How was your Christmas?

[Mumble]

What's the correct response to the question 'How was your Christmas / New Year'??

 

I'm planning to get better at the social niceities this year of which I'm sure this is one, and I'm already failing.

 

The truth - Not so good, I don't like being shouted at.

 

But what am I supposed to say when asked and who do I say what to?

 

I've written various responses from OK (well bits were - when I wasn't in the house!!), Bareable (just), to a full blown account. Thing is, I'm stuck on matching responses to people:

Other students,

Cleaner,

Dinner lady,

Security,

Supervisor,

Tutor,

Other academics.

 

How do I know what response to use with each and what should I look for in their body language that tells me if I've got it right or wrong?

 

Thanks

[summertime]

Mostly when NT people ask this its the same as saying 'how are you' more of a greeting than a question and they don't really expect an accurate or indeed in a lot of cases a truthful answer.

 

My response in most cases would be 'ok thanks, yours?'

 

the exception to this would be someone who you think may be genuinely interested, these would be people who you would normally talk more to about personal stuff, in my case this would be about 4 of my closest friends and a couple of my favourite colleagues.

 

If you think that your christmas break has caused you stress or anxieties that may cause you problems during your studies then it might be an idea just to say to your tutors something like 'OK but a little stressful' this will help them understand and make allowances for you and if they are really interested they will ask you more questions like 'oh dear what happened?' and then you will know that they are interested and it wasnt just a greeting

 

hope that helps a little

[Bagpuss]

Keep it simple Mumble, with a "fine thanks, how was yours?"

[Karen A]

Hi Mumble.I am not very good at working out how much information people want either.My OH tells me that when people appear very bored or start to make excuses to leave then I have provided too much detail.

The expexcted social response is confusing I know. After all why do people ask how christmas was when the only response they wish to get is ''great thanks'''.Karen.

[pearl]

After all why do people ask how christmas was when the only response they wish to get is ''great thanks'''.Karen.

 

Because its about them, not you. They think if they don't ask you will think they are rude. They don't know you don't care!

[Mumble]

Thanks

 

I like your response Baggy. Kind of a variation on the fine thanks how are you I'm going to try and remember to use this year. People forget about Christmas pretty quick, so I'll keep the slightly different wording on standby, just in case . . .

 

What I really don't get Pearl - if it's about the other person themselves and not really caring about the person they're asking, how is that different from the thinking about self as part of ASDs??

[pearl]

What I really don't get Pearl - if it's about the other person themselves and not really caring about the person they're asking, how is that different from the thinking about self as part of ASDs??

 

Pass

[Mumble]

Pass

:P

[pearl]

*thinks very very hard*

You are thinking, as an NT, about how you will appear to the other person. Thats much less of a preoccupation with AS innit? Shoot me down in flames if I'm completely wrong about this

[Mumble]

*thinks very very hard*

You are thinking, as an NT, about how you will appear to the other person. Thats much less of a preoccupation with AS innit? Shoot me down in flames if I'm completely wrong about this

You see, this is where I am confused. I often worry what others are thinking of me. I'm just terrible at guessing what they are thinking, which makes it worse cause I'm normally way off and thinking they're thinking badly of me when often they're not (or say they're not).

[pearl]

Aah, its me that is wrong then. I'll qualify what I said. I think that some AS peeps dont give a flying *** what anyone else thinks of them (I wish I could be more like that). Others, like you, & JP, do. We are all different I spose, & NT & AS preoccupations & worries can sometimes overlap.

 

Can I revert to "pass"?

[Mumble]

We are all different I spose

Exactly And that's both cool and OK.

[ScienceGeek]

I struggled with this one over the hols. It was especially worse when I was meeting the OHs family.

[hev]

took katie back to school today and instead of saying hello to the mothers like we always do we all said did you have a good christmas?i said it as a greeting really

[CEJesson]

I usually reply like this:

 

Good christmas - "it was mostly good thanks, better than expected how about yours?"

 

Average - "It was OK, but a bit hectic!"

 

Bad - "Not the best christmas ive had, but I hope the next one will be alright!"

 

I struggle with this one because I dont see a lot of my family anymore due to ongoing problems and so its a tense subject to have a christmas with 4 of us around the table when there used to be 15:(

[CEJesson]

You see, this is where I am confused. I often worry what others are thinking of me. I'm just terrible at guessing what they are thinking, which makes it worse cause I'm normally way off and thinking they're thinking badly of me when often they're not (or say they're not).

 

This is a trait which isnt the nicest for us, I get this at uni all the time and its what makes university sometimes 'on the brink'. I combat it by thinking it is insignificant what others think, it is the only way of trying to combat anxieties I have. I have to be bullish and take a 'dont care' attitude in this situation (not all situations of course otherwise I wouldnt be a good person!) It works for some, not all.