Desperately need advice on coping with AS

[worn-thin]

Hi,

I am sorry if these things have been covered before but I am not very technically minded and so stressed at the moment I can't concentrate on looking through reams of posts!

 

My son, who is 6, is suspected of having AS by both the school and the EdPsych. We are waiting to see a specialist Paediatrician to confirm/deny diagnosis.

 

I never had a problem with him but school thinks he an absolute nightmare and for the last 3 years he just goes to school to be told off!

 

He could speak in whole, coherent sentences and read by the age of 2. He now has a reading age of around 9 years, he is fascinated by maps, routes, numbers, statistics. He is also slightly obsessive about things...germs, things being in the right order.

 

If anyone knows the TV series 'Monk' my son is a milder form of him!

 

He has terrible trouble in school because, he says, 'children make too much noise' Teacher denies this, says her class is quiet but even quiet noises distract my son. He CANNOT make friends his own age, says the kids annoy him. Gets on great with adults and or people who can answer or show an interest in his perculiar questions. Not kids his own age because they are not interested in large number manipulation or geography!

 

If he gets really bored and or stressed he may start spinning. He does this in assembly and the teachers just shout at him and tell him off.

 

He sees no value in things like reward charts as he tells me he is unable to control his strange outbursts in school - I just get so angry inside, he says. He is bullied by a couple of kids and as he hates personal space invasion he can lash out.

 

He shouts at his teacher now and has no respect for her. He keeps saying 'I don't know' when asked questions he obviously does know the answer to. When I asked why, he said ' My teacher told me to sit down and shut up' So thats what I do now'.

 

The list is endless. He is academically bright, even the other parents see he is different but he has strange impulses and wierd behaviours that constantly annoy his teacher and every day she sends him to the Headmaster.

 

The stress on us, as his parents, is beginning to take it's toll.

 

We are so frustrated with the school, that they think he is AS but won't consider the way they are coping with his behaviour is wrong. He really cannot control his impulse to lie down on the floor in class, wander out of the classroom to the IT lab when bored etc.

 

The school constantly complain til I am sick of hearing it! Spins in assembly blah blah, wiggles his feet in assembly etc. He told me, ' They force me to pray to Jesus and I don't believe in him,only God' When he voiced this he was.....sent to the headmaster. He says assembly is boring...to him it lasts for hours. I tried to give him a little plastic bracelet made of dice so he could fiddle with it and add the spots etc, just to distract him from spinning but another child tried to grab it and he.......got sent to the headmaster. It goes on.

 

He needs some kind of tactile or sensory stimulus to keep him calm in assembly but the school refuse it now.

 

I feel so, so sorry for him. At home he is the most loving, helpful, confident child. Bright talkative, will speak to adults politely.

 

Please someone tell me what I should do?

 

Yours in complete frustration

[Tally]

Hi worn-thin, and welcome to the forum.

 

A lot of people think Monk has AS, so it's no coincidence you see aspects of your son in him!

 

This particularly struck a chord with me:

He shouts at his teacher now and has no respect for her. He keeps saying 'I don't know' when asked questions he obviously does know the answer to. When I asked why, he said ' My teacher told me to sit down and shut up' So thats what I do now'.

I am an adult with AS. I often say, "I don't know," when in truth, I do know the answer, but I cannot verbalise it, or I need more time to think about it. Even though your son speaks fluently, he may well have a lot of difficulties communicating. He may genuinely not be able to answer the question. His teacher telling him off is likely to make him increasingly nervous about answering at all.

 

It sounds like he needs some help in school. You might want to look around your area for a school which might have a different attitude toward him, and maybe consider special schooling as well. A statement could guarantee him a specified amount of help. It's a long process to get one, but normally worthwhile in the long run.

[smiley]

Hiya and welcome <'>

 

I agree completely with Tally. My son often says he's bored or that he doesn't know in school.............. those are just answers because someone is looking at him / or has asked him something he cannot give a true answer to as he hasn't been given the time to think, or it's too noisy. So he comes out with familiar 'stock' phrases.

 

If the school have outside help (ie; Ed Py...etc) then your son should be on school action plus. This means he should have extra help available to him. Can you ask school what support other children similar to your son have had in the way of support? Do you have an Autism Outreach Worker in your area? They go into school and help the school manage (and also teach them why your son is behaving in that way quite often !). Have you contacted the NAS? Do they have a support group in your area?

 

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay - that's way too many questions! Sorry!

 

Hang on in there hun, you've found the right forum for help and support

[baddad]

Hi worn - thin. Welcome to the forum

 

It sounds from what you've said like the school and your son are at loggerheads rather than working together, which is never going to work. Without a shared agenda, and clear, agreed - albeit reluctantly if necessary -objectives (the kind that should be detailed in his IEP) they're never going to get what they want from him and he's never going to get what he should be getting from school.

He's never going to learn that he can control some of his impulses (or understand that it benefits him to do so as well as the school) if they don't give him achievable and realistic targets and find incentives that engage him (what goods a star chart if the reward for getting stars is one you have no interest in in the first place?)

Obviously there are things that they have to take a really firm line with - the 'lashing out' etc - and he does need to know that at six it isn't appropriate for him to control the environment on his terms, but the school need to address those things with strategies that provide alternatives that are appropriate and managable rather than insisting on rules and regulations encompassing every aspect of his school life that he can't possibly negotiate 100% on their terms.

Regardless of the official dx, the school are aware that there are big problems here and so are you, so with that common ground I, in your position, would request a meeting to identify and agree on a couple of key areas that need to be addressed (i.e. the aggression and/or effective communication - I agree with tally that it does sound as though the gap between 'hearing' and 'comprehension' is bigger than the school are allowing for - a common feature of AS), and tackle those head on. At the same time, identify things that are less important that they can cut him some slack on - like attendance at assembly and 'fidgeting' (often a sign of poor muscle tone/features of dyspraxia, a common co-morbid) and some 'rewards' (access to maps? IT time? New software than combines the two?) that he actually wants. You can then all work together to achieve those goals, before moving on to other stuff...

 

Hope that's helpful, and very best with it all

 

[worn-thin]

The school are utter rubbish.

 

They told me they knew there was something wrong when my son started school 3 years ago but they only refered him last October.

 

First I saw a'behaviour support' woman. She gave me a half hour chat and said 'see you in a couple of weeks' I have not seen her since.

 

The service is patchy. She came to the school to work with my son about 6 times since last October. thats about 6 hours. I asked my son what she did: 'we played bingo'. That was it.

 

Then son is getting even worse in school. Head tell me he is behaving like 'rain man'. Nicely positive and constructive!!!

 

Son has nightmares about school can't sleep. Wierd over reactive behaviour getting worse to sound, smells etc

 

One day when I got called in by teacher because he had written 'poo' on the computer to make the other kids laugh, I said to her 'you do realise he is awaiting evaluation for AS as recommended by your Headmaster?'

 

She looked at me blankly and obviously had no idea what was going on.

 

She uses blocking body language to me and my son...crossed arms, looking away when I am trying to talk to her.

 

I find her aggressive, the way she talks to the kids etc and other mums have mentioned it. My son hates her now...calls her Mrs Grumpy face.. because that is the only face she wears for my son...At least he can pick up that 'social cue'!

 

The headmaster is abit of a wet fish.. he is good at placating irate parents and believe me there are enough at this school!

 

Trouble is, he read a book once about child behaviour and now he is a keen diagnostician. Loves to label kids with all these acronyms. But then just treats them all the same...sit on the floor in his office while he eats his lunch or does some work. Not exactly helpful when concentration and application are difficult for most kids within any spectrum of behaviour disorder.

 

The teachers think he is a buffoon and there is a complete break down of communication in the school generally.

 

We tried one of those books where the teacher writes daily behaviour but she only did it for 3 days then lost the book and then couldn't be bothered as 'too busy'.

 

She said to me...'I can't deal with the problems of one child as I have a class of 30 to consider'

 

My son can't concentrate because of the noise the other kids make and he stood up in class and shouted ' everybody just shut up!'.......straight to headmaster.

 

Son says he wants to sit on his own at a desk away from the noise...do his work in the quiet. Because the other kids annoy him.

 

Teacher forces him into group scenarios, often with kids that pick on him at playtime and wonders why he plays up.

 

We have just been told it is 1 year waiting list to see specialist on NHS or 3-4 weeks if seen privately by the same consultant. I don't think my son will last that long at school now without serious problems.

 

I know I am heading for a breakdown and my husband has already been off work for nearly 4 months with severe clinical depression.

 

Every day I walk round telling myself ' I must keep it together today'.

[Zosmum]

Keep on going worn-thin, you will get there, although the school your son is in doesn't sound very supportive. This may not help but is there another school nearby that you could move your son to. Go to LA explain situation and see if there is a school that will understand your concerns and your sons behaviour and needs

Sending hugs <'> <'> <'> <'>

Keep your chin up

[smiley]

<'> >< <'>

 

Can you have a call around other schools in your area, and see if they will be more supportive?

 

Schools should help our children - but some of them won't, can't or just plain don't.

 

I'm going to send you a personal message - not sure how familiar you are with forums , top right of the screen - it says new messages....

 

<'>

[baddad]

We tried one of those books where the teacher writes daily behaviour but she only did it for 3 days then lost the book and then couldn't be bothered as 'too busy'.

 

She said to me...'I can't deal with the problems of one child as I have a class of 30 to consider'

 

How on earth can she be considering the other 30 if she is not attending to your son's needs and this results in behaviours that undermine the whole lesson for everyone?

If she is too busy to attend your sons needs she should be asking for help on his/her own behalf (a TA/LS for example)...

 

Have you contacted parent partnership or anyone like that? it does sound from what you say as though communication between home and school has broken down, so getting a third party involved to facilitate communication seems a good idea.

 

[worn-thin]

Have you contacted parent partnership or anyone like that?

 

I am sorry I don't know what that is. We don't have any parent groups or anything at the school. It is a poor school from all aspects and had I known this prior to enrolling my son there he would not have gone to it.

 

There are no local schools with any spaces. There are only 2 other within reasonable distance and one of them is a Welsh language school!

 

There is a school a distance away that has a special class for kids with AS/APD but the child MUST have a statement to get there and a proper diagnosis. Also it is limited to six pupils a year.

 

So not possible this year now.

[smiley]

Parent Partnership Service

 

 

You can also phone......

 

Advisory Center for Education

 

http://www.ipsea.org.uk

 

NAS

Edited June 23, 2008 by smiley

[Sooze2]

You can do a web search for Parent Partnership (PIP's) and see if they opperate in your area. They are the reason my son is starting to get help and understanding, he is 8 and in year 3 and everying came to head when he started this school year.

 

PIP's opperate in his school and have been wonderful. Prior to speeking to them I thought and was told that I was an over protective paranoid parent and had brought it all on myself! PIP's give independant advise and will arrange meetings for you with relavant agencies, if your school isn't being co-operative you can see them at their offices independantly. They can arrange people to come in and opserve your child in class and at playtime to see how he is actually behaving. DS's school were hiding their heads in the sand and didn't want to adress his problems and it wasn't untill I had him observed that I realised how bad it was in school. Up until then he was just beating me up every evening due to frustration and I assumed he hated me!

 

Oh PIP's also arranged 6 hours free councelling for me at the beginning of this year because I thought I was so terrible to making my son this way. It worked a treat.

 

Anyway I could waffle on but won't. Oh I was told that unless I kept badgering them and keeping going in nothing will be done. I think the school got so fed up with me in teend they would do anything to shut me up! It worked though.

 

<'> <'>

[worn-thin]

[i have just tried looking for that PIP thingy in my area but there appears not to be one. I cannot find a Main website for them.

 

A lot of the other sites are for the rules in England only and just give links to the Education dept at my local council here in Wales. I have already talked to them til sick of their voices.

 

For some reason most government websites only seem to cater for England. We do have different laws and school curriculum etc here in Wales though.

 

I will keep looking my phone bill must be huge by now!

[Sooze2]

This is a link for Contact a Family in wales

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/wales/index.html

 

Hope it works

[Canopus]

I'm wondering whether moving area or going the home ed route would be a better solution.

 

Some parents have moved area so their kids can go to a school that is better at supporting their needs. In most cases the schools are just ordinary state schools, but have staff who are more knowledgeable and supportive than in general. Recommendations often come from other parents or support groups.

[JsMum]

Hi, welcome, from reading your post the classroom is a sensory nightmare for you son, and his needs are not been met at all, the school are using the I have 30 other children statement, she has, but that also includes your son, if she cant meet his needs then she needs to be saying this, I would request an assessment of SEN if they do threaten any exlusions, due to his behaviour which he has clearly given you examples of why he cant cope at school.

 

I personally would look at other schools that are already catering for children with AS, and try and get him in there, then they will identify with the sensory difficulties he is having, all the confrontations, provications are due to his highly sensitivities to touch, noise.

 

I hope that you find him a lovely school that can help and support him.

 

JsMum.

[Suze]

hi hun sorry things are so awful at the moment for you and your son, I think I,d get on to the pead and request an urgent referral , tell his secretary things have got worse at school , has your gp been any help??.......................you could liase with the school senco and ask that an autism outreach service go in and suggest stratergies to help your son.............is he on school action or school action plus?...........take care, bye for now suzex.

[Kazzen161]

It may be that his new teacher in Sept will be more understanding of AS - I get so frustarated with teachers who refuse to make allowances for our children, and then get cross when they are disruptive.

 

Parent Partnership is a service that each LA must fund, that helps support parents in their dealings with the education system, You should be able to find the details on your local LA web-site, if the rules are the same in Wales.

[bid]

Hi WT <'>

 

Just to say that while some Parent Partnerships are excellent, some can be not so good...although they are meant to be independent, they are funded by the LEA, mmm...

 

I know my PP told me I would never get a Statement for my son because he was too old (14 coming upto 15)...not only did I get him a Statement, but also a place at a residential special school for AS.

 

However, I know some people have had trememndous support from their PP, but just be aware.

 

Have you also tried phoning IPSEA...just seen that Smiley has given you a link. They are really excellent for advise/support opver education matters, especially getting a Statement.

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

[sueeltringham]

Just a quick note as I'm off to bed and didn't want to read and run.

 

Your post sounds EXACTLY like the position we were in just over a year ago when my son was in reception. His needs were not being met and he had loads of sensory issues. He was being treated as a 'naughty boy' and the behaviours just got worse. I want to send lots of hugs to tell you that if you can get your son in the right environment, with a supportive teacher things will improve massively. We now have a statement and a supportive head teacher and class teachers. My son stayed at his school, but this was mainly because staff changed and he was statemented. I know things feel incredibly bad right now, but try to look at all the options. Whatever your son is diagnosed with/or not, he needs a different environment with supportive staff. If the school is not prepared to change, then you need to look at other schools, as your son will not be able to change. Sending you lots and lots of hugs.

 

Sue

[Kathryn]

Hi worn -thin (your username says it all )

 

You've been given loads of excellent advice already: as you can see you're not alone in your battles - loads of us have beaten our heads against similar brick walls.

 

You obviously have a big load to carry with your husband being ill as well. It's worth contacting the NAS to see if there is a support group in your area. They could be a useful source of advice on schools and alternative routes to diagnosis.

 

There are only a few weeks of the term left - as Kazzen says, maybe next year's teacher will be more supportive and understanding.

 

K x

[Cat]

Hi

 

I will probably have the link removed so just incase, seeing as you are in Wales have you heard of Awares which you can find here http://www.awares.org/ if the link is not deleted. They have a list of schools and voluntary orginisations who may be able to help you.

 

You say that the behavioural support people have been in - were these ASD specific people or just the 'general' behaviour support people? I know that Wales are very BIG on the Webbster Stratton Programe for children with autism but it was not specifically designed for children with autism.

 

Your son certainly sounds ASD I smiled a few times (sorry) because the elder of my two was a spinner. It is probably the spinning that keeps him going in school. He probably does it as a release - which means that he needs to do this - but that is a whole different ball game. I agree with Kathyrn see if you have a local support group or if the NAS are anywhere near you. I go into schools with parents in our local group and it can make a big difference. At the minute it appears that they are punishing a child for having a disability and while I know the diagnosis has not yet been confirmed autism is in the frame and it is my understanding that they should now be treating the child appropriately - clearly they are not

 

Cat

Edited June 24, 2008 by Cat

[worn-thin]

Just an update.

We have been told it will be a year until the school can refer my son to the specialist but he won't be in school by then. It has been so bad recently.

 

We rang the doctor and we now have an appointment this friday at the cost of �650. Arrgghh! Basically our Christmas money is now gone.

 

We have taken the appointment as we cannot let the school get away with the terrible attitude towards my son anymore.

 

There are no other schools he can attend locally. We live rurally and there aren't any more schools nearby with places.

 

If he is diagnosed with AS then the school will have to do something positive. If not then the headmaster can stop calling my son 'rain man'.

 

The consultants secretary said to me. 'Tell the school to give you a copy of his records to bring with you on friday, there is no time to send in the post.' I asked her what the legality of that was because I know how obstructive the school is and she said ' you have a legal right to obtain a copy of your sons records'.

 

When I asked the headmaster yesterday for a copy of the records, guess what, he refused and said HE would have to contact the doctor personally.

 

Well, it wasn't unexpected, I know what the school is like.

 

One child was being severely bullied and when the father went to the school for the umpteenth time and finally got angry, the head called the police and had him removed and now he is banned from the school grounds. Cant even pick up his kid from school.When the poor guy told the LEA they told them no record of his complaint existed in his sons record. The school didn't even bother to write it down!

 

I hear horror stories every day from various parents but nothing is ever done.

 

Even the Ed psych didn't seem to have a good opinion of any school in the area. The Senco told me my son was very intelligent and just gets bored in class. She says he is a lovely boy who just has what are deemed 'naughty behaviours' due to boredom and a strong personality.

 

So on Friday we are off to see the doc.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

By being negative, the school are going to get nowhere. If anything your son may end up having low self-esteem and underachieve despite being academically bright. Clearly, the Educ Psych and school acknowledge there are difficulties - so, why aren't they doing anything? Prior to my son having a formal diagnosis, he had 1-2-1 full-time support - admittedly, I had to start a letter-writing campaign to relevant people, etc and it wasn't easy (but very necessary). So, whilst a diagnosis can help, it shouldn't be a stumbling block preventing your child getting the held and support he needs.

 

I'd start off by writing a formal letter (telephone conversations seem to be forgotten about!) to the HT, teacher, Educ Psych, relevant person within Education Depart (person responsible for allocating funding for support) stating that school are clearly having difficulties (and provide examples/dates), but yet irrespective of fact your son is currently awaiting a formal diagnosis for suspected AS, he's clearly struggling to cope in the school environment with difficulties associated with having AS (and list those - sounds like school may not know what those are) and that the school along with the Education Dept (incl Ed Psych) have duty of care to ensure his needs are being met. Point out that your son is behaving the way he does because it's a cry for help. In Scotland, the Support for Learning Act 2004 is designed to support the case for children with special needs being supported in schools. It's all about inclusion, but yet seems like it's easier for the school not to do anything to help your child, so it might be worth quoting the relevant acts in your letter. See what response you get.

 

Other thing that might be worth doing is trying to hurry up appointments by phoning and asking for a cancellation. A diagnosis helped in my son's case - suddenly doors started opening!

 

There are external professionals (in Edinburgh 'VTSS' - 'Visiting Teaching and Support Services' who can actually offer help and support to both yourself and the school. During my son's first hour at school I was frogmarched into the HT office and told that my son would be suspended if he continued to behave in such a way. I pointed out that there had been a 6 month transition period from nursery to school and she and her staff had been made aware of what to expect as well as being given advice of behaviour management strategies and visual timetables, etc. None of that had been put in place and R was incredibly distressed and anxious and behaved very badly. After that conversation, I went home (and cried and cried!) and then phoned VTSS which resulted in a specialise teacher as well as someone from the Challenging Behaviour Team going into the class over a 3 week period. It helped a great deal. So, the Educ Psych and school should be doing a lot more!

 

I think it's a shame that you feel forced into going down the private and expensive route. I certainly considered doing the same, but was made aware aware that in some cases, Education Depts will not acknowledge private diagnoses or assessments (our NHS consultant actually told us that as well as numerous others).

 

Websites which may help are:

 

http://inclusion.ngfl.gov.uk/

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/School...rning_Franchise

http://www.ipsea.org.uk/

http://www.ltscotland.org.uk/inclusiveeduc...ning/theact.asp

 

Be strong and firm and see what happens. It's sad that parents seem to have to do a lot of legwork to ensure their kids get supported in school. Seems to always boil down to funding.

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

Edited June 25, 2008 by cmuir

[morgan and alexandra]

Hi worn-thin and welcome to the forum

 

Your situation with your sons school sounds very much like our DDs previous school, it was a nightmare so much so that our consultant at the CDC went into the school and have it out with the HT who then proceded to lie about our DD even though the HT had told me in front of a witness that she thought DD had an ASD. As a result we couldn't get a diagnosis as the poor conultant just didn't know who to believe. I was in bits, our DD was constantly being told off and getting sanctions but I was lucky that a couple of the teachers there could see what was happening and tried to help. It had to be done discreetly though as they would have got the sack had they been found out!!!. The HT would try and win me over by lying to me and then would go on the attack saying that I should take a step back or go on parenting courses..... I have to say that I was never aggresive to HT just quietly persistant, just chipping away to get info i needed.

 

Thankfully, we moved 6 months ago to a new county and guess what, new school arw FANTASTIC, very supportive and helped us to get a diagnosis already, now going to make a complaint against previous school as it's hard enough for parents to get a diagnosis and support without schools making life a lot harder. Good luck and just know we are all here to support you <'>

[worn-thin]

Well, we went to see the consultant yesterday: two and a half hour consult, he was brilliant, not only did he tell me my son is highly intelligent and has Asperger's, he also told my husband that he has it too and has referred hubby to specialist in diagnosing adult Asperger's!

 

In a way I am relieved, because the doc tells me the school has to let my son avoid distressing situations. They have to teach him in a way that he can relate to. He is a visual learner, so the teacher waffling on for hours and then expecting him to recall what she said is a hopeless situation. As he has an advanced reading age, doc suggested giving him written work based on her lesson and letting him sit in a quiet place to do it.

 

Son cannot abide assembly and spins there. too much noise, he says the singing and clapping explode his eardrums! I asked the school a year ago to excuse my son from assembly but the headmaster said ' all the kids have to do the same thing, so he can't be excused!' He was quite rude about it at the time because he thought my son was just innatentive and naughty. Doc siad he should not be made to go to assembly if it is distressing him so much he spins.

 

This morning I was crying because it made me realise that the school have been punishing my child because he is disabled and it makes me so sad that he has been forced into terribly distressing situations in the schools attempt to 'beat it out of him'.

 

The doc says it will be about 3-4 weks until he can get copies of his report out to the school, gp and ed psych. It will be the summer hols then so I can't expect much until next term now. He has given me name of a special ed psych who goes into schools to educate the staff about AS if the school are being particularly dense and obstructive.

 

Doc says he thinks we can apply for some sort of carers allowance but I don't know who to contact about that. If anyone knows can you tell me please.

 

Doc says because my son is very intelligent, with the right help he will compensate for his social incompatibilty and will go on to excel at school, as long as they give him the right help.

 

That is the crunch though. I read of so many poor kids who are not getting the help that they need. I am going to push and push to get my sons needs met. The school already hate my guts so I have nothing to lose there!

 

The last couple of years have been so stressful. What with son and my husbands increasingly wierd behaviour. To me it is now like having two kids to look after. My hubby doesn't know one day from the next, can't keep an appointment, will obsess a subject to exclusion of everything else etc etc, why I didn't see this before I will never know!

 

Doc is putting us on his NHS list now and we see him again in 4 months. He was so supportive and helpful, even copying us a DVD from his PC to show us AS behaviours.

 

My only hope now is that the school come up with the goods or I will be doing some serious Ass kicking there!

[bid]

Really glad you've got some answers.

 

Take things gently at first...it's a funny old time just after dx <'>

 

If you look at the pinned threads about DLA at the top of the page here they will tell you about Carers Allowance.

 

Bid

Edited June 28, 2008 by bid

[smiley]

<'> >< <'> >< <'>

 

Take a couple of days to catch your breath hun <'> the appointment was a lot to take it.

 

There's stacks of info on the forum about carers allowance and school things, so have a read through when you're ready.

 

If you can't find what you're looking for - just ask.

 

<'> ><

[bikemad]

Hun if that were my lads school n id found he did have aspergers n the school had treated him like that id put in a formal complaint to the LEA and go to the local paper with the story. Thats horrendous behaviour towards your son!!!!!

 

Really hope now you have the diagnosis that you can get the help you need. <'>

[lynne]

Dear Worn thin,

 

The future for your child will all be based on COMMUNICATION with the school and there attitude towards children with special needs.

 

You can fight them all the way for discrimminating your child. But in the mean time your son will suffer you will suffer and your relationship may suffer.

 

Some schools, once the child has a diagnosis will change others play it difficult.

 

So for your sons long term future your happiness and your relationship to continue it may be worth looking at other schools even if you have to travel.

 

My son attended a infant school very similair to the one you described and we did take them to tribunal and the head mistress was asked to retire. However, during the whole process my son suffered.

Once my son transferred up to junior school they worked with us to get my son the right support and help. Now I have a confident child who is happy to go to school and can take part in the majority of school activities. Unlike infant school I would have to drag him up the path to school and leave him crying and in a distressed state.

 

If our children are happy than they will flourish. So the right environment is essential.

 

It sounds like you have a wonderful consultant

Edited June 28, 2008 by lynne

[Canopus]

Doc says because my son is very intelligent, with the right help he will compensate for his social incompatibilty and will go on to excel at school, as long as they give him the right help.

 

Eeeek. This is precisely what the psychologists told my parents back in the late 80s. Now just exactly what is the "right help"? In my case it was being sent to an unsuitable residential school.

 

That is the crunch though. I read of so many poor kids who are not getting the help that they need. I am going to push and push to get my sons needs met. The school already hate my guts so I have nothing to lose there!

 

Put the etiquette aside. Remember YOU are in control so do whatever it takes to achieve what you want. If it happens to be effing and blinding at a meeting with the head and LEA reps then let it be.

[worn-thin]

Just had the Inspectors report for my sons school and it says the school is failing and being put into special measures.

 

This comes as no surprise to me nor a lot of other parents who have thought the standard of education extremely poor compared to other local schools.

 

The school have been given 45 days to do something.

 

My son and approx 5 of his classmates have been moved up to year 2. 1 of these is the kid who bullies him. The rest of the children will be from last years year 2 class. He doesn't know any of them.

 

His best friend is being kept down, so effectively he is moving up to a year where he knows hardly anyone, 1 or 2 kids from a class of 28.

 

Because my son is one of the bright ones we have now been ostracised from the local community. All the other parents are angry and my son is being looked on as one of the 'elite'. He can't help the fact he scored the highest on his tests! I was in tears today at a birthday party we went to.

 

He has told me he wants to move schools. There is a lovely school 3 miles away that has a good reputation with Special Needs and educationally.

 

But I am worried about the change, he has had a terrible last year, his teacher is a 'boot camp' General. The Head thinks all AS kids are the same??!!

 

Can I keep him in this terrible school just so it is familiar?

 

Will he cope with the transition to a new school without awful setbacks?

 

I want the best for him and for him to be able to get a decent education in an understanding environment.

 

What do I do? Anyone have experience of this?

[Tally]

Changes can be difficult for people on the spectrum, but you also have to look at the long term.

 

There are changes happening anyway, new teacher, new classroom, etc. It sounds as though there are likely to be many changes happening at the school now.

 

I think that, if he is also motivated to move schools, there are many positives that could come from a change.

[bikemad]

I know theres a lot of pros n cons over moveing schools but from what ive read I think while short term it might be hard work in the long run it would be best n your lad would benefit. <'>

[Karen A]

Hi worn-thin.I had missed your posts and just spotted them.

I am very sorry I do not have any answers although I so much wish I did.

I wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I have Ben aged 10.Ben has DCD [dyspraxia] with Social Communication Difficulties.Ben is also very bright and talks like a 21 year old.

Ben is finding school difficult for very similar reasons to your DS.School also find Ben a challenge.

Ben has a Statement and so in theory gets extra support whilst some children who are less bright do not get support.So I also understand very well how difficult it is dealing with the negative views of other parents who do not understand. <'> <'>

 

I did have one thought based on experience.If your DS is bright but there is a discrepancy between his verbal ability and ability to cope with Social Situations then it may be worth thinking about whether he will cope in a class with older children...wehere social communication may be more complex and more mature behaviour is expected. I know it is a bit of a dilema because when Ben is bored he can become challenging.Karen.

[smiley]

I would move him. <'>

[Enid]

I would definately move him <'> Enid

[NickyB]

[\quote]

Can I keep him in this terrible school just so it is familiar?

 

Will he cope with the transition to a new school without awful setbacks?

 

I want the best for him and for him to be able to get a decent education in an understanding environment.

 

What do I do? Anyone have experience of this?

 

I don't have experience of changing schools, but my son has lots of problems with transitions in general and especially when he had a change of teacher halfway through the year and we are a bit worried about his new class in September.

I feel that a move may be a good idea as thing seem so bad at the moment - there are things you can do to help manage a transition. If you do go for a move, you can get a picture of the new school and classroom, and all the teachers and TAs your son will have daily contact with. Make up a folder with all these thing in so he can familiarise himself with it. Have a meeting with the new school HT and SENCO and arrange a 'taster' session for your son - things they should do anyway.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best and send lots of hugs <'> <'> <'>