Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
jlogan1

anyone else with teenage daughter?

Recommended Posts

jlogan1   

hi just wondering if there is anyone out there ,my dd is 13 waiting for dx,with daughter of same sort of age,from what i understand girls deal with it differently from boys,and just after other peoples experiences,because finding things very difficult at moment :tearful: shes not been at school for 18 months and presently trying to get her to do any school work is just horrendous,as soon as i mention work we go back to twilight,and then she goes on and on and on :tearful: doesnt seem to matter what i try .ie taking things away ,rewarding her,even trying to explain she needs some sort of education,seem to have tried many different ways but just cant get through to her :wallbash: its twilight or nothing,have even tried incorporating that into work,english ,history,geography,but i want her to do maths and cant manage to combine it with twilight :rolleyes: so if anyone got any ideas ,all gratefully accepted.

regards julia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
alexmum2   

I am in a similar position to you; my dx 12yr old refused to go back to school in sept this year; he was traumatized by bullies so much that he was hearing voices! and put on anti depressants! (which he no longer takes as they didn't do any good) I may not have the answers but have you contacted the school I think they should be providing the minimum 5 hours home tuition a week.

They can also put you in touch with CAMH services which are psychiatrists that I think she is entitled to see she could also get cognitive therapy through them.

Could you explain what you mean by Twilight? My son is willing to try another school but I am worried that we will go down this road again, as schools these days don't appear to do anything about bullies even though they have policies in place, but to me they are not worth the appear they are written on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Elefan   

Hi Julia,

 

I don't have a chance to reply properly at this moment, but wanted to at least post a 'quickie'.

 

I have a 13 year old daughter (well, two actually! :) Only one with ASD though!).

 

She is also a Twilight fan and looking forward to the next instalment later this month! I presume your daughter is obsessed with it and Robert Pattinson!?

 

My daughter has had a long and complex journey through education to date, ranging from having no support/understanding to now being in a brilliant residential special school. She has displayed her ASD very differently, but by no means uniquely, I don't think. I think girls are more prone to inhibiting their difficulties for many years, or perhaps being Jekyll and Hyde depending upon their surroundings. I know my daughter opted for complete school refusal eventually, rather than to truly reveal to them the person she was without inhibiting (and the person we saw at home). By the time secondary school came (she is year 8 now), she couldn't sustain any facade and dropped out of school again, but it was also acknowledged that a mainstream setting wasn't going to work regardless of how much support was put in place.

 

During a period when she was at home for a year (year 5/6), we received 5 hours home tuition from the LA. This did not start until she had been off for almost 5 months though. 5 hours was better than nothing. She still left primary with 4's and 5s in her key stage 2 sats! You shouldn't be on your own with this and you might find a tutor could bring her back on track (from Twilight) more effectively as the tutor won't be as 'familiar' to your daughter and she may work harder for them. In any case, the experiences of a recognised third party would be more evidence for you with regards to highlighting her difficulties in accessing her education.

 

I don't know enough about your daughters circumstances or what sort of support/interventions you are having educationally or from the other services to know what hints/tips to give you. Please feel free to PM or continue this thread.

 

My daughter was the inspiration behind setting up this site! She wouldn't be where she is now, if I hadn't received guidance and support from so many fantastic members who empowered me and opened my eyes to what her rights were. I recommend you have a good look around the topics in Education to begin with. You will inevitably find similar stories and possible strategies. Good luck!

 

 

Elefan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jlogan1   

hi elefan thanks so much for your mail nice to hear from someone who has a girl,so many seem to be boys and having read up so much on it lately ive found that girls present so much differently,as you have said ,my dd put on a very good show ,she was going to secondary school 3 x45 mins sessions last year( i'm in scotland and she would have been an s1 which i think is the same as your year 8)and according to the teacher ,she was 1-1,my dd seemed fine,little did she know,my dd openly admitted to me and the clinical psycologist that she was putting on an act,which makes things all the more difficult,she has also now only told me last week that when she was at primary school and had'friends 'it was only because she thought the teacher would tell her off if she was friends with the other girls. :tearful:

but now the situation is no schooling what so ever ,my dd wouldnt entertain the home education teacher because her 1 friend that she has got mentioned something about him and that was it!!and have been told there is no other home ed for this area.but dd wont go out anywhere and wont meet anyone new,so feel rather stcuk on that one,have tried doing some work and did finaly get her to do bit of maths yesterday but gosh its hard work,because it always turns round to twilight :wallbash: just cant get her to listen to me :wallbash:

i am due to see paedriatrician at the end of this month to fill in an ADI-R and then will have to wait for dd to get assessment app.,agian thats if she will go :wallbash:

i think its a case of dd coped uptil couple of years ago then it has all come crashing down,saying that at home when doing her own thing she as happy as ever,also sleep is totally astray she has just gone to bed now we go round in a circle because she wants to be up all night so is not happy that she is now sleeping at this time of day,although she has been up since 11pm last night so shes done 19 hours awake.

sorry could go on for hours rambling

and twilight ugh!! she has even made me start reading the book and critisises that i am too slow at reading it,but by the time she wakes me between 2 and 6 times a night i've had it.

anyway best go younger daughter off to brownies,and hopefully a quiet night.

thanks for reply

regards julia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

do you think it school phobia, anxiety or mental health problem going on hidden behind the scenes in the backgorund could be possible cause as she seems unmovated towards homework school in general could be depression??? as this been looked into and researched throughly? does she seems worried about facing school?

 

take care

XKLX

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jlogan1   

well have been told not any sort of phobia because she has no motivation to go to school,clinical pycologist said if she wanted to go but coulndt it would be but she doesnt want to go,a secondary school boy went to the primary school when she was in year7 and told the kids at academy they were all bullies ,smoked and did drugs ,so thats what she thinks,very black and white on it and unfortunatley doesnt matter what anyone says thats what she believes,even the fact that younger brother started they in august and gets on fine.have also been told shes not depressed which i totally agree with shes perfectly happy at home in her own world,and has said if everyone left her alone she would be fine,she is in total denial that it could be aspergers.its not so much the facing school its going anywhere and seeing anyone at all that she just cant deal with.and since we havent done school last term she does seem happier without the pressure of having to go.

the homework side is difficult she had really good grades at primary but just not motivated to do any school work,as well as twilight she heavily into ,ghosts ,asylums and anything like that ,funnily enough i have told her to do a project on asylums for me ,and when i say ed psycologist last week her response was'i dont think the school would want that' my thoughts being well if she researching writing and reading shes learning,and i was actually asking for their blessing.ok it may not be the most appropriate subjects but i can incorporate geography,history , a bit of art and english all in one.so to me its good,shes done research today and ive asked her to write some up tommorow.however saying that she does lots of writing but whether something has happened previously i dont know because she writes and then tears it out of the book and no-one is allowed to read it,she cant deal with any critisisum,so prefers no-one to see it :tearful: any way will plod on and see how we go thanks for all your thoughts

julia >:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Elefan   

Me again! :)

 

It certainly sounds as if a diagnosis is long over-due so atleast the strategies and support can be tailored appropriately to her and your family. You need to have confirmation of what you are dealing with, for your own sanity!

 

She may not have 'accepted' the tutor for the area, but she is entitled to her education and the professionals have to coordinate their time and efforts to resolve this for all your sakes. Her 'black and white stance' or 'one strike and you're out' rule (very familiar to me!) on this occasion is further evidence for you. In my humble opinion, you have to kind of accept whatever they offer you (I know that's hard - especially if you already know the outcome),...so you're not seen as putting obstacles in the way, and this would include accepting the home tutor. Then, when she refuses to engage with him (or runs screaming from the front door when he arrives!), they have to go back to the drawing board for solutions!

 

It should be a team effort to get her back into education, but it sounds as if you are being left to your own devices far too much.

 

My daughter is in year 8 (Scottish second year), but when she started secondary in September 2008, she imploded!!! It was a transition too far!

 

Whilst you are struggling at home with trying to motivate her to keep her learning going, perhaps your school could recommend websites that she could log onto and do some online learning? I know such websites exist, but I'm not sure how they are accessed. My daughters teacher also sent work home and wrote to her, trying to keep the link there. I also handed in anything she did do (such as home created research or 'projects' like you describe). Anything was better than nothing.

 

If possible, try and keep her in contact with the outside world. If she won't go out, maybe an acquaintance would come in? I know she has siblings, so maybe they can have their friends around so she is 'encouraged' to be sociable to some extent. My daughter would have liked to have been left in her own domain without ever being 'challenged', too.

 

Very good luck with the appointments later this month. I hope there is a sense of urgency for her case and you can perhaps get fast-tracked. The longer this goes on, the harder it is to pull her back from her self imposed isolation.

 

Take care,

 

Elefan

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kathryn   

Hi Julia,

 

I'm sorry to hear things haven't moved on much since you last posted asking for help about your daughter's situation. Well done for persevering with the homework, but I hope you get some proper support soon.

 

Hi Elefan by the way - so good to hear things have worked out OK for your daughter. :)

 

K x

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bid   

Hi Julia,

 

I don't know whether this will be any help, as I didn't have any real behavioural difficulties when I was a teenager. But what I did struggle with at school (and still do even as an adult) was having any sense at all of myself within time. So at school although I had a lesson timetable I never had any proper sense of what day it was, and was always surprised when it was the end of the week or the end of term. I couldn't 'see' in my head today-tomorrow-next week, etc...it was all just a sort of vacuum (still is :lol: ).

 

I think this can be quite a common problem for those on the autistic spectrum, and can lead to extreme feelings of insecurity as though you are sort of adrift in time. I think that's where clear visual timetables and verbal prompts can be invaluable.

 

I also struggled to find my way round my secondary school. It was only when I was in the Upper Sixth form that I finally worked out how the system of room numbers worked. Before that I just followed other people to the next classroom, and really struggled if I was on my own. Again, this can really add to anxiety levels and feelings of being lost/adrift. I'm the same now at work, and only really know y way round the building where I'm based.

 

Hope this might perhaps help to add something to what may be happening to your daughter when she's at school.

 

Elefan: so glad things are going well for your DD :)>:D<<'>

 

Bid :)

Edited by bid

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×