Fixation with graves, death and coffins

[connieruff]

Hi,

I had been told that being fixated with macabre stuff was a typical ASD trait, my son is gradually stopping this fixation - it is not linked to depression its just a quirk he has. Is this something other people have experienced? And is it documented in any scientific literature about ASD? Long story about the reason for me asking, will post fully later on.

Cheers everyone,

C.

[bid]

Hi,

I had been told that being fixated with macabre stuff was a typical ASD trait, my son is gradually stopping this fixation - it is not linked to depression its just a quirk he has. Is this something other people have experienced? And is it documented in any scientific literature about ASD? Long story about the reason for me asking, will post fully later on.

Cheers everyone,

C.

 

I have to say that I have never heard that before!!

 

I'm certainly not like that at all, and DS isn't either, unless you count Warhammer when he was a kid, but then that seems to be a pretty standard hobby amongst lads, NT or ASD!

 

I wonder who comes out with these statements and why??

 

Bid

Edited May 31, 2009 by bid

[Mumble]

Well I like really old graveyards (the overgrown type) - they're really quiet and often historically very interesting. I find them very peaceful. Does that count? :unsure:

 

And I know exactly how and where I want to be buried and I do tell my sister regularly to make sure she knows 'just in case' (because I know my Mum would get it wrong) - my sister lets me know when I've gone too far by replying, "yes, I know, you want ...." and then listing exactly what she knows I do not want.

 

But no, I've never heard of it being related to ASD and it's not in the official dx criteria.

 

[connieruff]

Hi,

I should add that it is not 'death' bit so much its the old graveyards and churches - he draws them a lot and for a long time his favourite DVD was The Nightmare before Christmas' he has a sunny enough nature except for the occasional explosion here and there, I have just accepted it as 'him' and have just let it fizzle out by itself. The person who told me that it 'quite common' was at a meeting at the local school for ASD parents.

Yes Mumble my son likes graveyards and churches, he is interested in the ages of them. He looked at a modern (tin) church the other day and dismissed it as not a'real' church as it was not ancient.

Cheers,

C

[smiley1590]

i do get fixated on death what happens etc and getting scared worried little bit paranoid too suppose i think it anxiety related really! but i have had alot terminal illnesses and deaths in my family so don't know whether this has anything to do with it at all whether this another factor which makes thia thought process happen more in my mind? i don't whether i should approach it with my MH OT or pyschtrist at all? anyone have any ideas? do you think i should talk it over? think it has to do with depression aswell? just don't know who to talk this subject over this but getting worse not better not improving any whatsoever and i have close family member terminally ill at the moment is gravely dying my mum cares for her this takes strain pressure and stress on whole family! is that what making me like this? is it stress worry?

 

im desperate for answers plz!

my mate who also has AS and anxiety probs he also thinks about dying alot and questions around this matter! so now makes me think is it also AS connected too!

 

take care

KirstXX

[Mumble]

for a long time his favourite DVD was The Nightmare before Christmas'

That's because it's an excellent film and he clearly has good taste! To be honest, I'd be a lot more worried if a kid was fixated on some of the horribly violent films/computer games out there than on this.

 

It doesn't sound to me like you have much to worry about, but it does show how ill-informed comments can make you worry about something there's no need to worry about!! They do graveyard walks in London because some of the old cemeteries are fascinating - and I don't think everyone who goes on them has ASD!!!

 

i do get fixated on death what happens etc and getting scared worried little bit paranoid too

I think it's natural (for everyone) to be worried about something we can't actually know about - no one can say for definite, this is exactly what happens after death and it is something everyone has to make their own decisions about. I think, with AS, there's the possibility of this being more unsettling because there is security in knowing and this is something no-one can 'know' - but I don't think it's an AS issue.

 

my mate who also has AS and anxiety probs he also thinks about dying alot and questions around this matter! so now makes me think is it also AS connected too!

Yeah, and I painted my tootsies last night and I know someone else with AS who paints her tootsies, so it makes me think painting your tootsies is connected with AS

 

*runs*

[Cariad]

My son (13) has a fixation with coffins and death, he had to decorate the box for the trampoline in a RIP fashion:

 

http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r92/gwilliTaffy/025-1.jpg

 

http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r92/gwilliTaffy/019.jpg

 

 

I think it's "normal" for ASD to have this fixation..

 

[pookie170]

Hey there.

My son had a big fixation on death for a long time after my dad, his papa, died. I think he couldn't let it go because I simply couldn't give him solid answers to his questions, such as 'What happens after you die?' 'Where do you go?' 'How do you know we've got a spirit?' This quickly turned into a fixation on the traps and trimming of the death process, (if you'll excuse the phrase!) like coffins, headstones, what happens to a body as it decomposes and so on.

He actually started to take a little plastic coffin everywhere with him, you know the kind you see around Halloween? With a candy skelington inside that you fit together? He told anyone who asked that his Papa was inside it!!! His nursery actually became rather concerned about it and seemed to think I was freaky because I just rolled with it.

I did have a chat with his psychologist regarding the fixation, but it was her opinion, and mine too, that this was a very natural stage to go through, it was just more pronounced because of his AS......

I think Mumble put it well:

"I think it's natural (for everyone) to be worried about something we can't actually know about - no one can say for definite, this is exactly what happens after death and it is something everyone has to make their own decisions about. I think, with AS, there's the possibility of this being more unsettling because there is security in knowing and this is something no-one can 'know' - but I don't think it's an AS issue."

 

He has bypassed this stage though it took few years and countless discussions on faith, beliefs, atheism and all that to help him get comfortable with it.

 

Smiley, TBH, I think the mulling over of death happens for everyone, and it's only a problem if it starts to affect your everyday life. When you've had to deal with the nursing of a terminally ill relative, and the grief process thereafter, it is certain to bring with it questions and considerations of what will happen when it's your own time. If you feel that it's starting to get a grip on you that is causing problems, then I think it would be a good idea to talk it through with someone who can help you get things into a more comfortable perspective. You're certainly not weird for feeling as you do, but it sounds like you yourself are not okay with the amount of energy you spent thinking about death. Have you thought, even, about contacting an association such as CRUSE? I'm certain they could help you figure out what's going on. It's no fun watching a loved one pass through pain and suffering, and it's bound to be linked to the emotions, strains and pressures that go hand in hand with that.

 

As for it being an ASD type feature, I can't say I'd agree with that. Yeah, my aspie son went through it, but then he was only a little boy when he lost his marvellous Papa, so who wouldn't have questions? IWhen he attended an ASD specific unit, none of the other children were as interested in death as my son. Everyone's different, thank god, or it'd be a most boring world!

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son is exactly the same, despite never having seen films/documentaries/tv relating to the subject. I brought this up during an appointment with my son's consultant. She advised that this is not uncommon. Everytime we pass a graveyard/church, R shows a great deal fo interest. I believe he's interested in the gravestones, etc because they're old, but he's also interested in stuff which is inappropriate.

 

R was playing on his trampoline yesterday and completely out of the blue he said 'great grandad will be a skeleton by bnow, won't he?'. He frequently threatens to stab me and tells me in graphic detail what he's going to do. He also asks questions like 'what colour is my heart?', etc.

 

R has a genuine all round interest. Other people find it very strange and whilst I don't encourage it, I do answer his questions in order to satisfy his curiousity.

 

So, don't worry, I'm told this is not as uncommon as we might think. I must confess to being fascinated by some things relating to life/death/graveyards, etc (obviously not to the same degree), but I can see why perhaps someone with an ASD may perhaps be fascinated.

 

C.

Edited May 31, 2009 by cmuir

[smiley1590]

POokie no is definetly isn't fun whatsoever it hurts to see her is so much pain and suffering it awful dreadful to watch like a show of someone you love and care about drop so much through this tears up inside it so hard and difficult to hold back with emotions and feelings when i see her! even talking it over my voice starts to tremble! i swallow hard! i break down so hard to keep it together ui thought CRUSE just helped you after beavement has happened not before?

 

yes they do go hand in hand our household sometimes so hard to deal with people get ratty frustrated especially my parents don't have enough hours in day to help everyone out who needs it at the moment they so stressed! you only have to watch them to see it melting them down to the strain and stress too much to bear! i have briefly mentioned grieving to my MH OT may mention again tommorrow! and another family member into hospital she very ill been told she COULD WELL DIE today even though she VERY old! the other famiyl member needs a family doctor she likes tommorrow my mum going to call him out over her skin being different colours where she so gravely poorly! i do need to get more comfortable perspective on death and grief together!

 

my grandad's death anniversary on friday it be 15 years this year i was 4 years old when lost him i was SO close to him!

[bikemad]

My son has a huge fascination with death aswell....he is 9....I mentioned it to camhs and to o/t n both said it has been tied to aspergers/autism.

[Karen A]

Hi,

I should add that it is not 'death' bit so much its the old graveyards and churches - he draws them a lot and for a long time his favourite DVD was The Nightmare before Christmas' he has a sunny enough nature except for the occasional explosion here and there, I have just accepted it as 'him' and have just let it fizzle out by itself. The person who told me that it 'quite common' was at a meeting at the local school for ASD parents.

Yes Mumble my son likes graveyards and churches, he is interested in the ages of them. He looked at a modern (tin) church the other day and dismissed it as not a'real' church as it was not ancient.

Cheers,

C

 

Hi.Are you sure there is actually anything morbid about this interest.

Last summer we went on holiday to Greece to a place we have visited four times.We know Ben loves his holiday.

My partner had a cammera and for the first time Ben was keen to use it.He took loads of snaps.

On return from holiday we were able to view the photos on the computer.

There were none of the usual holiday pictures.

However the snaps were very well taken and gave an absolutely fascinating picture of what Ben considered interesting....incuding drane covers,toilet seets,sinks,road signs to mention a few.

A few weeks after our return from holiday Ben was assessed for AS.

I became aware during the assessment that Ben was likely to be scoring high for AS and thought that I should prepare his older brother [J].

I explained to J that Ben might have AS after all.J who is 13 paused very briefly and then announced ''Well that would not be a surprise you saw the holiday photos''. Karen.

 

[smiley1590]

how can AS and autism be tied with it?

 

XKLX

[Mandapanda]

My eldest son with AS has never been particularly interested or curious about death, only conception and birth ( )!

 

My youngest son is pretty much obsessed with evilness, hell, devils , baddies, etc. He always plays the evil side in video games wherever possible. He thinks it's 'funny' when someone is hurt or killed in programmes or books. His favourite books are ones where the main characters die! He asks many questions of us about death, dying, afterlife, etc.

 

Personally I think it is a case of him protesting too much - he's really a sweet, caring and extremely sensitive child , who is desperately trying not to be!! Also he is trying really hard to work things out in his head, life, the universe and everything. Death is a big part of that and we have had 4 family deaths in 5 years, so it is not surprising that he would think a lot about it.

 

I have found that if I make a big issue of it, he does it more.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I think the only way it's tied in is because some people with an ASD may have a tendency become interested in something to the point of being obsessive. My son (7/AS) becomes fixated or obsessive about a topic sometimes for up to 6 months and then he moves on to something else (thankfully!). I think that death, graveyards, churches, etc are fascinating (everyone has different ideas about death, afterlife, some people are scared of it, etc), but it's to the degree that one becomes fascinated with it that makes the difference. Other than that, I don't think there's an automatic connection.

 

Caroline.

[smiley1590]

im scared and thinking about alot is that fixation or obsession?

 

KirstX

[Tally]

In addition to developing intense interests, people with AS/ASD sometimes fixate on things that are worrying them and ask the same questions over and over, seeking reassurance. I know that when I am worried or upset about something I sometimes think and talk a lot about it, because this is the way I find solutions or get over my feelings.

 

I have never heard of a direct connection between ASD and a fixation with macabre things, but fixations in general are probably quite common.

[Ramona]

I don't know about other people but my partner and I are both fascinated by dead things (especially in jars) and this was one of the first things we ever spoke about. She is autistic and I nt, I guess it's just something we like. We don't see it as strange.

 

Oh a just to verify we both love animals too (living ones) and wouldn't actually want to kill anything. I'm vegan!

 

 

[ian stuart-hamilton]

I find it interesting that if someone had an equally strong fixation about football, it would probably never be even thought of as a problem.

 

Personally, I think that an interest in graveyards and old churches is far more rational and cerebral than slavering over a team of obscenely over-paid Neanderthals whose sole skill is being able to kick a ball.