Given up on socialising.

[Dillyn]

Hello.

 

I have aspergers syndrome and recently, i have been having more trouble than ever with friends and socialising! I have lost a few friends in the past few days, and it has been very stressful. I thought i was doing well with my girlfriend until today when she dumped me afterschool.

 

I was absolutley gutted and that was the final straw. I have now decided to give up on trying to socialise at all, going to school on the empty bus in the morning and going home again straight away. Has anyone else ever tried doing this/are trying this? How did it work out/working out? Im just quite upset at the moment and this didn't exactly make my day. Any feedback appreciated.

 

Thanks,

 

Dillyn

Edited September 30, 2009 by Dillyn

[minerva]

Hi Dillyn,

 

I dont really know what to say other than dont give up!!

 

It sounds to me as though you could be in your teenage years? That happens to be the hardest time with regard to relationships regardless of whether you have Asperger's or not, so it must seem pretty impossible. But it doesnt last forever.

 

Keep your chin up & concentrate on the fact that it may well be others downfalls that have caused the falling out & NOT necessarily you being Asperger's.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Sorry to hear you've been having a tough time lately.

 

Getting along with others can be challenging for anyone. Friendships/partnerships can be hard work! I'm 36 and NT, but I recall very well what my teenage years were like. I was a bit of a loner and in honesty I was fairly happy with my own company. I used to stress about being like/unpopular, etc and that can be hard. There were also times when I too hid myself away. However, I had a pet dog and so I had no choice but to go out and take the dog for a walk! I genuinely believe that with age generally comes maturity, experience, etc which all contribute towards learning to cope in different situations, etc - teenage years are difficult. I think that a bit of thinking time/cooling off (from either parties concerned) does no harm, but don't hide yourself away for too long. It's not necessarily your fault the way things have panned out with your girl/friend/s.

 

Caroline.

[welshlass]

Hi Dillyn,

Nice Welsh name you have there!

 

Listen, us girls are fickle. Especially when we are youthful. Don't take the breakup too personally. I know it's hard not to take it personally but it happens to everybody. We all get dumped. It's the most horrid feeling. I have an 18 year old daughter, no aspergers, just a regular kid. When she was 16 she got dumped, she took to her bed for a few days and was miserably upset for weeks after.

It is an absolutely normal feeling, after being dumped, to not want to see anybody, socialise at all, do anything.

All you need is a little time to mope as my daughter puts it now. You need time to be quiet and be upset and come to terms with it.

 

I would not go back to my teenage/young adult years for a million good old British ponuds. It's a horrible time all around.

The good news is, you will get older and you will be okay, you will be on some forum, an old doddery person like myself advising a young one that it will all be okay, just hang on in there!

 

It's good to take time out to be with yourself. I have always been more at ease alone than in a crowd and you know what? Making good friends is difficult. You will come across some right plebs along this particular journey.

I am an old person now (I am 39) and I got to tell you, I have about 3 good friends. 3. The others are just not good friends, you learn who are good friends and who are not. I think 3 is ample. I did not have them when I was younger. I had friends yes but do I see any of them now? Nope, never.

 

How come your bus is all empty then? Where did all the other's on there go?

 

I am absolutely sure your going to be okay, you might not feel as if you are right now but as your elder, you have to listen to me! I know you will be okay. You don't have to believe it, you just have to listen to it

x

 

 

[oxgirl]

Hi Dillyn,

 

My lad is nearly 16 and I say to him often that it won't always be like this. Hang in there. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

 

[pookie170]

Hey Dillyn,

 

what the others have said regarding your relationship ending is absolutely spot on. We may well sound like boring old f**ts, but it will get better, I promise you. (Again, I'm assuming you're in your mid-late teens? Hope I'm not presuming wrongly!! )

As for friends, I also have only 3 good friends on whom I could rely for utterly anything, I believe. And I'm NT (well, probably on the more questionable end of the normality scale, heheh!) and a fairly sociable person, apparently, so there you go.

What happened with your friends to cause a fall out, if you don't mind my asking? (Feel free to tell me to mind my own business!)

I have been guilty of a few big mistakes throughout my life, in which I have inadvertantly hurt a friends' feelings or caused them grief in some way. I have learned many valuable lessons but lost a few friends in the process. However, I don't mourn them too much because they weren't the kind I would ever have turned to in moments of crisis....or when wanting to share triumphs, either!

However, as Minerva said:

Keep your chin up & concentrate on the fact that it may well be others downfalls that have caused the falling out & NOT necessarily you being Asperger's.

 

Don't assume that it's your fault that faling-outs haave occurred. You can be wronged too, you know!

Oofs, have a <'> and try to stay positive. Treat yourself to some chillout time, indulge in some favourite pastimes/movies/activities and your wounds will heal.

Take care, Dillyn.

 

Esther x

[Dillyn]

Thankyou everybody. Yes, i am in my teens, 14 to be exact. I dont know why my "friends" arent talking to me, as far as i know i havent done anything wrong.

 

Thanks for all the advice given to me. I will just relax a bit. I think the stress of starting GCSE coursework could be a factor as well. Goodnight,

 

Dillyn.

[welshlass]

Oh, that coursework! Yes absolutely it's not helping. Your brain is stuffed to the rim with coursework and not just in one subject, in all the subjects you are taking. Let's not even go down the route of your actual hormones bouncing about like little tiggers - what bright spark decided 14 - 16 was a great time to work hard for exams!?

 

14 is an odd old age. You feel as if you are neither here nor there really. Not a kid but not a grown up either.

 

Do relax a bit, as you say. I always told my lot, exams are important, yes, but they are not the end of the world. Those things called re-sits? Well, they exist and do so for a reason

 

Your friends are also 14-16 I would guess and are all probably feeling as fed up as you are, in one way or another. They will pick friends and drop friends quickly, do not take it to heart. It's how it goes at that age.

You will encounter a lot of scrambled eggs before you find your fried ones! You will be okay.

I hope your feeling a bit better today.

x

 

[minerva]

Very well said Welshlass

 

Hope things are feeling a little better for you today Dillyn

[Felicity]

It just sounds like you're upset over being dumped.

 

It's a sad life but you don't get an option: be miserable and alone or be miserable and socialise. At least with the latter we're more 'normal'. Although I'm not normal and still alone when I'm with people. What difference.