Pubs and Stations

[Mumble]

I've had a pretty hellish evening, culminating in a fantastically almighty meltdown. I'm now nursing a really bad headache and just feeling a bit yeuch (and a bit guilty).

 

It started in the pub when I was out with my research group - there was too much noise - I was already tired having had a full day and been up since 4am - I couldn't make out what anyone was saying and the noise was so distorted it was frightening. But I didn't know how to leave either, especially as to leave would mean climbing over the other people as I was hiding in the corner. How do you leave a group in a pub? I couldn't do anything other than sit with silent tears rolling down my face pre-meltdown.

 

Then had to get the train home which my supervisor had to help with (I feel guilty that he had to cope with me like this - that's not his job) - someone walked straight into me, it was busy and noisy and that's where I started to lose it big time. Got to the main interchange where I was now on my own - really upset now with the noise and trying to work out where to get my next train, but kind of made it to the train and curled up in the back of the carriage - and the train didn't leave - and they ordered us all off and told us the line was closed - and that's where I really lost it. I had no idea how to get home. I approached the train man but he refused to help me because I was upset I tried again and he walked away from me This got me more upset and I just sat sobbing and being pathetic on a platform bench for over an hour. This is a busy interchange and thousands of passengers went past me. Not one stopped to help or even ask if I was OK. It makes me ashamed to live in a country where that can happen and people care so little.

 

But how do I cope with this situation in future? I have to get home - London is busy. I already don't use the bus because of the crowding and noise that scares me. I simply had no idea what to do and I know now I'll worry about going in and using the train because of this experience.

 

And any good remedies for a headache? - I've taken multiple pain killers and it ain't shifting

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

the headache wont go till you calm down hun

it is probably tension

have you got a heat pad? that on shoulders may help

 

i wonder if you need to carry with you an card saying " i am autistic, and this has caused me to be very upset and i cannot understand what is going on i need to get to ***** from here can you help me"

apart from that i dont kno sorry

but next time you go to the pub, hide near the door!!!!

so you can make a very quick exit, or get your phone to make a ringing noise regularly as if someone is calling you so you can pop out of pub regularly to get air and space

<'>

[Karen A]

<'> <'> Mumble don't worry about how to manage things next time tonight.Have a rest and get over the headache.

I am so sorry London is stressful sometimes.People just don't care about others.Don't take it personaly.Karen.

[elun1]

<'> Hello Mumble, I hope you're feeling a bit calmer now. London can be just horrible I know, we used to live there and sometimes in brief mad moments I think about moving back there in case it gives more choices when the boys are older. We were there briefly visiting friends for a weekend and no-one seems to care about anyone else when you're out and about the way they do here (we live in a little welsh village now!) I just think the sad reality is that people dare'nt approach others to help them anymore incase they in turn are threatened. What a sad world we live in sometimes

When I get headaches that won't go I have a warm bath (not too hot) and do some slow breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth. I hope you're feeling better soon

Elun xx

[krystaltps]

Oh Mumble <'> <'> <'> .

Not really got anything to add to the great advice already given. Relax as best you can tonight, try to put future events out of your mind for now.

I think Lya's advice about the card is good. If you had been able to give something like that to the station staff, it could have helped enormously.

[rocketgob]

<'> <'> Mumble - I hope you are feeling better now - your post made me really think about how things can be and how people can be so damn inconsiderate. Sorry I am not much use in giving you any advice, just hope you have got rid of your headache now hun xx

[ScienceGeek]

Sorry to hear that things didn't go so well. I had a similar thing happen when I was last in London on my own trying to get from Camden to Victoria and then to Woolwich. People really can be inconsiderate over that way. Try and have a relaxing evening if possible. <'>

[llisa32]

Hiya <'>

 

Really sorry you had such a rotten evening, I'm guessing the noise and crowding etc affected you so badly today because you were really tired and have had a really hectic few days.

 

Don't feel guilty about your supervisor needing to help you, he always sounds like a nice guy and I'm sure he was probably just glad to be able to help a little.

 

I think the suggestion of trying to sit near the door for future events is a good one, that or the loo's! - woman never look suspicious running off to the loo in a pub - 2 cokes and I'm back and forth like a yoyo (or maybe thats me age?? .

 

London can be a fantastic place as we both agreed last week, but unfortunately due to its size and general 'business' it can also end up being somewhere where you can feel quite alone - it's true and a sad fact of how peeps live today that a lot of people are unwilling to stop and ask if someones ok, or needs help - only because they fear the response...it's definately not personal <'>

 

The card idea is maybe a good one or perhaps it's worth dropping an email to london underground when you're feeling a little better later this week and explaining that sometimes you may get into a panic about getting home and be too upset to explain yourself and ask what they recomend? - maybe your awareness bracelet may be of some use?? - not sure.

 

But it's probably worth seeing if they do respond and can recomend an approach so that if it ever happens again it will hopefully be a little easier to cope with.

 

You've done great the last few months, don't let this knock your confidence. You were just worn out, and it all got too much.

 

I hope your headache is subsiding a little and that you've managed to go get a cup of tea or something sweet <'>

 

Take care <'>

[Kathryn]

Mumble

 

<'> <'>

 

I love London but the stations are my least favourite parts - especially when busy. Perfectly pleasant people seem to turn into aggressive and selfish morons at such times. I had a bad experience today involving trains and rude station staff, so I sympathise (not as distressing as yours though).

 

I hope you're less stressed now and your headache has subsided. Take it easy tomorrow if you can.

 

K x

[Mumble]

Thanks everyone. <'> I feel much calmer today but still have a horrible headache - I didn't get much sleep over night because there was so much noise over night from other students.

 

I haven't got to go anywhere today so I'll work from home - got lots to do. I might go swimming later because I always find that a good destresser.

 

I need to come up with some plan as to dealing with things going wrong with transport - my major problem yesterday was that I had absolutely no idea how to get home from where I was - I perhaps need to have alternative routes/buses written out so I can have a written plan to follow.

 

On the pub thing - how do you actually leave a group (even if it's to actually go to the loo - even if I need to I'll sit there uncomfortable because I don't know how to excuse myself from the group)?

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

On the pub thing - how do you actually leave a group (even if it's to actually go to the loo - even if I need to I'll sit there uncomfortable because I don't know how to excuse myself from the group)?

 

well i say hang on a minute cos i need the loo

or if tiddled

 

hang on a wee minute cos i need a wee

 

you re doing great, you just have a few bits to work on

 

have a good day

i off to clean but *shhh dont tell anyone cos i will get told off

x

[Nic m]

Glad you are feeling a bit better, Mumble.

I am the same as Lya will say 'scuse me i need to pee. or if i get too hot or need to check my 'phone i just say 'scuse me i need to go outside a wee minute.

nic

[loobylou2]

<'> Hope you're feeling better Mumble <'>

[Tally]

Glad you're feeling a bit better today. Hopefully the headache will go once you get a chance to relax.

 

On the pub thing - how do you actually leave a group (even if it's to actually go to the loo - even if I need to I'll sit there uncomfortable because I don't know how to excuse myself from the group)?

 

It depends who you are with and how much you have drunk.

People at work are normally very blunt about it and say something like, "I'm just going for a dump," whereas I prefer to say, "I'm just going to the loo," or just, "I'll be back in a minute."

If you are very posh you could say, "I am just going to powder my nose."

People sometimes say, "I'm just going outside for some fresh air," but this can also be a euphamism for going for a smoke.

As for actually leaving, I would normally make up an excuse about why I need to leave early like having to make a phone call, got an early start in the morning, got a train to catch, or whatever. It can be really hard to actually say it though, because you normally have to butt in somewhere when you are in a group. I haven't quite got the hang of that one yet!

[smiley]

Mumble <'>

 

How about having a taxi firms number on your mobile, and always carry a little extra cash tucked away in your purse to be able to call them and get home? Would you be able to call them?

 

Or a friend who drives and is someone you could call in an emergency? I had a similar panic yesterday and i text a friend to help me - there's no way i could have called, or spoken to someone i didn't know.

 

I like lyas idea of having a card to hand to someone (i'd stick to the peeps that work at the station though) saying you need assistance and showing where you need to get to. Do you have the NAS cards? Maybe write something on the back of one of them and hand it over. Same goes for calling if you can't - put the friend/taxi firm/whatever number on the back.

 

Hope your headache clears <'>

[Suze]

<'> ...HOPE YOUR O.K..............the card idea sounds good, sitting near an exitin the pub excellent also.I find big stations hard to deal with, its the not knowing what to do that is scary......which queue?..........which platform?........where to get the ticket?.......who to ask for help? ....don,t be too hard on yourself <'> ....................I,m sorry no one offered to help you....I would have if I,d have seen you upset.........but then I talk to anyone .Chill out today and take care suzex

[Kinda]

mumble

 

There are some great ideas in the posts, a written plan, taxi fare, ask the underground etc and my 2p worth. On your plan mark which Tube Stations you need to get to and don't be afraid to ask someone and choose a woman or business man to ask as they are more likely to be friendly. Don't choose someone who is rushing as they won't have the time to help you. Someone in uniform would be a good choice.

 

Explain you are new to London and not very good at mapreading etc and would appreciate help. I would also have a mobile phone and if I knew someone was at the other end with a computer to hand they could guide me in. Guess if you tell a couple of friends they could listen out for your call. If this works there is then a safety net for you at any time and especially if it manages to calm you down when you are getting bothered.

 

Alternatively if you could rationalise why you become bothered, is it the panic of being on your own, lost, noisy etc then you could try and plan around what it is like going off peak etc.

Edited January 23, 2008 by Kinda

[pearl]

Hope you have a better day today Mumble <'>

[Mumble]

Thanks everyone. Feeling much better now. I've had a restful day in my room with my things doing my work the way I want to with my ear plugs in. I didn't end up going swimming, but that's OK - I'll go later in the week. I still got some fresh air because one of the kind students decided I needed some so set off the fire-alarms so I got to freeze outside for 30 minutes

 

You've given me some great suggestions. I'm defiantly going to write some other routes down to help me in future. The trouble with the phone thing is that I'm terrified of them - want to get over that this year, but I need a plan that doesn't involve that - they should have a 'text a taxi' service! And travelling off peak is something I try to do as much as possible - but it's not always possible, particularly as the evening peak 'hour' seems to be an evening peak three-hours.

 

And the excusing myself bit - Tally you've got the problem exactly - I know what to say but I can't work out when to say it or the volume at which to say it or who to say it too (we're a group of what can be up to ten) - so I opt for the coward's way out of sitting and getting uncomfortable then waddling to the bathroom as soon as I get home!!

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

Thanks everyone. Feeling much better now. I've had a restful day in my room with my things doing my work the way I want to with my ear plugs in. I didn't end up going swimming, but that's OK - I'll go later in the week. I still got some fresh air because one of the kind students decided I needed some so set off the fire-alarms so I got to freeze outside for 30 minutes

 

You've given me some great suggestions. I'm defiantly going to write some other routes down to help me in future. The trouble with the phone thing is that I'm terrified of them - want to get over that this year, but I need a plan that doesn't involve that - they should have a 'text a taxi' service!

 

 

http://www.tfl.gov.uk/gettingaround/taxisa...taxis/1146.aspx

 

ask and i find

xxx

[ScienceGeek]

I was trying to figure out how to leave this evening. We were out with a friend as it is her bday on Monday. I finally managed to leave once I was feeling so bad that it had set off my IBS and was on the verge of throwing up (I was only drinking water and diet coke so that wasn't the problem). I left in such a rush I forgot to give my gf some money so she had some to buy more drinks after I left.

[hev]

i find getting around in london horrendous i saw a article in amag last week and the man said he loves travelling on the tubes and trains in london cos its so easy i just do not find it easy,i get lost every time.

 

as for excusing yourself out of a pub politely,i dont have that problem im often escorted out by the management

[Mumble]

i find getting around in london horrendous i saw a article in amag last week and the man said he loves travelling on the tubes and trains in london cos its so easy i just do not find it easy,i get lost every time.

It would be quite easy if it wasn't for other people. I 'get' how the buses are organised now and I've had a long running obsession with the tube map so the practicalities aren't a problem - the problem is dealing with other people and huge sensory overload.

 

as for excusing yourself out of a pub politely,i dont have that problem im often escorted out by the management

Hmmm, maybe I'll give that a go. Tell you what, we'll 'continue' the Greenwich picnic into the night and you can demonstrate your skills then

[hev]

It would be quite easy if it wasn't for other people. I 'get' how the buses are organised now and I've had a long running obsession with the tube map so the practicalities aren't a problem - the problem is dealing with other people and huge sensory overload.

 

 

Hmmm, maybe I'll give that a go. Tell you what, we'll 'continue' the Greenwich picnic into the night and you can demonstrate your skills then

its like everyone turns into rude agressive people as soon as you get on a tube or train,i avoid it all costs,steve on the other hand loves the london underground