refusing to go to school

[tracey]

Once again I cannot get my daughter off to school she gets so worked up in a morning with one excuse after the other .

I have a meeting with senco this week as they have now recieved asd dx report

so theres lots to sort out ie. what help in school such as autism outreach etc.

Went to look at special school last week but didnt think she'd fit there so hoped I could get things sorted at mainstream, think school will do there best to help but

problems seem to be actually getting out of the house (everything has to be perfect)

Anyone with similar teenage problems

T

[Elanor]

Hi

 

I've had a similar problem in a younger child - he was 8 at the time, and his refusal to leave the house was because he was finding things intolerable - a combination of a late diagnosis, family stress, having trouble with his childcare, and school pressurising him. In his case there was no easy anwer, but his school refusal was very clearly a response to overwhelming levels of stress - and the right way to look at it, was that he was ill with 'stress'.

[bid]

Hi

 

So sorry to hear about your daughter's problems with school <'>

 

You say you've visited a special school, but felt it wasn't right for her. If this was your local LEA special school, have you thought about looking at some independent special schools which are ASD specific?

 

My son struggled in mainstream for 10 years until he had a breakdown last year , coming up for 15. He started at a independent special school for AS in November and has never been happier.

 

LEAs are very good, in my opinion, of letting you think that the only special schools available are their local ones, which are usually for MLD or SLD.

 

Good luck.

 

Bid

Edited June 21, 2005 by bid

[tracey]

Thanks for your replies

Bid can you tell me how you found out about independent special schools

I have tried on the net but nothing has come up went on the NAS site

the schools seem to be so far away.

Saying this my daughter is not statemented as we are as yet in the first stages

only just dx

[call me jaded]

Your LEA should provide you with a list. Or Gabbitas have a book called something like Guide to Special Schools, which will be at your main lending library. Look on this as a list only - it's not really a guide as it just lifts phrases out from school prospectuses.

[nellie]

Hi Tracey,

 

You will need a statement before the LEA will consider a special or specialist school.

 

When you get a statement your will be able to name the school of your choice.

 

Schedule 27 Education Act 1996

Parents may express a preference for the maintained school they wish their child to attend, or make representations for a placement in any other school. LEAs must comply with a parental preference unless the school is unsuitable to the child's age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs, or the placement would be incompatible with the efficient education of the other children with whom the child would be educated, or with the efficient use of recources. LEAs must consider parental representations and arrange any meeting(s) with LEA advisers or officers the parents seek, before issuing the final statement.

 

The following information will help if you need advice and support on SEN procedures

SEN Support and Information Services, SEN advice, information and support

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=676

 

You should be able to find information about schools on the links below.

 

PARIS (Public Autism Resource & Information Service) is a new online service provided by The National Autistic Society (NAS).

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=481&a=5704

 

http://www.gabbitas.co.uk/

 

Good luck. Please ask if you have any questions.

 

Nellie xx

[tracey]

Just been on Gabbitas site and got list of independent special schools does anyone know what these schools charge and if funding can be applied for also do

children have to have a statement for independent special schools.

Thanks T

[bid]

Hi again,

 

You will need a Statement for your child to go to one of the independent special schools, and if the LEA agree to the placment they pay the fees, often sharing the cost with SS and sometimes Health, too.

 

Although it is a long fight to get a place at one of these schools, it's a good idea to start visiting some, so that you get a good idea of what's available, and what might suit your child.

 

The LEA will only agree to funding one of these schools if you can prove that none of their mainstream or special schools can provide the level/type of support your child needs.

 

I don't know about other schools, but my son's school offers a lot of help and advice to parents regarding getting funding from LEAs.

 

Bid

[yameretzu]

Hey when I was younger I refused to leave the house for 6 months. I was told my refusal was school phobia. I was able to go through a tempory special school called James Brindly then go back into mainstream.

[tracey]

Dont know if Ive made this up but Im sure sure Ive seen somewhere on this site

about fast track statementing! has anyone heard of this.

My daughter will be 14 this year and getting a statement at the moment seems

miles off.

T

[nellie]

Hi Tracey,

 

I believe this is the information you are looking for.

 

Fast Tracking Statutory Assessments

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry5836

 

Have a look in education resources , you will find lots of useful information. You could try contacting one of the SEN support services on the link I mentioned earlier on this topic.

 

Nellie xx

[bid]

Hi again,

 

My son's case was fast-tracked to Statutory Assessment.

 

Nellie's link describes what happened to us.

 

Bid

Edited June 21, 2005 by bid

[Kathryn]

Tracey,

 

I sympathise - we had months and months of very difficult mornings with my daughter and during the last year she was at school, she could not motivate herself to get up and ready on time - it took about half an hour to get her out of bed, then she would sit for half an hour staring at her clothes. We now realise she was extremely depressed and anxious during this time. Since last October she has been unable to go to school, and we are on the verge of getting a statement with the view to finding a specialist school for her.

 

We were "slow tracked" in spectacular fashion, i.e. we began the process in September when she was 15 and a half and it's still ongoing.. The LEA agreed to assess her a month before her 16th birthday.

 

So it can be done, as Bid has proved. If you believe an independent special school is the best place for your child - go for it.

 

K

[asereht]

Hi Tracey , my son ( 14)is exactly the same. I live in Ireland so he is on summer break now until sept ( they get 3 months off over here).

 

Things are ok now. Maybe they will be better next sept than they were last school year.

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone on this one.

 

The school have just recently recieved asd dx for my son also and after meeting with ed psych I too think school will do all they can. If I can get him there.

 

 

Theresa

Edited June 22, 2005 by asereht

[tracey]

Thanks for all your replies

Went into school today spoke to senco she is willing to everything poss

to help Autism outreach, speak to teachers to take pressure off,

speak with Ed Psyc to see about starting assesment and statementing.

My daughter is still refusing to go to school

am still thinking about special school as its what she wants but Im not sure

T

[bid]

Hi again

 

If your daughter is going to stay out of school, you must get a letter from her GP and/or her consultant clearly stating that she is currently unfit for school on mental health grounds/depression.

 

This is vital otherwise the LEA can say that you have taken her out of school yourselves, and that therefore they are no longer responsible for her education.

 

Good luck!

 

Bid

[hev]

yes make sure you get a letter from gp as i didnt,i just took steve out of school as he couldnt cope any more,the LEA were very slow in my case,keep fighting,you will get there in the end,take care love hev

[Faz]

Chris tried to refuse to go to school for ages, he would scream at me, but I thought he was just doing the same as his cousins who are always trying to get out of going to school. So I used to make him go

 

I was so wrong - he was in an asd unit (he's been statemented since he was 4) and they couldn't cope with his violent outbursts, so they used to hold him down until he was exhausted then put him in the 'quiet room'- they had been doing it for years without my knowledge and he wasn't able to tell me. Things escalated and got completely out of control, we decided not to make him go through any more distress and kept him away. Then they excluded him

 

He started to wet the bed again and has developed several anxiety based behavioural patterns, he has become violent towards me again.

 

On a better note, we have found a school that is brilliant, it takes about an hour for him to get there but it's well worth the trip. His behaviour has turned a corner at school and he's much happier.

 

I found the new school by looking in the yellow pages and visiting every school that I felt might have the slightest chance of helping him. The school we found is independent and we had to really fight to get him in. I found out how much the LEA pay for his school fees each year - gulp!!

 

I still feel like the worst mum and the most stupid woman in the world - how could I have missed that my son was so miserable for so long??

 

You will need to be strong, fight hard and be as stubborn as a mule............................oh yes and smile sweetly through gritted teeth

 

 

Faz

[tracey]

Thanks for your thoughtful replies

we've had a week off school

but shes promised to go back monday and give it a go, as theres going to

be no pressure and hopefully no stress, having said that I have started the ball

rolling with senco for assesment to be done incase we go down the road of special schooling.

Didnt realise the LEA would think if she didnt attend school they would be no longer responsible for her education I actually thought it would prove how difficult

things were for her, as for GP's note ours is not very understanding to say the least.

Hopefully monday morning will be better with my daughter giving school a go and not been so worried about everything.

Senco also suggested doing part time in school but my daughter did not like that idea as it would make her stand out (which she doesnt want)

Am going to look at another state special school soon and maybe take my daughter with me to see what she thinks.

Its funny you think its a clean cut dicision mainstream or special until you have a child that is somewhere in the middle then you realise its not that simple.

T

[Mother in Need]

I've had great difficulties getting my AS son to school also. School was not helpful at all, and plainly would not believe me till I showed them video clips of my son's extreme behaviour in the mornings. Once at school he was alright, but it was/is indeed the matter of getting him there in the first place.

It is a lot better now though! School is now listening and really helping. They have taken away some of the pressures and that has made a huge difference! Like no homework!!!!! (oh, was he stressed about that one, he had problems remembering what he had to do in the first place, then problems with actually doing it until I broke it all down into teensy little steps for him (which I could only do once I had managed to suss out what it was he was supposed to do though), and then the stress of realising at 10 pm the night before, or first thing in the morning, that he had forgotten something). They have also taken him out of foreign languages which was a huge stress factor too (he is also dyslexic). There are still times he finds it difficult to go, and there is always some underlying stress related factor to that, like a change of some kind. Monday monings are still the worst as it is the change from weekend routine to school routine and he doesn't like change at all.

The psychologist today said that it is important to identify all these stress points so they can be worked on.

I personally feel that my son is better off in mainstream school AS LONG AS HE GETS THE HELP THAT HE NEEDS but then, he is extremely bright as well and his intellectual capacity is less likely to be stimulated in a special needs school. I think that the question of special v mainstream depends VERY much on the individual child and the help that they are receiving. And to be honest, some of the stories that I have read re special needs schools haven't particularly impressed me.

[bid]

There are some excellent independent special schools for AS that cater for very bright children!

 

My son's special school not only changed his life, it quite probably saved his life...and I'm not being melodramatic

 

LEAs are very good at letting parents think that the only special schools available are MLD or SLD...

 

Bid

Edited July 12, 2005 by bid

[fairway]

Hi

 

after a very successfull time at special primary school, my son went to mainstream secondary, this failed as Chris became anxious and distressed, he started to be difficult on a morning,being 'ill' all the time, "Im poorly" etc, but when he started crying eventually I took him out of the school, and he's back at his old primary temporarily. He's much better and less stressed now he's out of the mainstream school.

 

Im now fighting to get him into our chosen ASD secondary age school which is 15 miles away, but its going to be a battle and a half. "we have no places blah, blah"