palaver

 

This is where a small family that doesn't do surprises is an absolute blessing (I'm not sure if my sister sees it that way being the only NT for miles around but she gets surprises from her friends so I guess that makes up for it) - we all know exactly what we're getting each other and we know exactly what is in each parcel. And if things aren't unwrapped on the day, that's OK too.

[Bagpuss]

Unfortunately no one in DH's family (2 sisters and a brother) rings or visits each other, so it'd be difficult to come to an agreement. My family are so straight forward, and we all treat each other the same at birthdays and xmas, but when it comes to DH's, well, you never know what they will do. They may send a birthday card, they may not, they may send one of the kiddies a card with a fiver in, and not even send the other two a card, they may send Xmas pressies for all of us, or none of us, or just send a card. Sometimes one of them won't even send a Xmas card and the following year send a card and pressies for the kiddies. I do like to treat peeps the same, in so much that I like to treat DH's family the same as mine, so I find all this confusion difficult.

 

 

I'm wittering on arn't I?

[pearl]

Tis a social minefield. Given that I have 38 cousins, 12 B/SILs, 12 nephews/neices & 1 great neice, I'd be bankrupt if I tried to buy for them all.

 

Many years ago, me & mr pearl bit the bullet & announced we were only buying for immediate family. They had the pleasure of blaming us for being cheapskates, & we provided them with a legitimate reason to pack it in too.

[Mumble]

12 nephews/neices & 1 great neice

What makes the 'one' better than the other 12??? :lol:

[pearl]

[oxgirl]

I have exactly the same hassle, Bagpuss, it's such a pain. DH's family are really good, they've come to a mutual arrangement regarding cousins and his Mum and Dad specially ask for what they want, no probs there. The problem is my sis. She has three strapping girls all in their twenties and I've always bought something for them each year, but recently have been getting fed up with it. It's not as if we even get a thank you from them and, even though, they're all adults we never get so much as a card from them, I've had enough. My sis is terrible, always sends birthday presents two weeks late, if at all, and never bothers to send out Xmas cards as she just 'can't be bothered'. Last year I got her girls each something nice and herself and spent ages boxing them all up into a big parcel and posting it off to them. Didn't get a single thing from them, not even a card! But when I've tried to broach the subject with her and tell her I think I'll knock it on the head seeing as most of her girls are working and have more money than me, she always gets all afronted and makes me feel really bad, telling me how much her girls like getting things from me. I bet they do!! Like a mug, I just keep on doing it. (*sigh*).

 

No advice, sorry, hope it's not too awkward for you though. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[hev]

im the youngest of 7 and have 18 nephews and neices,nick is the youngest of 9 and has loads of nephews neices,i just buy for who buys mine really,luckily thats not many as it could get very expensive,the ones who send cards baggy would get a card back from me,not in a horrible way,the cheaper the better as far as im concerned

[Bagpuss]

Thanks all, it helps knowing it's not just me who finds this difficult. I've no probs with DH's family not sending anything, infact it'd be a relief, because we don't have a close relationship....it's the fact that sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't, so you never know, so I always continue to send gifts and cards at Xmas and birthdays. I also find it really hurtful if they remember one of the kids birthday's, but send nothing for the others, I'd rather they didn't send any of them anything. How do you respond to sporadic cards and presents?

[pearl]

How do you respond to sporadic cards and presents?

 

Sporadically!

[oxgirl]

Haha, Pearl, that made me laugh!

 

Bagpuss, I think sometimes you just have to do what you think is right. We continue to send money in cards for my DH's brother's kids even though he doesn't see them anymore and their mum never sends Jay anything. At least we know we're doing the right thing by the boys, she can do what she likes. If I were you, I'd decide either to send cards all the time or not send them anymore at all and just keep doing that and let them do whatever they want. It is hurtful, but at least you can feel like your conscience is clear. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[ScienceGeek]

My mums family just send each other cards as she has 8 siblings and their other halves, 25 nieces and nephews and they have between them 17 children already!

We tend to just get something for my mum, my baby half brother and half sister, the other halfs parents and her brother.

[Kathryn]

That's a difficult situation Bagpuss - if people aren't consistent with their present giving, how can you know what to expect? It must be really awkward when one child gets something and not others. I think you have to ignore what they do and just decide on the level of giving that's right for you.

 

I don't have much experience of this - I'm an only child and my dh has one brother and sister in law. . At this time of the year a small family is a blessing! We buy presents for the brother and sister in law, and my parents in law, as these are the people we see on Christmas day. I also send a small parcel to my dad and stepmum in Bolton, and this year I've included a little something for my stepsister's new baby; the only other child in the family apart from ours.

 

K x

[Tally]

You probably need to decide whether you want to send them a gift, regardless of whether they send anything for your kids, and stick with that.

 

I still send gifts to my cousins, even though one is over 18 now. I am much older than all my cousins, so I probably treat them like you might a niece or nephew, although we are not close. I stop birthday gifts at 18, but still send cards if I have previously sent gifts. Some people (like my aunt and my grandad) I do not even know their birthdays and never have done.

 

There are 3 sets of children I buy Christmas presents for, but I send something to share. This year I have bought them one of those charity things like "Vaccinate a Village." You get a certificate telling you a bit about what they do with the money. I've also bought them a fancy chocolate bar each, but sometimes I just get a tin of chocolates or something for them all to share. Since I started giving the charity things, they write thank you cards. I never got thank you cards before, so it seems like they actually appreciate this more than a gift they can eat/play with themselves!

[hev]

vaccinate a village,how good is that!!!!!can you do a link on it tally?i think its a brill idea

[Bagpuss]

Thanks again everyone.

 

I think the idea of alternative gifts Tally, are fantastic. I've used World Vision for ages to do this, and Oxfam do them too Hev.

 

Well, we've made a decision, mainly based on what DH would like to do, as their his family after all. We've decided to just send cards, for birthday and Xmas. So I've been out this morning and posted them all off. Don't know what we'll get in return, although SIL who usually sends pressies has just sent a card too, but I'm tired of trying to fathom out their thinking. At least this way we know everyone is remembered.

[pearl]

Now stop worrying! <'>

[Tally]

I get mine from PLAN UK.

[Bagpuss]

Now stop worrying! <'>

 

 

Will do....although had a wobble earlier and ordered alternative gifts....then cancelled them........I'm going

 

Need to raid the Christmas supplies....I can hear choccy calling to restore sanity

Edited December 15, 2007 by Bagpuss

[pearl]

Will do....although had a wobble earlier and ordered alternative gifts....then cancelled them........I'm going

 

Need to raid the Christmas supplies....I can hear choccy calling to restore sanity

 

Thats the spirit