School problems- bullying and teachers

[julie.bug]

My 11 y.o. aspie is having problems at school. We have only been at this school for 2 years as we immigrated back to Scotland from the US to help with my husband's elderly parents. The first year was fairly good; the teacher was helpful and encouraged him. At the end of May last year, my son came home from the bus with a red face, crying and had bruises on his chest. My aspie normally reads books or plays with his pokemon cards at the bus and does not socialise a great deal with others and rarely speaks unless spoken to. A group of kids who are known bullies (and who caused previous disruptions) had him in a choke hold so he bit him. Then he was pulled off his seat and punched in the chest and the stomach. Another child was calling him "gay" and trying to grab his privates. We complained to the school and filed a police report. The bus driver backed up my child's story. The next school day the depute hm had my son confront the four boys in front of a classroom and recount the story. I find this humiliating and as I am not familiar with privacy laws do not know if my child's privacy rights were broken. Later in the day, according to my child, the depute told him he was causing problems in the school and that he was a "liar."

 

Being new to the area I did not know that this school had a problem with this sort of thing happening but after having talked to some parents, I am finding it shocking that it is common for the victims of bullies to be told that they are causing problems and forced to rescind their original comments.

 

I sent my son back to this school this year, hoping this was a one-off occurence and just assuming it was poor judgement in actions on the part of the deputy. Verbal assults and taunting continued on the bus, but my husband and I continued to try to help our child cope with verbal bullying. Meanwhile at an IEP meeting the h.m. commented that my son exaggerates (yes, all children exaggerate and my son does have a high IQ and can be quite imaginative-- this will be relevant later). Meanwhile, my son comes home and tells me some not so nice comments to him from the teachers. One teacher tells him he's lazy on a frequent basis. On another occasion, the 6 year classes were having a consolidated project in which they had to pick out a country to write their report. Of course, my son chose the United States. The other teacher (not his mainstream teacher) commented to my child, "I hope you don't find anything good about the US because all Americans are wasteful, rude and don't care about the rest of the world, etc. " He continued this rant saying that he (the teacher) knows all this because he "goes to Florida every other year for the last 30 years" so on and so forth. This was amoungst other rude and unsavoury remarks. My son is dual national- British and American but he really feels more American at this point because he lived there for 9 years so he truly felt hurt by the comments. On another occassion this same teacher, who likes to sing and tends to sing during class and other inappropriate times, was singing and asked my son if he liked his singing my son said "ok" and muttered "no." The teacher heard this and made him stay in from break for 5 minutes with his head on a table. Afterward the teacher said, "Get out of my country, you little American _____________"

 

I should have raised my concerns earlier in the year. This occured near christmas time and I let a lot of it slide. There have not been many more incidences besides general bullying on the bus. Two weeks ago, however, the bullying became very vulgar and intolerable so I called the school. There was a meeting set up to talk about this and some of the other things and the HM decided to comb through his IEP trying to chock all this up to his short-commings as an aspie. The only topics I expressed concerns for were the tones inferred by my son that he was lazy and not doing his best, secondly the bullying, and thirdly the anti-American comments. I prefaced all this by saying I understand how my son is sensitive and my desired outcome would be that his teachers would use their words more carefully as not to upset him. At this point my son vomits at school, has nightmares, is inflicting self injury, has meltdowns every day and avoids school and school work all together. He has never had a problem with school before and even the prior year had no problems. He has never been in trouble in school, unless you count getting in trouble for muttering that he didn't like the teacher's singing. He has sensory issues so no wonder!

 

So after clearing the air with the h.m., just letting her know the problems the bullying got worse on the bus and one day at the lunchroom. It is on his IEP that he is to have a lunchroom buddy as my son is slow at doing tasks will hold out until the end so he doesn't have to be in a queue and then time is up by the time he gets his tray. Anyway, he was made to sit by the one of the children who bullied him on the bus as there were no other places in the lunchroom. This was making fun of the way my son speaks and made a crude remark about my son being Native American (He's only 1/8 but his grandmother is 1/2. This is a result of a project in which they had to write a report and read it to the class regarding their geneology. I guess that is supposed to promote tolerence but that fell flat!) I called the school not because I was upset at the comment. I mean, really, who cares? I called the school because I asked my son who his lunchroom buddy was this week and he said. Oh, she left school after Christmas. So my child has not had a provision placed on his IEP fulfilled for the past 5 months. I simply told the headmaster, to please let him have a lunch buddy so he would have a buffer between him and the ones causing problems and also so he can finish his lunch. Without his buddy and the head start that he was given before, he often is forced to throw away his lunch and go hungry for the rest of the day because they will not permit him to finish!

 

The next day I come to pick my son up at school (no more bus for us) and he comes out sobbing, unable to catch his breath. He told me that the headmaster came to get him right after the school bell and talked with him for what I estimate to be an hour and 15 min to an hour and a half about the "lunchroom" incident. I told the hm it was no big deal-I just wanted him to have a lunch buddy as per his IE flippin' P! They had 2 teachers, 4 kids and the head and the deputy all this meeting (An 8:1 ratio!) My son felt very intimidated, especially being asperger's and hating attention. They asked him where he was sitting; grilled him over minute details. Of course the other four boys were saying opposite. Back and fourth for over an hour till they reduced him to tears. He also claims that the h.m. shouted at him and said he was lying and said get out of here until you can tell the truth. My son has maintained he was telling the truth on all occasions. After a year since it first started happening he has not changed a single detail in any of the things he has told me. I have sat him down and told him how serious this all is and he knows lying is wrong. I feel very inclined to believe my son at this point; especially after having talked to other parents at the school.

 

I have asked these parents why they don't complain and they tell me they are afraid they will make their children's life a misery and that because it is a church school they're afraid it will carry over to church. Luckly, I am of a different faith, so I don't have to see these people at church but I do feel for the rest of the families that have been affected.

 

Anyway new school tomorrow! I will be taking this further and have had a rough idea of what steps I need to take to make a formal complaint. Any suggestions? Are these teachers not accountable for anything they say to a child without witnesses. How can they call my son and others "liars" and cover up their tracks by saying it didn't happen. They told me the initial bus incident was a lie! My son came home with bruises on his chest and the bus driver backed up my son's story and they still want to call him a liar???? What do I do? I know another mother coming against obstacles trying to confront these same issues with the education board. I hope that hopefully another complaint will open their eyes! I have some other rants about this school but it so atrocious it seems unbelievable.

[Special_talent123]

first of all the bullies are ones who sxually assulted your son. not easy for me to type this. this is wrong and u did right to inform the police.second of all it sounds like the school is

 

discriminating your son. i would make a complaint to the goverment- cant u get MP involved?

Edited May 21, 2012 by Special_talent123

[A-S warrior]

Another child was calling him "gay" and trying to grab his privates.

 

 

kind of contradicted himself, kids are so thick lol.

 

btw if that happend outside of school those kids would get 3 years a piece.

[bed32]

It all sounds shocking - but I am afraid not surprising. You need to be keeping a detailed record of everything that happens, with as much supporting evidence as possible (e.g. photos)

 

To be honest the best thing for you to do is get your son out of there - no amount of complaining is going to make it a better school. it is not clear from your post whether you have actually found another school - if not then I would start looking now!

 

In general I think you will find complaining a very frustrating process and it won't necessarily improve anything - better just to get out and concentrate on doing what is best for your son than waste a lot of energy fighting a battle when winning won't really do you any good.

 

If the school is a church school as you suggest then you will probably want to right initially to the governors and then appehal somehow through the church hierarchy.

 

Alternatively you could go to a solicitor and get them to take action - there are potential remedies under the disability discrimination act, and the protection from harassment act

 

 

In England the AS diagnosis would help a lot - but not sure how things work in Scotland

[Sally44]

All schools should have a bullying and complaints procedure. Ask for a copy of it. Then write a complaint to the governors and ask them to investigate.

 

I think both you and your husband need to have a meeting with the school SENCO [if Scotland has them?] and maybe the deputy head or class teacher. You need to go over exactly who said what to get their side of what happened. You need this all out in the open.

 

I'm not sure how you would proceed with the racist comments of the teachers [as it is racism when a person is singled out and bullied for their nationality]. I think it needs to be bought up at the meeting and you need to keep a record of who says what and when.

 

I am not sure what the policy is when on public school transport. Is this a bus commissioned by the LA to transport only school children? If it is you need to submit a complaint to them about what happened on the bus and ask them to speak with the driver who confirmed what your son had told them.

 

Regarding his diagnosis and support in school you need to contact the National Autistic Society for Scotland to see how his needs should be met in school.

 

Have you moved him to a new school?

[SidiousUK]

Wow.

All I can say is assult and racism.

Mention these to the school and I bet they will soon buckup their ideas.

 

My daughter was being bullied once by older/bigger kids. I by passed the usual protocol and went up the school and waited for them to come out and then started pushing them around and making fun of them. It was not so funny when someone bigger than them was in control. Surprisingly the bullying stopped.

 

Gone are the days when you could clip a kid around the ear.

[chris54]

Assault is a criminal act no mater where it happens. But it is unusual for the polices to take any action when it happens at school unless there is serious injury, leaving it for the school to sort out.

 

From the opening post this sound like a poor school, with very poor staff. I would also make a complaint to whoever it is in Scotland that inspects school. As it is a church school (Not knowing what faith,) I would also make a complaint to someone high up in the church hierarchy, not just local as they may be to close to what is going on to take action. And dont forget to complane to the LA.

[LancsLad]

I know I am going to have to be carefull in what i say here, and have tried to avoid passing comment so far but the origonal post has got me riled up.

 

I am an aetheist but respect other peoples views. I came to this position early in life much of it based on spending time in Northern ireland at the height of the troubles an witnessing the levels of hypocrasy which abounded throughout a sectarian culture.

 

My first teaching job was in a church school where I was repalced after two terms in favour of someone who was not even qualifed in my subject area, down to the fact he was a practising catholic much to the disgust of the majority of the staff and a lot of the pupils who organised protests aginst the head teacher and governors who were all priests, a very humbling experience for myself.

 

In my time as an examiner and moderator I have also been in a lot of church schools, some of them have been very good, but I have to in my experience in all honesty say the majority of them are somewhere behind the pace in respect to many of their practices, the worst being in the dark ages, and it beats me how they manage to convince parents that they are a better alternative to non dominational state schools. In my opinion it is somewhat of an oxymoron of a scenario. The parents of able children falsly believe the school is better than it really is and in sending their kids there they raise the profile of the academic cohort and so the myth is perpetuated and strengthens. The level of complacency and arrogance this generates is enormous.

 

This story simply smacks of levels of arrogance and complaceny which are to be truthful are shocking.Does it surprise me the answer is sadly no. Personally julie.bug I would want to have a face to face meeting with the Director for Education in the authority and put my concerns on the table. Having spent some time recently at university with mature American students and talking a lot about various aspects of our education systems I am pretty convinced that this sort of behaviour would not be tollerated for one second in the States and people would be facing a suspension at the very least. Unfortunatly you are realising the hard way that there are many aspects to our own education system which are not progressive and which quite frankly as a British citizen and retired teacher I feel quite ashamed about when I read your post.

 

As someone who was part of that system once you have my sincere appologies.

[Sally44]

In situations like this it is always one person's voice against another. And if this is institutional bullying and racism, they are going to back each other up.

 

But you also need to carefully think IF it is possible that your son misunderstood something? But from his very precise quotes [and I know my own son can repeat what he has heard verbatim], I tend to go along with your son.

 

You also have the bruises etc.

 

I myself did have an incident relating to my son in his taxi to/from school. The taxi driver spoke to me about it, and it was another parent of a child that also travelled in the same taxi that first made me aware of the sitution. So I spoke to the taxi driver and he confirmed it. When I lodged a formal complaint the taxi driver denied having said anything to myself or the other parent - obviously to save his own job. But that is what you are up against alot of the time.

 

So I would consider moving him [if you haven't already], and lodge a complaint as high up the ladder as you can and report them to as many organisations as you can [eg. OFSTED], and see if they manage to turn anything up.

 

Sometimes you just have to cut your losses.

 

Regarding your son's anxiety, I would ask your GP for a referal to Clinical Psychology that has experience of working with children with an ASD. He is very obviously showing symptoms of stress eg. vomitting etc.