albertosaurus Report post Posted February 5, 2011 Our 6yr old has ASD (high functioning / aspergers). My husband and I haven't gotten on for a long time. My husband identifies a being on the spectrum too. I can no longer cope with a house so emotionless, I feel all my tolerance is taken up by our son and have simply had enough by the time it comes to him. He can't help it, it really is a lack of capacity thing but I've had enough. Am I going to damage my son by taking him out of the family home? Will he start going backwards in terms of all the progress he's made in the last year? He has a history of self harming - will it come back? How can I make it easier for him? Albertosaurus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted February 5, 2011 Most people with ASD find transitions difficult so your son may find it more difficult than the average child. But in the long run he will do much better in a happy home than an unhappy one. Divorce is more and more common, I think there must be some really good advice out there for supporting children through a divorce. Most of that will probably also be appropriate for an ASD child. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted February 5, 2011 here's NAS web link to book may help soften the blow /impact better : Lansky, V. It's not your fault, Koko Bear: a read-together book for parents and young children during divorce. Quality Books Limited Brown, M. and Krasny Brown, L. Dinosaurs divorce: a guide for changing families. London: Little, Brown Book Group i would also ring or email NAS parent to parent line to get their personal advice too!!! i would also inform school etc that his behaviour may be 'different' due to family situation changing!!! pre warn them! good luck hope goes smoothly as can do for everyone involved! are you going to court for arrangements of you sharing your time equally with your son? XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted February 5, 2011 But in the long run he will do much better in a happy home than an unhappy one. Very sound advice, IMO. Very best, however you decide to proceed. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) I agree with Tally <'> I dont know your own personal situation but I left my husband (we had been together for 10 years)exactly 3 years ago and although its been a rollercoaster of emotions I do feel overall I made the right decision. Sam(was 4 yrs old then)and Dan(2 yrs old then)did regress Dan was affected the most as he was/is very close to his father,he now lives with him. Although they regressed,in Sam and Josh(my eldest NT) the long term change has been very positive neither were very happy when we lived as a family.Sometimes we feel being a family is very important and want to have the idyllic life we see on telly etc. but reality is quite different. I think I am much more happier and studying,getting my life on track has been really good for my self confidence.Happy parents=happy children IMO Edited February 5, 2011 by justine1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
albertosaurus Report post Posted February 5, 2011 This is where I feel a really horrible person. The house isn't unhappy. I work really hard at ensuring it's all about him. My husband and I don't row, I'm just incredibly unhappy but as the house is emotionless. I feel a terrible person because staying together is nothing but positive for everyone else but me. What a horrible horrible mess. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted February 5, 2011 No - the house isn't happy. You're part of the household too. Families come in all shapes and sizes these days, and increasingly that means not all living under the same roof. Of course, any major change like separartion/divorce will have a huge effect on all of the individuals involved, especially in the short term, but in the long term there is no reason why changes like that can't benefit everyone. Martyrdom isn't going to solve your problems, and in the event is only likely to provide a short term solution anyway. With the best will in the world, if you are unhappy then the cracks will (if they're not already) start showing. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted February 5, 2011 Just to suggest that if you contact Relate they have counsellors who have experience of working with adults with AS. They can help you explore things in a safe environment, will help you understand why things have reached this point, and will support you whatever you want to do. If you do decide that you want to separate, they can help you do so in the least destructive way possible. They run courses on how to support children through this situation too. http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html Very best, Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lucie1979 Report post Posted February 5, 2011 Dont have much advice but wanted to send you a hug as Im going through something similar too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted February 6, 2011 I should have said that you can go on your own to Relate, you don't have to go as a couple. I think it can be hugely valuable to work out why things have happened with professional support. Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
