bluefish Report post Posted October 13, 2008 Hi, this is going to sound really silly, but it was harvest festival at school today and ds teacher had told me he has been joining in during the practice and how pleased they were etc etc,as he has never participated at all before I could hardly sleep last night with excitment,that like all those other mums I would get my moment and watch him sing...... armed with my camara I was one of the first to arrive..... but my little man took off his "cloud" hat, put his hands over his ears and rocked for the full 15 mins! I KNOW IT DOES'T MATTER but today it mattered to me And to be honest it has opened the flood gates, I am normally so busy, like we all are caring for our children that I never stop to think and today it all caught up with me. Today I am scared about the future, all the things we do that are different, I had excepted ds does not do parties, or christmas, or friends or suprizes and that every thing is a battle that needs carefull planning and that I may never get him to a zoo............................But I think I have just accepted my son is autistic.... does that make any sence at all? I feel broken tonight...I was supposed to go to theatre club and as I felt so down decided not to this led to the mother of all meltdowns as monday night mum goes out and grandma baby sits aahhhhhhhhh self pity over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted October 13, 2008 Aw Bluefish, yes it does make sense & of course it mattered to you, your hopes were dashed. There will be other times I am sure. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billabong Report post Posted October 13, 2008 Hi there That doesn't sound at all silly or self-pitying. Like grieving, yes - and I'm sure it will keep coming back to you and taking you unawares, as with any kind of bereavement. I hope you get lots of little bits of joy over the week. Here are some <'> >< <'> in the meantime. Billabong Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chris54 Report post Posted October 13, 2008 Hi bluefish Know just how you feel, been there a few times myself. Its only when you stop and think that you realise just how different our lives are.( Cant think of any other way to put it). Some of what you are feeling is grief for what may never be. All we can do is think and hope positively for the future. Chris. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stella63 Report post Posted October 13, 2008 Hi Bluefish, As others have said, things may change, or you are going through a process of understanding what your child is able to achieve at the moment. I can only give you my own experience - I can remember OJ in a xmas play where they were all dressed as dalmations - he refused to go on stage at the last minute. The next year he was playing a triangle and at the last minute he lost his (I don't know what you call it!!!) dinger and no one noticed except me and I was in the audience and he was traumatised because he couldn't make the sound - no one noticed or cared!! The next year he had a breakdown so wasn't in school for assemblies let alone schoolplays and in his last year at primary they had realised he could sing, built up his confidence saying he would have a solo in the year 6 leavers play and then let him down because they didn't trust him - he boycotted the play and since he has been at secondary school has had singing lessons, been given numerous solos, including singing to Prince Edward the other week and he is auditioning for Britain's Got Talent on Sunday. I'm not suggesting that things are the same but I can remember so well that feeling of 'why is my child doing this when everyone elses seems to be behaving normally' - there are still many things that are not right and OJ will struggle but we have seen that light at the end of the tunnel, a slightly tenuous light, but it is there and that is what you have to focus on. Hope that helps. Stella xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluefish Report post Posted October 13, 2008 thanks for replies but feel heartbroken. just can not not make any sence of it tonight Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted October 13, 2008 No worrieds Hun, there's nothing worng in that, I think its important to take your time with these feelings and to try not to read too much into things. Hope you feel better about stuff in a day or so. In the meatime be kind to yourself. <'> <'> <'> Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynne Report post Posted October 13, 2008 Hi Bluefish, You will be that proud parent one day. It just takes our kids longer. It took my child until year 5 before he could take part, alongside his classmates. Does it really matter if they do the play. As long as they are happy and not stressed. This is the most important thing. In life we have tears, laughter, sadness and happyness. Tomorrow is a fresh start. Lyn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted October 13, 2008 oH Bluefish, so sorry your having a really bad day, I really do recommend you go with it though, let it flow, there is nothing at all wrong with having a bad day, Its probable stored up emotions and there gushed out, sometimes as painful as it is at the time, it will give reliefe soon, its scarey and lonely but honest we know how in dispair you are right now! pleased be reasurred that this is a very normal process, your witnessing what should been joy today but only saw pain, it gets all tangled and its so lonely because its your personal inner soul that is feeling it, let it all go, ride with it for a while, your stronger than you feel right now and your son has the best person on his side right now, you his mum. With Love, Take some you time, be very kind to yourself, give yourself some space, loads of hugs. <'> JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted October 14, 2008 <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
