Does your child/young person giggle at at someone who's crying?

[JeanneA]

Going on from what I said on my 'thunder & lightening' thread; just curious, to know if other parents experience the same as me with their child; 'every time Glen used to hear a baby cry he would giggle i always seemed to amuse him, then again as he is unsure of emotions, he would often giggle when anyone cried, but looked serious when people were laughing/happy etc.', typical autistic perhaps??

[A-S warrior]

i laughed at my nans funeral, i wanted a contrary emotion because like glen my emotions are expressed differently, (not confused) just different.

[JeanneA]

thanks for your comments AS like you rightly say your emotions are expressed differently as are Glen's there's nothing wrong with that.

[Mannify]

I breastfed Ehs until he was 18 months, when he started biting me. I had no idea about his autism at that point and everyone kept saying that if I withdraw the breast, he would soon make the connection and stop biting me. That didn't happen; instead he bit me more and more until I cried in pain, and then he would laugh hysterically. It was very confusing at the time that he was responding with such mirth to my anguish. I now realise that it wasn't my anguish that was so delightful, but the glorious predictability of a reaction .

[A-S warrior]

thank the lord i was bottle fed, thankfully the first breasts i................. i,ll stop there.

 

i just dont think i could live with the thought of being breast fed, i know its natural but still, thats my mumma man!

[Mannify]

Ha, well I've news for you, AS - my first son breastfed until he was 3

[darkshine]

I used to laugh at people hurting themselves too... or when I got in trouble sometimes...

[Mike_GX101]

Darkshine: I experienced this too when I was a kid.

 

I don't understand it really because I wasn't mean or anything. It just kind of happened...and I'd be like trying to hide my reaction in...shame maybe?...Awkwardness?...I don't know.

 

Who says how we react to things reflects how we truly feel about them deeper down though? The other side of the argument are these people who try to cry to fit a situation - it doesn't do anyone any favours. In my view it's better to react naturally than to try to feign a reaction and ending up being guilty of deception which may not go down well at all particularly if they're a good friend (or were!!)!

 

Ultimately if you laugh at an awkward moment it's no big deal...there are lots of reasons you may be tickled besides their troubled plight - there's always time to patch things up later and who knows, they may even see the funny side of it later too!

[Isobel]

I'm not sure what to do or say when people cry sometimes. I had the fit of the giggles at my mum's wedding. I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral, partly because her death wasn't much of a shock anyway - she was on her way out so to speak over the past month or so.

[darkshine]

Darkshine: I experienced this too when I was a kid.

 

I don't understand it really because I wasn't mean or anything. It just kind of happened...and I'd be like trying to hide my reaction in...shame maybe?...Awkwardness?...I don't know.

 

Who says how we react to things reflects how we truly feel about them deeper down though? The other side of the argument are these people who try to cry to fit a situation - it doesn't do anyone any favours. In my view it's better to react naturally than to try to feign a reaction and ending up being guilty of deception which may not go down well at all particularly if they're a good friend (or were!!)!

 

Ultimately if you laugh at an awkward moment it's no big deal...there are lots of reasons you may be tickled besides their troubled plight - there's always time to patch things up later and who knows, they may even see the funny side of it later too!

 

 

Awkwardness was part of it when I was being told off, it usually landed me in more trouble though.

 

As for people crying or injuring themselves, I'm not sure, I never meant anything malicious but people often used to think I was being mean when I wasn't - I think sometimes it was just a nervous reaction because I didn't know what else to do.

 

You are right of course, it's better to have honest reactions than some people who do things to get their way or to manipulate situations

[Mike_GX101]

I'm not sure what to do or say when people cry sometimes. I had the fit of the giggles at my mum's wedding. I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral, partly because her death wasn't much of a shock anyway - she was on her way out so to speak over the past month or so.

People have a world of emotions when things like that happen (whether they can make sense of them consciously or not) and sadness is only one of them. You might find a piece of bad news to be hysterically unfair or "just typical!" and so make you laugh or make you mad.

 

When I was little I remember sitting in a funeral and very few people were actually weeping as you'd expect. I actually felt no emotion/sadness at the time but deep down I felt the loss. But often emotion is a personal thing, almost like a fingerprint I guess - we all have our own web of emotional response that manifests itself in a whole set of ways over a period of time (which again will be unique to each person).

[Sally44]

I think that understanding your own emotions and the emotions of others is very difficult for some on the spectrum. The ability to do this probably varies, as do all the symptoms, person to person.

 

My son used to do that. We had lots of talks about 'how do you think the other person feels about xxxxxx' and 'how do you think they feel if they are sad/hurt and you laugh at them?'. And of course, he is at an ASD specific school so other kids do laugh at him when he is upset, and he doesn't like that!

 

I also filmed him, as part of our SEND Appeal, and I have a clip of him when he was very very angry [infact I thought he was going to hit me], and he started to feel his face with his hands [rather like a blind person would], and when I asked him what he was doing he said "i'm checking to make sure I have an angry face, because I am very very angry." Now that was illuminating. Because he often does not show emotion on his face, or sometimes shows the wrong emotion on his face. But I think that is because he cannot 'monitor' his expressions or gestures. For us it is automatic. But for him he has to make a conscious effort to show the right words, voice tone, facial expression etc. And it is very tiring to have to be concentrating so much all the time, all the day long.

[JeanneA]

Hi Sally I really wished Glen could have told me over the years how he was feeling, whiy he laughted at others who were sad, but due to his limited understanding it just was never possible for him to express what he was feeling.

[Sa Skimrande]

I as a child used to find it funny when someone was getting chastised, as they cried, I laughed, also misfortune and I still do this, someone hurts themselves I laugh. Now others have remarked I am sick or something to find humour in other's misfortune and I reply to say it is called battlefield humour, the type of humour that is displayed to alleviate shock, a humour that down plays the horror and replaces it with well a sick kind of humour that acts as to get things done not run away.

 

But it is interesting to read children with AS are doing what I used to get in trouble for doing, i.e. the apparent humour at others upset. Of course before I knew about AS, much of my peculiarities I just took to mean that I was some kind of sicko and so did my best to keep away from people no matter how much it hurt or if they insisted to warn people of me before they got too close.

[Mike_GX101]

That kind of thing even has a term Sa Skimrande:

Schadenfreude

[sesley]

my person giggles at someone in distress. it might seem in appropriate to the person crying,ususally a baby, but i think its because he does not understand emotion in others at times and feels some anxietys over what emotions he should display so i think he giggles because he does not know why he should be crying,when he does that when he has hurt himself ususally.Years ago he had a hospital stay and in the next bed a baby was in distress crying like they do and had the attention fo medical staff around it and my person aged 5 giggled because he could not understand the stress. and therefore did not understand on how he should do or not so he giggled.

[Lyndalou]

There are times when my children screw up their faces and I know they are on the verge of crying and I feel the urge to laugh and have to suppress it with the laugh stopping just below my breastbone, like when you try not to burp in company. It is a horrible feeling because I know I shouldn't react in that manner. I often have to turn away or cover my mouth with my hand so they and no-one else see my reaction. I can feel like the worst mother when this happens. I react the same way when they do something like fall backwards and even though I am lunging towards them to stop them hitting their heads or hurting themselves in another way, when I see the look of shock on their faces I often laugh out loud.

 

One of my most painful memories is when I burst into hysterical laughter when my mum announced to her friend in front of me that my old best friend had been put onto a life-support machine. Both of them looked at me horrified and my mum told me how dreadful I was being. Unfortunately, I was totally trapped on the other side of the washing machine my mum had out in the middle of the kitchen floor and I couldn't get out of the door immediately but my mum told me in no uncertain terms to get to my room so once I managed to stumble out the door I made my way to my room and sat there in numb silence. The girl died a day later and I believed my outburst 'proved' I had killed her with the level of the hate I held for her (she had turned all my classmates against me) and I believed everyone else knew it

[darkshine]

You aren't a bad mother, friend or person Lynda.

[Lyndalou]

I really appreciate you saying that Darkshine

[darkshine]

I meant it, I like you, I think you are clever, nice and have a fun sense of humour, and you've got through so much that you are obviously strong too - quite inspiring really - you give me hope for the next stage of my own life

[Jenny Taylor]

Omg, I'm like that!!!!! Funnily enough I haven't been diagnosed but my brother and son both have been diagnosed with aspergers.

I'm the sicko rolling on the floor laughing hysterically when someone starts choking or being sick. I laughed at my ex husbands,grandmothers funeral (went down well), and I say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times!!!

I don't want to go n get checked for aspergers as I dont want anyone to think I've jumped on the bandwagon.

My second oldest boy ( not AS) recently nearly fell over the handle bars on his bike onto his face. It did help when I burst out laughing...

[Sa Skimrande]

@Jenny Taylor,

 

There is aspie in everyone, everyone has a bit of the aspie hand grenade.

 

But laughter at other's misfortunes, I discovered from my time in the military was battle field humour, a stress reliever for when in times of extreme stress and war I saw. Of course the majority might think humour is inappropriate, but that is the point, the majority, but who says the majority are right, democracy although a fine ideal is not always the right way and I have seen what shock does when humour is disallowed.

 

But to be polite those that find mirth as a way to cope, to be polite one needs to know mirth in impolite in some company so it is a good skill to learn, when to laugh and when not to.

[Mannify]

Hi Jenny. I'm fairly sure I don't have ASD, but amongst the people who are important to me, ASD far outnumbers NT. So sometimes NT world just seems plain weird. It's kind of like a dual ethnicity, I think. One example is flapping; my son flaps his arms when he's excited and happy. It's not very responsible of me because I'm sure I should be providing a more typical model for him, but I do find myself flapping my arms sometimes when I'm really happy.

[Mike_GX101]

A friend of mine ran down a steep bank towards a canal when I was really young and ploughed through some long nettles. They were upset (as one would be from being stung so many times!) and the others were like all "oh my God, are you alright!" and yet I was standing there trying not to laugh - it was quite awkward and I feel shame to this day about my reaction!

Edited July 18, 2012 by Mike_GX101

[darkshine]

That reminds me of when my sister fell into a ditch of nettles and I was laughing so much I fell in a lake - our mum was not happy that day with one stung kid and another soaking wet one (yeah I deserved it - even though I laughed I didn't really think it was funny - it just looked funny - but I felt bad that she was hurt) and I think that might be part of it - when people do things that just seem funny - even when you care for them or don't want people to be hurt - some things can just look funny but it doesn't mean I don't care - it's like an automatic reaction and then I click into a more normal mode again once I smother the urge to laugh.

[Jenny Taylor]

Well I'm glad it's not just me then!! Sometimes when I laugh at inappropriate times I do feel a bit ashamed of myself afterwards but generally I don't because I can't help it,it just happens,like tripping up- you don't plan it do?

 

 

[darkshine]

That's true, I never plan it

[Mike_GX101]

Just for the record though; I'm not in any way condoning this kind of reaction - not unless you're an active participant on TV's Jackass where it's a part of the show!

Edited July 20, 2012 by Mike_GX101

[Mike_GX101]

What are people's strategies at quelling such tactless reactions? Someone once told me to imagine a very small person running a large vacuum cleaner over your forehead until all the memory has gone.

[darkshine]

I just internalise everything as much as possible

[Mike_GX101]

So like you're stood there amongst the mourning crowd with a blank face while internally you're swinging from the chandeliers wearing a big Joker's grin?!?

 

 

And then...6 hours later it hits you like a lead balloon and you feel dreadful...and six feet under!

Edited July 20, 2012 by Mike_GX101

[Jenny Taylor]

I have to bite the inside of my cheek really hard.

I once got a fit of the giggles in church when the person doing the sermon had a really bad stammer. I feel dreadful even now that it tickled me sooooo much and hopefully now I wouldn't laugh,but at the time it was awful.

My mother said I've always been like it,it just pops out the way I see or hear it. People used to tell me that you get more tactful as you get older but that's just not happend to me. :S

 

[darkshine]

So like you're stood there amongst the mourning crowd with a blank face while internally you're swinging from the chandeliers wearing a big Joker's grin?!?

 

 

And then...6 hours later it hits you like a lead balloon and you feel dreadful...and six feet under!

 

Sort of

 

I know I don't mean anything malicious so I kinda don't worry about it....

 

The worst thing is when my blank face approach fails and people think I a total douche - I usually just apologise and most people are ok about it

[Sa Skimrande]

The Irish have got it right, a death is an excuse to party as mourners what are they mourning for the dead, the dead don't care, they have passed on to whatever, but those that feel sad at funerals, what are they sad for, themselves ?

 

My granny when she croaked she left instruction, for she had organised and paid in advance, a blue grass jazz band playing joyous music, she defied anyone to mourn, but she was a nut too and the local hedge witch, she used to do tai chi barefoot in the morning dew outside her granny flat at sunrise. I say hedge witch as all the oldies in the area used her as a sort of doctor, she used to brew up herbs for them to heal. But odd she said she would come back after her death of body as a black cat and now where I live behind where she is buried there is a black cat that has a fondness for my flat, I won't turn it away when it wants in, because I remember my granny. The cat is sort of owned by another old lady, she said it just turned up one day and was friendly, so she took it in, but the cat has many owners from what I understand.

 

But cats, I love cats, cats can come here as often as they like, but a pity I had to re home the cat that lived here, because it was an ex feral cat that could not be trained and so, well my place is small and the cat made it it's own and it was a smelly cat. But my mum has it now, the cat has landed on it's feet, a large detached house in a rural area with a walled acre garden, all the cat's territory with plenty of wild life to annoy.

 

But death, I will not be sad about, we don't now what lies beyond, so those that pass on are the new explorers, but perhaps the reason they don't come back, is because we don't recognise youth, youth being full of child like innocence, adults seek adults not children and what they know

Edited July 20, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[Mannify]

Sounds like your granny was ace. I have my own funeral play- list, which I know sounds incredibly morbid at 35, but it's basically so that if anything should happen suddenly, there'll be something to play at my funeral and something to give to anyone who gives a hoot to remember me by. I email updates to my sister from time to time and she keeps them safe. There's some ponderous stuff in it, but mainly it's music that has given me pleasure in life.

[Sa Skimrande]

Sounds like your granny was ace. I have my own funeral play- list, which I know sounds incredibly morbid at 35, but it's basically so that if anything should happen suddenly, there'll be something to play at my funeral and something to give to anyone who gives a hoot to remember me by. I email updates to my sister from time to time and she keeps them safe. There's some ponderous stuff in it, but mainly it's music that has given me pleasure in life.

 

The funeral piece, I have chosen something very questioning from the Third Ear Band, hopefully that should get everyone thinking wtf ???

 

Which is basically what I feel with most things if the truth be known and I am not shamming.

[Mannify]

Well I've got 'hold on george' by Van Morrison in mine, which somewhat random, I think