sandyn Report post Posted September 18, 2008 My son is diagnosed with AS and ADHD. He is nearly 9 and over the last 6 weeks has started to have major blow outs, resulting in physical attacks on myself and my DH as we try and calm him down. This is the second time we have been through this kind of situation, but he has now out gorwn the naughty step, which worked fine before. We are struggling big time and really dont know how to cope. This evening we fort for over an hour with him trying to stop him going back down stairs to watch telly, despite his regular bedtime routine. It got more and more difficult and I eventually gave in and went out to the dhops, leaving him with DH. I just needed space. By the time I got back he had fallen asleep in the Living room. I dont know what else we can do. We feel we are walking on egg shells from how he is going to wake up to how is he going to bed. We have no support and have to fight for everything. Please help............... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted September 18, 2008 Hi Sandyn, Don't have any advice sorry but just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. There is no support where we live either and I think this is pretty much the norm everywhere. It is so hard to remain calm and constantly be aware of the words that I speak (as one wrong word can cause so many problems) - but I do try to keep reminding myself that no matter how hard and upsetting it is for me - my daughter (she's 15) goes through it ten times more as I know her behaviour is because she is frustrated or angry or upset at not understanding something or able to explain her feelings etc - I keep reminding myself that her frustration and anger is not personal - that's not to say that somedays it goes out of the window and I flip myself - but then we are only human. Take care, chin up, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sandyn Report post Posted September 18, 2008 How do you deal with the physical side. Do you sit there and take it or restrain (not sure how we do this as we just take it at the moment- human punch bag us ) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted September 18, 2008 Hi Sandyn, I have to admit it is extremely difficult - my daughter was always so severely underweight - she was 11 when diagnosed and only weighed 3 and half stone and even then it was hard because even though she was normally so weak and had no muscle tone or stamina etc - she somehow seemed to get this strength from somewhere when she is angry/frustrated (like turning into the incredible hulk!!). She's just turned 15 and is now 8 stone and is more than a match for myself in physical strength - and I normally try to hold her arms away from me she does still hurt me. I have to be honest if it has got completely out of control and my husband isn't here I take the little one (who's 5) into the bedroom shut the door (I don't have locks) and put my whole weight behind it holding the door knob as firm as I can - I have known me do this for up to an hour which is both exhausting and upsetting as during which time she will head but the door, slap/hit/kick the door and scream continually - but eventually she gets exhausted and she will sit down crying - I know then that she is likely to be very sad and worn out and I will take her to her room to lie down - she normally sleeps then for a while. More often than not when she is going through bouts of this behaviour there is a reason behind it - something that she just doesn't know how to explain or is not even really aware of other than something is upsetting her and causing her stress and anxiety levels to go berserk. It's usually a guessing game trying to find it out and sometimes I can never get to the bottom of it. Take care, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzen161 Report post Posted September 18, 2008 I would recommend reading the book "Aspergers Syndrome and Difficult Moments: practical solutions for tantrums, rage and meltdowns" by B Smith Myles and J Southwick. It covers prevention of meltdowns, recognising triggers, teaching of alternative response/calming strategies, etc. You should not accept him hurting you. You can accept that at a certain point he is beyond reasoning with, but it is important for you to learn to prevent him getting to meltdown stage and also to teach him to go and calm down as soon as you see the pre-meltdown signs. In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to keep him and you safe while he is in meltdown. Tony Attwood said that once an AS child gets to the point of meltdown, nothing will stop the meltdown before they have let it out of their system. There is likely a reason for the increase in meltdowns (school problems?). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted September 18, 2008 (edited) Sandyn, if you read some /most! of the posts on here, we are all going through much of the same, with varying degrees, My son is 12, ASD/ADHD, like yourselves, some nights he wont go to bed/go out/come back in/get off the floor, etc etc. some nights I handle it great, some nights i am rubbish. some nights he is good some nights not! but EVERY EVERY night, I walk on eggshells, one wrong word, look, unintentional or not and he is off, either trashing/attacking/or running off. lately he is going through a good patch, but its the not knowing that is soo very wearing. the best advice I can give you is this. When he is in a good phase, talk to him and tell him the consequenses of unaccepable behaviour, explain exactly what this is! there are two of you, and one of him! so insist he goes to bed at agreed time, reward him for it, consequence when he dosnt, pick your battles! if if dosnt matter, let it go, be absolutely consistent, stick together. and when he goes to bed, breathe out, get the wine out, read the posts on this forum! phone a friend, and try to forget about tomorrow when you get to do it all again!! seriously though, this forum will give you some brill support/advice. <'> <'> Enid Edited September 18, 2008 by Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted September 18, 2008 What time are the blow outs,? Is your son on any medication? Especially medication for ADHD what can happen is in the evenings when the dose has worn off you can get a rebound effect causing extream behaviour. It may be he needs an evaluation of his medication, also with the school routines in place his frustrations could be coming out at the end of the day. I would for the next few days do a ABC chart and note a very detailed diary, noting what he eats, drink, how he behaves and interacts, his moods and the way he reacts to situations. If at any time your concern for the safety of your son then report it instantly to the on call duty GP as I did last week who was a tremendous help as she listened and understood. My son is going throw high anxieties at the moment so he is very emotional, he has sensory room to vacate to so I really recommend a chill out area in your home, even if its a corner in a room or corridoor. It sounds like he really had an issue with the actual bedtime process, coming down and watching TV and refusing to go back to bed. Visual step by step routines have helped J sequence the process of bedtime. Bedtime for J rises his anxieties because this is when things that are on his mind flood in and overwelm him. Were going throw similair issues too, but like others have said keeping it calm is Key, though its very hard to do when you need patience as shiny as a block of gold. hope the ABC help. Good luck for tomorrow. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sandyn Report post Posted September 18, 2008 Thank you all so much for your replies . It's so nice to know people know how i feel I am totally wiped out at the moment but will absorb all your advice (which is brilliant) in the morning. R has already forgotton about everything that happened, but I haven't. I find it so hard to stop feeling cross, upset,etc... I cannot switch off like this. Can anyone actually swtich off from the meltdowns. The violence, swearing etc.My dd (who is 6) hates (and loves ~) my son. But there is so much kicking in the head a 6 year old ca n take...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted September 19, 2008 My biggest worry is the littlies and the violence and lanuage they are being subjected to and the effect it will have on them. hope you are feeling better today <'> Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sandyn Report post Posted September 19, 2008 Hi, just to let you know tonight went without any incidents. All was calm and lovely. I felt like I had my boy back tonight. Read him a bedtime story and just lay on R's bed with him talking about all sorts of things (not just his obsessions), which to be honest I havent done for such a long long time. I said goodnight and and he played with his lego for a while then went straight to sleep. I need to recognise ( and try and diffuse) the steps up to the meltdowns. I guess chose my battles but still try to maintain some sort of boundries. So easy for an NT child, eh? JSmum thanks for your ABC , I will try hard on this one as its such a good idea. In answer to your question: R is on Strattera which tbh isn't really working very well. R's doc will not put him on a higher dose because he is losing weight. Methlyphenidate made his tics 100 times worse so, although it was brilliant for his ADHD, he had to stop taking it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 I need to recognise ( and try and diffuse) the steps up to the meltdowns. I guess chose my battles but still try to maintain some sort of boundries. So easy for an NT child, eh? Hi Sandyn, Glad tonight was more settled for you all. For us over the years I have learnt to recognise what's going to happen and I can see it unfolding in front of me -it's just the trying to diffuse something when she struggles to explain/isn't aware of what is causing her so much angst - I know that when I've hit the nail on the head (so to speak) and managed to soothe her quickly with specific and calm words/answers it's like I've won the lottery - to see her face calm and the frustration/anger and weight of the world lift off her shoulders is so so wonderful. Take care, hope you have many many many more nights like these. Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marblerun Report post Posted October 18, 2008 I would recommend reading the book "Aspergers Syndrome and Difficult Moments: practical solutions for tantrums, rage and meltdowns" by B Smith Myles and J Southwick. It covers prevention of meltdowns, recognising triggers, teaching of alternative response/calming strategies, etc. You should not accept him hurting you. You can accept that at a certain point he is beyond reasoning with, but it is important for you to learn to prevent him getting to meltdown stage and also to teach him to go and calm down as soon as you see the pre-meltdown signs. In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to keep him and you safe while he is in meltdown. Tony Attwood said that once an AS child gets to the point of meltdown, nothing will stop the meltdown before they have let it out of their system. There is likely a reason for the increase in meltdowns (school problems?). Hi ! I know you wrote this a while back but I'm new to this site and was looking at this segment as I'm having the same problem with my 7 year old son who has asd. I was looking at the nas site today and found info on this book and I'm really glad I read your comment on it-sounds like just the thing I need. I have almost given up trying to get proffesional help with anger management and behavioural therapy, there seems very little help up here in Scotland especially in Perth and Kinross. I was sent a letter from occupational therapy suggesting the 'help' programme which I discovered is for recent diagnosis of up to 18m (we had ours 4 years ago) and also all sessions are in England! thanks for that marble run Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
