Diagnosed yesterday- is it normal to feel like this?

[atlantis]

Yesterday I was diagnosed with Asperger's. Even though I'd known for a long time it was a possibilty, I'm in a state of complete shock. I've spent the time since either in a daze or crying. It's wierd- I don't even know why I'm upset. Is this a normal reaction? Am I making a fuss over nothing??

 

My family keep telling me it's all ok and it's no big deal, but I can't tell whether they're telling the truth or are just down-playing it to make me feel better. If it's the latter, it's really frustrating because it's just making me feel worse about being upset about it.

 

It's so strange- it's like everything has changed and yet everything is still exactly the same.

 

I'm now really conscious of my behaviours the Dr. pointed out to me following the diagnosis- strange because I'd never even noticed them before. It means I just want to lock myself in my room because I feel like I must be totally out of control in front of other people if I'm doing these things I don't even notice (like being completely distracted by hand gestures and starring at them intently).

 

Sorry about the essay...

 

Has anybody else had this experience? Was diagnosis a positive thing for you?

 

thanks

 

_atLantis_

[ScienceGeek]

When I was first diagnosed I had a mixture of feelings, relief, but then there was a period of depression even though I knew it was coming. Exhaustion from years of trying to fit in and wondering why I was failing despite all the effort. It was the only thing that I could think about for about a year or so afterwards, but like my other diagnoses I soon got back on track with things and came up with more helpful coping strategies to deal with life in general.

[charlotte]

yes even though i wondered about it before. it takes time to get used to.

 

where are you from, i was diagnosed age 25

[darkshine]

I had a very similar experience to the one you describe and I shut myself away for 3 months because of the shock, upset, and the things you mention (that you do things you didn't know you were doing). I go out a little now and I'm not sitting in my room all the time anymore (I sit in another room instead and try and move about a bit). I am 30 and was diagnosed in Feb this year.

 

I'm not sure about positive experiences, but if you use this diagnosis to understand yourself maybe you can achieve what you want in life because of that understanding - which would then make it positive...

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[blue71]

i was diagnosed last Friday and i am feeling like you are x im also very concious of my behaviours, is that an expected reaction ? i feel very depressed too and am having a lot of suicidal thoughts x no support whatsoever from family, ( brother and nephew don't believe i have aspergers ) and sister in law doesn't think i need any help. self harming has begun again x

[darkshine]

i was diagnosed last Friday and i am feeling like you are x im also very concious of my behaviours, is that an expected reaction ? i feel very depressed too and am having a lot of suicidal thoughts x no support whatsoever from family, ( brother and nephew don't believe i have aspergers ) and sister in law doesn't think i need any help. self harming has begun again x

I have people who don't believe too - it is very confusing and hurtful - but it might be cuz they don't want there to be anything "wrong" with you, like a denial sort of thing.

 

Self harming won't help you in the long run - I used to do this and understand a little - and I also wanted to start again several times after dx - but it really really won't help. They say on here you should contact someone about it - but I think you should just stop - if you have started now it suggests you stopped before so you can stop again - because it isn't dealing with the real problem - there are other ways of finding your way

 

best

darkshine

[Tally]

Like you, I had believed for a long time that I had Asperger's before I got my diagnosis.

 

I thought that I would just feel relieved to have it official. And I did feel relieved, but I also felt a bit upset too. The report highlighted issues that I wasn't aware of, and it upset me to realise these things, especially how vulnerable I was.

 

I did get beyond this though, and my diagnosis has been a very positive thing for me overall. It has enabled me to forgive myself for my difficulties, which in the past I felt had only resulted because I wasn't working hard enough to be normal. It has also highlighted areas that I can improve on and given me a starting point to progress in my life. I hope that when I go to university next year the diagnosis will mean I can obtain the additional support I need - I previously believed university was an impossibility.

 

Your family may be in denial, they may be unaware of the extent of your difficulties, they may be trying to raise your spirits. You are not wrong to feel the way you do, and they are not wrong to feel the way they do. Perhaps if you know what you want from them at the moment, you could tell them. They may assume you feel the same way as them unless you tell them.

[Adam Mars]

 

Self harming won't help you in the long run - I used to do this and understand a little - and I also wanted to start again several times after dx - but it really really won't help. They say on here you should contact someone about it - but I think you should just stop

 

 

I agree...sort of. I had the same feelings, and the same way of 'coping' with them, and I just stopped. But that's me. Not everyone can just stop, and I wouldn't discourage anyone from seeking help.

[atlantis]

Yeh I think the fear of people not believing me is one of my biggest issues at the moment. The trouble is that I've done such a good job of hiding the difficulties I face!

 

I think my family are in denial. They can't accept that there's anything wrong with me. It hurts because that means they must just be thinking that I'm vying for attention, which is just the complete opposite of my nature.

 

And they don't understand that I have difficulties at all, they seem to think I'm making it all up.

 

I have no idea where to go from here, how I can even start to make a change. Every time I bring it up in conversation it just makes things worse. It makes them uncomfortable and they leave.

 

Thanks for your responses, it feels better knowing that I'm not getting upset over something trivial

 

_atLantis_

[darkshine]

My family situation is similar so for the time being I am not talking about it any more with them (unless they bring it up first) I think the reason for me doing this is that I want to understand it all better myself first - and then I'll try again later - like in several months or something.

 

I think your feelings are fine, you've just been told something that has changed things (sort of) and it will take time to adjust - which way you go is up to you

 

best

 

darkshine

[AdamJ]

My initial reaction was upset and denial. I didn't want to believe that many of my past disappointments and bad experiences might have had clinical reasons behind them because this would give me less hope for future happiness. I overcame those feelings and now that I know more about AS, and more about myself, I think the dx has helped me in several ways. My job role has been modified to match my strengths better, and I don't feel so compelled to 'act normal' around family and friends, which has relieved me of some stress.

 

There will be an understandable desire to want to talk about your dx with your family but this won't be very productive if they have doubts about your dx. It might be useful if they could meet the professional who diagnosed you - that might help them to understand and accept your difficulties. Also, if you're good at hiding your symptoms, they might benefit from reading a book like 'Pretending to be Normal' to illustrate that, just because many high functioning people can disguise their condition very effectively, doesn't mean they don't have problems.

[charlotte]

the things that helped me most at this time and still do were meeting and keeping in contact with others with AS, largely through autscape and the magazine aspergers united but also forums like this.