Question for those with an 'advanced' child

[keepingmesane]

Kieran is almost 6 years old, he is a very smart little boy and after a slow start when he was young, once he learned to speak and communicate, he flew!!

 

He taught himself to read early and the nursery had to hide paperwork so he wouldnt read it. he had a reading assessment done a few months ago in his reception year at school and he came out at a nearly 10yr old reading level and his understanding of things is also very advanced. all the teachers and staff love him as they say its like having a miniature adult around. I have been told that he could easily have skipped reception and year1 with the level he is at and the speed he picks things up, not that i want him to as he needs to learn to socialise as well as the academics of school

 

 

but its not so much what he can do that has me confused/torn with him

 

I feel like he is a really old soul in a little body. occasionally we get a view of a 5 year old kieran who runs around silly for a few minutes... but most of the time he seems so much older and i almost feel bad for having to treat him the same as his twin sister as he seems so much more advanced (im not sure this is the right word im meaning but he just seems to be further ahead in how he thinks and feels etc)

I try to treat all my children as individuals and equals, but so many things suitable for 5 year olds just seem so wrong for him. People tell me that its inappropriate that i allow him to read books etc for older children as he is only 5. He is rarely into any toys and adores video games. now i know that there will be some of you who dont think thats right but he is good at them, they keep him calm and he does do more than just play... he reads guides and works out ways to solve puzzles so he is always using his mind and always chatting to us constantly through it.. he is not a recluse gamer. He loves his books and finally is writing now after getting over a block of refusing to do so as it didnt come out as he sees it in his head.

 

can i ask how other parents of 'gifted' children get on? do you continue to treat them as their physical age or do you give them a little more leeway?

 

i feel really silly posting this, but i have to say that of all my children, he pulls my heart strings the most. when we go on holiday its as though he would be better on the older kids groups for some activities but of course he cant because he is too young... all the stuff aimed at him he is way beyond.

 

Im not wanting to race him into growing up, in fact i find that im constantly trying to remind him that he is still young and needs to enjoy things... but he is so desperate to be with the big persons

[bid]

Hi KMS

 

It's a difficult one, isn't it? All 4 of mine are/were on the gifted and talented register. I can only tell you what I've done with my lot.

 

I didn't 'hot house' any of them. From when they were babies we made sure they were read to and surrounded by books. From an early age they had free access to paper, pens, glue, scissors and so on. I purposefully didn't do any reading or maths schemes with them because I wanted them to have as long as possible to play and be creative.

 

Books: by and large they have all had access to a wide range of books, regardless of age recommendations. I have read a few Jaqueline Wilson/Meg Cabot books first to check they were OK for my girlies when they were younger, and I did hold back a couple I think. But there are loads of 'older reader' books that are challenging but still appropriate content.

 

Computer games: my girlies have never been that interested, but my two boys love them. My eldest, who is grown up now and the one with ASD, we just made sure he only had the correct age rating. He did have time limits on his computer use. My youngest, the other boy, also has a limit of two x half hours a day (although this seems to be getting more elastic, mmm!) and again only plays games we know are OK, or he plays with his dad or his older brother.

 

I would say that certainly my two girlies have been a lot happier once they were at secondary school as the work is more challenging and they have more of an opportunity for extension work. Youngest is still at primary in year 4, but has been put into the year 4/5 class as opposed to the 3/4 class.

 

Don't know if any of that helps. The main thing I think is to give them free access to books and so on, and not to make too big a thing of being 'gifted'. I always feel so sorry for those children who have gone to uni at 14 or whatever.

 

Bid

Edited September 11, 2009 by bid

[Suze]

As far as books goes , I would,nt let him read fiction books etc as these maybe too advanced at an age 10 reading level.You might find it better if he reads more information/encyclopeadia type books instead.It won,t always be like this as the years go his peer group won,t seem as far behind him.

[justine1]

Hi

My son is 6 years old and also is advanced in most areas of school work however he still plays about alot and to be honest would rather be outside than inside reading,he does find books for his age group boring but I dont let him read books beyond his year group or a year above.Also he has more of a photographic memory so sometimes wonder if he is just "photocopying" books or actually grasping the moral of the story so even though he reads well clearly and quickly I still quiz him on the books he reads.I also know his vocabulary is really advanced and like you say seems like old soul in little boys body,but I would never let him socialise with older children mostly because when the older kids reach teens they will go through things he wouldnt understand so this can put additional pressure,I am lucky in that he likes company of kids his age and younger.On the other hand my eldest is 9 years old he yo is gifted but not AS and he puts in loads of work to get the results he is the opposite of his brother loves learning can spend all day reading and is reading teenage books and easy adult stuff if its valuable info.He likes playing with older kids (between 10 and 13 ) I try not to let him see these kids for the reason I mentioned above but it is hard as he can relate to them more and hold a sensible conversation with them.My point is there is no right or wrong way I guess all kids are different!

[Kazzen161]

I have always said T has never been his real age - he always acts either 5 years older or 5 years younger!

 

He has always been very mature in his language - you could have a decent conversation with him even when he was young. He was always a bit different to other children, but I thought that was just him being him.

 

I think it is even harder with twins, as you have a constant comparator. It is a lot easier to treat them as an individual when you don't have a constant reminder of what all other children are doing.

 

I remember I used to expect my lighter Twin to catch up in weight with his heavier Twin brother. I never even considered comparing their weights with that of their older brother at a similar age - I just had it in my head that the Twins ought to be the same weight - lol!

 

I used to insist on buying my eldest son at least one toy for Xmas - even though he would never play with it (preferring a broken radio to take apart or some cables to pretend to connect together). When he was older he asked me why I bothered to buy him a toy, as I knew he would only give it to his brothers!

[ScienceGeek]

This sounds exactly like I was when I was younger. My reading age was always way beyond what it should have been. I found school very boring because I didn't find any of it particularly challenging, it was only when I went to university that it even came close to stretching. The biggest complaint I had about school was the boredom, and spent most of my time helping those who were struggling. I would encourage it though, books about interests, visits to museums.

 

My mum used to say that I was born 30, my language was so formal and I had next to no interest in conversing with other children (mostly because they didn't understand what I was chatting on about ). While most children were running around and digging holes, climbing trees, I was talking about Kosovo, famine, religion, politics (how I didn't like the Tories ) . Eventually people caught up with me, but I can still bore people silly and not even realise it

Edited September 11, 2009 by ScienceGeek

[Kathryn]

This reminds me a bit of my daughter when she was young. She loved the company of adults but couldn't fathom children at all: she used to stand and watch them sometimes with a slightly baffled expression. We went to Greenwich Maritime museum when she was 4 and there is a big ship shaped climbing frame outside. I thought she would enjoy it but she stood and looked at all the children running around and said. "What am I supposed to do here?"

 

I wouldn't label my daughter "gifted" (and neither did anyone else) her profile was too "spiky" for that but she was always advanced in her language and although not a pre school reader once she picked it up at age 5 she made rapid progress and really enjoyed discovering books. I didn't particularly push her to read challenging books but she more or less found her own level. I had a box set of the Narnia books and she found them herself and read all of those at about 6. At hometime I always had to go into the year 2 classroom to get her- she would never come out to meet me because she was engrossed in the book corner.

 

I would say I probably gave her lots of leeway to be herself - she was my only child until she was 8, and so I didn't have any different expectations although she did sometimes seem like a different species in comparison to other children.

 

K x

[NobbyNobbs]

if his reading age is about 10 then i'd go for older books (date written) as these will be less likely to have the extreme violence/sex etc that need avoiding at his age. coming to mind are famous five etc. adventure rather than horror and pitched at the 8-10 age range i believe. that said with a bit of common sense most things should be fine and it doesn't have to be a story book - our little ones current favorite book is the instruction manual for her car seat which i have to read to her at least once a day and she then goes through and tells me whats happening in each diagram!

 

if he has a more developed understanding of situations it would proabbly be very frustrating to talk to him as his age - i can remember being thoroughly annoyed because when i asked a question i got told the fairies did whatever etc, and i knew that wasn't right and just wanted to know the truth. obviously dont pile responsibility onto him, but i think raising a child is about the child rather than their age. our 3 year old does 100 piece puzzles that say 6+ is starting to read for herself and has incredibly avanced emotional awareness, but also can't do any form of colouring, can't really talk in full sentences and doesn't understand some pretty basic things like swinging on the door will result in getting her foot/fingers shut in it so we really have to work at getting everything balanced at her level. sometimes we forget and pitch at the generic 3 year old and she's either bored senseless or frustrated because she can't understand!

[darky]

My 15 yr old was pretty much how you describe. He started out with an interest in Thomas the Tank engine. He knew every engine by colour and number before he was 3. I remember his 3rd Christmas well because we managed to get him a whole shoe box of second hand engines, which he unwrapped carefully, got each one out the box, went "Edward, number two, blue" and went right through the box getting them out, naming them and lining them up. In the car he would be able to point out shops and read the signs. His party trick was name where the carrier bag comes from When he started school he read and read and read. He loved books and reading. He was reading Harry Potter books when he was about 7.

 

Anyway, he is at Grammar school and doing well. He was assessed by the speech and language at the age of 12 and whilst his reading age was 18+ the comprehension (understanding) of what he was reading was miles behind. It did shock us a bit! It's that which would be my thoughts with your son. Your son is still really young so more complicated books usually have older themes, which may be more difficult for him to understand. Has his comprehension been tested?? That would give you a good idea of where he is at regarding reading AND understanding what he's read.

 

I understand about the mini adult bit as well. I have two mini adults here and whilst it can be cute, it is easy to forget they are still so young. We have had problems with our daughter more so, as she has really struggled with the adult/child concept. We have had to work so hard to establish boundries in relationships across the board. It's easy to see how things can get out of hand, even if it's not happening at the time. (mine are older than yours, so I have seen some consequences)

 

As for giving a bit more leeway, I personally think use common sense. I have three totally different children with different needs. My eldest son has always been sensible and a good lad, so I have let him do more than I do with my youngest son, and as for my daughter, no way I can trust her at all. When it comes to activities, it's usually my daughter that wants to do things she isn't either big enough or old enough. The problem is that because my boys can do things and she can't, she thinks it's unfair, like being punished, but I do think it's important for her to learn to accept that there are things her brothers can do but she can't. We try to stay matter of fact about it, kind of like, well that's life, because life is full of rules and restrictions no matter how old.

 

It's a tough job. Gifted or very able children have it hard because it's easy to forget how immature they are. Good luck with everything!

 

 

[BuntyB]

Hi, I can relate to this too. Two of my children were advanced in different ways but also not across the board. My 2nd son loved reading fact books, encyclopaedias etc and was considered talented in sciences but at 12 his English teacher struggled to get him to read fiction. He liked computer games and I bought him the book that his game was based on (Rainbow 6) after that he had to have every Tom Clancy book, then progressed from there. His imagination has improved and his English teacher developed a soft spot for him and helped him a great deal. He's now doing English as one of his A levels.

 

My 2nd daughter read early. At 6 or 7 she progressed on to read all the famous five books- I'd recommend them as has already been suggested. There's plenty to go at! But also agree that reading up about facts on anything that interests, trains, cars, animals would probably keep him busy. I think you have to watch the social side though. Both my children have been through very stressful times as they haven't mixed with other children, seeing at as pointless to play and it's been hard going through school for this reason. I think my son was 15 and alone on a beach with his younger siblings when he discovered the joy of digging a hole and running about for no apparent reason!

Shona x