Break something & want it mended??

[JeanneA]

Going on from my other thread here is another question for you: -

 

Glen broke his t.v.yesterday at the home during his aggressive outburts, it's the second one he's broken since being there and he loves watching his t.v in the evenings he tends to do that when angry breaks something he actually loves and then expects it be mended and back to exactly how it was before, Glen's always been that way he cannot understand why things cannot go back to how they were, hope this all makes sense to you parents??

 

Has anyone else found this in their child/young person? Glen was exactly the same when he was younger, he broke a t.v. at home, pulled a socket half off the wall, pulled a door of it's hinges, pulled his toys to bits etc then expected them all to go back to how they were before he did the damage.:-(

[Mandapanda]

Hi Jeanne

 

Both my boys have been like that with their clothes. If they get ripped, or are getting worn out, they expect me to be able to mend them so they are like new again - my sewing isn't that good!! It's all very stressful, isn't it? I think sometime we just have to accept that we cannot solve all of their problems (not easy I know).

[robert7111a]

My brother in law is severely autistic/retarded (though I'm probably not allowed to use the "r" word. When his mother was alive, she told me that when he was younger, he too would damage things around the house - especially when he wanted something or attention. For example, if he wanted music on, he would literally hold up the portable music centre and then drop it on the floor. Then of course, on hearing the loud bang, she would rush upstairs to find him rather anxious because he wants music but unable to comprehend that he has just broken the very thing that would have helped him.

 

He would also pull doors off, drop crockery if he got his hands on it and yes, I believe he did break a portable TV. Mum had locks put on all the doors to stop him wandering around the house.

 

Although he is now 50 years old and mellowed a bit, he still has the capacity to wreck havac if he wanted to. From the time I have known him, we have got through about 15 portable music centres amongst other small things

[A-S warrior]

though im not a parent, when i was younger i did this all the time. what can i say other than, that frustraton had to come out somehow. it was either that or my mother getting put through a window. it really cant be helped, when i had full on rages i diddnt even feel conscious. i certainly wasnt listening to pepole around me. i diddnt care that my sister was crying, i diddnt care what i was puttting my mum through, i diddnt care if she helped me or left me out on the street. i was like a hungry lion locked up in a cage with a chicken drumstick being waved infront of me. nothing much you can do exept make sure he has something of no value handy to smash into a million pieces.

[darkshine]

That's how I've felt a lot too AS Warrior - the most annoying thing is I still have the capacity to go into those rages - I just have greater self-control now, but when it does happen I hate it cuz it scares everyone and I feel guilty afterwards and stupid for breaking things.

 

It hasn't happened for a year now, and it was clock radio that got killed because someone said we'd do something and then forgot and my head just kept going "we were supposed to do that" over and over again, and I was struggling to regain control and failed when the alarm suddenly went off. I smashed it into the wall a few times and then ripped it from the plug (pulling the wires out and leaving the plug in the wall) and threw it down the stairs...

 

The worst thing is that 3 people bought me a new one - I didn't deserve them to do that - I broke it, I should have paid... and I still need to fill and repaint the dent in the wall.

 

This is barely a fraction of what I used to do when I was younger, I used to kinda lose the sense of everything else, like a red mist came down and I didn't care about anything - but people tell me that's bulls**t apparently - but if they felt what it was like they might understand. So when you say you kinda lost consciousness, I know what you mean.

 

My housemate saw it happen several times when I was in my early 20's and said my eyes used to go black and it was like I wasn't there any more, it used to scare the ###### out of people. It used to scare me too afterwards once I saw what I'd done.

Edited July 9, 2012 by darkshine

[Sa Skimrande]

Oops, I was known for that as a kid, pulling things apart , my toys, my sisters toys, my friends toys, anything that I was fascinated with I just had to take it apart. Later in life the jobs I have had a natural aptitude for have been jobs involving repair and indeed one job as a repairman, I was self taught, every book on theory and electro mechanical principles concerning an item I had not seen before I got and read and applied and learned nearly everything we use is basically the same so the same principles apply every time and so everything was easily repaired even aircraft.

 

As a kid the stuff I pulled apart I could never get back together again, but pulling stuff apart is learning.

 

There is something else as well, it is part of the frustration thing, an anger that destroys things, inanimate things rather than living things, I always regret that when I do it which is not as bad as it was, but I still do it from time to time.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[trekster]

Is there something he could be allowed to break or rip? Using a punchbag, trampoline or something else to channel his anger. What about crushing the cans in the home to do the recycling for example?

 

An autistic meltdown is the same as a behavioural seizure in effect ie the person has no way of stopping it themselves.

 

There is some literature on autism and behaviour but one thing that stuck in my mind (applies to me especially) is the rage is trying to communicate something, In my case pain was the main cause i couldnt communicate i was in pain so i got snappy and angry. Avoiding benzoates and aspartame helped with the behavioural side of things and having communication cards with basic needs also helped. i now feel i have permission to use the toilet for example and can be sometimes sat checking out my basic needs by flipping through them whilst out.

 

HTH

[Sa Skimrande]

Anger is an emotion, someone being angry is being emotional, now sure anger is destructive and so has negative press, but it is useful to know why anger appears, what emotion is being neglected. One job I had the boss was kind of understanding and knew I flared from time to time, so packaging boxes they left for me by the bin for just such a time I could vent some anger beating the things up and boy packaging boxes take some beating, they actually expel the anger and still sit there looking crumpled and defiant. Now to expel anger I go out on my mountain bike and grind at the hills, using the anger to drive the bike uphill.

[JeanneA]

Thanks so much for all your very interesting comments. Glen has severe communication issues which I know is part of the reason he behaves as he does because he cannot make himself understand. I agree with trekster it seems that there is no way the individual can stop themselves whilst going through one of these 'rages'.

[trekster]

What forms of non communicative devices have helped Glenn the most? i can become non communicative under extreme stress.

Love the picture of your son :-)

[JeanneA]

Hi glad you like Glen's picture. The home have tried picture cards, also makaton, Glen is better with makaton overall. Glen is perfectly able to speak but choses not to if you see what i mean. Unfortunately though his mental age i around 3 or 4 so therefore he lacks a lot of understanding. He is a full grown man in a little boy's body really. The funny this is you said under stress you become non-communitive well Glen is the opposite he becomes very verbal, whereas when he's calm and happy he doesn't speak at all.

[Sally44]

My son may try to 'punish himself' by breaking something he loves or enjoys. This is usually after he has been in a rage about something and has said and done things that he is ashamed of, and he gets angry with himself over his own lack of control over these rages. So he then thinks he has to punish himself. And he may decide to break or throw away something he loves to achieve that.

 

Another thing he does to punish himself is to wrap himself up in sellotape. Sounds bizzare. But he does it, and very tightly so that it leaves welt marks on his skin when it is taken off. But I also think that the tight deep pressure sensation of the sellotape also calms him down. He does this on his arms, torso, legs.

[Sa Skimrande]

Wrapping oneself tightly in something is common, many adult AS people engage in a similar activity using tighter more resilient materials , but one thing most of them say, is such practice makes them feel safe and comfortable, but mostly 'safe'. Yes, I use a forum where adult aspies and auties chat about the sort of things pertaining to adults and their activities as contrary to the opinion of some adult AS people can enjoy life very much in the same way as the NT, a few differences with sensitivity and understanding, but much the same as anyone else unaffected really.

[darkshine]

I'd say communication was a big part of my problems with this too - and anger and guilt also came into it too, I have punished myself for many years for not being normal, for not being good enough and for all my faults and issues...

[JeanneA]

Hi Sally Ive never heard of the sellotape idea, but can understand why he would do it like SA said.

 

Sorry to hear that you have punished yourself all this time darkshine, has it got less as you've gotten older or do you punish yourself as much as you did when you were younger?

[darkshine]

I try not to punish myself so much these days Jeanne - but it was a default reaction for many many years, I felt that I should be punished because I can't be what people expect me to be, and I can't do the things they expect me to do, and I can't say the things they expect me to say etc....

 

I have to admit that I still deeply believe I deserve to be punished - it's just another thing though, just one more thing on a massive list - I figure I may have suffered and been punished enough to at least try not to do it so actively to myself... I try not to anyway

[Sally44]

I think that is how my son feels too. So I have to tell him that I am the adult, and I decide what kind of punishment is needed. He can be very hard on himself. And he also does not notice other people getting things wrong. He thinks it is just him. So I have to tell him stories of what his sister used to get up to at his age.

 

We were talking yesterday about the family hamster [deceased some years ago now]. And my son remembered that he used to put it in a toy teapot, and once it got stuck in the opening and I had to really struggle to get him out! He felt very bad about that, so I told him about how his sister used to put him on her bed and jump on the bed, sending the hamster flying into the air. She thought he liked it!! And she also smuggled him into school, twice! Stuffed him in her coat pocket, which a sock on top to stop him getting out. He bit the school secretary who was not pleased at all.

 

Humans are not perfect. We make mistakes every day. We can be jealous, and angry, and hurtful, and dumb and all the other things that make us human. And although 'reflection' can be useful, we should also be our own best friend, because we are in the best position to look after ourselves - and if we don't do it, who will?

[Sally44]

Also, regarding your other thread about the possibility of Glen having to move to a different care home. Has his current home logged all these types of behaviours, so that you can check and make sure that the other home has experience of the same thing. And more importantly how do they deal with them ie. do they use restraint or isolation for such behaviour?

 

Surely, if there was something similar in Essex they would have found it when they were first looking for a placement for him. There obviously wasn't anything then, so are they suggesting somewhere that has just opened?

 

I would really scrutinise the difference between the two places ie. is it asd specific, what qualifications relating to ASD do the staff have. What professionals are employed on site eg. psychologist, nurse, psychiatrist, OT etc. Because if the placement he is at is too expensive, it is expensive for a reason. So what provision/support/therapy are SS paying for now that they want to stop paying for if he is in Essex?

Edited July 12, 2012 by Sally44

[trekster]

My son may try to 'punish himself' by breaking something he loves or enjoys. This is usually after he has been in a rage about something and has said and done things that he is ashamed of, and he gets angry with himself over his own lack of control over these rages. So he then thinks he has to punish himself. And he may decide to break or throw away something he loves to achieve that.

 

Another thing he does to punish himself is to wrap himself up in sellotape. Sounds bizzare. But he does it, and very tightly so that it leaves welt marks on his skin when it is taken off. But I also think that the tight deep pressure sensation of the sellotape also calms him down. He does this on his arms, torso, legs.

 

Would a weighted vest help him? i find it prevents sensory overload and reduces sensory overload.

With regards to others getting things wrong, im almost the complete opposite "why are they allowed to do x (behaviour) but im not?" i think this stems from my 'parents' having a go at me for......... being severely depressed and unsettled in a new school.

Edited July 12, 2012 by trekster

[trekster]

I'd say communication was a big part of my problems with this too - and anger and guilt also came into it too, I have punished myself for many years for not being normal, for not being good enough and for all my faults and issues...

 

Same here mate, ive also done the same even today with my new social worker meeting.

[darkshine]

Same here mate, ive also done the same even today with my new social worker meeting.

 

You ok?

[JeanneA]

Thanks for all the comments much appreciated.

I hope you are ok Trekster please pop on and let us know you alright, we all love you on here :-))

[trekster]

Thanks so much for your support JeanneA and darkshine replying in the thread "Why is it ?" to explain

Edited July 12, 2012 by trekster

[JeanneA]

Glen does have a weighted vest but I don't think it's really helped to be honest.

As for the carehome situation Sally there is a fairly new one opened up in Essex which I've been given the details for from the social worker. As for logging the incidents regarding Glen, yes the care home always logs incidents. I will be fighting to keep Glen where he is as I don't another transition would be good for him particularly after what has happened over the last 2 weeks.

[JeanneA]

Hi trekster great to hear from you. Look forward to your 'thread'. :-)

[darkshine]

Me too