Difficulties varying from day to day ?

[Sa Skimrande]

Does anyone experience their peculiarities varying from day to day ?

 

I mean some days I fit right into the diagnostic criteria for asperger's and other days I would be hard to define, I take this as a mood issue and moods everyone has them, so how I might be from day to day is dependant on moods and moods I understand are created by feeling which can come from a whole variety of observations, many of them subconscious.

 

Of course I have been called unpredictable in the past and past employers have said that just when they think they have worked me out, I change and keep changing, but I know prior to diagnosis I knew I was odd and so just kept trying to get it right so I would fit in, be accepted, but being like that is hard work and somewhere one's true self just has to come out sometimes.

 

So does anyone else vary from day to day in their level of 'aspieness' ?

[LancsLad]

I would say that my individual charecteristics such as my autistic ones come out more when my emotional state is higher or lower than normal values. When I am in a really high energy mood and for me that is a very creative time I can be very autistic, this also means very productive. I am in my own little world and best left alone to do my thing, whatever that may be.

 

When I am emotionally run down the same traits tend to be there but they manifest themselves in slightly different ways, my behaviours are more predictable. With experience this is something I can deal with and I can keep an eye on myself.

 

Over time what I will say I have mellowed a lot and my mean values in life play a larger role in my life. In some ways I miss the roller coaster ride of my youth, I am 47 now, but with age I am far more able to predict what I can and can not achieve on a daily basis.

 

Overall I find it hard to say what is good or bad about my aspiness because it is all part of me and I am quite happy being the person I am. Some times I think I am not very autistic at all, but at other times I have had people who work full time with adults with Asperger's say I am one of the most autistic individulas they have come across. I guess at the end of the day we are who we are we can either decide to like that or not, it is our choice.

[robert7111a]

Yes I have days when I feel "Aspie", especially when I'm forced into any kind of social situation that I cannot deal with

 

My mood goes up or down and how I feel depends exactly which part of the mood cycle I happen to be at the time which in turn is dependent on what I am doing and how I feel about myself/others. But I don't consider state of mood as being an "aspie thing" as everyone's moods can change from time to time.

 

I suppose it comes down to how an individual wakes up in the morning and perceives their day ahead. Also how much sleep that individual's had and whether s)he bounds out of bed with a heightened sense of energy or whether s)he can't bear to get out of bed due to sleep issues, agarophobia or something that might happen on a particular day or something that s)he might be worried about

[darkshine]

My difficulties can vary from day to day - and so can my abilities - I did start a topic called "changing abilities" many months ago, but I wasn't explaining myself very well at the time and I was on a downer... kinda didn't make the effort to really delve into the subject...

 

I seem a lot more autistic when I am stressed, under pressure (the kind that is negative), or in situations that I'm uncomfortable with. My mood also impacts these things, and my thoughts have an effect too...

 

Late Saturday night I ended up pacing in circles in my backyard, I didn't notice I'd started pacing until about the 5th time around (I think) I had to pace, something inside me just had to.

 

After I realised what I was doing I was in a place where I could attempt to make a choice, I could either keep pacing - or I could try to stop - the pacing felt helpful so I carried on and just went with it, round and round and round - I estimate for about 10 minutes or so (I didn't time it or check a clock), I found the repetitive pattern to be helpful, even if it was just an expression of the state of my thoughts at that time.

 

And today, when it started raining really hard, I just stood looking out the the window in the back door watching it, the rhythm just stealing me away, I was talking to someone at the time and then after a while I snapped out of rain watching and looked behind me and realised I was on my own (obviously the person got bored of me watching rain and not speaking) although I didn't hear them say anything and I didn't hear them walk away, I don't know how long I stood there.

 

These types of behaviour are related to my my mood, the things on my mind, and feeling stressed and not having solutions to problems... And they are just 2 examples that are relatively mild - although it would look strange to anyone other then my house mates...

[LancsLad]

Late Saturday night I ended up pacing in circles in my backyard, I didn't notice I'd started pacing until about the 5th time around (I think) I had to pace, something inside me just had to.

 

Darkshine when I get stuck when I am designing and need ideas I start going in routes around my house, if that fails I walk up and down the paths near my house never far from my office. I find the movement engages more of my brain, gets my body systems going, it usually does the trick

[darkshine]

Darkshine when I get stuck when I am designing and need ideas I start going in routes around my house, if that fails I walk up and down the paths near my house never far from my office. I find the movement engages more of my brain, gets my body systems going, it usually does the trick

 

It was calming... I didn't find a solution to what was bothering me... but yes, I find that movement can also engage my brain, it works better for some things than others...

 

Oddly enough, now you have mentioned it, when I'm stuck on something or a feeling I tend to pace in circles or I watch something else move while I stand still.

 

When I am thinking something through or working on a plan or ideas, and I walk to do that - I tend to go in a direction, even if it is a big loop of my home.

 

It kinda mirrors the types of thoughts....

[Lyndalou]

It was calming... I didn't find a solution to what was bothering me... but yes, I find that movement can also engage my brain, it works better for some things than others...

 

Oddly enough, now you have mentioned it, when I'm stuck on something or a feeling I tend to pace in circles or I watch something else move while I stand still.

 

When I am thinking something through or working on a plan or ideas, and I walk to do that - I tend to go in a direction, even if it is a big loop of my home.

 

It kinda mirrors the types of thoughts....

 

I aways thought this was a totally normal thing to do!! Now I know it's not, it's very confusing... I also now know it's a little strange to sing very loudly in the stylee of an opera singer and swing my legs like a two year old when I'm sitting on the bench at the chipper :bounce:

[darkshine]

So if I ever get to Scotland, and pass through Aberdeenshire, and I see a woman singing opera and swinging her legs like a two year old in a chipper, I'll know it's you

 

There's something good about swinging legs when sitting on something - an activity I used to enjoy - can't say the same for opera style singing

[Lyndalou]

Ha ha! I read back what I wrote and I need to clarify that I do not sing like some mad woman in public places! I sing like a banshee in the privacy of my own home and swing my legs when there are people about...bit more 'normal' !

 

Also in public I chew my gums, pick 'bits' off myself and massage my feet...

[A-S warrior]

some days your just at the top of your game, and some days your not. its all part of being a human being. there are days where i can eat thunder and ###### lightning, and other days im sliding down the wall crying like a little 12 year old girl. life is like a cricket match, you might get hit fo a few 6,s but then you bowl a 90mph snorter and see that ball go flying off the outside edge and safley caught at second slip. bascally what im saying is life goes back and forth, all the time. the trick is enjoying the tough times too, in the antisipation of getting that wicket.

 

if you dont understand cricket then this post will mean nothing to you, sorry.

[trekster]

My untreated mental health problems tend to set off my autistic anxieties which quickly turn to anger.

Also my other disabilities affect how well i can function today for example my neck and shoulders are badly partially dislocating in and out causing immense pain and my meds still havent been reordered.

 

In some days i seem more autistic than others, it is just because i have overcompensated for them since i was smaller and now those mechanisms are failing.

[Sharn]

This really helps me reading your posts guys as my daughter does those kind of things,like opera singing extremley loadly! But not just at home!! Spinning on bottom over and over, rolly polly (cant spell) ! Laughing in very exagerated way and screaming or crying for hours at a time.Then straight after singing again like nothing happened . Meanwhile im still recovering from meltdown . It helps me to understand more and nice it not just us going through all this stuff.

[Isobel]

I have good days and bad days, but there are so many things going on in my day that means autism always comes out sometimes. I can try to remember to try and keep some eye contact with anyone I talk to, but quite often I forget and just turn my head away as I'm speaking. Being on the parcel counter is a good example - I remember eye contact to ask for a phone extension but then I drop it and just want to get on with my next job of writing down the details. Today I had faced one of my bigger fears from being an aspie - balloons. One of the managers' 60th birthday was today so I was a little stressed as I still had to walk up and down past the desk. Fortunately she said she'll take them home so at least they won't be there tomorrow (not as a result of me being afraid of them btw)

[darkshine]

Ha ha! I read back what I wrote and I need to clarify that I do not sing like some mad woman in public places! I sing like a banshee in the privacy of my own home and swing my legs when there are people about...bit more 'normal' !

 

Also in public I chew my gums, pick 'bits' off myself and massage my feet...

 

Aw, totally gutted - there goes my plans to visit Scotland then I quite liked the idea of passing chippers for mad opera singing, leg swinging women

 

I'm not gonna ask which "bits" you pick off yourself

[Lyndalou]

This really helps me reading your posts guys as my daughter does those kind of things,like opera singing extremley loadly! But not just at home!! Spinning on bottom over and over, rolly polly (cant spell) ! Laughing in very exagerated way and screaming or crying for hours at a time.Then straight after singing again like nothing happened . Meanwhile im still recovering from meltdown . It helps me to understand more and nice it not just us going through all this stuff.

The thing is, now that I know these things are supposedly 'strange', I find it quite difficult to see them that way because they have always been 'me' and I actually quite like singing loudly and doing arabesques in my kitchen, thank you very much. When I do these things, I know that I am happy and by the amount of singing and dancing I do, I can gauge my mood quite well!

 

My mum used to say I had a 'put on' laugh and I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about because I thought I was laughing normally. However, like many other things I have toned down my 'guffaw' and how widely I open my mouth as time has gone on. If I find something hilarious though, I might find myself laughing very exaggeratedly (but I think I can get away with that).

 

Do you know why your daughter is screaming and crying for hours on end? This sounds very difficult for you and for her. Sometimes laughter can be a precursor to extreme emotion I think. I could find myself unable to stop myself (when I was younger) making 'Ha ha ha' noises, more like a verbal twitch when I felt confused and anxious. I was very lucky in a lot of ways though that I shut myself away and read (and seldom interrupted) and this blocked out the world.

 

In terms of difficulties varying day to day...there are times when it is much more obvious (to me) that my brain has just not kicked into gear. I used to call days like this my 'brain holiday days' and it was a way of laughing things off to other people if I knew it was noticeable. On days like these I often stop talking half way through a sentence, need things repeated to me about 3 times, can't organise myself at all well, replace words that I mean to say with words that sound similar or completely random words which are affiliated loosely with each other, eg. window would be replaced with bench (both made of wood?). I normally can confuse people who look completely different with each other as they may have similar hairstyles or jackets but some days this is worse. I can have entire conversations with people and not have a clue who they are!

 

My mental health can fluctuate a lot depending on how much sleep I have had, how much pain I am in from my neck and/or if someone says something which makes me paranoid which sets off perseverative thoughts that can drive me half mad at times. Paranoia can also start if someone's text is 'curt' or brief or misses an x or if an e-mail is worded in a way that leaves me confused (thats why I quite like emoticons ). During these times I can do a very good impression of being happy and completely calm. The stress however can lead to problems with my memory, my ability to focus and difficulties with prioritising and organising myself.

 

'Brain holiday days' without so much stress can be simply frustrating and annoying. The same days with a lot of stress can be hell from start to finish. Add sensory things into the mix and those are the days I wish I could have stayed in bed. With kiddie-winks that just ain't gonna happen though!!