Why? Why? WHY?

[TheNeil]

Fuelled by a cocktail of prescription drugs my brain has gone into overdrive and started questioning everything and anything and I wondered this morning if this was why I'm having trouble sleeping. With the internet having failed to answer the questions that are now driving me mad, I thought I'd throw them open to a more enlightened audience and maybe start a thread where we could share those questions that send us insane, and maybe shed some light onto the mysteries of the universe. So...

 

Why do pills always taste bad? Why can't they make them taste of cheesecake?

 

I understand the adverts, but why put the news in the middle of a film?

 

Why does Sports Direct have two branches in Harrogate...less than 200 metres apart?

 

Vernon Kay...why?

 

Where does James Bond do his shopping?

 

Why does my window cleaner wait until the day that the rain is due before cleaning my windows?

 

Who buys Horse and Hound magazine?

 

Why do councils insist on making cycle paths that are sometimes shorter than your bike?

 

Who first looked at a mushroom and thought "Mmmm, fungus - I think I'll eat that"?

[Enid]

Horse and Hounds? lots of people round here!! usually dressed in red shouting tally ho!! in a posh voice.

 

Mushrooms? probably cavemen.

 

WHY OH WHY can I NEVER get my kids to stay in bed at weekends and holidays yet on a school morning I have to drag them out.

 

Why does the phone always ring when I`m in the bath or the loo.

 

Why DOES the cat try to sit on the laptop every time I open the lid.

 

Enid

 

 

[pearl]

Here's a few possible answers. I'm having a fink about the rest.

Why do pills always taste bad? Why can't they make them taste of cheesecake?

Because you might eat too many & explode. I have the same problem with jaffa cakes.

 

I understand the adverts, but why put the news in the middle of a film?

You'll be glad they do when the aliens invade.

 

Why does Sports Direct have two branches in Harrogate...less than 200 metres apart?

So you are never too far from lycra sportsgear after a Bettys Tea Shop Cream Tea.

 

Vernon Kay...why?.

Peter Kay ... how?

 

Where does James Bond do his shopping?

HeroesRUs

 

Who buys Horse and Hound magazine?

Horses & Hounds

 

Why do councils insist on making cycle paths that are sometimes shorter than your bike?

To encourage fat people to exercise.

 

[Enid]

Enid

[TheNeil]

Ahh, I see. Well I should sleep easier tonight with all those questioned answered

[Mumble]

Why does Sports Direct have two branches in Harrogate...less than 200 metres apart?

Because people who live in Harrogate (who also make use of such shops) are clearly a little slow and hence having passed one, it takes the time it takes to walk 200 years for the brain to compute that it actually needs to go in the shop, however bosses found that said Harrogate people were not too smart and couldn't work out that turning round would work, and so built a second one. Why couldn't they just put an advertising board up saying "sports shop 200 yards" in place of the first store? - because they need to account for the said Harrogate person who uses such a store potentially coming from either direction.

 

[TheNeil]

it takes the time it takes to walk 200 years

Just out of interest, how long does it take to walk 200 years?

 

Maybe all those tea shops and doilies has turned me stupid(er) and I can't figure it out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also dispute the description of Sports Direct as being a 'sports shop'

[TheNeil]

How is Bruce Forsyth still alive?

 

Why isn't marmalade simply called 'sour orange jam'?

 

If an old woman has her hair dyed blue, no-one bats an eyelid, but if I dye my hair, I get the sack - why?

 

Why are dogs stupider than cats?

 

Why is Wimbledon always on at the same time as my birthday?

[aro]

Here's a few possible answers. I'm having a fink about the rest.

 

Why do pills always taste bad? Why can't they make them taste of cheesecake?

Because you might eat too many & explode. I have the same problem with jaffa cakes.

 

I understand the adverts, but why put the news in the middle of a film?

You'll be glad they do when the aliens invade.

 

Why does Sports Direct have two branches in Harrogate...less than 200 metres apart?

So you are never too far from lycra sportsgear after a Bettys Tea Shop Cream Tea.

 

Vernon Kay...why?.

Peter Kay ... how?

 

Where does James Bond do his shopping?

HeroesRUs

 

Who buys Horse and Hound magazine?

Horses & Hounds

 

Why do councils insist on making cycle paths that are sometimes shorter than your bike?

To encourage fat people to exercise.

 

 

Why is it so hard to lose weight yet horribly easy to find it?

Edited November 23, 2008 by aro

[TheNeil]

Who watches Jean-Claude Van Damme films?

[mummy]

why are we told to 'listen UP'?

 

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

 

Why is public school NOT the opposite of private school?

 

why does 'write it up' mean 'write it down'?

 

why does 'come UN-stuck' mean the same as 'get stuck'?

[warrenpenalver]

why dont you wear seat belts in trains and commuter buses???

 

Who watches Steven Segal films???

 

Why do people say pull your socks up even if your not wearing any???

[Tally]

Marmalade is now called Orange Jam!

[TheNeil]

Marmalade is now called Orange Jam!

When did that happen? I really need to stop wandering around Sainsburys in a fog

 

Now that that's sorted out, to other matters...

 

In the 1980's TV show of the same name, what was Howard's Way? Was it some sort of shortcut? Was it some sort of special 'procedure'? Did it involve tubing?

 

Will science ever come up with x-ray specs that actually work?

 

When will manufacturers realise that 'child proof' actually means 'adult proof, child accessible'?

 

Why does the rabbit jump left twice but only right once...but stay in the same spot?

[chris54]

Marmalade is now called Orange Jam!

Not in my part of the world it ain't.

[aro]

Why does the rabbit jump left twice but only right once...but stay in the same spot?

 

Ok...I'm now slightly freaked out by the rabbit Thanks!

 

 

 

[TheNeil]

Why does TK Maxx seem to think that there's a massive demand for ski-wear? Even in the frozen north goggles aren't exactly 'di regeur'

 

How come my lunch hour lasts ten minutes, but a ten minute meeting lasts an hour?

 

What was Zebedee?

 

Why does Fairtrade chocolate always taste awful?

[Enid]

OK, the rabbit...... It jumps once to the right, them jumps once back again, to the middle, and then once to the left, and then back again to the middle!!! so it looks like it going, one to the left and two to the right, but its not, thats why it ends up in the same spot!!! Enid

[TheNeil]

OK, the rabbit...... It jumps once to the right, them jumps once back again, to the middle, and then once to the left, and then back again to the middle!!! so it looks like it going, one to the left and two to the right, but its not, thats why it ends up in the same spot!!! Enid

Are you sure? He looks as though he starts on the right, jumps twice, turns, hops once, turns...and does the whole thing again. Maybe the hours in front of a screen have finally started to take their toll

[aro]

Are you sure? He looks as though he starts on the right, jumps twice, turns, hops once, turns...and does the whole thing again. Maybe the hours in front of a screen have finally started to take their toll

 

 

I think that when he turns to the right he shuffles forward so starts bouncing further across than when he turns to the left, but it's a conundrum

 

A x

[Mumble]

Are you sure? He looks as though he starts on the right, jumps twice, turns, hops once, turns...and does the whole thing again. Maybe the hours in front of a screen have finally started to take their toll

 

It's very simple.

 

Consider a grid numbered 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 (1 being at the RHS as this is considered by the questioner to be the 'start')

 

Let the Rabbit by represented by a line covering 2 grid squares (i.e. grid-lines 3-1).

 

On move (jump) one, the rabbit moves forward one square so that his body now occupies grid-lines 4 - 2.

 

On move (jump) two, the rabbit moves forward one square so that his body now occupies grid-lines 5 - 3.

 

On move (twist and jump) three, the rabbit, now facing the other way, moves back-wards one square so that his body now occupies grid-lines 4 - 2.

 

On move (jump) four, the rabbit moves back-wards one square so his body now occupies grid-lines 3 - 1.

 

(His final twist involves staying in the same place)

 

The 'trick' is that there is a jump as well as a twist when he turns at the left hand side.

 

5..4..3..2..1

........robbie (starting position)

....robbie.... (after one jump to left)

robbie....... (after second jump to left)

....eibbor.... (after twist and jump to right as one move)

........eibbor (after 'first' jump to right)

........robbie (flips back to starting position)

....robbie.... (after one jump to left)

robbie....... (after second jump to left)

....eibbor.... (after twist and jump to right as one move)

........eibbor (after 'first' jump to right)

 

:robbie:

[Enid]

You lost me Mumble!! Enid

[NickyB]

Mumble :blink:

[warrenpenalver]

LOL Mumble!!! Nice analysis there!!!

[pearl]

I knew Warren would understand it!

[TheNeil]

It's very simple.

 

Consider a grid numbered 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 (1 being at the RHS as this is considered by the questioner to be the 'start')

 

Let the Rabbit by represented by a line covering 2 grid squares (i.e. grid-lines 3-1).

 

On move (jump) one, the rabbit moves forward one square so that his body now occupies grid-lines 4 - 2.

 

On move (jump) two, the rabbit moves forward one square so that his body now occupies grid-lines 5 - 3.

 

On move (twist and jump) three, the rabbit, now facing the other way, moves back-wards one square so that his body now occupies grid-lines 4 - 2.

 

On move (jump) four, the rabbit moves back-wards one square so his body now occupies grid-lines 3 - 1.

 

(His final twist involves staying in the same place)

 

The 'trick' is that there is a jump as well as a twist when he turns at the left hand side.

 

5..4..3..2..1

........robbie (starting position)

....robbie.... (after one jump to left)

robbie....... (after second jump to left)

....eibbor.... (after twist and jump to right as one move)

........eibbor (after 'first' jump to right)

........robbie (flips back to starting position)

....robbie.... (after one jump to left)

robbie....... (after second jump to left)

....eibbor.... (after twist and jump to right as one move)

........eibbor (after 'first' jump to right)

 

:robbie:

I see. So it's more of a progressive series of x(t) = x(t - 1) +/- 1 (where t is time and x is the horizontal position of the rabbit +/- applied according to whether the rabbit is travelling positively (left) or negatively (right)) for the horizontal movement. At first glance it would appear that at the two turn points do not affect x but as you point out, at move three (the twist and jump) there is a modification to the x value (although the final twist does not modify the x value). From this it appears that the rabbit is 'awkward' (Principles and Concepts in Mechanical Movement by Hughes and De Joen, page 824, paragraph 4), being unwilling to apply the same 'twist and jump' at the right hand turn as he/she does at the left hand turn.

 

From analysis of the physical movement though we can see that he/she bounces twice, and does turn but he/she turns on his/her bum (introducing the horizontal movement observed). When it comes to the second turn though he/she performs a 180 degree turn with no horizonal movement. This difference in the two turn points is the important factor but why does Robbie feel the need to turn differently?

 

Using a psychological review of Robbie's mental state in combination with a blood analysis it would appear that he/she exhibits higher energy levels/improved mood at the second turn as opposed to the first turn. From the research published by Brausch and Lombe in 1953 this may very well be linked to the magnetic orientation of the subject (with rabbits being more 'dynamic' when orientated to face north).

 

In conclusion, you're right and rabbits are awkward.

 

 

 

 

 

What happened to peach melba flavour yoghurts?

[warrenpenalver]

The Neil, you could turn it into a simple series of vectors as mumble has done albeit do it in 2 dimensions to keep things simple. But ideally you would quantify the 3D turn in a 3D series of vector movements. could be tricky

 

With reference to robbies mental state, one must consider the possibility that robbie is suffering of the early stages of Myximitosis which could well explain the reasons he is going round in circles repetitively.

 

Alternatively maybe robbie has a form of ASD and his own type of repetitive movements are the complex movements seen above???

 

Intruiging!!

 

 

[aro]

I see. So it's more of a progressive series of x(t) = x(t - 1) +/- 1 (where t is time and x is the horizontal position of the rabbit +/- applied according to whether the rabbit is travelling positively (left) or negatively (right)) for the horizontal movement. At first glance it would appear that at the two turn points do not affect x but as you point out, at move three (the twist and jump) there is a modification to the x value (although the final twist does not modify the x value). From this it appears that the rabbit is 'awkward' (Principles and Concepts in Mechanical Movement by Hughes and De Joen, page 824, paragraph 4), being unwilling to apply the same 'twist and jump' at the right hand turn as he/she does at the left hand turn.

 

From analysis of the physical movement though we can see that he/she bounces twice, and does turn but he/she turns on his/her bum (introducing the horizontal movement observed). When it comes to the second turn though he/she performs a 180 degree turn with no horizonal movement. This difference in the two turn points is the important factor but why does Robbie feel the need to turn differently?

 

Ummm isn't that what I said....but in one sentence

 

[TheNeil]

Ummm isn't that what I said....but in one sentence

Probably...but why use one sentence when 15 will do

[TheNeil]

The Neil, you could turn it into a simple series of vectors as mumble has done albeit do it in 2 dimensions to keep things simple. But ideally you would quantify the 3D turn in a 3D series of vector movements. could be tricky

Oh no!!!!! Now you've brought the third dimension into the equation then the whole thing falls on it's head as Robbie would need to travel slightly diagonally to counteract the effect of the jump/turn. This movement would cause a distance to be covered in the Z axis which would need to be cancelled out. If this is not cancelled out then Robbie would slowly move further and further into the Z axis. As the 'jump/turn' covers 1 'abitrary unit' he has to cover -1 'unit' to retain neutrality with respect to his Z position. The most obvious way that he can achieve this is to cover 0.5 units in the Z axis while moving to the right, and then cover the remaining 0.5 units while moving back to the left (this after achieving the 'zero impact' 180 degree move at the right side). Sadly Robbie doesn't seem to exhibit movement within the Z axis as he does not appear to move 'further away' due to our good old friend perspective (albeit miniscule, the effects would still register). From this we can deduce that Robbie does not obey the laws of physics regarding the convergence of light and the known effect of gravity fields on light wave particles. As he no longer obeys the laws of physics and conceivably exists outside of the Einsteinian and Newtonian universes, our understanding and reasoning regarding his movement through three dimension space and time is fundamentally flawed as he exhibits behaviour that we are unable to comprehend. If this is the case, then his movement can't be described through use of vectors, straight line dynamics or any concept that we understand. All that can be really stated with any great clarity is that Robbie appears to exist at any given time moment, in a fixed position within the universe. His movement from this given time moment to the next given time moment is not explainable or predictable as, having shown that he is no longer constrained by the laws of the universe as we understand them, there is no longer any certainty that his movement will follow a predictable pattern. While he may well appear to travel constantly in along an observable path, this is purely supposition. While we may expect him to hop from right to left, jump/turn, and then hop back again, the very nature of his unpredictability and the fact that he is not constrained to follow the laws of motion mean that he could just as well instantly move from one position at any given time moment to India in the next given time moment, then to my desk, then to a packet of biscuits in Dulwich, and then to every known point in the universe (and possibly beyond) simultaneously. The only way that I can see to prove this is to stare at him all day just to see whether or not he 'disappears' (even this though is flawed as one would be relying on our now limited understanding of time and space and the attempt to apply fixed dimensional logic to a being that may very well be what one could call 'God'*).

 

With respects to furthering the discussion of Robbie's movements with regards the various known dimensions (time, space and funk)(purely for academic purposes naturally and ignoring the fact that he now no longer appears to be an object within our realm of understanding) my poor little brain has just exploded as Robbie would exist simultaneously at the left, the right, the middle, both the left and the right, nowhere and any combination of these at once...or not at all. For this we can blame Mr Heisenberg and maybe it's obvious why I can't sleep with questions like this bouncing around my head (i.e. Is 'God' a rabbit?)

 

With reference to robbies mental state, one must consider the possibility that robbie is suffering of the early stages of Myximitosis which could well explain the reasons he is going round in circles repetitively.

Either that or the distinct lack of carrots, rabbit holes or lady rabbits

 

Alternatively maybe robbie has a form of ASD and his own type of repetitive movements are the complex movements seen above???

Could be a rabbit form of stimming

 

 

 

 

* Neil accepts that the concept of 'God' is debatable, he neither condones or endorses such concepts. If it works for you then it works for you and good luck etc. Me - I'm putting my faith in aliens and us all being descended from lizards or something

[aro]

You're really quite scary!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

[TheNeil]

You're really quite scary!!!!!!

I know...and I have to put up with me 24/7

 

[Mumble]

This difference in the two turn points is the important factor but why does Robbie feel the need to turn differently?

At the point where he is facing left before his first jump, he spies out of the corner of his carrot-enhanced spying eye (what Mr Bond would give for one of them) Bear Grylls looking for a tasty something to cook over his camp fire. He hops away momentarily, and thinking Bear will have moved on to stalk other prey (probably something that fights back as it looks better on telly ) he turns and hops back to where he was originally (the grass was much greener there). However, he makes the fatal mistake of not noticing that Bear, in the short time he has been away, has erected a catastrophic rabbit poaching device which sends a stake hurtling vertically downwards with incredible force. As Robbie completes his last jump to the right, the stake pierces him straight through his central axis, impaling him to the ground. Attempting to escape and hop away, he finds himself unable to perform anything but a rotation around his newly acquired central axis. The reason it looks like he then freely hops to the left is that the forum censors felt it too distressing for us to have to witness Robbie's demise on a regular basis (RIP Robbie ) and so edited the image into a loop making it appear to those who take things simply at face-value, that the rabbit it happily hopping back and forth without a care in the world.

 

 

This movement would cause a distance to be covered in the Z axis which would need to be cancelled out.

Not on a flat-screen laptop

 

The only way that I can see to prove this is to stare at him all day just to see whether or not he 'disappears'

But how are you proposing to watch every Robbie posted on every post in every thread on this forum (and possibly used on other forums)? Is this the same rabbit co-existing in different spaces within the same time? And what about if the same post is opened in different time zones? :hypno:

 

Oh, and Enid, sorry I confused you, I wasn't aiming the 'It's simple' at you <'>

 

:robbie: :robbie: :robbie:

 

[Enid]

Its ok Mumble, no offence taken, but both you and Theneil lost me now! Dont think I`ll look at the rabbit in the same light again! Off for a glass of wine now, reading all this made my head hurt!! <'> Enid

[pearl]

But what would he look like in a nice little outfit, thats what I want to know ....

[Mumble]

But what would he look like in a nice little outfit, thats what I want to know ....

Robbie Dressed (and thoroughly p'ed off) - BTW, does the eyes test apply to reading how animals feel?

 

(Warning don't open if you are of a nervous disposition or eating) Robbie undressed

 

[warrenpenalver]

Nice Mumble!! So robbie is no more after the second photo???

[TheNeil]

At the point where he is facing left before his first jump, he spies out of the corner of his carrot-enhanced spying eye (what Mr Bond would give for one of them) Bear Grylls looking for a tasty something to cook over his camp fire. He hops away momentarily, and thinking Bear will have moved on to stalk other prey (probably something that fights back as it looks better on telly ) he turns and hops back to where he was originally (the grass was much greener there). However, he makes the fatal mistake of not noticing that Bear, in the short time he has been away, has erected a catastrophic rabbit poaching device which sends a stake hurtling vertically downwards with incredible force. As Robbie completes his last jump to the right, the stake pierces him straight through his central axis, impaling him to the ground. Attempting to escape and hop away, he finds himself unable to perform anything but a rotation around his newly acquired central axis. The reason it looks like he then freely hops to the left is that the forum censors felt it too distressing for us to have to witness Robbie's demise on a regular basis (RIP Robbie ) and so edited the image into a loop making it appear to those who take things simply at face-value, that the rabbit it happily hopping back and forth without a care in the world.

Ah, of course, Bear Grylls (who, to me, always sounds like a restaurant - "Do you fancy going out for dinner dear? I thought we could give that new Bear Grylls place a try") - intrepid trapper of animals, doyen of the frozen regions and lover of hotels (when he's supposed to be in the frozen regions but gets fed up. This is true, I heard it somewhere ).

 

Not on a flat-screen laptop

Not so - for two reasons.

 

1. Although flat, your TFT display still exhibits depth both in terms of physicality and in terms of the image that it displays. In the case of a TFT display the polarisation of the liquid crystal requires that the orientation of the molecules is shifted from vertical (full light passage) to horizontal (zero light passage). Taking a mean pixel colour of RGB(128,128,128) (mid grey) we can deduce that on a TFT screen any object has a mean average 'depth' of half a liquid crystal. Alternatively if you were viewing Robbie on a conventional CRT display the difference would be related to number of electrons striking the screen. This impact results in the emitting of light. Given that a 'black' section of the screen would have no light being emitted and that a 'white' section of the screen would have the maximum amount of light emitted, the mean average of this is naturally half a 'flash'. In this instance as we're dealing with light so we can measure the emision in terms of photons ('white' resulting in a full photon being emitted, black resulting in no photon being emitted). Therefore we can deduce that on a CRT display objects have a mean average depth of 0.5 photons. So Robbie is (on average) either half a liquid crystal in depth on a TFT display, or half a photon in depth on a CRT display.

 

2. Robbie is a 'super-God-Rabbit' who doesn't observe the laws of the three dimensional universe.

 

But how are you proposing to watch every Robbie posted on every post in every thread on this forum (and possibly used on other forums)? Is this the same rabbit co-existing in different spaces within the same time? And what about if the same post is opened in different time zones? :hypno:

No-one ever said that watching God was easy

 

Oh, and Enid, sorry I confused you, I wasn't aiming the 'It's simple' at you <'>

So who were you aiming it at?

 

[TheNeil]

Its ok Mumble, no offence taken, but both you and Theneil lost me now!

Don't worry - I lost me ages ago. I enter some sort of trance like state, wake up and realise that I've just disproved time travel or something

 

[TheNeil]

But what would he look like in a nice little outfit, thats what I want to know ....

I'm sure if anyone could find rabbit outfits, you could Pearl (as was proved with you finding pirate outfits and wedding dresses for guinea pigs). Now, who would actually be stupid enough to actually buy something like that is another matter...