Anger

[farfalla]

Hi all

haven;t been around for a while,

but needed to ask, do as children get older get bigger anger issues?

 

DS is 12, and he is angry all the time lately,

took him bowling with his girlfriend on saturday, but because he wasn't getting strikes,

he got angry and in a strop.

 

He has never been a child to throw tantrums, or get moody, he has always been

very loving happy and joky!

 

But i am starting to feel he is staying angry longer, and nothing we say for him to

do helps......... could it be he is going through adelesance?

i know i was a moody so and so, but not at the age of 12, i left it until i was 15

 

His time off school is great for him and he dreads going back, but we havent even talked about that yet,,,,,,,

still waiting for the LEA to put an assessment through! but thats another story and a real long boring one.......

 

if anyone has any advice, i would gladly take this on board,

even lockin him in a box?

 

thanks for reading

far xx

Edited August 19, 2008 by farfalla

[ryansmum2]

hi there

 

lol wait till he's 16 then !! it just gets worse ;o)

 

you say he has never been angry or thrown many tatrums before...

 

so i dont think its conected with his condition - does he have a dx ?

 

it does just sound like part of growing up,

 

mel xx

[farfalla]

yes he is dx with as - adhd and something else, but he has never been as angry as this before

 

eks

[pearl]

Sounds like the hormones might be kicking in (or hawthorns as JP called them)

Gets worse, then it gets better <'>

[oxgirl]

We're having this at the mo as well, my lad is 14. Maybe your lad is an early developer, already has a girlfriend, I see, so starting early! No advice I'm afraid, as my Jay is angry, moody, grumpy, stroppy most of the time now. We'll just have to cling on tight until it's over, I fear.

 

~ Mel ~

[Stella63]

Hey,

 

AJ started being a hormonal teenager when he was going through the terrible two's!! I thought (stupidly) that by the time he actually was a teenager he would have grown out of it and been a lovely calm person...... I was sooooooooo wrong!!!!! He just got more angry and aggressive. Things have improved having finally got the ADHD dx and going on meds, but meds don't cure the problem they just help give him breathing space to make decisions.

 

I was thinking only this afternoon how relaxed he has been this hols and what a difference it makes to the household and then this evening as DH and I were eating dinner he kicked off big time, attacked OJ and started trying to punch more holes in his bedroom wall!!!

 

Well, it was lovely while it lasted!!! I have to say that since we have been involved with the youth justice service (for misdemeanours caused by AJ in temper) we have had so much support from professionals who have an indepth understanding of ADHD. I know now why he behaves the way he does and that it isn't my fault, I just have to count to ten and deal with the outbursts in the right way.

 

All the best

 

Stella x

[Zosmum]

Hi

It's the same with girls too

Z is aways angry, stroppy, gobby and wanting to be dead.

 

Soz doesn't help much but hold on tight it's gonna be a bumpy ride

[Enid]

My boy, suddenly got worse at 12, dramatically in fact, no one could tell if its because of his condition or something else, or adolescense, but boy does he have anger issues now! it is much better with medication, but still has his moments, lots in fact! Enid

[farfalla]

thank you for all the replies, its only been the last 6 months that he has shown anger at home,

usually its in school bless him!

He was angry with his girlfriend too last week, but we put that down to being tired after getting little sleep!

 

I say girlfriend, but losely.

They have know each other for 5 years at primary school, and she asked him out last year,

he won't cuddle her or even contemplate kissing her, as for the sexual side of things he doesnt seem

to want to know about the birds and bees, even when i have tried to talk to him about changes that are going to happen as he

gets older, and with his bits and bobs ha!

 

He has talked about being dead too, amd i have told his doctor about this, just so she has it on record,

but that happened a couple of times after school with the continuing bullying, which after the first year of senior school has not stopped!

but that again is another tale............ it is surprising we all don't end up in mental homes, it is just as hard being a parent of a challenging

child as it is a (should i say) normal child......

 

here ends this rant for now.

off to see how i can please him this afternoon

[sesley]

hi, my son is 8 and loves bowling and his current social problem is wanting to win,be first and wanting to control and manipulate others for his own ends. Bowling last friday with bros aged 12 and 19 he was desperate to get a strike and win, he even demanded older bro should loose he doesn't roll the ball he holds it with both hands and chucks it with the sides up,we have tried to show him to drop and roll but he won't so his attempts are not good,so tries to get some one else to bowl for him,who then don't get strikes so he storms off ,after he swims on the floor in a temper and he does lash out so its a battle to get him to understand he must not hit,his teachers or anyone else ,he gets excited playing games but treats the games as personal goals to win and can't seem to see the games as for fun

[sport]

Oh those lovely hormones.

 

I think it must be like having PMS all the time.

[pookie170]

Hey Far,

Your son sounds awfully like mine at the moment!!

 

Starting on a serious note, my lad has made similar references to death, and committing suicide, and we too sought help from doctors/CAMHS/school, but we came to the conclusion that while he's feeling terribly down, that the whole world's against him, etc, it's just that when things go wrong, that's ALL he can feel- he can't rationalise by saying,

'Oh, well, I may have just goofed up in front of my whole class,and everyone's laughing at me and I hate it, but it's been a pretty good day up till now and you can't win 'em all...It'll all be over in 10 minutes anyway...' (kinda thing, IYSWIM)

 

The source of his rage/embarrassment etc WILL pass and he'll recover (till the next time!) but what they said was important was that he was not showing any signs of following through with his threats. No self-harming/suicide attempts/gathering of harmful materials etc. Nor was he showing signs of depression- well, he does while things are happening,the world is a very black place for him at those points, poor soul, but when all around him is calm and acceptable, he's happy. (Does that make sense?)

But they took note that these things have been said and actually drew up a small plan to deal with this if it gets more serious.... I truly hope not....

 

On the subject of adolescence and hormones...(hawthorns, sorry!!)

 

Apparently, boy's hormones start stirring when they are unbelievably young, I'm sure it's around 7 but its a kind of twilight stage for years, before it kicks up a notch or two and Kevin the teenager makes his appearance!! My son will be eleven shortly, but has been getting spots, has become all limbs like a young horse, and has developed rather hairy knees! (Of which he's most proud- you'd think he was in competition with gorillas, the way he goes on about how vastly hirsute he's going to be!! ) All this while he's still losing baby teeth too! But I'm pretty certain things are starting to happen for him.....it's official, my l'il baby's growing up and I am an old f**t!!!

 

He will NOT listen to me try and start a chat about sex education though-

'Eugh, , Muuuuum, stop it, GAWD, leave me alone, I'm not listening, -Lalalalalalaaaa!!!'

*SLAM*!!!!

And into his bedroom he scurries, grimacing wildly in his escape.....

 

I have to say the hawthorns are dreadfully prickly in our house- I fear he must have some sort of uber-defensive strain.....

The rants and strops and general obnoxicity are growing ever more frequent and passionate- what's most galling is that I'm now hearing some of Cal's favourite strop phrases tweeting delightfully from the cherubic lips of his little brother, when parental thwartation has occurred and he's not a happy chappy about it!

 

I keep going on the belief that at some point, the blasted endocrines die off, the spots recede and a sunny nature bursts forth like a relentlessly cheerful Julie Andrews in full bloom on a sun-spangled moutaintop......in more difficult moments, she is surrounded by Snow White's helpful forest friends, chirrupping in accompaniment..........

*siiiiiiiigghhhhh*.........

 

It CAN'T last, you know.....keep telling yourself that, it helps, really!!

 

Esther x

Edited August 20, 2008 by pookie170