hev Report post Posted January 25, 2008 right ive had a friend for about a year and her girl is best friends with katie this girl and me get on great,same sense of humour,really nice girl,anyway she is forever got no mo0ney and forever trying to lend money off me so ive now stopped going round there but i wish we could get the money thing out the way and avoid me avoiding her if you know what i mean,her and her husband spend loads on computer bits and bobs then complain they got no nappies and it drives me mad what i want to know is how to word it to her how im feeling without me rowing,i dont want to offend but i dont want to feel like im a cashpoint either,im trying to sort my spending out without worrying about other peoples!! i want the friendship to continue and i find it hard to say no,anyone else been in this sitch?its really stressing me out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted January 25, 2008 I'd plead poverty Hev. From here on in, whenever you discuss money, you should say you are just as short of cash, and don't let her know otherwise <'> If she doesn't believe you, ask her for a sub Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted January 25, 2008 Hi hev - Sorry, hen, but is this the same friend who was always cadging money around a year ago? I seem to remenber then someone asking for money for nappies while the boyfriend went out to buy 20 fags with their last fiver? If it is the same person, you're better off avoiding her permanently, even if you do miss her If you don't want to do that, just tell her straight, and if she goes off on one it pretty much says it all... on the other hand, don't accept an apology that only lasts for a week before the next money crisis 'forces' her to ask again - you've got to say it an MEAN it! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 25, 2008 (edited) I remember you posting about this a while ago. It's difficult when your children are friends, but she's got to get the message. Sympathise with her about her money worries and say you're saving up for something - a holiday, a college course, car, new fridge.. anything which sounds believable. You can make it true by actually putting some money aside. You can always treat her to the occasional coffee or drink if you're feeling generous. If the friendship is strong enough, it'll survive you saying "no". If not, well, do you really want to be friends with someone who only wants to use you as a "cashpoint"? K x Edited January 25, 2008 by Kathryn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted January 25, 2008 hev, I remember this too from a while back. I agree with all the above; ie... either tell her you're totally strapped for cash (even if it's not true), or avoid her completely. 'Never a lender or a borrower be' <'> flora XXXXXXXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted January 25, 2008 1. No more lending. Its not your problem. 2. Ask her to start repaying you. 3. She probably won't. Put it down to experience. Good luck. Its hard, especially when you really get on with the person otherwise. She sounds like the Dawn French character in Lark Rise to Candleford - really really nice, but feckless. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted January 25, 2008 e decided its causing me too much stress so im going to gradually ease off the friendship,it shouldnt be making me feel like this so im gonna have to cut off contact slowly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted January 26, 2008 right,im peed off with the nice approach,got a text at 6.30 today saying they got no money for milk or nappies ive sent a text back saying "im not a effing cashpoint,i have rent,poll tax to pay and im peed rite off now,got my own problems in my life and i do not need her ****!!!! now i know that comes accross aggressive but ive had it now,6.30 am is ridiculous,and they are playing on the baby cos they know i love him,i havent got a text back but im ready for action Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted January 26, 2008 im gonna have to cut off contact slowly right,im peed off with the nice approach,got a text at 6.30 today saying they got no money for milk or nappies Tell them the next time they need help to phone Social Services. That should put the wind up them! If they're not bothering now, what's going to happen a few years down the line? You're going to have another child living with you, because he'll see you as the source of food and a warm place. You've got enough on your plate without carrying them as well. How does Nick feel about your generous nature? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted January 26, 2008 (edited) Tell her to go and find a budget counsellor get off her .... and take responsibility for herself. <'> <'> you're a softy and she's taking advantage of your kind nature. Avoidance really is the best way forward Hev. Fxx Edited January 27, 2008 by Frangipani Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ellisisamazing Report post Posted January 26, 2008 Hev, Best to phase her out.....and with your text reply, you've probably put the fear of god in her!! I had a similar experience with a 'friend' a few years back.....money was lent now and then which I always got back off her (she was single, in her early twenties and one of the kids was SN and not much family support) and I didn't mind helping out, but then I was used as an unpaid babysitter/school run collector/dinnerlady for her two kids and it got too much, I remember I had her kids stop at mine for five Friday nights in a row, and after the final Friday she had the cheek to ask would I do the Saturday too? My DH was livid and told me in no uncertain terms to tell her NO, He'd had a bad week at work and I needed a break too.....Oh, and she also went out each Tuesday to a pub quiz and evey Sunday to Karaoke (her brother would sit for the kids those evenings) She had the audacity to tell me how hard her life was....struggling with two children! Like I don't know! But apparentely cause I have a hubby who works 12 hours days, may I add, I had no idea of reality! (I am the one who gets a night out/three hours cause I'm knackered...... maybe two times a year!) Strangely enough, the one time I asked would she watch Ellis for twenty minutes, whilst I took DD to Doc's (El hates the surgery and goes all meltdowny there!), she refused as she thought it would be too much for her!) Anyway, she decided to 'jib me off', as she put it, as I couldn't provide the LEVEL OF FRIENDSHIP SHE REQUIRED!!!!!!!!!! I was jumping for joy! Lisa xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted January 26, 2008 Tell them the next time they need help to phone Social Services. That should put the wind up them! If they're not bothering now, what's going to happen a few years down the line? You're going to have another child living with you, because he'll see you as the source of food and a warm place. You've got enough on your plate without carrying them as well. How does Nick feel about your generous nature? i told nick last night how i was feeling about it and he said not to do it any more as they need to sort their own finances out and he dont work 12 hour days and nights to keep them in fags and beers!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted January 26, 2008 Yeah! Go Nick Go! Go Nick Go! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted January 26, 2008 i hope nicks getting all assertive on me bard,im jut not used to it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted January 26, 2008 Ah yes, the days of long ago when men were men and women were grateful! Seriously though, he sounds like a good 'un, so maybe him telling you what he thinks will give you back up. It's hard to recognise it gracefully when they're right and you are...less so. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted January 27, 2008 he is a very lovely man bard,he has the paitence of a saint really!!i my friend sent me a text today asking if ive upset her Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 27, 2008 he is a very lovely man bard,he has the paitence of a saint really!!i my friend sent me a text today asking if ive upset her Tell her, no SHE'S upset YOU by keeping on sponging off you! ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
