darkshine Report post Posted May 20, 2011 Hello, I am pretty new to a lot of this... well I'm new to forums and new to aspergers (in a personal way). It's difficult to know what to say, I guess I want someone to say hello to me or something... Here's a little about me: I'm 30 and I only got diagnosed early this year, I joined this forum just afterwards, so its taken me a while to introduce myself (this is because I was busy being angry and confused). I guess I don't know what else to say because I have so much to say and I don't have a clue where to start, so I'll repeat my 'hello' and leave it there for now Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 20, 2011 hello and welcome. i am charlotte i am 31 and was diagnosed 6 years ago i come from east sussex but am living in essex at present where i am at uni. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RainbowsButterflies Report post Posted May 20, 2011 Hi and welcome I was also diagnosed at 30 earlier this year... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 20, 2011 (edited) Hello to both of you and thank you for your replies I just read my post again and in the attempt to not ramble on and on I realised I've actually said nothing at all! I come from the Midlands, but moved away about 13 years ago, one day just packed up and left home cuz I couldn't cope there. I've struggled with 'mental health' problems since I was about 14. I first had contact with mental health services about 6 months after moving here and have been passed from person to person within the service for all that time (12 years).Since the diagnosis my whole life feels different now because there's suddenly an explanation for all the things that didn't add up in my life, which in some ways is comforting and in others makes me feel like my life has been a lie, it also makes me angry for having no help through all the bad times. At this time I don't really go out, don't really see many people, and haven't told many people about what has happened. Extras - I am studying psychology with the open university - current module is social psychology. I like music - a lot - apart from jazz (sorry jazz lovers), I have pets (quite a few) and my interests in other things vary constantly but generally I like making things, fixing things and stuff like that. Sorry if I've gone the other way and said too much I guess I'm not sure and shy/nervous and stuff Edited April 25, 2012 by Tally Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chris P Report post Posted May 20, 2011 Hi Darkshine, Welcome! I'm Chris, 56, living in Cornwall until I get pensioned off shortly to live in France (where my house has a cider orchard in the back garden!). I was diagnosed two years ago, my wife shortly after. We know what you mean about the diagnosis explaining all sorts of things one used to take for granted: it has been very helpful to us to understand these things, although it was a bit of a learning curve at the start. This is a nice forum, from which I have learned a great deal: I hope you have fun here! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted May 20, 2011 Hi Darkshine, I was diagnosed at 41, 4 years ago. I have an adult son with AS. Welcome to the forum Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 20, 2011 Thank you very much for your welcome messages, I think I am definitely on 'a learning curve' as Chris put it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 21, 2011 you are far from alone in having a childhood seeing multiple mental health service people i have been there to from about the age of nine. i can understand how you are feeling to a degree since your diagnosis and very similar. i recognised i likely had aspergers and requested the assessment and knew following a pre assessment before full diagnosis. the thing i have found most helpful is getting aspergers united free form the national autistic society and attending autscape each year, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) thank you charlotte, I will look into those things and see what I think Throughout my childhood I wasn't in contact with any health professionals and I didn't see anyone about help until I was 18/19. I had loads of problems through childhood (a lot described on this forum) I was just one of the unlucky ones whose family either just didn't notice or refused to see what was right in front of them. They didn't even notice when I was suicidal and self-harming in my teens. I think that's where my anger comes from, although I have very little resentment towards my family any more, I am still angry that I could have got help sooner - its just this part of my mind that goes "what if?", obviously I'll never know if it would have made any difference, but I can't wondering... (In fairness I am very good at concealing my emotions from people - they look at me and think I'm fine so that wouldn't help) I don't get much help with the services now either, they just ask me what I want them to do, and I haven't got a clue, I just want to shout "make it better" and "shouldn't you know?!?", they tell me there is not much available for me and it feels like they are trying to palm me off now, like hey, you have asperger's and we don't deal with that, so I feel very lost, alone and confused... If anyone has any advice about this I would love to hear opinions Edited May 21, 2011 by darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted May 21, 2011 i can personally relate and connect to you and your MH situation as in my teens i was suicidal self harming i was angry bitter confused lost all rolled into one like mess wreck everywhere lashing out as i was trying run from myself as HATED myself my LIFE everything! i didn't want go on didn't see the point felt failure useless pathetic etc felt like letting my family down like burden with nothing to give to anyone! just feel like make everyone upset or angry all time which i did! i felt so trapped overwhelmed suffocated by it all boiled over spilled over .... so what trying to say and explain is i get you and what trying to express really! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 22, 2011 Hello again smiley everything you wrote here is exactly how I felt and sometimes still feel, I think I suffer from a major inferiority complex Is it sad to pray for help or sad to constantly need it? (just a general out in to the world type question as something inside me says the answer is no... I just don't believe it) I like that people here seem to understand though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 22, 2011 i have had the whole what if thought many a time, this has faded with time and my acceptance of my aspergers. as for help and support from professionals the best i have found is through friends. professionals seem few and far between some of my friends are great and in relevant fields. martial arts, and autscape have been the best things for me. booking is open now for this years autscape and am just hoping i get to go Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 23, 2011 Charlotte, I understand what you are saying and in an ideal world I wouldn't want to rely on 'professionals' at all, its just that the only friends I have live miles and miles away and are only contactable by email and to be perfectly honest they aren't great in terms of support, I understand why, they don't want to hear about my endless depression and problems, over the years I have tested this and as soon as I have an issue they all disappear, if I lie and appear 'normal' they all stick around. They are all fine talking about money issues, or arguments for example, just not mental health... This is why I don't know what to do and the only advice I have so far is my own - and this isn't the most trustworthy of sources as I don't always see things clearly. Does Autscape have one location or many? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlotte Report post Posted May 24, 2011 in has one but this can vary from year to year. there is also a form to find and out more and where people just generally chat. if you can find a professional who is go and you can see for a while on nhs or pay for then great. i know the national autistic society have a befriending service. forums can also be good for talking about that kind of stuff especially this type of one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aeolienne Report post Posted April 6, 2012 I know the National Autistic Society have a befriending service. I used that service before it fell victim to the cuts - I was assigned a befriender in Australia. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted April 7, 2012 Hello, I am pretty new to a lot of this... well I'm new to forums and new to aspergers (in a personal way). It's difficult to know what to say, I guess I want someone to say hello to me or something... Here's a little about me: I'm 30 and I only got diagnosed early this year, I joined this forum just afterwards, so its taken me a while to introduce myself (this is because I was busy being angry and confused). I guess I don't know what else to say because I have so much to say and I don't have a clue where to start, so I'll repeat my 'hello' and leave it there for now lol you,ve come along way champ. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted April 7, 2012 Maybe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted April 14, 2012 Hi Charlotte a very big welcome to this forum, looking forward to hearing more from you. I have sent you a private message. Like you I am from Essex :-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sidewinder040 Report post Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) Hi Darkshine, I agree with A-S Warior, you have come a long way since I last visited this forum. What you have to remember is that on this forum you don't have to be apologetic for being 'you'. Although we all have varying 'differences', the people on this forum also have a lot in common. I am pleased you are coming to terms with your diagnosis and I suppose that like a lot people who have been diagnosed, you are looking back over you life and it is beginning to make sense of all the past difficulties. For me personally, a lot of the strangeness in me is a consequence of the ways of coping I have learnt in order to get by day to day in my interactions with other people. I need a lot of alone time away from the world where i can live in an asperger-friendly way, following interests and time in reflective thinking. Try not to get frustrated - when dealing with other Neurotypicals, older aspies [hope this term doesn't offend] use their intellect (or concious mind maybe rather than instinct) and past experience to know how to react. If you're calm you are more capable of knowing how to 'do the right thing' - it is thought the concious mind can only cope with 7 ±2 things at a time, so it is all too easy to get overloaded and go into a melt-down or get withdrawn [in my case]. I am 47 by the way, married with teen-aged children, but haven't any friends as I don't have time or energy for them. I know I should make more effort but... I need to summon up enough courage to see my GP about getting a diagnosis. My workmates are used to me and know my 'funny' ways, but other people are aways giving me strange looks or side-ways glances when I don't know what i have done wrong or what they expect from me. Some books on Aspergers and body language might be beneficial to you. Sidewinder. Edited April 18, 2012 by Sidewinder040 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted April 23, 2012 Hi Sidewinder - only just found this reply weird... thanks for what you have said - I don't feel much different than when I joined in some ways but in others I do... So where you been hiding then? I remember you but haven't seen you around much! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
