frogslegs Report post Posted March 6, 2009 My son is 10 and recently diagnosed with Asperger. He is very bright and on the whole coping well thanks to a very supporting family and a good school counsellor. We have been through all sorts during the past 5/6 years. Sent from pillar to post mainly because he does not have a learning problem and behaves in class. The headmistress wanted us to go to family therapy.The GP refused to acknowledge that there was a problem, and I ended having to really put my foot down for my son to be refered to a paediatrician. Things are on the whole okay but the playground was and is a nightmare and the worst we are experiencing is bullying in and out of school (being called names, spat at, hit, having his clothes torn, his pencil case damaged, ostracised...). The latest event being today with one of the bullies writing GAY on the ice on my car, then awaiting my son as he goes to school and hitting him. I feel utterly exhausted and powerless, it's like hitting your head against a wall. We work hard to help his self-esteem but when I see this sort of thing it is incredibly difficult to remain calm. I think today I lost it completely and ended up shouting at the bully within the school grounds which as you can imagine did not go down well. My husband refuses to accept that there is a problem so I am really on my own (and foreign). Do I feel better because my son has a diagnosis? Not really as I am told he is too mild to get a statement, so there won't be any help at school. I worry all the time about him especially now secondary school is looming. I cannot imagine him having to walk to school without getting troubled. We live in a fairly quiet area of Britain, not an inner city school or anything but still having to face intolerance is a real issue. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted March 6, 2009 (edited) Hello and a warm welcome to you and your son, how long have the children been victimising your son like this, this is disability discrimination and they are committing an offence if they are older than 10yrs of age, even if there younger you could still report the children and a log would be kept of their behaviour, there is an anti social behavioural act that could help protect your son if they do not stop thier behaviour towards your son. They can not carry on this behaviour, like you say you also live in a relitively good area of britain, so this has to be stopped before it becomes physical. I really do recommend you ring your local policing team and place a statement of what has been happening, the police will then come and take the details, also they will give you a log sheet and you need to keep a daily log of the childrens behaviour. The police may even visit the children if they know them and if there is other complaints from other community members such as the infirm or elderly. My son does not go out unsupervised as I know he would easily be led into a group who could behave in a anti social way, so it could be some of these children are joining in to be excepted into a social group. Bullying causes many additional problems contributing to stress and emotional difficulties, so its important the police take this serious, which Im sure they will do. As for school is the councilling set up throw school? if so this shows he has additional needs, does he recieve any additional support to improve his social impairments, circle of friends, emotional litracey, 1-1 support or extra provisions in place in social settings, when he is academically learning is any of it effected because of the social impact, so in group learning there is social issues, but the work is easy for him, but cant get throw the social band. You can get a statement for special educational need, your son has an educational need, its under social and communication need, also emotional and mental need so he meets the criteria for an assement which could determin his level of support. Now adays statements are really only given to children who are academically behind by 5 to 6yrs, which is absaloutly nuts when you think the child will be in secondary school, many secondarys are unindated by children with significant needs but left to get throw primary because academically they where average to above average. You could request more support for the social needs, if they dont do it, then request an assessment of Special Educational Need. Is your son on an a School Action or School Action Plus with him recieving councilling, and because he has been recieving outside agencies, he should be already accessing some level of support, if that isnt happening then you could request more support without getting a statement, however a statement ensures the support for the child and I would still recommend you going for a statement even with what you have said because it ensures the support ready for secondary school where his social and emotional needs will increase with the changes and transitions. JsMum.xxx Edited March 6, 2009 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted March 6, 2009 Sorry Ive just noticed that the bullying from outside school does involve physical bullying so in that case you can consult the police straight away, if they are hitting your son then this is an assualt. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted March 7, 2009 <'> My lad is 9 n also has been bullied verbally and physically...involved the lea n in the end I involved the police...I strongly advise you involve the police as J's mum has said. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chris54 Report post Posted March 7, 2009 (edited) If your son is hit by another child, this is assault and should be reported to the police even if it happens in school. I would consider this action for non physical bullying as well. We all know that there is a bit of t#t for tat between kids but when one child is singled out this should not be tolerated by anyone. If the school know you will go to outside agency's if it happens they are more likely to take it seriously and not pretend it is not going on. "We don't have any bullying in our school." How many times have we hard that. There is no school in the land were there is no bullying. Edited March 7, 2009 by chris54 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
isme Report post Posted March 7, 2009 <'> >< <'> Wanted to send you some as you need them! Again, another vote for calling the police. Also make sure you keep a diary of every single incident, who was there/involved/witnessed, What happened? What was the outcome (injury, distress, medical treatment etc) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frogslegs Report post Posted March 7, 2009 Many thanks for your replies and support. I need to ponder about what I am doing next. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted March 8, 2009 sorry to hear this situation my personal experience and story like a echo of my own your sons is my heart goes out to you really it does im still negatively impacted and affected by the bullying i was faced with for years and nothing was done or said my parents watched me become scared,afraid and worried about everything in my life hope something is sorted to better your son and stop the pain and distress he going through it so hard and difficult to watch yet feel powerless my parents were same feelings about it! it so wrong i was so vulnerable and people took advantage of that! keep strong for your son! keep fighting for him! glad my parents did so grateful i had them! bullies are mean and cowards but from that to this day i still suffer from lack of trust,low self-esteem/confidence, etc the list goes on adn on make sure you are heard have meetings and keep insisting something needs to be done before too late my parents did kept knocking on doors keep record of level of upset it causes and of when bullying occurs and show school as edvince no one should go through that especially someone like us! stand up for what believe in! you may have a fight on your hands but it worth it you'll win through! i thought no one cared but realsied i had my parents and families love support encourage that meant more than everytyhing anyone else can do or say means the world and back! trust me! hold on in there know it tough! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted March 8, 2009 i was having my stuff nicked ,being called names etc not not nice to go through but made me stronger better person for having experienced that it was so horrid but parents felt like ther baging their heads against a brick wall you not alone so many parents and sufferers out there with so many simliar stories/experiences you've opened eyes and doors sharing yours and maybe helped others through their pain and misery! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted March 8, 2009 my parents struggled for years get me statemented for 'dyspraxia' but later on found out had AS too but didnt want to help and support that why statementing through parents was tried to put off by teacher (SENCO) and peadtrcian branded my mum especially as 'overprotective mother' my mum said 'wouldn;t wish condition on my child' thats not way it works im afraid! they got all good as did my parents won the battle in the end though! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frogslegs Report post Posted March 9, 2009 Bullying does not make my son stronger, on the contrary. My son is convinced that he is going to be attacked again and that it is not a matter of if but a matter of when. I find that very sad. He is wary of everyone with a particular dislike for teenagers if they are in a group. If he sees a group in the street even if they are not doing anything funny, he will rather cross the road rather than walk past them. I try to explain the situation to parents of harassy children and ask for their children not to like my son but to accept him for who he is, i.e. an inoffensive oddball. But I get abuse. I have spoken to the Head and will see what comes next. Probably a bit of peace for a few days/weeks and then back again. We were told no statement because he is too mild. Apparently where we live only bottom 2% of school population gets statement and he is not one of those as he is doing very well at school so no learning difficulty. Even the laptop that we have been told he will eventually need will probably have to be funded by us. For the moment no help put in place but we have been promised some, although no help with Mental Health. I was asked 'did he self-harm'? No ? Then no help. I know my son relies on me completely and is full of love and kindness but there are days when it is heavy to carry! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dana Report post Posted March 10, 2009 (edited) Hi, I cant offer you any advise apart that maybe you should indeed involve police but I feel for you and I am sorry you have to go through all this alone. My son is sometimes bullied but he also bullies others thinking that is a play (he has ADD,AS not yet officially dx). I have to deal with that alone too because although my husband loves us and wants to help but cannt bear the preasure and get inerved and upset very quickly and angry on the whole world(which does not help)which makes me feel not to bother him . I know how you feel. <'> >< <'> dana Edited March 10, 2009 by dana Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted March 10, 2009 sorry if upset and offended you by the comment 'bullying makes you stronger' was wrong term to use i so sorry about this matter and would never ever upset someone and their family on purpose because i been through myself i was weak and crossed roads on other sides hope you can forgive me im not heartless just don't think before write which i should! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted March 10, 2009 I'm so sorry you are having these problems. <'> Bullying is never acceptable. The following links on bullying give information and advice, I hope they are helpful. Good luck! NAS - Bullying http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp...068&a=10835 ACE - Booklet on tackling bullying http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice/booklets/Bullying.html Bullying UK http://www.bullying.co.uk/?gclid=CMSoufOywYgCFRMOZwodOFZDAQ Nellie xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frogslegs Report post Posted March 11, 2009 sorry if upset and offended you by the comment 'bullying makes you stronger' was wrong term to use i so sorry about this matter and would never ever upset someone and their family on purpose because i been through myself i was weak and crossed roads on other sides hope you can forgive me im not heartless just don't think before write which i should! No offence taken. PLEASE DO NOT WORRY... I am very prickly with stress..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
