What should I do now

[Zosmum]

Hi All

Having a rough time with Z and school. She is refusing to go and won't or can't say why.

We're having the usual morning tantrums getting ready for school and she's putting on her uniform and at exactly 8:30 she gets shoes,coat,bag etc as if she's going, then she sets off for school. As soon as she sees the school thats it, she turns around and comes home thats when the fireworks start. I've had a teacher here on Friday sitting on the floor at the top of the stairs talking to Z through a closed door when she asked Z if she trusted her Z replied "No-Freak" Didn't help in anyway as it crossed the line between school and home. Z keeps the 2 very seperate. And now I don't know what to do for the best, Do I keep her out of school for a couple of weeks to see if it helps or carry on banging on at her that she has to go to school??

She's currently being tollerated in main stream secondaryschool(yr7)

Edited June 23, 2008 by Zosmum

[smiley]

<'> >< <'>

 

Does she have a statement of special educational needs??

[Zosmum]

yes she has a full statement and school have said they will put their heads together to see what they can come up with but so far they haven't got back to me with anything

[smiley]

Can you contact the LA and tell them how things are? Or are the school doing that?

 

Does she have any help outside of school?

 

<'> ><

[Zosmum]

To be honest, I haven't got a clue what school are planning on doing

We have a CAHMS appointment coming up but that's not til August (was supposed to be May but thats CAHMS for you)

She also has Sp+L therapist. OT, and the Ed Psych when she can be bothered to turn up

 

At the moment Z has gone into complete shut down. She's shut herself in her room with the PS2 and is refusing to speak at all

Good in one way cos at least it's quiet but it's not addressing the problem

She just will not let me in

[bikemad]

<'>

[Zosmum]

Hi just to let you know that Z's head of year and form tutor have just been to the house and have managed to get her to school on the promise of no end of year exam and no lessons. Apparently they're going to put her in with the SENCO for the afternoon to try and sort out what's wrong.

She hasn't been able to tell us what the problem is so I don't know what's gonna happen this afternoon

Just got to wait for the fall-out that comes whenshe gets home

They're kind of tiptoeing round her and she's got them right where she wants them

Shall I leave it be or give her some time-out from the pressure of school

[Suze]

Hi <'> , big hugs sounds like things are tough at the moment.My son is in year 8 and at an ASD unit at high school.I think what the school have done has been a good idea.She,s at school at least and they have taken most of the pressure off her.I can struggle getting my boy to school, the last 3 mondays have been bad and he,s missed the taxi that takes him and I,ve had to take him myself a few hours later when he has got his head sorted.At school the support staff very often take the kids out of classes if they are stressing or too anxious.My boy was really struggling in german and they,ve now taken him out of that, to work quietly in the unit.I think the school need to look at taking the pressure off for the next school year also, maybe giving her more time with the senco during the school day and not doing so much in mainstream, the important thing is that things don,t escalate and get worse , best wishes suzex.

[Zosmum]

Thanx Suze

We've got parents evening on Thursday so if there's nothing much happened by then I might try suggesting something like that to them

But for now I'm gonna eat chocolate, enjoy the hours peace and til it all starts again

Thanx again Suze

 

Forgot to mention-last time I suggested time-outs for her I was told that this wasn't very practical and that she should be OK cos lesson times are quite short, obviously she's not OK so they may consider it now

Edited June 23, 2008 by Zosmum

[Suze]

Just another thought aswell.............in the past I,ve always believed that school new what was best, they were the ones I had faith in to do the right thing...............however this isn,t always the case as I,ve learnt going through the primary school years .I found if I did,nt push as hard as I could for my sons best interests they did,nt really want to know, so if you can, stand up for what you think is best for your daughter..........sometimes if you don,t shout they don,t listen.Hope the meeting goes o.k., suzex

[Kazzen161]

My son struggled with Year 7 - he had lots of days off "sick" and when he was at school, he spent a lot of time in the unit (not an asd unit). We printed out a timetable and he chose what lessons he would do that week, starting with the one or two he liked, and gradually we increased the number of lessons he did. He never did do French. Year 8 was a little better, Year 9 better still, and in Year 10 he has attended all lessons and had very few days off.

[soraya]

How old is Z? My Nick had the same problem, he would get ready for school, get on the bus, but he would get very anxious and jump off the bus. When he was in mainstream he would run home as soon as he saw the school. Its strange that like Z he would get into his uniform with no problems, have breakfast, get the schoolbag and go off okay sorry not much advice im afraid,Nick was out of school for 18months and did on line learning which was very good. He now goes to a very small PRU which seems dto be working ok, he is under no pressure and this seems to work, although not ideal, we have to get social issues right and then we can deal with education. sending lots of <'> <'>

[Zosmum]

Z is 12 and thanx for the replies. I feel so much better knowing that she isn't the only one that behaves like this. It's as though school is forgotten about in a morning til she sees it.

 

This afternoon she spent time in with the SENCO and they talked, just about "stuff" Not sure what was talked about but with no lessons and no pressure she came home in an OKish mood but then got stung by a bee.

 

One day there will be peace (I hope!)

[Karen A]

Hi Zosmum.I thought it worth mentioning in case you are not aware.

If you do decide that school is not working and is too stressful and decide that it would be the best option to have a break until the end of term then do contact your GP.Your GP is able to sign your child off as sick due to stress and anxiety.If you have a note then the abscence will be documented as sickness.

We were in a similar situation with our elder son last year.

If you do not obtain a note and the EWO is not supportive then they may come chasing you...pressure that is not needed in the current situaion. <'> Karen.

[Zosmum]

Hi all

 

Had a bit of a ding-dong with the SENCO yesterday, she seems to be making a lot of decisions without discussing them with us. She has decided that we no longer need TAC and the dae for the closure of ISA proces was Feb 2008. Apparently satisfactory outcomes were achieved

The 1st onewas 'Enjoy and Achieve' which basically means young people achieve stretching national educational standards at secondary school, not bad for someone who discribed as having a severe learning disability

2nd 'Make a positive contribution' which includes things like successfully deal with significant life changes and challenges, engage in positive behaviour in and out of school

And 3rd Achieve Economic Well Being-This means young people engage in further education, employment or training on leaving school and are ready for employment

 

Not bad for a 12 year old who refuses to go to school.

HELP!!!!

[Karen A]

Hi all

 

Had a bit of a ding-dong with the SENCO yesterday, she seems to be making a lot of decisions without discussing them with us. She has decided that we no longer need TAC and the dae for the closure of ISA proces was Feb 2008. Apparently satisfactory outcomes were achieved

The 1st onewas 'Enjoy and Achieve' which basically means young people achieve stretching national educational standards at secondary school, not bad for someone who discribed as having a severe learning disability

2nd 'Make a positive contribution' which includes things like successfully deal with significant life changes and challenges, engage in positive behaviour in and out of school

And 3rd Achieve Economic Well Being-This means young people engage in further education, employment or training on leaving school and are ready for employment

 

Not bad for a 12 year old who refuses to go to school.

HELP!!!!

 

Hi.Help I need more information as I don't understand to abreviations.Are ISA and TAC part of SEN practice ?

The 1st,2nd and 3rd you describe look to me like some of the sections within the ''Every Child Matters'' paper.Every Child matters is a paper regarding aims and outcomes for all children.It is not intended to be used as part of SEN documentation for specific children. Karen.

Edited June 25, 2008 by Karen A

[Karen A]

http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/aims/

This is some of the ''Every Child Matters'' information.Karen.

[Zosmum]

Hi Karen

 

ISA is Information Sharing and Assessment, the multi agency thing

and TAC is Team Around the Child which is for children suppoerted by more than one agency. TAC meetings bring all involved into one meeting so they can compare and discuss the best ways to support a child without conflicting each others methods of support

[Karen A]

Hi Karen

 

ISA is Information Sharing and Assessment, the multi agency thing

and TAC is Team Around the Child which is for children suppoerted by more than one agency. TAC meetings bring all involved into one meeting so they can compare and discuss the best ways to support a child without conflicting each others methods of support

 

Thanks.

I think a TAC is what we need.

I think it may be worth pushing the school regarding what SEN provision is in place....things like making sure IEP is in place and up to date,ensuring any specific TA support is being used in line with the Statement and finding out when the next review of the Statement is due.If you believe that the situation has deteriorated since the last review you may be able to ask for an emergency review of the Statement.Karen.

[Karen A]

http://www.ipsea.org.uk/sevenfixes.htm#Req...ingReassessment

''Asking for an early review'' might be useful for you.Karen.

[Zosmum]

Thanx Karen

But one of the problems I've got is with the SENCO. She knows best apparently and makes you feel as though 'you're just her mother, what would you know'

Hope that makes sense

Because Z is having real problems with Maths(working at primary Yr 2-3 levels),she's Yr7 I asked her for a Discalculia assessment so that we would know what we're dealing with or not, as the case may be, she said that if oly if I wanted to give Z another label. I ranted a bit at that saying that I'd prefer she had no labels but we need to know. She decided that she wasn't going todo it and described Z as having a severe learning disability especially in that area.

We've only ever been told she has complex learing difficulties

 

I don't think she'd agree to an early review unless it suited her and fit into her timetable

She isn't very welcoming if you ask for things, she has to suggest them first

 

Sorry for harping on so much

[Karen A]

Don't worry about harping on. <'>

The SENCO does not have access to giving an opinion on whether she agrees to an early review.

As long as your child's Statement meets the criteria for a review it is a parent's right to request that the LEA instigate one.The school do not have a say in whether the review goes ahead.Karen.

[Karen A]

Hi again.

Section 9.44 of the COP on SEN states that where a child who has a Statement is at serious risk of disaffection or exclusion the school should call an interim review themselves.Karen.

[Zosmum]

Thanx Karen

I'll keep you informed as to what happens although Z may not go to school tomorrow, I'm waiting for her refusing to go again.

She was in school today and was actually attending lessons, when she was in geography her teacher told her to get her book out and it wasn't in her bag, it was in the library, which is where she gets told to keep her stuff. The teacher went mental at her, shouted and ordered her to go and get it. She was really upset by this and came home in such a state, which is really sad cos she was trying

[Zosmum]

Well Z isn't in school again today but following yesterday we didn't think she would be. Her head of year has been round to try and get her into school but even the promises of no lessons and being able to hang out in the library didn't work this time. Apparently the teaching staff haven't been informed of the problems Z is having at the moment. Her head of year and SENCO have thought it best to say nothing

Maybe they will inform the teaching staff now that this has happened. I'm hoping so

 

Feels like ever decreasing circles. Something will have to change soon

[Karen A]

Well Z isn't in school again today but following yesterday we didn't think she would be. Her head of year has been round to try and get her into school but even the promises of no lessons and being able to hang out in the library didn't work this time. Apparently the teaching staff haven't been informed of the problems Z is having at the moment. Her head of year and SENCO have thought it best to say nothing

Maybe they will inform the teaching staff now that this has happened. I'm hoping so

 

Feels like ever decreasing circles. Something will have to change soon

 

<'> Sorry.I really wish I had answers for you and for myself.

I find it so so frustrating when school's attempts to manage a situation just make things worse and more complicated.Karen.

[Zosmum]

Thanx Karen

But it's just nice to be able to talk on here and know that people understand what your going through

 

Got parents evening later today and dh isn't vey happy. Hope he holds it together

 

Should be a bundle of fun(not!)

[Karen A]

Thanx Karen

But it's just nice to be able to talk on here and know that people understand what your going through

 

Got parents evening later today and dh isn't vey happy. Hope he holds it together

 

Should be a bundle of fun(not!)

 

Hope parents evening was ok.

You have company...I nearly lost my voice on Sunday before a meeting on Monday.OH was pleased as it stopped me shouting. Karen.

[Zosmum]

Hi

Well we hmanaged to hold our tongues at parents evening. Kept my hands in my pockets and my tongue between my teeth

Was a little better than expected as the staff have now been told to treat Z with lots of TLC. Most of the staff seemed a little to false though as Z was with us and they spent their time talking everso nicely to her rather than us

She went to school this morning but I had a call by 8:45 saying that she didn't want to stay but they'll do all they can to keep her there.

Here's hoping(she's still there yet!)

[Zosmum]

Quick update

Z ahs just done a full week in school The staff are now kinda tip-toeing round her so as not to upset her

Only 1 more week to go then the dreaded hols

Don't know which is worst

[Enid]

Hi, well done for getting her to school as you say which is worst My DS has has done 3 straight months at school!! I can hardly believe it, and for the first time ever I am dreading, as in DREADING the holidays, I feel sooo guilty as we all usually look forward to them, an we all sit down an make a list together of the places we want to go to and the things we want to do, this year it will all be so different, at half-term he would get ready to go out with us and then at the last minute refuse to come, so none of us could go anywhere Enid

[justamum]

If she won't stay in school after the hols why not suggest flexi school and build her up slowly, if at all, to full time attendance. The other option is home education, but if you can't face that flexi school is a compromise.

[Zosmum]

Off school again

This time cos she's sprained the ligaments in her foot, the hospital said rest and gentle exercise in warm water so this is the ideal exuse for her not to go as she can't do this at school.

At least she's a bit calmer

Looks like the hols have started early for her

[Karen A]

<'> <'> I had a week with Ben home last week due to a chest-infection.

 

I suppose the good thing for you is that you will not have to work to get DD back to school for a week or two just for her to break up.

I decided to start and do a bit of cooking with Ben last week and found he really enjoys it.

I was not planning to have help with every supper for the long term but will adapt to a slower pace of preparation and very accurate measurement of ingredients. Karen.